Archive for August, 2010
And not just because they both share Swiss heritage. But to be perfectly honest, Federer is kind of like a modern day version of Swiss folk hero William Tell, with the only differences being instead of a crossbow and bolt, Federer utilizes the tools of his trade: a racket and tennis ball. Also, in place of an apple is a can and instead of being forced to split said apple which sat perilously atop his son’s head to avoid execution, Federer only had to knock the can off some lackey’s head at a Gillette photo shoot, much to the delight of everyone in attendance.
Otherwise, the comparison is spot on. Video follows.
On Saturday, more than 800 people could not resist the siren song of having the honor to witness a star-studded celebrity game put on by the HAX (Hawthorne Athletic Exchange) Foundation to benefit underprivileged athletes and pay tribute to the legendary UCLA basketball coach, John Wooden. The Foundation, which Wooden was affiliated with before his death earlier this year, attracted an unbelievable array of A-Listers from the glamorous worlds of sports, Hollywood and music.
How unbelievable, you ask? Let me put it to you this way: does the name Bill Bellamy do anything for you? Yeah, me neither.
From ESPN Los Angeles:
The game, which featured former Laker Rick Fox, ABC NBA analyst Mark Jackson, and entertainers Bill Bellamy and Guy Torry as players, as well as former Los Angeles Sparks player Lisa Leslie, former UCLA great Marques Johnson and ESPN 710′s Mychal Thompson as guest coaches, raised more than $6,000 for charity and attracted approximately 800 fans, according to HAX CEO, Jeff Herdman.
Who in the hell is Guy Torry? Never heard of him. Now, if it had been Guy Fieri instead, that might have sparked my interest.
In one of the most ridiculous examples of “When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong” as it pertains to deep-seated paranoia and the iron-fisted grip college football coaches hold over the media which covers them, Renee Bork, a radio personality employed by KAKS, also known as “Hog Sports Radio,” has been summarily fired for having the audacity to wear a Florida Gators hat to a press conference of Bobby Petrino, the head coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks. From CBS Sports:
Petrino, whose team lost to the Gators last season 23-20 at Florida, commented on Gork’s hat after answering a question she asked. “And that will be the last question I answer with that hat on,” Petrino said.
Gork, a Florida graduate, said she grabbed the hat without thinking Saturday because it was raining outside. She also said she sent a letter of apology to the university and Petrino.
“Was hoping to publicly apologize to coach Petrino and UA fans on the show today … but I won’t get that chance,” Gork wrote on KAKS’ Twitter account. “I’ve been fired.”
Nope. That’s not stupefyingly absurd at all. Thankfully, for the sanctity of the program which he oversees, Bobby Petrino understands that one cannot tolerate such a callous affront to the integrity of Arkansas Razorbacks football. This gal Gork is lucky she simply was fired and did not get terrorized by a slack-jawed populace while being chased out of Arkansas by an angry mob waving pitchforks and carrying torches. At least one good thing has come out of this preposterous turn of events for the newly unemployed Gork: she won’t have to sit through another mind-numbing exercise in unchecked egomania which clearly typifies a Bobby Petrino press conference.
And speaking of hats, Petrino, by showing he has the maturity of a petulant toddler, has shown himself to be a Grade-A Asshat. Jagoff.
Arkansas broadcaster fired for wearing Gators hat [CBS Sports]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, links and samples of your best attempts at alliteration involving discussions of male enhancement products to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Two Florida-based companies are accused of fraudulently billing Medicare for over $63,000 for falsified orders for $395 “vacuum erection systems,” including one submission where they charged Medicare for four penis pumps for a female patient. “Both defendants are accused of stealing Medicare patients’ numbers and doctors’ identifications to submit nearly $2 million in bogus bills to the health care program for the elderly and disabled between October and February.” And they thought they were going to be able to pull this scam off? What a couple of dickheads. [azcentral]
• Minor league team holds “Free Tattoo Night,” not a single report of Hepatitis at this point. [Out of Bounds]
• With a provocative title like this, how can you not click through? “Nude, Wet Pat Burrell Once Rescued Aubrey Huff from Doldrums” [Walkoff Walk]
• You can buy sand from the bunker Dustin Johnson made famous if you like pissing your money away. [Waggle Room]
• If Eli Manning would like to not have his face repeatedly bloodied, he might want to get on the same page with his running back, Brandon Jacobs. [Larry Brown Sports]
• A great rundown of the potshots now being taken at Francisco Rodriguez by assorted media and bloggers. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• A walk-0n at Ole Miss is 6’11″ and 380 pounds. Yowsers. [Bob's Blitz]
• Ladies and gentlemen, “The Epitome of Derp.” [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Cardinals defensive tackle Darnell Dockett took to Twitter to talk some smack about the 49ers signing Brian Westbrook. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Video: Jose Canseco hit a home run in his first at-bat during his United Baseball League debut. [You Been Blinded]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Area Man Unsure What To Do With All The Extra Ketchup Packets
If serial killers spent more time making off-kilter YouTube videos about NASCAR instead of dismembering bodies and having sex with corpses, I imagine their output would be eerily similar to Jimmy Joe’s auto-racing-themed submissions.
As you may recall, the Sportress clued you in last Friday on the lowbred wonder that is a Jimmy Joe NASCAR video when he previewed the CARFAX 400 race in Michigan this weekend. Well, he was back at it yesterday evening, as he spun another tale, this time recapping the race with his patented down-home charm with a heaping helping of his trailer park wisdom. Enjoy.
(previously at the Sportress: Country-Fried Goodness: Jimmy Joe’s Video Preview Almost Made Me Care About NASCAR)
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• Gary Busey + Adrian Peterson in Vitaminwater commercial = Good. [Out of Bounds]
• Rob Dibble is truly, truly sorry that you are not smart enough to get his sophisticated sense of humor. [Walkoff Walk]
• Patrick Kane’s appearance at the Jimmy Buffett concert gave my buddy LeNoceur a million dollar idea. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Patrick Kane may be the biggest star in the sports world right now, given his good time partying with the Stanley Cup. We also learned he’s a big fan of the Twilight series. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Our final Patrick Kane story for the day (I think): Wysh makes the argument that every day should be Patrick Kane’s day with the Stanley Cup. [Puck Daddy]
• Blog lands big-time interview with none other than the attractive and talented Rachel Nichols. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• Disgraced figure skater Nicole Bobeck was given probation for her role in a meth ring, but the biggest surprise is that she is now a black man. At least according to this photo caption from the San Francisco Chronicle. [Bob's Blitz]
• Monkey in Steelers clothes? Monkey in Steelers clothes. [PSAMP]
• Thankfully, the FOX Sports Robot gave the go-ahead to the hiring of Jim Mora and Kurt Warner as football analysts. [TAUNTR]
• More Peter King retardery is highlighted. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Mangini Urges Browns Players Not To Say Who They’re Going To Kill Over Twitter
Send tips, links or whatever the hell you damn please to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
The Legendary Shots, a group of basketball trick shot artists based in Alabama, who became famous after video of them making a basket while standing on a 134-foot-high platform on Birmingham’s Vulcan Monument went viral, are back at it once again with the above video, where two members of the troupe attempt to make a basket while riding on the “The Stratus Fear,” at Alabama Adventure, a local amusement park. While suspended 130 feet in the air, one of the guys attempted a shot, and I am sure you know what happened:
Swish.
Jeff Eisenberg, who does a phenomenal job of covering all things college basketball-related over at The Dagger on Yahoo! has the interesting backstory, including how the guys rode the damn ride 25 times because they wanted to see if they could drain a shot when the ride was at its peak. Goofballs.
Is it just me, or does it seem with every additional crazy trick shot video, they become more and more underwhelming? Let me know when one of these guys swishes one through the net while orbiting the Earth. Now that would certainly be something.
Crazy free fall shot from top of an amusement park ride [The Dagger]
One of the odder minor league baseball promotions – and that’s saying something – took place over the weekend at Historic Grayson Stadium in Savannah, Georgia after the conclusion of a game between the Kannapolis Intimidators and the hometown Sand Gnats: Stuntman and Guinness World Record holder Ted Batchelor lit himself on fire then circled the bases, which presumably was the first time such a stunt was ever attempted, because hey, there are only so many bats**t crazy people in the world who like to set themselves on fire for the fun of it then run around like it’s something to do. Kind of a shame, sure, but I suppose that’s what makes Batchelor’s unique brand of pyromania-satisfying hijinks that much more entertaining.
Video follows.
No, seriously, I’m not kidding around here. Graeme Swann, who is apparently quite popular on the cricket scene, has laid all the blame for his drunk driving arrest stemming from an incident on April 2nd when he was pulled over and charged with, as the Brits put it, “drink driving,” on some late night pussy wrangling.
But not the kind of pussy you’re thinking about, perv. He claims that he was simply driving to the store to buy a screwdriver so he could free his cat which somehow got itself trapped under his home’s floorboards. Via The Guardian:
Swann had been belatedly celebrating his 31st birthday with friends in West Bridgford, just a mile from his home, after returning from England’s tour of Bangladesh, when he received a phone call from his wife Sarah to say Max was trapped.
He got in his white Porsche Cayenne and drove towards a supermarket, but was pulled over by PC Steven Denniss, Nottingham magistrates court heard. PC Denniss told the court he initially decided to pull Swann over because he was driving a high-performance car in an area where there had been a spate of burglaries. When he turned around to pursue the cricketer, Swann initially accelerated before eventually stopping.
“Mr Swann stated he had been out that evening and had come back to find his cat trapped under the floorboards in his house,” PC Denniss said. “He had gone to Asda to fetch some screwdrivers to remove some floorboards. His speech was slightly slurred but he was compliant. He was slightly upset due to the fact of his cat and what had just happened.”
The 31-year-old Swann has pleaded not guilty to the charges, but I don’t know, man. I’m not really buying his story. I mean, what kind of self-respecting man doesn’t own at least one damn screwdriver? Oh, an English cricket-playing, cat-owning dandy wouldn’t, you say? I see. Carry on, then.
But the allusion I made to pussy was pretty clever, wasn’t it? Yeah, I know, I’m pretty awesome. And I didn’t even have to resort to the obligatory “sticky wicket” reference which invariably is used in every cricket-related post to boot. Score another one for Weed!
Graeme Swann on drink-driving charge after 3am dash to save kitten [The Guardian]
Big Ben: [talking to Tiger] Tell her I’m rich, and I’m good looking, and I have, uh, a rapist’s wit.
No good? How about this one?
Big Ben: I don’t know, Tiger, these places just don’t do it for me. Brings back too many memories.
Tiger: What happened, Ben? Some little filly break your heart?
Big Ben: Nah, it was a girl. Rachel Uchitel. We stayed at a place like this once No-Tell Motel out on Route 31.
Tiger: Uchitel? From New York City?
Big Ben: The same. We had this incredibly romantic time. Boy, I thought we’d be together forever. (sighs) Then about a week later, right out of the blue, she sends me a John Deere letter.
Tiger: That’s cold, Ben. Give you any reason?
Big Ben: Yeah. I called her up. She gave me some crap about me not listening to her enough or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.
[H/T Waggle Room]
Unbeknownst to me, the 2010 Beach Volleyball European Championships were held in Berlin last week – I didn’t get the memo – so what better way to commemorate the event that I had no idea was going on or was even aware existed before a few minutes ago with a nice little photo gallery?
Who won? Like I know. And like you care. Enjoy the photos and quit wasting my precious time by asking inane, unimportant questions. Jeez. How about you simply consider this a lunchtime treat from your Friendly Neighborhood Blogger-Man and leave it at that?
Note: I especially enjoy the photo of Lonely Raker Guy. Living the dream, man. Livin’ it.
Photos: Beach Volleyball European Championships 2010 [Vancouver Sun]
Hoo boy, talk about it packing a lot of excitement into a short period of time. Patrick Kane’s incredibly epic time with the Stanley Cup included hoisting the coveted trophy at Niagara Falls and getting stuck on a ladder 70 feet in the air in Buffalo on Friday. So, when Saturday came, Kane and the Cup needed some down time to just chill. And what better place to maxin’ and relaxin’ than a Jimmy Buffett concert?
That’s right, Patrick Kane is apparently a Jimmy Buffett fan. Yep, a full-fledged Parrothead. You know, nothing surprises me about this Kane fella anymore.
Kane joined Buffett onstage during the crooner’s concert at Toyota Park in Bridgeview, Illinois. Via the Chicago Tribune:
Jimmy Buffett doesn’t ever really need a reason to celebrate. But Saturday at a packed Toyota Park, he got a big one in the person of Chicago Blackhawk Patrick Kane, who emerged minutes into the concert with the Stanley Cup in hand. Wearing a Hawaiian shirt, the grinning Kane grabbed a tambourine as Buffett performed “Boat Drinks” and footage of the winger’s championship-winning goal aired on projection screens. Hockey, 90-degree temperatures and dozens of bouncing beach balls: Why not? Anything goes with Buffett, just as long as it doesn’t involve work.
What a wild ride it has been for Patrick Kane and Lord Stanley’s Cup. Forget about going back into that stuffy case, the Cup probably needs a tropical island vacation to decompress after the events of the past couple of days.
Jimmy Buffett drinks in hockey, heat and humor at Toyota Park [Chicago Tribune]
Patrick Kane ‘little scared’ while stranded on ladder with Stanley Cup [Puck Daddy]
(previously at the Sportress: Caption: Get Patrick Kane A Bloody Mary Or The Stanley Cup Is Down Niagara Falls!)
Man, I wish I knew how to use Photoshop
“Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it seven!”
Rules officials did their best Walter Sobchak impression on Sunday at Whistling Straits by taking a hard-line stance regarding Dustin Johnson grounding his club in a so-called bunker, assessing him a two-stroke penalty on the 18th hole and effectively ripping the Wanamaker Trophy right out of his hands due to adhering to only the strictest interpretation of a questionable course rule.
The warning, printed on a notice which was apparently posted all over the course, as well as the locker rooms and, according to rules officials, everywhere they could post a damn sign:
“All areas of the course that were designed and built as sand bunkers will be played as bunkers (hazards), whether or not they have been raked. This will mean that many bunkers positioned outside the ropes, as well as some areas of bunkers inside the ropes, close to the rope line, will likely include numerous footprints, heel prints and tire tracks during play of the championship. Such irregularities of surface are part of the game and no free relief will be available from these conditions.”
While many are crying foul over the royal screw job Johnson was subjected to on what could have been a triumphant Sunday afternoon for the golfer, others are not so willing to give the golfer a free pass. CBS Sports Senior Writer Steve Elling is the member of the latter group.
What can I say? The padre can totally shred, brah. Forget about Bones Brigade. This guy is coming with the Salvation Brigade. Dig on that.
Little did I know when I peeled myself off the bathroom floor this morning that my first two posts would be Catholic Priest-related. Sure, sites which are dedicated to exorcisms or pederasty might see this happen quite a bit, but not a sports blog, that’s for sure.
Anyhoo, the above video is one Reverend Zoltan Lendva, a Hungarian Catholic priest. Lendva believes that thrashin’ could be a great way to attract young people to the church. Via Reuters/Yahoo!:
Lendvai says he follows the ways of Saint John Bosco, an Italian priest and educator in the 19th century who dedicated his life to improving the lot of poor youngsters and used games as part of their education.
“Many times I have felt that this is the way I can bring many people a bit closer to Jesus,” he told Reuters.
He learned the skills of skateboarding at the age of 14 at school but it was only later, when he served as a priest in the town of Kormend in northwest Hungary, that he realized the impact his skill could have on youngsters.
He said three boys aged between 16 and 18 who had never attended church before started coming regularly after he showed them a few skateboard tricks.
Three boys? Score. I bet it was a happy day at that particular parish. And no, I’m not implying what you think I am implying. My guess is Reverend Lendvai is one of the good ones.
Skateboarding priest becomes YouTube hit [Yahoo!/Reuters]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, links and hardcore Christian gangsta rap samples (“Who that homey be who parted the Red Sea? M-M-M-Moses!“) to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Allow me to introduce you to Don Roberto Fiscer, a priest in Italy who doubles as a DJ and when he spins his beats, he drops Christian knowledge. From an AFP report: “I alternate the classics that you hear in nightclubs with remixed religious music,” Don Roberto told AFP. “Music is what young people like the most. Through music, Jesus reaches their hearts,” said the priest, who was a cruise ship entertainer before going to seminary at age 23. Cruise ship entertainer turned priest DJ? Something here smells fancy. [Yahoo!/AFP]
• This security guard at a Washington Nationals game is not fleet of foot nor agile. [Out of Bounds]
• Yeah, I’m pretty sure the “Dustin Johnson got totally jacked” story will be quite the talker in the coming days. [Larry Brown Sports]
• And here’s the Local Rules Sheet which caused all the controversy. [Waggle Room]
• Michelle Obama: helluva putter. [Bob's Blitz]
• Mets fans apparently don’t get the rally cap. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Jose Canseco’s life is pretty sweet. No it isn’t. [You Been Blinded]
• The top 12 takeaways from the Week 1 of the NFL Preseason. [Five Tool Tool]
• Are these NFL faces freaky or what? [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Awkwardly awesome: yoga chick accidentally farts. [straitpinkie]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Mr. Met Loses Joint Custody Of Son After Child Runs On Field During Game
