Archive for July, 2010
I use this line a lot but never has it been so fitting and so perfectly articulating of what I am thinking right now about the film (from Canada, of course), Score: A Musical:
WHO ARE THE AD WIZARDS WHO CAME UP WITH THIS ONE????
Via Puck Daddy:
“Score: A Hockey Musical” has been on our radar since it was reported that Olivia Newton-John was going to be in the cast as a hockey mom; which naturally stirred nostalgic feelings of seeing her saunter into practice in a leather outfit and purring “tell me about it, stud” to the bewildered coach. It gives us chills. They’re multiplying.
The trailer for this potential camp masterpiece is out and the thing looks like equal parts “Glee,” “High School Musical” and the worst “Mighty Ducks” sequel never produced. (Oh, to have heard the dramatic torch song Goldie the Goalie could have belted in an empty concession stand.)
Hoo boy. Wysh has a bunch of other interesting nuggets regarding the afterbirth of celluloid, but try as he might, Wysh cannot explain why the people behind this project do not deserve to be drawn and quartered while simultaneously being forced to watch episodes of Cop Rock (here’s the intro to that abomination of a television show, which features Randy Newman and when featuring Randy Newman singing the theme song is the best thing going for a show, it’s in big, big trouble).
Jebus.
Video: Try not to cringe at the ‘Score: A Hockey Musical’ trailer [Puck Daddy]
I know what you’re thinking: Brett Favre swears? I know! He’s a good old Southern boy! Crazy.
In an expansive interview with Men’s Journal writer Stephen Rodrick, who was given unprecedented access to the grizzled, just-having-fun-out-there veteran at his palatial estate (with well-manicured lawn) in Hattiesburg, Mississippi.
The issue of Men’s Journal which contains the interview won’t be available until Friday, but Access Vikings got their hands on an advanced copy. Some highlights follow:
Of course, George Steinbrenner made only one appearance on Seinfeld which ultimately ended up on the cutting room floor and was never broadcasted, but Alexander, by virtue of portraying George Costanza, will always intrinsically be tied to the recently deceased Yankees owner. Alexander’s statement on his passing (via The Fabulous Forum):
“I met the real George Steinbrenner on only one occasion when he actually came and played himself on an episode of ‘Seinfeld.’ He seemed to really enjoy himself. I did not get to know him, but the fact that he allowed himself and his beloved team to be satirized on our show is an indication to me of his true character.
“He was certainly a legend and I am pleased to have been associated with him, even if only in fiction. My sympathies to his family, friends and fans.”
A very classy statement, which I am sure Alexander was more than happy to issue, given the fact that it can’t hurt Alexander’s desperate search for some legitimate acting work.
JASON’S GETTING UPSET!!!
Jason Alexander on the Steinbrenner-’Seinfeld’ connection [The Fabulous Forum]
Show me that smile again. (Show me that smile)
Don’t waste another minute on your cryin’.
We’re nowhere near the end (nowhere near)
The best is ready to begin.
- Theme song to Growing Pains, “As Long As We Got Each Other”
In retrospect, in light of everything, perhaps a song entitled “As Long As We Got Each Other” isn’t the best choice to use in a post about Tiger Woods, but one thing about the groundbreaking television show is definitely apropos:
Boner (may the tortured soul of Andrew Koenig finally be at peace).
Anyhoo, apparently an intrepid interviewer for the British rag The Sun who participated in a pre-British Open press conference with Tiger Woods earlier this week is quite proud of himself for how he shamed the super cereal golfer into giving the ghastly-teeth-challenged Brits a glimpse of his row of pearly whites, hence the article title of “How The Sun shamed shamed Tiger into giving us a smile.”
Here’s how:
THE SUN shamed Tiger Woods into smiling and signing autographs at St Andrews yesterday after taking him to task for failing to embrace golf fans.
I see. Well done, The Sun. But next time, instead of heaping scorn upon a person just to see what a healthy set of teeth look like, just spring for some Hedley & Wyche and even you Brits, with your gap-toothed, tartar and plaque-ridden mouths could actually enjoy your own damn smiles.
(Of course, the Hedley & Wyche reference was obligatory, so don’t give me that look)
How The Sun shamed shamed Tiger into giving us a smile [The Sun]
I vote yes. The guy truly is a gift that keeps on giving. He has a look on his face that says, “I’m listening to stupid in stereo.” Either that, or “Sweet Christ. I can’t friggin’ believe how nasty the Guinness fart Padraig just cut smells. Stings the nostrils.” No matter what caused that look on Daly’s face, if I ever had the chance, I would say this to the man: John Daly – shine on, you crazy, garishly-dressed diamond.
Wei Under Par writer Kevin Merfield speculates that all Daly needs to get out of his bleary-eyed funk is a drink. I would suggest a blood transfusion and some hot wings from Hooters might be necessary as well.
A quart of Blue Cheese dressing and an extra side of Buffalo sauce, stat! Don’t you die on me, Johnny Boy!
Somebody Get John Daly a Beer [Wei Under Par]
Hey, Barney’s movie had heart, but “Bull’s Horn to the Groin” had a bull’s horn to the groin.
In the multitude of ways the words “scrotum,” “bullfighter” and “gored” can be combined to make a sentence, “Bullfighter gored in scrotum” might perhaps be the most squirm-inducing. Actually, any combination of the those three words would likely result in the reactionary crossing of the legs followed by the sweet relief that one did not suffer the same fate as renowned bullfighter Julian Lopez Escobar.
You see, Escobar endured the traumatic experience of having an enraged (rightfully so, I might add) bull violently plunge the pointed projection of its integumentary system straight smack dab into his man parts during Spain’s San Fermin festival, which also includes the multiple Darwin Award-winning exercise in idiocy, the “Running of the Bulls” in Pamplona. Via an AP report:
Renowned bullfighter Julian Lopez Escobar, known professionally as “El Juli,” was discharged from hospital Tuesday after being gored in the scrotum during a bullfight. He has recovered enough to headline the final and most important fight of this year’s festival, the government of Navarra said.
Yamma hamma. I can’t imagine that a “scrotum gore” ranks high up on the lists of injuries that a bullfighter would like to experience, although I cannot think of an injury that could be sustained as particularly pleasant when one is foolish enough to climb into an enclosure with a scared and unpredictable bull while wearing a fancy outfit with only a red cape as one’s sole means of defense. At the same time, Scrotum Gore would be a pretty cool name for a gay death metal band. Maybe.
Another bullfight goring photo to make you wince (or cheer, whatever) [Out of Bounds]
9 injured, 3 by goring, in running of the bulls [AP]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. On the way into work today, I was reminded of some words of wisdom, courtesy of the great Southern poet Phil Anselmo: “To see, to bleed, cannot be taught, in turn, you’re making us…fucking hostile.” Yeah, that’s nice. Send tips, links and your favorite Anselmoisms to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Residents of Boise, Idaho can breathe a little easier and feel safe to walk the streets at night now that Joy Cassidy, better known as Condiments Into The Library Book Drop Bandit – okay, I made that up – has surrendered to police after a warrants were issued after she failed to show up for a court appearance. The weirdest part about her? I heard she prefers Miracle Whip over mayo. Gross. [MSNBC/AP]
• My hometown NBA team, the Minnesota Timberwolves, who are run by likely the most moronic person ever to hold a position of authority within a professional sports franchise, David Kahn, have virtually nothing to show from when they traded Kevin Garnett to the Celtics. Jesus. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The dad that Phillies outfielder Jayson Werth berated after he interfered with Werth’s attempt to catch a foul ball speaks, defends his actions. [Out of Bounds]
• So, uh, Larissa Riquelme a/k/a Paraguayan World Cup Hottie Superfan, is still out there doing her thing, whatever that may be. She still looks hot, though. [Bob's Blitz]
• German sports agent blames Germany’s performance in the World Cup on the fact that they are all homos. [Deuce of Davenport]
• A moment of silence in the honor of George Steinbrenner’s death preceded the start of the All-Star Game last night. [Big League Stew]
• Now that we got that out of the way, here are the top 10 destinations for Steinbrenner’s soul. [Five Tool Tool]
• Also, it’s time to check up on who you got in the Yankees Death Pool. [TAUNTR]
• C’mon, Bud Selig, would it be so hard for you to bring back the fun to the All-Star Game? It would? I see. [You Been Blinded]
• A nice photo essay from last night’s events in Anaheim. [Joe Sports Fan]
• The line between stripping and cheerleading continues to get hazier and hazier. Not that anyone is complaining. [Unathletic]
• Seven items that indicate to other people that you are a total douchebag. [Guyism]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: EPA Study: Rivers Shouldn’t Smell Like Shit
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Despite Dallas Braden’s protests, the A’s “Get Off My Mound!” t-shirts are quite popular. [Out of Bounds]
• Jared Allen’s charity golf tournament went pretty much exactly how one would expect a Jared Allen charity golf tournament to go. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Up-and-coming radio gal Mia Harris dropped an F-bomb on Sirius satellite radio. [Busted Coverage]
• ESPN’s Jayson Stark honestly believes that there have been 25 great moments during the Home Run Derby. [Joe Sports Fan]
• I guess watching the Home Run Derby in 3-D would help. [Big League Stew]
• Great write-up by Steve DelVecchio about how, love him or hate him, George Steinbrenner did it right. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Will Ferrell’s appearance with the broadcasters during the Home Run Derby was predictably awkward and it had barely nothing to do with him. [The Sporting Blog]
• An open letter to Jonathan Toews warning him to not let success go to his head. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Putter designer Scotty Cameron obviously hasn’t heard the news about Tiger deciding to go with a Nike putter this week. [Waggle Room]
• Spain’s World Cup-winning team got a little grabby on the flight back home. [Bob's Blitz]
• These guys got their hands on a copy of the $100,000 check Dan Gilbert had to write to the NBA to pay his fine. [TAUNTR]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Heroic Goldfish Given Viking Flushing
Send tips, links, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
“Ha-ha-ha-HAA-ha!”
Kramer: You got a problem with Woody Woodpecker?
George: Yeah, what is he? Some sort of an instigator?
Kramer: That’s right. He’s a troublemaker.
In comments made to and reported by the Associated Press, Terrell Owens believes that the only reason no NFL team has signed him is due to the perception that he’s some kind of troublemaker, a label which is obviously a gross misconception, but only if you happen to live in the Bizarro World.
Owens told The Associated Press on Tuesday that his season in Buffalo proved he won’t be a distraction. Owens insists his statistics from 2009 are deceiving because the Bills dealt with coaching upheaval and offensive line injuries. The 36-year-old believes he can still be an elite NFL receiver.
Owens says talk that he has unrealistic salary demands is untrue. He’s comfortable waiting until after training camp starts to sign with a team.
Jeez, everybody feel sorry for poor, poor Terrell Owens. Not only is he the NFL’s version of Woody Woodpecker, with his sad tale of woe and rotten luck, he could also double as football’s Charlie Brown. AAUGH!! indeed.
TO concerned teams perceive him as a troublemaker [AP]
From Steve Spurrier to Wayne Rooney, busting the chops of personalities from the sports world who get caught taking a leak on a golf course has become a time-honored tradition of the drooling, mouth-breathing sports blogging masses. But never has the amusing tales ever rose to level of someone attempting to file a criminal complaint against said urinator.
Unfortunately for Ben Roethlisberger, he’s Ben Roethlisberger, and the hits keep on coming for the beleaguered Big Ben.
Of course, with all things scandalicious and pee-pee related, TMZ has the digs:
According to the report, a woman named Nan Fowler phoned the pro shop at the Country Club at Muirfield Village around 6:53 PM and complained that a white, tall male — sporting a blue golf shirt and khaki shorts — was “urinating into some trees.”
The report states that Nan was informed by the woman at the pro shop that the person who fit that description was Big Ben. Nan then called police and told them that the NFL star was peeing in public.
Cops eventually arrived to the scene and spoke with country club management — and later determined that no crime had been committed. Sources connected to the investigation tell us cops never interacted with Roethlisberger — because Ben was “long gone” by the time authorities had arrived.
Anyone who has ever stepped foot on a golf course – male or female – are well aware of the fact that men will routinely relieve themselves in some bushes or next to a tree while playing a round. My guess is this dumb broad recognized Roethlisberger and that reporting his affiliation with golf course urination was her meal ticket to some perverse, urine-stained notoriety. Screw her.
In any event, as noted above, since Ben Roethlisberger is…Ben Roethlisberger, perhaps taking a piss on the course is not the best course of action. Might I suggest the UroClub, Big Ben? It would at the very least prevent these kind of sticky situations from developing.
Ben Roethlisberger Named in Urine Investigation [TMZ]
Ah, The Sweet Relief Of Augusta [Deadspin]
(previously at the Sportress: He’s Wayne Rooney, He Wears Tall Socks, He Went Pee-Pee On Some Rocks & Finally, A Product For Those Golfers Who Are Too Afraid To Piss In The Woods
Ha! Get it? Miami Sound Machine, but Miami Scheme Machine instead? It’s brilliant, except it doesn’t rhyme. Granted, Mariotti’s reference to Gloria Estefan’s band tacitly employs alliteration and a rhyme with the word that follows as the tools to make the implication that the fix was in as it pertains to the Big 3, as they are apparently heretofore to be referred to, but it’s overall execution is terrible.
If Stern truly cared about the honor and virtue of his league, he wouldn’t turn his head indifferently and prefer not to know. Rather, he’d investigate with all his resources and might and make sure this is not, with apologies to Gloria Estefan, the Miami Scheme Machine.
Sigh. Just off the top of my head, I can come up with several alternative methods to incorporate a reference to Miami without having to bastardize the Miami Sound Machine. Here are a couple:
- South Breach
- The Miami Cheat
- CS-Lie: Miami
- Bad Boys III: The King And Us
- Miami Ruse (in reference to Miami Blues)
- The Deal World: Miami
Alright, every single of the those are dreadful – nearly as bad as Miami Scheme Machine, but any reason to hammer on Jay Mariotti is a good enough one, right? Of course it is.
Oh, and one more thing: regarding the headline?
Heh. Probe.
Miami Scheme Machine? NBA Should Probe Heat [Fanhouse]
What? It’s true, isn’t it? Just because your mind happens to be usually in the gutter doesn’t make what I wrote a lie.
Perverts.
In order to see the rainbow, you must first endure the rain [Black Flamingo]
As the many accolades and thoughts continue to be issued from colleagues concerning the sad passing of George Steinbrenner – from MLB dignitaries, colleagues, players who had the honor of donning the Yankee pinstripes, those who were somehow touched by the Yankees owner and even his former managers, who generally had an adversarial relationship with “The Boss” during their tenure with the team, it is clear the great man will be remembered fondly by them each and every one of them.
Current ESPN analyst Buck Showalter, who spent his entire minor league playing career in the Yankees organization and managed the big league squad for four seasons from 1992-1995, relayed a statement to Bob Hille a brief piece regarding the death of George Steinbrenner for the Sporting News. While most of it is nice enough, Showalter does take a brief moment to brag and slap himself on the back for never getting fired by Steinbrenner.
I was one of the managers he never fired. I resigned because he wanted to get rid of my coaches. He knew where people’s buttons were, and mine were loyalty to my coaches.
Showalter on Steinbrenner: ‘I was one of the managers he never fired’ [Sporting News]
Now that the World Cup is behind us and Americans are once again renewing their lukewarm love affair with the sport – at least for a few months before its spell over us loses its power – a lot of people who were captivated by the demonstration of athletic prowess by the world’s best players might be developing a hankering for giving soccer the old college try and actually wandering out to a soccer field nearby and booting a ball around. But here’s a warning, fledgling soccer aficionados:
Playing soccer requires running as well as other forms of exercise. So, for those of you interested in participating in a pick-up game of soccer whose idea of extreme physical effort consists of bending over and putting on your socks every morning, the sport might not be the activity for you.
I know, I wouldn’t have believed it either if it were not for the valuable lessons contained in a column found in The Seattle Times entitled, “Soccer: Looks like fun, but be in shape.”
The level of fitness required shocks some newcomers to the sport, says Jane Nauman, president of the Blue Sky Sports Center, which operates soccer facilities in Texas.
“It’s a very physically demanding sport,” Nauman says. In an indoor game that lasts 90 minutes with no breaks, a soccer player is expected to run the entire time.
Larry Hall, president of the North Texas Premier Soccer Association, says he has seen people have heart attacks on the field. It’s not common, but it happens because people don’t prepare themselves, he says.
Bob Black, executive director of the North Texas State Soccer Association, says soccer players don’t have to be good sprinters, but they must have endurance. Players should be able to do any type of strenuous aerobic exercise, he says.
“Go to your doctor, make sure you’re in good shape and can do a lot of running,” Black advises.
A lot of running? The heck? Now they tell me. I mean, how would anybody get the crazy idea that soccer involved a lot of exercise if they just spent some time watching the World Cup?
Screw that, man. I was interested for a moment, but not anymore. I’m sticking with Foosball.
Soccer: Looks like fun, but be in shape [The Seattle Times]
Of course, the grill I am referring to above is the one Manny, in a “Manny Being Manny” moment, unloaded on eBay in 2007 when he was still playing for the Boston Red Sox (photo below and the offer: “Hi, I’m Manny Ramirez. I bought this AMAZING grill for about $4,000 and I used it once. … but I never have the time to use it because I am always on the road. I would love to sell it and you will get an autographed ball signed by me. Enjoy it, Manny Ramirez.”).
While a grill would certainly have been nice – and I’m still pissed I didn’t bid on that bad boy – Manny’s 1994 Porsche 911 Turbo 3.6 was put up for sale after the ballplayer donated it to the third annual ThinkCure! event. The automobile sold for $50,100 in an online auction, with the proceeds split between ThinkCure!, the official charity of the Los Angeles Dodgers, and the charity Maryvale, which is “a placement home for girls formerly known as The Los Angeles Orphan Asylum.”
While Manny is indeed a goofball, we should give the guy credit for donating the car to raise much needed funds for a couple of local L.A. charities. Nevertheless, the news reminded me about missing out on that damn grill. I mean, look at it.
Manny auctions his Porsche for charity [MLB.com]
Ramirez puts grill up for sale [MLB.com]
