Archive for September, 2010
Pride St. Louis, a gay rights organization based in St. Louis (hence the name of the city in their name), are demanding that the St. Louis Cardinals put gay and lesbian couples up on Busch Stadium’s Kiss-Cam after an incident at a Rams game on Sunday, where two heterosexual men were shown on the Edward Jones Stadium Kiss-Cam during a Rams game on Sunday, a day after 200 gay men and lesbians took in a game at Busch Stadium for an “OUT at the Ballpark” event.
Apparently, when the heterosexual men (in Arizona Cardinals jerseys, it should be pointed out) were shown on the Kiss-Cam at the Rams game, the men acted disgusted at the thought. To protest discrimination against the LGBT community – although quick to point out that the Cardinals are not guilty of any discriminatory behavior – Pride St. Louis would like the Cardinals to show a gay or lesbian couple on the Kiss-Cam at a future game.
Via the St. Louis Post-Dispatch:
“We always felt left out because the kiss cam always singles out heterosexual couples,” Harrison Roberts said today. Roberts is the manager of Just John’s on Manchester Avenue in The Grove, where the official after-party will be held on Saturday following the game.
“But after what happened at the Rams game, all the gay and lesbian fans that were there felt embarrassed and a little degraded,” he added.
“Why shouldn’t we be on the camera, too?”
Why shouldn’t they, indeed. As far as I am concerned, if a gay or lesbian couple want to embarrass themselves in front of thousands of strangers, be my guest. They have just as much of a right to look like complete idiots on that infernal Kiss-Cam as any heterosexual couple. Frankly, I’m embarrassed for the people who are captured and put in that awkward position. I know I would be absolutely mortified and not know what to do if I was at a game and my mug was projected up on the big screen surrounded by the shape of a heart. Unless I happened to be sitting next to the incredibly dreamy Dustin Hoffmann. Then all bets are off.
Gays and lesbians want kiss cam parity [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
Frank Deford, You Magnificent Bastard!
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I have previously expressed my admiration here at the Sportress for one Frank Deford on numerous occasions. In sportswriting, he reigns as a king amongst men (and women!), a god amongst mere mortals, armed only with a typewriter, a keen wit and an impeccable sense of stylistic flair. He is a relic from a long-forgotten era when sports journalism was an honorable pursuit. You see, Deford has never been afraid to take a cockeyed look at the world of sports or to take the time to point out the erotic qualities inherent to the grunting of a female tennis player.
In his most recent missive, Deford turns the tried-and-true traditions of the NFL upon its ear – he argues that it is high time for the NFL, due to the ease in which they are made, to devalue the worth of a field goal to two points.
Via SI:
It’s easier to kick a field goal in the NFL than to make a free throw in the NBA — and free throws are just that: free. Nobody is contesting you. If field goals, contested, are guaranteed, better than 80 percent good, then, I’m sorry, but the game is lacking. Now, in the NFL, even better than half the field goal attempts from beyond 50 yards … split — as they always say — the uprights.
Excuse me, at least couldn’t we get a new cliché for making field goals besides “split the uprights?” How ’bout “cleave the verticals?” After a century of split the uprights, couldn’t we at least say cleave the verticals? If we can’t improve the game, at least let’s improve the cliché. Thank you.
Because field goals are so cheap now, the easiest thing is simply to devalue them, like a currency that’s overinflated. Field goals should only be worth two points. If it took three field goals to equal a touchdown, instead of just two, cowardly coaches would have to actually play more pass-ball and run-ball and actually try to score more touchdowns.
Frank Deford, you sir, have just blown my friggin’ mind.
And ha! Cleave the verticals. I’m sure the old silver fox himself has “cleaved a few verticals” in his time, if you know what I mean, because I don’t.
Since field goals are so easy to make, why not devalue them [SI]
Sorry, whenever Jemele Hill gets in the news, I have to figure out a way to incorporate her epic error in judgment from way back in the 2008 NBA playoffs when she managed to incorporate a Hitler reference into a rip on the Boston Celtics. In lesser hands, Hill’s comparison would have come off as tasteless, you see. Nevertheless, her gaffe got Hill suspended by tWWL and prompted her to write an apology column.
Jemele Hill, to her credit, took on the entire Ines Sainz Brouhaha in a column published yesterday on ESPN.com entitled, “The Jets, Ines Sainz and sharing blame,” in which she argues that both the Jets and Sainz are to blame for the controversy, which is a good thing, otherwise the title wouldn’t have made any sense. And believe me, I know a thing or two about misleading headlines…
An excerpt:
The NFL has launched an investigation, and Jets owner Woody Johnson personally called Sainz to apologize.
That, in itself, is tremendous progress. It’s taken a long time for women to be taken seriously in sports media. It was 20 years ago this week that Lisa Olson, currently a sports columnist for AOL Fanhouse, was subjected to humiliating treatment by members of the New England Patriots in their locker room, an incident that many acknowledge as a turning point for female media members in their struggle to gain respect in the sports industry. At the time, many dismissed Olson’s claims of harassment, and she received an avalanche of public scorn.
But at the risk of sounding insensitive to Sainz, I would never group her situation with the Jets with Olson’s treatment by the Pats. I’m having a hard time feeling sympathetic for someone who at times carries herself in a manner that insults some women in this business.
Indeed. As you might suspect, Hill’s column on the topic is well thought out and her reasoning by which she arrives at her opinions regarding the issues at hand are well-constructed and clearly articulated. Perhaps Sainz could learn a thing or two from Hill. One of them being don’t be a wiseacre and make hackneyed references to Hitler. Ever. Nevertheless, the column is a good read.
Oh, and I thought of another career lesson Sainz could learn from Jemele Hill: don’t ever work with Skip Bayless. That guy is an idiot of the highest order.
The Jets, Ines Sainz and sharing blame [ESPN]
Who dat gonna compile an online dictionary comprised of derivations of “Who Dat,” the wonderfully charming, not-annoying-at-all battle cry of the New Orleans Saints faithful? The Times-Picayune, of course!
Via NOLA:
Super Bowl XLIV didn’t just crown a new champion; it created a whole new language. New Orleans Saints fans continue to create so many new variations on the phrase “Who Dat” that we’ve decided to begin compiling them online, with your help.
A few to get your [sic] started:
* New Dat (n): a recently converted Saints fan
* True Dat (n): a long-time Saints fan
* Two Dat (v): to bring the Lombardi Trophy home to New Orleans for the second time
* Boo Dat (v): what a Who Dat does when the ref blows a call
* Coochie-coo Dat (n): a Saints fan who gets caught on the Superdome Kiss Cam
Let your creative juices flow and post your Who Dat vocabulary words below in our comments area or e-mail whodat@timespicayune.com.
Here, if those didn’t get your creative juices sufficiently flowing, I have another one to get y’all started:
Screw Dat (v): used to express derision at something mind-numbingly stupid, especially as it pertains to lowbred Cajun swampspeak
I don’t mean to brag, but I think mine is the best of all.
Do you speak Who Dat? New Orleans Saints fans we need your help [NOLA]
Suck it, Just For Men, Brett Favre has been offered a $1 million dollar payday if he agrees to use Go Away Gray™, an anti-graying hair treatment in pill form.
From a press release (via Randball):
There’s a new pill that makes gray hair disappear, promising to reverse and prevent gray hair at the root. Rise-N-Shine, LLC, makers of Go Away Gray™, produce an all-natural pill containing the enzyme Catalase, which replaces the decreasing amounts of Catalase lost in our bodies as we grow older. Featured on ABC News, BBC, NBC and FOX, the company wants to spread the word by offering $1,000,000 to Brett Favre to get rid of his gray hair for five consecutive years.
The product was developed by Cathy Beggan, a mother of three and long-time proponent of natural remedies: “When Anderson Cooper didn’t accept our offer last month (after all, he’s a Vanderbilt), we decided to go after somebody that was going to be in the public eye week after week, reaching our core audience. And it doesn’t help that he’s an athletic and handsome devil.”
Well, there is no denying that the ol’ Gunslinger is one handsome devil, as they put it, but only $1 million over five years? That’s bush league money as far as Favre is concerned. Let me do the math here…(carry the one, take the derivative, multiply by pi…
Hey! That’s only $200,000 per year! Obviously, the Go Away Gray™ folks did not follow Favre’s extorting the Vikings for a buttload of money to return this season.
How far is Madison Avenue willing to play out this “Brett Favre Is Old” advertising angle? First it was that Hyundai commercial, now this? Speaking of buttloads, if I ever turn on the television and see Brett Favre doing a commercial for Depend undergarments…well, I won’t know what to do - except laugh, of course. Because the thought of old people pooping their pants because they have no control over their bowels is hilarious. HA!
Uh-oh. In my uproarious laughter about poop, I think I just sharted myself. Oops.
TFD: $1 million for Favre to get rid of his gray hair [Randball]
(image credit)
Connor Barwin, the second-year defensive end for the Texans suffered a dislocated left ankle during Houston’s thrilling victory over the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday. Unfortunately, the injury required season-ending surgery, which Barwin underwent on Wednesday.
Barwin was killing time recovering from the surgery yesterday in his hospital and was apparently quite bored, so he did what any sensible person would do in his position: after he urinated in his bedside pee receptacle, he took a photo and uploaded it to the internet.
So, you guys wanna see a jar full of Connor Barwin’s urine? I know you do. I mean, who wouldn’t, right?
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, comments and complaints to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Via an AP report: “Covington Police Capt. Jack West told The Times-Picayune that the driver picked up 29-year-old Jennifer Gille of St. Clair Shores, Mich., about 1 a.m. Sunday. West says Gille refused to get out when they reached their destination, stripped and demanded the cabbie take her home. West says the driver went to a police station for help and when inside, Gille drove off.” Best. Taxicab. Confessions. Episode. Ever. [Yahoo!/AP]
• The Miami University football team has banned Twitter. Censorship! [Out of Bounds]
• In case you missed it, Reggie Bush has surrendered his Heisman Trophy. Wise move. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Bobby Cox Corn Maze? Bobby Cox Corn Maze. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Shannon Sharpe has stepped down from his post at the NFL Today until his legal issues have been resolved. [Awful Announcing]
• The Washington Nationals are suffering from a Lincoln assassin curse? Makes sense. [The Slanch Report]
• Sylvester Stallone wants to make another Rocky movie, only this one Rocky would be an MMA fighter. Once again, makes sense. [Ted Williams Head]
• They got next: Sue Bird nails an over-the-head halfcourt shot. [Bob's Blitz]
• Little known Bills running back C.J. Spiller already has a song written about him by a song in Buffalo done in the style of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” [Second-String Fullback]
• Five non-American sporting events that would be awesome to attend. [Uncoached]
• Those “Tiger Slam” clubs have sold for $57,000. [Wei Under Par]
• Absolutely fantastic: 10 dirty-named teachers caught nailing students. My favorite: Angela Comer. [Ranker]
• Top 10 new NFL ticket selling practices. [Five Tool Tool]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Homeless Drifters Of Santa Barbara Feverishly Await Women’s Beach Volleyball Tournament
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• John Mayer was spotted wearing a LeBron James jersey, but here’s the kicker: it was a half-Cavs, half-Heat jersey. This development once again proves my theory, John Mayer is a colossal douchebag. [Out of Bounds]
• “Reporter” Ines Sainz just doesn’t get it…or does she? [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• My former comrades over at MYFO are pulling out all the stops for their 2010 Celebrity Season Previews. Today, an old Buffalo celebrity previews the Sabres: O.J. Simpson. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Paraguyan World Cup Hottie Superfan Larissa Riquelme fell off a stage, an apt metaphor for her dwindling relevancy. [Bob's Blitz]
• ESPN cameras caught a Chiefs fan giving the American viewing audience the finger last night. [Busted Coverage]
• If you haven’t seen the hilarious video of the high school football player running into the goalpost, here it is. [TAUNTR]
• Why was George W. Bush at the Rangers game accompanied by a Joker mannequin? [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• Yay! LOLNFL 2010: Week 1! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Who in their right mind would want an air hockey table made out of human hair? [With Leather]
• My old friend Rob Iracane asks, “How Insufferable Will Ken Burns New Documentary Be?” Allow me to answer that for him: very. [Walkoff Walk]
• Gorgeous golfing gal Paula Creamer took a flight in an F-16 fighter jet. [Devil Ball Golf]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Report: 32 Percent Of U.S. Citizens Still Not Famous
Send tips, link submissions and spam for boner pills to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
For a video study entitled “Browns Fans Confessionals” (or, the alternate title I came up with, Dr. DawgPound or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Squad – it’s a little wordy, but hey, it worked for Kubrick), the folks at Cleveland.com sought out average Browns fans and asked them to explain their undying loyalty to their much maligned, yet still beloved, football team.
The premise for the video experiment (via Cleveland.com):
No matter how the team performs, one thing is certain, Browns fans love their football team. All season long cleveland.com is asking you, the fans, why you love your team, why you stick by them and your favorite Browns memories in a feature called “Browns Fans Confessionals.”
Check out the video we shot Monday night at Taste of the Browns where we asked Browns fans just like you to tell us why they were Browns fans.
As you can see for yourself, their statements are peppered with references to “Brian Sipe,” “the 1980s,” “Jim Brown’s rookie season,” “great victories in the ’60s and ’70s,” providing clear evidence that Browns fans are forced to dig way back in their memory banks to come up with any legitimate reason for why they still love the Browns. One guy even equates the condition of being a Browns fan to some sort of illness that can be passed on and transmitted to subsequent generations, and I quote: “Unfortunately, we’ve passed the sickness on to the the little guy here.” Ouch.
Yet I strongly admire them for their unconditional love for the Browns. To this day, they are still holding out for a better day, with testimonials stating that they are “hopeful every year,” that the team “will come back someday,” and my personal favorite, “there’s no sense switching teams now.”
Makes you feel all nice and warm inside, doesn’t it? GO BROWNS!
Browns fans tell us why they love the Browns [Cleveland.com]
Heading into the season, new Giants punter Matt Dodge had some big shoes to fill. With the retirement of Jeff Feagles during the offseason, the onus was on the rookie punter to at least perform adequately as he became accustomed to life as an NFL punter. Unfortunately, that has not been the case. Dodge struggled mightily through the preseason and did not do much to impress Giants fans on Sunday when he was involved in a blocked punt that went for a safety, something which prompted the fans to begin chanting “Fea-gles” in unison. Via The Star Ledger:
“I actually chuckled at that,” the rookie seventh-round pick said. “I know it probably wasn’t the right time to laugh. I was like, ‘Man, I have to do something here. I’m here to kick a football, so I need to hopefully end on a high note.’”
It’s good the kid has a sense of humor about matters such as these and put it quite plainly that he understands that his job entails a “need to kick the football,” no more, no less.
But during a meandering discussing regarding his punting, Dodge went with a unique reason for his shortcomings on Sunday: 9/11.
“The game was exactly the same. That’s what I have to remind myself,” he said. “But you definitely take in the atmosphere, what we’re remembering, playing in front of a great fan base, just remembering what happened on 9/11. My brother went over there and fought in Iraq.
“(But) at the end of the day I just need to kick the football. Don’t think about anything else.”
Now, by no means do I intend to disparage Dodge’s love for this country or the sacrifices his brother made enlisting in our military and fighting in Iraq, but you cannot go with that as an excuse, even a little bit, especially in New York. I understand that 9/11 is a sensitive issue not to be taken lightly in any situation, but come on, Matt Dodge, you can’t go there, man. As far as I know, no one else on a New York-based team used 9/11 as an excuse for their performance this weekend, although Rex Ryan still has time to and might want to look into it.
NY Giants punter Matt Dodge: ‘I just need to kick the football’ [The Star Ledger]
Lots of news coming out of the Twittersphere today – which, like it or not, will likely become much more commonplace now that athletes are using social media as their own improvised personal beat writers – and of course, it involves everybody’s favorite attention-craver, Chad Ochocinco.
Ochocinco, perhaps more than any other athlete, has mastered the use of Twitter, Facebook, etc. to further promote himself and propagate his own self-created cult of personality, and we need to look no further for evidence than the fact that he believes we cannot get enough of what he does as he goes about his rudimentary, daily routines – even such mundane activities as a visit to the dentist. And who am I to argue? I’m posting something about it, right? Don’t you see? I’m part of the problem, dammit!
Anyhoo, Ochocinco needed some wisdom teeth removed and of course, uploaded two photos documenting the minor oral surgery to twitpic. Here’s the question: who took the photo? A member of his entourage? A bored, yet sexy, dental hygienist?
Yeah, let’s go with sexy dental hygienist. That way it will almost be exactly like the story I submitted to Penthouse Forum, which I know probably like a crazy fantasy sounded to the editors but I swear every word of the story was true.
[H/T to the always excellent Randball]
What a neo-maxi-zoom-dweebie, am I right? Not to mention that one could question the wisdom displayed by the ballplayer of standing in line with a bunch of other nerds for a freaking video game the night before the team’s biggest series of the season, a do-or-die three-gamer with the Twins, who the White Sox currently trail by 6 games with a few weeks left to play. What a woodhead.
The above photo was uploaded to plixi last night, linked to his Twitter account with this tweet:
Most important night of the year so far… Halo coming out at 12 tonight and yes I’m in a line to get it… Jokes please…
Indeed, to Lillibridge, it perhaps was the most important night of the year so far, at least until, you know, tonight. Yep, it was much more important for Lillibridge to get his gangly geek hands on the newest Halo release (which, I will concede looks totally bad ass) than to get a good night’s rest, something his teammate, Mark Teahen, jokingly informed him of via this tweet (notice the hashtag, “heardLevel3IsSick):
Brent, get to bed. Take Gavin, Thornton & Putz with you. Halo will survive the night without you. @BSLillibridge #heardLevel3IsSick
To which Lillibridge promptly replied:
I promise I’ll be in bed early 2nite Noone wants to win more than I do. As much as I luv playing bball I have a lot of nerd in me
Heh. “I have a lot of nerd in me.” That’s the same thing Betty Childs thought when Lewis was plowing her in that waterbed-moon surface thingamajobber in Revenge of the Nerds. But I digress.
Hopefully, Lillibridge followed Teahen’s advice and didn’t stay up all hours of the night playing Halo Reach. My guess is Ozzie Guillen wouldn’t be very understanding of his second baseman’s excuse for feeling groggy. Just a hunch.
Brent Lillibridge channels inner ‘nerd’ [ESPN Chicago]
Oh my, now that, my friends, is one magnificently hilarious mug shot. How does one manage to get that kind of farmer’s tan on one’s face?
While we contemplate that intriguing question, here are the particulars of the story. Robert Barker, of central Florida, had been charged with one count of child abuse/neglect and one count of aggravated assault with a weapon for allegedly forcing a 16-year-old football player to run wind sprints after the kid, who Barker said, according to the police report, “was out of shape and unable to finish the game.”
Via Click Orlando:
After an anonymous 911 call alerted the police that Barker was making the kid run sprints in his front yard (the boy’s relationship to Barker is not being disclosed) in full pads while holding a BB gun, Barker was taken into custody.
Barker said he used the BB gun as motivation and didn’t point the gun at the boy, although he admitted to shooting it in the air about seven times while the boy ran 10 sprints, the report stated.
According to the arrest report, Barker said the boy suffered a concussion about three weeks ago but was cleared to play. The boy said he felt dizzy and numb during the game, so his coach decided to give him rest.
The boy told the deputy that he never saw Barker point the gun at him and didn’t know how many sprints he completed, according to the report.
Wow. Just wow. While I feel bad for the kid and hope he turns out to be alright, and by no means do I condone this kind of deplorable, twisted behavior, I am however grateful that Barker believed that wielding a BB gun was an effective motivational tool just so this mug shot will permanently be part of the Sportress’ archives. What a knuckle-dragging, red-faced loser.
(thanks to Sportress reader Upstate Underdog for the link)
Deputies: Man Used Gun To ‘Motivate’ Football Player [Click Orlando]
Time to dust off that merkin of yours, Lee Corso – or whatever it is a person does to prepare a pubic wig for wearing – because you have just been inducted into the University of Indiana Sports Hall of Fame!
For those of you who only know Corso from his frenetic, and in my opinion, highly-entertaining shenanigans on ESPN’s College Gameday show, he not only played college football at Florida State University, he also coached at the collegiate level during stops at the University of Louisville (1969–1972), Indiana University (1973–1982), and Northern Illinois University (1984). And I got that information from Wikipedia, so you know it’s true.
As coach of the Hoosiers, Corso compiled a lackluster 45-74 record , but considering that the program is usually in the bottom half of the Big Ten at best, his tenure should considered somewhat a success, not to mention that he led the Hoosiers to only their second bowl appearance in 1979.
So a hearty congratulations goes out to Mr. Corso for receiving such an esteemed honor. And if I were him, I’d go with the cream and crimson merkin for the induction ceremony. Indiana students and alumni would most certainly appreciate the subtle nod (or should it be “dangle” to the school colors.
Indiana to induct Corso, Waiters in Hall of Fame [USA Today/AP]
Yeah, Michelle, you go ahead and show those old fuddy-duddies that the grand game of golf isn’t about their conservative, stodgy, country club ways any longer. A new generation is taking over the sport – a sexy, long-legged, long-hitting, Nike Swoosh-shirt-sporting, Kia Soul-driving generation.
And if you don’t like it, you can shove it where the sun don’t shine, Dexter Bartholomew Moneybags IV or whatever the hell your name happens to be, you trust fund-endowed jagoff.
That’s right, Michelle: you go girl. You promote the crap out of that car. If it wasn’t for the fact it’s a Kia, the next time I found myself in the market for a new ride, I might have even considered not test driving one of them.
[H/T TopSpeed]
