Archive for September, 2010
There are times when complete institutional transparency on behalf of professional sports teams can be a welcome, unexpected development, but perhaps to go so far as to state that the team stinks and nothing should be expected of it in the coming season might be taking it a step too far.
It should come as no surprise that the professional sports team that have embarked on this unique, if not ill-advised, advertising blitz would be the woeful Minnesota Timberwolves, who took out a full-page ad in Sunday’s edition of the Star Tribune to concede that despite a bevy of some would say questionable moves (others would day moronic) by head honcho David Kahn this offseason, the team is no closer to fielding a competitive squad worth anyone’s attention.
According to an AP report, Timberwolves Chief Marketing Officer Ted Johnson stated that the ad (whose highlight is the following concession: “So will we challenge for the NBA championship this year? Not likely”) is “part of the team’s attempt to establish a new relationship with fans and bring some transparency to how it operates.” Huh. How about before bringing about this transparency – which is quite nice (thanks, T-Wolves!), it might have been wiser to more closely examine the methods in which the team operates first before allowing an already much-maligned and embittered fanbase a peek behind the Wizard’s curtain? Especially when the wizard pulling the strings and flipping the levers is David Kahn?
Hey T-Wolves: you’re doing it wrong.
Full text of the ad follows.
Um, yeah.
This little nugget of awkwardness occurred in the St. Louis Cardinals’ dugout recently, and allow me to go on record as stating that in my opinion, both unequivocally and without any evidence to the contrary: hoo boy, that’s…well, you know the rest.
I could go on, but I really don’t think this needs to be discussed any further, on so many levels. Instead, how about we watch a video from the Hardcore SoCal-Punk legends, the Circle Jerks? It’s sadly fitting.
[H/T The Big Lead (via Midwest Sports Fans)]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, links submissions, comments, complaints and dirty limericks to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Wisconsin police said 31-year-old street musician Brandin Hochstrasser, known as “Bongo Jesus,” allegedly struck a man with his guitar after he did not respond too well to a 54-year-old man’s criticism of his performance. Bongo Jesus then bashed the man in the face with his guitar, slammed another man into a wall and wrestled with police before being arrested. You know, I’d like to meet this Bongo Jesus fellow. Seems like an alright guy – except for the barely-provoked acts of violence, that is. [Yahoo!/AP]
• And now, the news we have all been waiting for: Jay Mariotti has been charged with seven misdemeanors, including domestic battery, in relation to that ugly incident with his girlfriend in August. The world rejoices. [Out of Bounds]
• Anna Kournikova is in October’s issue of Maxim. The world rejoices again. [Busted Coverage]
• The creepy superfans were out in full force for a double feature of Monday Night Football last night. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• A high school football coach has been busted for running a prostitution ring. And if that isn’t intriguing enough, you just have to check out Josh’s epic photoshop for the story. Brilliant. [With Leather]
• Congratulations to Rafael Nadal for completing his career slam after winning the U.S. Open last night. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Jets Fan Van! Jets Fan Van! [Ted Williams Head]
• Speaking of the Jets, after last night’s craptastic offensive performance, one Jets fan would now like the team to shut the f**k up. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• You are now entering The Gore Zone, otherwise known as 49ers running back Frank Gore’s ass. I cannot believe I just typed that. [TAUNTR]
• Phillip Rivers, even when the chips are down, still gives 100% in his effort to be the biggest douche in the NFL. [Tirico Suave]
• The top 25 takeaways from Monday Night Football. [Five Tool Tool]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Magazine: The Microfridge: An Essay On This Timeless Dorm Room Appliance By Pulitzer Prize Winning Author Phillip Roth
And hoo boy, was it ever the exciting weekend. Jimmy Joe is as plum-tuckered as a old raccoon after a hootenanny. Or some such thing.
Keep up the great work, Jimmy Joe. The world of non-NASCAR fans dig your down-home style.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Police reports indicate that C.J. Wilson of the Chicago Bulls was “The Other Man” in Floyd Mayweather’s domestic violence case. [Out of Bounds]
• Japanese fart contest? Japanese fart contest. [With Leather]
• Slowly but surely, Michelle Wie is taking over the golf world. My name is Weed Against Speed, and I approve this development. [Devil Ball Golf]
• MYFO is rolling out their celebrity season previews. Today, Ric Flair on the Carolina Hurricanes. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Attempting to make sense out of Randy Moss’ oddball statements after the game yesterday. [Larry Brown Sports]
• MLS teams be smack-talking now. Who woulda thunk it? [The Slanch Report]
• Brilliant: “NFL rule clearly states the Lions aren’t supposed to be any good” [TAUNTR]
• Andy Reid: Andy Reid: “Concussion..(clears throat) Schmuncussion.” Indeed. [TheWizWit]
• Erin Andrews loves late night runs to the border for Taco Bell. Heh. Runs. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Ian Poultier is none-too-amused with Johnny Miller’s gag gift. Probably because he’s a whiny fancy boy. [Wei Under Par]
• If you ever wanted to see a sideline reporter’s ball sweat, this video is for you. [Busted Coverage]
• Joe Maddon attempts to shame Rays fans into attending games. [Walkoff Walk]
• Chad Ochocinco keeps it classy by interfering with an ESPN halftime report. [Ted Williams Head]
• Sage Rosenfels is “The Negotiator.” [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Here is your FCL Ad of the Day. [Food Court Lunch]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Banana Republic Announces Opening Of New Stores Where Buying Pants Will Not Be Totally Humiliating Experience
Send tips, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
From a report in The Dallas Morning News (via Hardball Talk):
“I’m going to have goggles on, duct tape over the mouth and either a wetsuit or raincoat,” he said. “It can’t get on your skin. It’ll soak through your skin.
“I don’t want to send the wrong message to people who might see pictures and think I’m not serious about recovery or what it stands for.”
Yeah, it would certainly be a shame if there were photos out there which would seem to indicate that Hamilton was not serious about recovery or what it stands for. A goddamn crying shame, that’s for sure.
Huh. I guess Hamilton deserves credit for trying to avoid an ugly situation. But what happens if his Hazmat suit were to tear and he became infected with the alcoholism virus, kind of like Renee Russo’s character catches that monkey flu in Outbreak? That wouldn’t be good. Instead, to fend off any potential boozeothermia agents, I’d recommend Hamilton takes a tip from an entirely different film – 1976′s televised classic, The Boy In The Plastic Bubble – which also has been known to make a germaphobe’s skin crawl. Not because of the storyline, but due to the atrocious acting and John Travolta’s awful hairstyle.
In the end, no matter what precautions Hamilton elects to take, I’m fairly confident things will work out just fine for him when the celebration of a division championship ensues. Just as long as no inebriated, busty coeds with whipped cream squirted all over their juggs are granted access to the Rangers’ clubhouse. That won’t hurt.
Josh Hamilton wants to celebrate Rangers victory without ingesting alcohol [The Dallas Morning News]
Josh Hamilton is wary of the beer shower [Hardball Talk]
The Devil Is Still In Josh Hamilton (Update) [Deadspin]
Either that, or Jiao Li of the Netherlands is pulling some freaky-ass Jedi mind trick against her opponent in a quarterfinal match at the 2010 European Table Tennis Championships. She’s a sneaky one, that Jiao Li, so I wouldn’t put it past her.
Now that’s one way to get more Americans interested in politics: have our leaders fight each other outside of the U.S. Capitol building. The money made on pay-per-view fees alone could make a helluva difference.
Revenues, however, were not the motive behind the kickboxing match staged outside the parliament building in Bangkok between 59-year-old Payap Tongchuen and 64-year-old Direk Tungfang, who are not only Thai senators but also former professional fighters. The motive? To promote traditional Thai kickboxing.
Via Yahoo!/AP:
“The aim is to market Thai boxing, as Muay Thai at the international level,” said Direk. “It is also to campaign for the younger generations to maintain this traditional sport.”
Muay Thai, as Thai kickboxing is known, is the national sport and its popularity has been growing worldwide. Fighters employ punches, kicks and elbow and knee strikes against their opponents.
Indeed. Nothing like two old guys clumsily duking it out to generate interest. But what this old fellas lacked in style and refined skills, they more than made up for with, I don’t know exactly. Take a look at the video yourself.
Man, it sure does take a lot of spunk to set up an illegal sperm bank and operate it out of your basement. In more ways the one, I suppose.
Now get a load of this: that seems to be the exactly predicament to British men find themselves in after authorities arrested them after it was discovered they were running an unlicensed sperm bank.
Via azcentral:
Nigel Woodforth and Ricky Gage are accused of earning 250,000 pounds ($385,895) by running a Web site that provided women who wanted to conceive with access to anonymous sperm donors.
Prosecutors said Monday that Woodforth, 43, ran the company from the basement of his home, and the two men did not have a license to procure or distribute sperm, as required by British law.
Women who paid a fee to use the company’s services would choose from a list of men before the sperm was delivered to their homes, prosecutors said.
While you can question their business ethics, there is no way you can characterize their business acumen and moxie negatively. I mean, a sperm bank that makes deliveries? Genius. I bet they were making money hand over fist.
2 accused of illegally making sperm available on Web [azcentral]
Alrighty then. Good to know. I guess we should simply be thankful that the goofball didn’t upload a photo of said fecal experience to twitpic, because I wouldn’t put it past him.
If you haven’t yet made the decision to follow Phoenix Coyotes goon Paul Bissonnette’s Twitter account (@BizNasty2point0), you are missing out in a big way. The guy is way out there, from his tweets about whipping up a batch of panty soup to the above tweet where he informs us of his butt-wiping escapades gone awry, Bissonnette easily has one of the most compelling Twitter accounts of any professional athlete.
And yes, it would be best if he just threw that soiled towel away. That’s nasty.
Yeah, that doesn’t look very comfortable. Nope. Not at all. But I suppose you get what you ask for when you compete in the brutal sport of Judo. Not that I would know personally. The most brutal activity I participate in is when I walk 18 holes. Now that’s a grind, my friends. With hills and everything!
I could have done a bit of research to find out more of the particulars about what went down at the 2010 World Judo Championships in Tokyo over the weekend, but that would have required two things:
1) Effort; and
2) Did I mention it would require effort?
So instead of going through that arduous, drawn-out process, how about we take a look at some pretty fantastic photos I culled from a photo gallery on The Telegraph‘s website? Don’t worry, I will be utilizing my Comedic Kung-Fu Grip as I make some smart-alecky comments along the way. It should be a real hoot. Or it won’t. But look: pictures!
The horror…the horror. How many cheerleaders will we allow this monster to devour before we say enough is enough? Two? Four? Six? Eight? Who do we appreciate? Not the hot cheerleader, that’s for damn sure.
Between this beast and the Raptors mascot, are we about to move into a terrifying new era where no booty-shaking, pom-pom waving gal can feel safe to cheer on an event where she has virtually no idea what is going on? Perhaps, my friends. Perhaps.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Please send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• In a new study published in Analytical Chemistry (my favorite bathroom reading material), researchers report that the eyes of cows infected with Mad Cow Disease emit a tell-tale glow. “The characteristic fluorescent signatures are thought to be the result of an accumulation of lipofuscin in the retina,” explained Jacob Petrich of the Department of Chemistry at Iowa State University. Lipswhatscin? That’s weird, man. [msnbc]
• Michigan quarterback Denard Robinson is good. [Out of Bounds]
• Iowa police arrested 130 fans for various alcohol-related incidents during the Iowa-Iowa State game. [Busted Coverage]
• The Detroit Lions were robbed yesterday, I tells ya, robbed! [Larry Brown Sports]
• It’s time to take a step onto the NFL Week 1 Jump To Conclusions Mat. [Shutdown Corner]
• David Beckham partied with the cast of Jersey Shore? Wha? [Ted Williams Head]
• Let’s class up this joint a bit with a link to the 15th edition of “The Sports Snob.” [You Been Blinded]
• Bootylicious sideline reporter Inés Sainz alleges that she was mistreated by the New York Jets during a visit. [Bob's Blitz]
• Fantasy football free is the only way to live. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• Rory McIlroy doesn’t want to be like Tiger Woods. [Wei Under Par]
• Angry Lions fan uploads angry YouTube video. Jebus. [Tirico Suave]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Guy Carrying Guitar Case On Elevator Envied By Everyone On Elevator, Imagines Guy
In today’s preview of the Air Guard 400, there are photoshops galore, Jimmy Joe’s always dulcet countrified tones and…stuff about NASCAR. I think. No matter what Jimmy Joe is talking about, it most surely is always a hoot.
Have a nice weekend kiddos. Enjoy the football. And the racing, if that’s your thing.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• Did the famed Nevada brothel Moonlite BunnyRanch fire Tiger Woods mistress Devon James for having loose lips? [Out of Bounds]
• Oh dear: have you seen these fake NHL arm sleeve tattoos yet? They are horrible. [Puck Daddy]
• Floyd Mayweather flashed his pearly whites for his mugshot. What an ass. [Larry Brown Sports]
• LeBron James is going to make an animated cameo appearance on The Cleveland Show. [Ted Williams Head]
• Joe Montana: not a big fan of the movie Rudy. [With Leather]
• Remember WoW’s hit feature “This Tweet In Baseball”? It’s back! [Walkoff Walk]
• These guys somehow managed to get their hands on Tom Brady’s call to OnStar after his accident. [TAUNTR]
• Here’s an epic home run catch fail by an Oakland Athletics fan. [Outside the Boxscore]
• In your weekly dose of Ottiquette, we learn about table manners. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Butter Chicken’s got a beef and he’s wants to tell you about it. [Food Court Lunch]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: 16,000 Diamondbacks Fans Killed On Complimentary Rattlesnake Night
Send tips, links, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
