Archive for August, 2010
Sometimes, even with the best laid plans, things inevitably can go awry. Case in point: despite an incredible amount of training and skill, even a paratrooper from the U.S. Army Golden Knights parachute team can experience a bit of a snafu while attempting to drop into a major league baseball park.
Last night, before the Twins-Rangers game at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington, the Golden Knights thrilled the fans in attendance by parachuting into the ballpark and landing in the outfield. Unfortunately for this guy, the swirling winds must have set off his course a bit and he ended up getting snagged by a flagpole on top of the scoreboard above the right field grandstand.
According to a recap of the strange events in the Star Tribune, the Golden Knight is thankfully no worse for wear. The paratrooper simply jumped down to the top of the scoreboard and made his way down some steps and everything was hunky dory.
But what’s the deal with the odd events occurring at the Ballpark in Arlington over the past couple of days? On Monday night, some dolt in the stands allowed a ball to smack him in the face, with entertaining photographic evidence of his epic fail, and now this? Who knows what will be the third act tonight when the teams face off again. The possibilities are limitless, but I’ll tell you this: if photographs surface of Texas Rangers outfielder and leading AL MVP candidate Josh Hamilton doing whipped cream body shots of the team’s mascot, Rangers Captain, I won’t know what to think.
Video of the U.S. Army Golden Knights amazing display of aerial feats, including the unfortunate hang-up on the flagpole, follows.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, links and homemade sex videos – okay, forget that one – to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A woman checking the mail for a neighbor who was out of town was shocked to find two strangers getting it on in the vacant home in Elma, Washington. The sexy trespassers fled the scene upon discovery but unfortunately left behind a video camera which was documenting the carnality. Police recognized the lovers from previous interactions and they were promptly arrested. [MSNBC/AP]
• Those Tiger Woods Grand Slam clubs are back on sale, but of course, there’s controversy. [Out of Bounds]
• The reasons why ESPN won’t allow Jenn Brown to shill for Icehouse. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Utah high school football players vandalize rivals’ field with vulgar phrases. It’s not like there is much else to do in Utah. [Busted Coverage]
• That clown Ochocinco is back at it again with the Twitter shenanigans. What a clown. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Ladies and gentlemen, Seahawks superfan Hawktimus Prime. [The Last Angry Fan]
• The ring NHLer Mike Comrie purchased (or used her money to purchase) for Hillary Duff is ginormous. [Bob's Blitz]
• Teh awesome: ESPN Jersey Shore, anyone? [Ted Williams Head]
• Holy moly, this soccer fan is not happy with his team’s performance. [Deuce of Davenport]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Bananas Sweep Primates’ Choice Awards Again
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Rachel Uchitel claims she would give up everything to get back Tiger Woods. Even her luxurious beachfront home on Whore Island? [Out of Bounds]
• The much ballyhooed NFL Sunday Ticket is coming to the internet. Sure, it costs $350, but you were going to spend that on meth and lottery tickets anyway. [With Leather]
• There are many Tebow Douchebags in the wild, this is simply one who has been photographed. [Busted Coverage]
• Here are eight rock solid reasons not to buy NHL Slapshot. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Brett Myers’ goatee is freaky. [Big League Stew]
• Here are 10 awesome things about the NFL this season. [Second-String Fullback]
• Yay! LOLNFL for Preseason Week #3! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• John Daly has admitted he is a quitter, but denies he’s an injury-faker. [Wei Under Par]
• Bobby Bowden really wishes that Florida State would have just let him die on the darn field. [TAUNTR]
• Good news, fans of The Sporting Blog: the entire site has been archived at SB Nation. [SB Nation]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Report: 10 Million Killed Annually By Stepping Out Of Comfort Zones
Send tips, links and occasions when you have stepped out of your comfort zone and have not perished to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
While it seems like only yesterday, it was in fact all the way back in November of 2009 when New Mexico Lobos soccer player Elizabeth Lambert enchanted the internets and made the hearts of catfight lovers everywhere go pitter-patter with her rough and tumble style of play which boasted violent hair-pulling and ruthless kidney punches among its featured finishing moves.
In case you do not recall the slightly sexy display of girl-on-girl aggression, the somewhat arousing video follows.
While everybody else, including the many dignitaries in attendance at the ceremony, are forced to wait patiently for the official unveiling of Selig’s statue outside of Miller Park, which honors the man’s achievements and contributions to the Milwaukee Brewers franchise, yours truly has done some super sleuthing and discovered a photo of the statue before all the big-time sites got their hands on an it.
And I have to say I’m a bit underwhelmed. You know, I’m certainly no sculptor, but that statue looks absolutely nothing like the guy. One would think he or she would have put a little more effort into it. I guess maybe I am just not sophistimicated enough to appreciate fine art.
On the other hand, the sculptor’s depiction of Bud Selig makes the man appear much more handsome than he does in real life, so I guess, as it is with all things, you have to take the good with the bad.
Metaphorically speaking, of course, as it has not yet been confirmed if the young punks who were talking smack to some Buffalo Bills players at practice earlier today even know where the Buffalo Bills head coach lives, let alone whether or not he has a lawn.
Gailey was noticeably agitated as the morning session of practice concluded, which marked the conclusion of training camp. Why? Because those meddling kids and their gosh darn heckling, that’s why! Via WIVB:
Immediatelly after practice ended, Gailey hurried to the railing and lectured a group of about 5 teenage fans. Those fans had been loud througout the workout. Some of their comments, clearly heard by the coach, were critical of the Bills players, especially Trent Edwards.
Gailey told the fans that no players would be signing their autograph requests. He said “if you dog one of us, you dog all of us.”
Later, in a meeting with the media. Gailey explained his actions.
“They said some things during practice that were derogatory to a couple of our players, and if you say something derogatory to one of us, you’re saying it to all of us. So I told them don’t go sign it for that crew.”
Damn kids these days, with their hippity hop music, pants on the ground and what have you, not to mention their no respecting ways. Don’t they know that the Buffalo Bills used to go to the Super Bowl all the time and lose in the ’90s? Most of these kids don’t respect tradition and a once-revered history of semi-excellence anymore, something they could have learned from these little bastards.
Gailey Angry at Team and Fans [WIVB]
(previously at the Sportress: ‘Super Bowls, B**ch’: With Shirts, Two Young 49ers Fans Remind Us Of Team’s Excellence)
This is not so much a legitimate sports story as it is me simply trying to come to terms with the head-scratching nature of a blog post written by David Stein, who I understand has a nationally syndicated radio program on the Sporting News Radio Network, about all the wonderful things about the dessert item that is pie.
Now, I am aware how people who spend most of their time operating within the constraints of the world of sports enjoy venturing out from time to time to discuss issues outside of the realm of the sporting world, but Stein’s piece entitled, “I Celebrate the Pie’s Entire Catalog” confuses me to no end. I read the entire post – and it’s a fine enough read and can be found on Sporting News Radio’s website – and I kept waiting for Stein to somehow tie his love of pie to something at least tangentially-related to sports, but upon completion, all that I could get out of it was, “Man, this guy really loves his pie.” While there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, it simply struck me as odd. I mean, shouldn’t almost all of the content on a site dedicated to sports be about, you know, sports?
Ruminate on that thought for awhile, because now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to write a follow-up post to my piece about necrophiliac Wisconsinites.
I Celebrate the Pie’s Entire Catalog [Sporting News Radio]
Yeah, that doesn’t look comfortable at all. But I suppose he got what he deserved after participating in the uncivilized “sport” of bullfighting.
The Metro (via Out of Bounds) has a recap of the incident which is quite eloquent:
Pedro Muriel was tackled by the raging beast during a bullfight at the Malagueta bullring in Malaga.
Some might say the attack was karma, after the purple spandex-clad man had harpooned the bull with pointed sticks, known as banderillas.
Muriel was gored on the inside of his thigh but luckily escaped without serious injuries after the attack.
His role in the ring was to assist the bullfighter by weakening the bull’s massive neck and shoulder muscles by using the banderillas.
But in Pedro’s case it backfired and he ended up getting a harpooning himself.
No bueno, Pedro. No bueno.
Bull fighter gored where it hurts [The Metro]
Drill, baby, drill! Another excellent bull goring photo [Out of Bounds]
I’m not sure if the Earth’s orbit caused our planet to pass through a comet tail or what, but you better find somewhere safe to hide out for a few days, bust out your AC/DC albums and avoid Emilio Estevez at all costs (which, actually is a good idea no matter the situation), because if what occurred in the sleepy town Plainsboro, New Jersey at the Middlesex Golf Course on Monday morning is any indication, all hell is about to break lose: the machines are alive and they are taking over.
Seventy-four year old groundskeeper Donald Kelber was going about his routine and taking care of his many duties and keeping up the golf course when while cutting the grass sitting atop a 2,200 pound lawnmower, the machine came to life and attempted to murder him.
The bloodthirsty mower horrifyingly tipped itself and Groundskeeper Donny down a 1o-foot embankment and into a pond in a maniacal attempt to drown the man. Kelber was trapped under the machine for over 20 minutes, yet somehow managed to keep his head above water until rescuers arrive at the scene and used a backhoe and chains to pull the possessed lawnmower off the terrified man and freed him from his demonic bondage.
Thankfully for everyone, Kelber avoided serious injury, with only a cut on his right calf and a broken finger as evidence of his harrowing ordeal, yet his experience brings up the question that must be answered before it is too late:
Or maybe, just maybe, we should instead be asking ourselves, “Why does the Middlesex Golf Course allow a 74-year-old man to operate a dangerous, 2,200 pound piece of equipment on an embankment sitting above a water hazard?” That might be an even more important question.
NJ golf groundskeeper pinned in pond by lawn mower [NBC Sports/AP]
Pow! Right in the kisser!
Many interesting things occurred at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington last night during the Twins-Rangers game, not the least of which was the Rangers pitching staff taking a combined no-hitter into the ninth inning until Joe Mauer broke it up with a single off Rangers reliever Neftali Feliz. The Rangers went on to beat the Twins 4-0, but Texas starter Rich Harden was no-hitting the Twinkies with two outs in the 7th inning when manager Ron Washington was forced to pull him after he struggled with the pitch count, throwing 111 pitches while walking five batters.
But if you were to ask me, the quintessential brilliant performance at the ballpark last night was the effort put forth by Fort Worth Star-Telegram photographer Brandon Wade, who brilliantly captured this glaring example of an epic fail by one clumsy fan in attendance. DOINK!
In my opinion, there is nothing more shameful than witnessing a grown man walk into a baseball game sporting a glove. Men like that should be escorted out of the stadium and be forced into some kind of “You Can Act Like A Man!’ fantasy camp.
But in this instance, I have to say that perhaps this hand-eye coordination-challenged young man should have been allowed to take the Walk of Shame to his seat carrying his mitt. Who is this guy’s father, Mr. No-Depth Perception?
And rounding out the hilarity of the photo is how it captures the individual to Baseball To The Face Guy’s right, freezing in time and documenting his sissified response to the events occurring right in front of him. EEK!
Truly a win on all accounts, not to mention a testament to the greatness which can be achieved through the medium of photojournalism. Well done, Brandon Wade. If this isn’t Pulitzer Prize-worthy, there’s something wrong with the system.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, links and examples of other monuments you have spent time contemplating about its bodily secretions to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• What I mean is if Lady Liberty were in fact a living organism and not just a monument, she would have some pretty ginormous deposits of nose gold up in them nostrils, with the sea air and whatnot. Moving on, next month in New York City, the copper casting tip which was used to cast the Statue of Liberty’s nose will be available at auction. Guernsey’s auction house President Arlan Ettinger says the casting tip is about 2 feet wide, consists of the tip and the nostrils of her nose and is “”actually quite good-looking.” Interesting. But what are you going to do with the damn thing? [MSNBC/AP]
• In one of the odder minor league ballpark promotions – and that’s saying something – one lucky person (probably a girl, my guess) – can win a chance to go out on a date with the Montgomery Biscuits third baseman. [Out of Bounds]
• Just so you know, Tom Brady, Rex Ryan ain’t too fond of you, either. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Fanhouse readers turn on Jay Mariotti in the comments sections of his columns, AOL shuts off comments. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• To tie a nice little bow around the whole ordeal, here is the definitive and complete Tiger Woods Timeline. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Yay! It’s Bud Selig Statue Day! [Walkoff Walk]
• Taking a look at just how bad the Pittsburgh Pirates have been during the 18 consecutive losing seasons. [Joe Sports Fan]
• My pal Hextall454 writes an open letter to the once-neutral nation of Switzerland. [Melt Your Face Off]
• A one-time Olympic gold medalist recently died after falling off an exercise bike. [Bob's Blitz]
• This video will surely take the internets by storm today: 1985 Pontiac Firebird vs. concrete bridge underpass…who ya got?? [Busted Coverage]
• Butter Chicken mails it in on a Monday, with amusing results. [Food Court Lunch]
• The top 5 ways to drive your fantasy football commissioner insane. [Five Tool Tool]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Everything A Goddamn Ordeal For Area Family
I’m not sure exactly what my good buddy Jimmy Joe is talking about in his hypnotic yet hyperactive backwoods drawl, but I did manage to deduce that Kurt Busch did something historic this weekend and that Jimmy Joe’s cousin loves the Grateful Dead. Other than that, I was lost.
In any event, congratulations, Kurt Busch, on your unknown achievement. And Jimmy Joe, please keep your delightful NASCAR videos coming.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• President Obama goes golfing instead of attending church, a story which works mouth-breathing Out of Bounds commenters into a frenzy. [Out of Bounds]
• An interesting write-up from Dan LeBatard about the entire Jay Mariotti Situation. [The Big Lead]
• Creepy: Mariotti once sent a colleague a ranting Dear John letter. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Speaking of Mariotti, it looks like he’s doling out relationship advice now.. [Daddy's Sugar Ball]
• Brewers closed John Axford has a mustache…with a Facebook page. [7th Inning Stache]
• Why can’t Albert Haynesworth be more like Brett Favre? [With Leather]
• Revisiting the epic Cubs fan urinal dive video from years back. [Bob's Blitz]
• Peter King is an amateur Favrologist. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• There were a lot of well-wishers adding messages to Pittsburgh Pirates Losing Streak’s Facebook wall. [TAUNTR]
• Man, another amazing wall catch out of Japanese baseball. [Big League Stew]
• Your day would not be complete without reading the 12th edition of The Sports Snob. [You Been Blinded]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Magazine: Two Quarter-Filled Wine Glasses Left On A Table In Front Of A Sunset And Other Ways To Indicate That People Are Fu**ing In The Other Room
Send tips, links, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Okay, that’s likely not going to happen – I’m pretty sure that in light of his past, Chmura crossing state lines would somehow be a violation of Megan’s Law.
But seriously? Javon Walker? Yes indeed, it is being reported by numerous outlets that Walker has in fact signed a contract with the Vikings. But how does that move make any sense at all? Via Access Vikings:
The Vikings worked out Walker on Friday. The Vikings have depth issues at wide receiver with Sidney Rice still on the physically unable to perform list and Percy Harvin suffering from migraines. Rice said last week that it’s “up in the air” whether he will be ready by the season opener Sept. 9. Rice said he still feels pain in his injured hip.
Good numbers in 2004, sure, but Walker got into only three games with the Raiders last season – the Raiders! – starting none and accumulating no receiving stats, although he did get credited with one fumble. How much can this guy have left in the tank. Well, at least the Vikings are doing Favre a solid by bringing in one of his old buddies from his Green Bay days. Oh…wait. On second thought…
Report: Vikings to sign Javon Walker [Access Vikings]
Former Favre receiver could be joining the Vikings [Pro Football Talk]
Heh. Over the Top. Sometimes, I even amuse myself. Not very often, mind you.
Moving on from my self-adulation, here’s the story: a 25-year-old man from South Florida had an absolute meltdown after losing an arm rasslin’ match to some other slack-jawed yokel, and went into an absolute violent rage which one doesn’t normally associate with Arm Wrestling, the so-called Sport of Kings. At least I think that’s what people call arm wrestling. I could be wrong.
Via azcentral:
Police say Erick Lee Blanton drove his pickup truck across a lawn, over a mailbox and at several people after losing on Sunday. Witnesses told Fort Pierce police he also drew a rifle and pressed the barrel against the forehead of the man who beat him.
Police arrested Blanton at his home shortly afterward. He faces four counts of aggravated assault with a vehicle and one count of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
It could not be immediately determined if Blanton has an attorney.
Yeah, my guess is Mr. Eric Lee Blanton does not have an attorney on retainer. Just a hunch.
I wonder what could have set him off. A man of Blanton’s presumed refinement and sophistication doesn’t just fly off the handle like that without a good reason. Maybe it had something to do with the custody of his son or something.
Police: Arm-wrestling loss sets off Florida man [azcentral]
