Archive for October, 2010
“Riiii-co-laaaa!”
Sure, 6,706 people sounds like a pretty big crowd, but when you spread them out in an arena which holds 17,125, that number is not quite as impressive.
Sadly, that is how many people showed up for the game at Glendale at Jobing.com Arena on Thursday evening between the region’s beloved Phoenix Coyotes and the Los Angeles Kings. Yeah, not too impressive.
As Wysh points out over at Puck Daddy, sure, it’s a weeknight game, early in the season and I’m sure there is a lot of other fun stuff to do in Glendale on a Thursday night, like, I don’t know, picking cactus needles out of your ass or arguing about the ridiculousness of daylight savings time. But this is a team that made great strides last season, amassing 107 points in the regular season and reaching the playoffs for the first time since the 2001-2002, so what gives? All I know is there are plenty of folks in Hamilton, Ontario gnashing their teeth right about now knowing that they would be willing to give up their left nuts (or, in the case of the female residents of Hamilton, their left ovaries, maybe?) to fill up an arena to watch early season NHL hockey, unless they have to work the second shift at the maple syrup factory or there happens to be a Kids in the Hall marathon on TV. But those kind of scheduling conflicts are rare, even in Canada.
What 6,706 fans look like at a Phoenix Coyotes home game [Puck Daddy]
During the Chase for the Sprint Cup, four-time defending Sprint Cup champion Jimmie Johnson has been writing an exclusive online diary for USA Today which details what life is like for the NASCAR driver away from the track. In the third installment, Johnson writes about his love for the game of golf and how it helps him unwind after spending so much time within the confines of a car while making left turns for prize money.
Johnson writes that after his wife noticed how tightly wound he was during his 2006 championship season, she recommended he take up a hobby, so he turned to golf for much needed relaxation and fresh air, away from the track and the noxious exhaust fumes. A golfer in high school, Johnson has now fully committed himself to the game and boasts a decent 21 handicap, which isn’t bad for the random weekend warrior.
Towards the end of this particular entry, Johnson regales us with some off-the-wall stories regarding some of his more, shall we say, wild and crazy golfing escapades, the kind of anecdotal narratives you would expect to come from a race car drivin’ good ol’ boy.
Best. Weather. Map. Dong. Ever.
You can watch video of this poor meteorologist unknowingly having the most awkward moment of his career as well as catch up on all the best and worst television has to offer at the eminently awesome Warming Glow.
Sad news to report from Television Ratings Land: the viewership numbers for the most recent episode of The T.Ocho Show on Versus were certifiably abysmal. According to Sports Media Watch, the latest abomination of a television program “drew a 0.1 U.S. rating and 112,000 viewers on Versus Tuesday night,” a paltry sum of either people who are either clinically brain dead or have dead batteries in their remotes. So poor, in fact, that the viewership for The T.Ocho Show was bested by viewers who watched Versus’ Hockey Central telecast which immediately preceded it, and we all know the gonzo ratings NHL hockey gets in this country.
Yet, my personal opinions as to what should be considered quality programming aside, I am nevertheless perplexed as to why a show featuring two narcissists with borderline personality disorder blathering incessantly about who knows what is failing so horribly…
Yes, we get it, Ian Poultier, you and your merry band of Euros won the Ryder Cup and you have been having quite the good time reveling in you and your mates’ hard-fought victory, but come on, enough is enough. We do not need daily, nay, hourly updates regarding the ways in which you are wallowing in self-adulation regarding the win. Nearly three weeks have passed since that glorious day at Celtic Manor, it’s time to let it go.
Yesterday, Jay Busbee over at Devil Ball Golf addressed how Poultier has been overdoing lately as it pertains to documenting the ways in which the fancy boy has been on Cloud Nine due to the Ryder Cup victory, even considering his stance against violent acts on golfers, but that was before Poultier uploaded the above video, “This is called breakfast with the Ryder Cup. The best yet,” which documents how he and his kids enjoyed their breakfast out of the trophy. Sure, these sort of trophy-related hijinks are commonplace with Lord’s Stanley Cup and to a lesser degree, the Ryder Cup, but rarely has a person felt the need to upload video, photos, etc. of every-loving thing they do with the trophy. All I’m saying is if Poultier uploads a video with the title, “I Just Popped the Ryder Cup’s Cherry,” I ain’t watching it. Obviously.
Let it go, Ian, and move on. You have crossed over from good-natured enjoyment to over-the-top, unnecessary douchebaggery.
I should have prefaced the above statement by indicating that by no means am I an expert on the actual locations of various points of interest in the great city of San Francisco, nor am I a neurologist. But I can say for certain that, despite by observations, there is no such thing as a “Bathhouse District” in the City by the Bay nor does Tammy Nelson, who the Giants trotted out to sing “God Bless America” last night at AT&T Park during the seventh inning stretch, have a fully-functioning parietal lobe, as evidenced by the ridiculous getup she was wearing.
[H/T Larry Brown Sports, Big League Stew, everywhere]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions and examples of other condiments that have names somewhat similar to thrash metal bands to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• But Dave Mustaine isn’t mad at Tim and Mary Katherine Gann, who told their son to try some Blair’s Mega Death hot sauce at a Steak ‘n Shake in Cleveland, Ohio which caused their son to break out in hives and is the central issue of a lawsuit. Nope. He’s pissed because he missed out on an awesome opportunity for tie-in marketing of the band. Megadeth Sauce has a nice ring to it. “Megadeth Sauce sells, who’s buying?” I like it. [Yahoo!/AP]
• Mike Milbury addresses the Rick Rypien/Minnesota Wild fan incident and once again, establishes without a doubt that he is a moron. [Puck Daddy]
• NO! Maria Sharapova has gotten engaged to Lakers guard Sasha Vujacic. She said she would wait for me. Sigh. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Breaking: ESPN over-sensationalized something LeBron said. Jeepers creepers. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Hilarious: here’s Woody Paige attempting to say the word “ergonomically.” [Awful Announcing]
• Boy, Tiki Barber and his girlfriend went all out for the UNICEF Masquerade Ball. Look at those ridiculous costumes! [Bob's Blitz]
• Why is Shaq pretending to be a statue in Harvard Square? I guess he’s mimicking what his effectiveness on the defensive side of the floor will be this season. [The Last Angry Fan]
• An angry mob descended upon Wayne Rooney’s home. The only thing missing were pitchforks and torches. [Out of Bounds]
• Hear Dwight Howard sing! [The Basketball Jones]
• In case you missed it, here’s Matt Hasselbeck’s “appearance” on South Park. [Outside the Boxscore]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Bored Entertainment Media Decides To Go After Ray Liotta With All They’ve Got
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• PGA golfer Anthony Kim knows how to throw down when it comes to partying hard. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Former FSU football player to be the first American caned in Singapore in over 16 years. [Out of Bounds]
• KSK reader sends in troubling story about how he was busted at Foxboro for having three beers in his hands at once. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• NO! Gus Johnson has been fired by the Knicks! UNBELIEVABLE!! [Awful Announcing]
• Mark Cuban is mentoring that douchetard The Situation? I can see that. [Ted Williams Head]
• That hottie implanted San Francisco Panda Chick? She’s been identified. [Busted Coverage]
• A guy robbed a bank in California while wearing a Mark Sanchez Jets jersey. [With Leather]
• Matt Moulson of the New York Islanders shows us why, despite some bad apples, NHL players are the most accessible athletes on the planet. [Puck Daddy]
• Bowling Machine vs. Bowling Robot: Who ya got? [Bob's Blitz]
• Another PETA-related controversy swirling in San Francisco? Ugh. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Ask A Man Who Bought A Wrestling Pay-Per-View That’s Not Showing Up On The Screen For Some Reason
Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Which, in its own way, is exactly like the H.G. Wells classic, The Island of Dr. Moreau, except it doesn’t involve genetic mutation and exotic locales, only ESPN reporters stuck in Gainesville, Florida being suckered into believing that the hotel they are staying in is on fire and told that she is terrible at fellatio. Other than those minor tweaks, the storylines are spot on.
Moreau was staying in the Hilton Garden Inn in Gainesville, Florida, in town to cover a women’s volleyball match between the University of Florida and the University of Tennessee for ESPNU. Earlier this morning, she received a call in her room put through by the front desk from a man who informed hotel staff that he was her husband. That’s when things got out of control. The caller informed Moreau that the hotel was on fire and instructed her to put towels down in front of the door to prevent smoke from coming in. He then advised her to smash the window with the toilet tank lid, which Moreau did.
Once the window had been broken and the toilet tank lid crashed to the ground and shattered outside her window, the caller, according to Moreau’s statement to police, told her “that’s what she gets for being a bad ex-wife and further explained she was bad at ‘sucking d**k.’” Ouch.
In Egypt for the Challenge Tour’s (it’s like the Nationwide Tour) Egyptian Open, Rory and his caddy took a trip out to the Great Pyramids of Giza for some sightseeing but mostly for McIlroy to roll out a makeshift tee box and take a couple of whacks in the general direction of the magnificent, awe-inspiring structures which were obviously constructed by extraterrestrials. The truth is out there.
Here’s how Rory captioned the above photo, which he uploaded earlier today to yfrog:
My caddie JP and myself at the pyramids today. Unbelievable how big and impressive they are!
Heh. That’s what she said.
Video of McIlroy taking some swings follows.
Via TAUNTR:
Retired football coach Tony has annoyed fans all season by consistently hopping up on his high horse when discussing issues facing the league. “Holier than thou” Tony, who was disappointed by Rex Ryan’s language on Hard Knocks this summer, has taken it upon himself to save the world. In the first episode of Tauntr’s newest animated web series, Tony & His High Horse, Tony hops on his high horse and heads on over to HBO’s headquarters with the hopes of eradicating the dirty language from what he believes to be HBO’s Hard Knocks baseball show, East Down & Town.
Brilliant.
Tony & His High Horse Episode 1: East Down & Town [TAUNTR]
You know, I should just stop paying attention. I should let go and stop allowing ESPN to get me all worked up with all this LeBron James nonsense. But goddammit, ESPN keeps pulling crap which is so friggin’ irritating I cannot help but become so annoyed by the whole dog and pony show that I cannot help it. Maybe if we ignored it, the farce that has become ESPN’s coverage of LeBron James would simply go away, but I doubt it.
Since ESPN originally planned on devoting only 20% of total airtime over the next three days on episodes of SportsCenter talking about, analyzing and, more or less, deifying James, the powers-that-be came up with an interesting way in which to further propagate the advancement of its cause: establishing a wholly media-driven Cult of LeBron. How does this sound? A three-part series all about King James. Whee!
The series began yesterday, runs through tomorrow and premieres every morning during the 9:00 a.m. EST edition of SportsCenter, although I’m fairly confident the spots will be rerun ad nauseum. A complete breakdown of what has already been aired and what is to come follows.
While certainly not to a point where she appears unhealthy, Erin Andrews (above at the ESPYs in July), in my opinion, seems a bit too skinny lately. Obviously, it’s none of my business what weight the lovely and talented Miss Andrews feels comfortable at – yet I have stated my opinion anyway. It’s just that if you’re anything like me, you would have to agree that she would look far better with a little more meat on her bones.
Thankfully, I am not the only person who apparently sees it this way. Harpo’s Bar, in Colombia, Missouri – where ESPN College GameDay will be setting up shop this weekend for its broadcast leading up to the Oklahoma-Missouri tilt – has thrown down the gauntlet and offered Andrews a nice, big meal, free of charge.
Harpo’s, in business for 39 years, “boasting its delicious food, friendly bartenders, and that down-home sports bar atmosphere,” would like Miss Andrews to stop on by this weekend and eat some of their delicious, down-home cuisine. In fact, they have put up a banner announcing their offer at their restaurant, a photo of which follows.
Sportress MS Paint Conception Of LeRogue's Apartment
Additional, disturbing details continue to emerge regarding Grim LeRogue’s uncontrollable hatred of Alex Rodriguez, which finally manifested itself for all the world to see the other night when LeRogue attempted to bum rush A-Rod on the Yankee Stadium infield. In fact, his obsession with the Yankees infielder has been fermenting for some time now, as evidenced by the statements made by his ex-super dealing with how LeRogue chose to decorate his old apartment. Let me put it to you this way: it certainly wouldn’t have been the way Candice Olson, David Bromstad or Antonio Ballatore would gone about it – although, maybe Antonio, his decorating style on The Antonio Treatment can be a out there and bit unorthodox (yeah, I watch HGTV – wanna fight about it?).
Here’s how his former landlord explained LeRogue’s Divine Design (via the New York Daily News):
Grim LeRogue, 33, scrawled anti-Alex Rodriguez screeds on the walls of his old apartment besides giant pictures of the Yankees star.
“I want to beat his a–,” one message read, LeRogue’s ex-super told the Daily News.
LeRogue’s walls also were lined with pictures of Osama Bin Laden and naked girls, super Benny Ramirez said.
“It looked like he was a little bit crazy,” added Ramirez, who moved into LeRogue’s apartment in Morrisania after the Rodriguez hater moved back in with his mom last year.
A little bit crazy? That conservative analysis of LeRogue might be a bit understated, which is vastly different than the methods LeRogue uses to articulate his overall design concepts: over the top, bold, experimental, disturbing, psychotic. Not Color Splashy, that’s for sure.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an episode of Sarah’s House on my DVR that needs watching. I love that gal.
Bronx nut Grim LeRogue had it in for Yankees star Alex Rodriguez before Cameron Diaz entered picture [New York Daily News]
(previously at the Sportress: Cameron Diaz Vs. Jodie Foster: Who Ya Got?)
But don’t worry: the assault rifles weren’t loaded so it was all good.
University of Michigan officials are left scrambling, trying to somehow justify the decision by security officials to allow a full-time National Guard member dressed in his military uniform to not only enter the stadium but onto the field as well after they discovered two unloaded M16s on his person during the Michigan-Michigan State game at the Big House a few Saturdays ago. The soldier posed as a member of the color guard to gain access to the field and was pointed out by another “authorized” color guard member and escorted off the field and arrested without incident.
The man arrested told authorities that his only goal was to attend the game but he didn’t have a ticket, so he thought dressing up in his uniform would help him gain access to the big game. Yet I am still confused how the two unloaded M16s play into his little scheme. A much-needed accessory to complete the military ensemble, perhaps?
An official from the university’s Department of Public Safety has gone on record as stating that she believes no security protocol was violated or ignored, saying, “There wasn’t anything that we believe was done incorrectly or improperly by police in any of the checkpoints there,” which I interpret that it is perfectly acceptable to bring firearms into Michigan Stadium, so long as they are not loaded and the individual carrying them is wearing a military uniform. Makes sense.
But it should be pointed out that given the obvious iron-clad security at Michigan Stadium, there is absolutely no way an unhinged individual could have picked up a National Guard uniform at an Army surplus store, hidden a clip or two of ammo somewhere in the stadium and went on a shooting spree before security guards would have noticed, given they were far too busy checking people’s bags to make sure they weren’t sneaking in a bottle of whiskey or something. It’s all about priorities. Booze? “Step aside, sir.” Unloaded automatic weapons? “Carry on, sir. Enjoy the game. What’s that? You want to go on the field? Why the hell not? Have at it, soldier.”
Sound security protocol. Lofty security protocol.
Fan with M16s Snuck into Michigan Stadium [MyFOXDetroit]
