Archive for July, 2010
Now, before you get way too excited and begin frantically trying to figure just where in the country Tim Kurkijan Bobblehead Night is and how you can make appropriate arrangements to be at the ballpark to procure yourself one of these much-coveted bad boys, I have to sadly inform you that said Bobblehead Night happened last night. It occurred at Shirley Povich Field at the Bethesda Big Train game against the Herndon Braves.
Here’s the abbreviated recap of the festivities from the Big Train’s website:
Game Notes: Wednesday eveing [sic] Big Train fans enjoyed Tim Kurkjian bobblehead night at the Big Train, with special guest ESPN’s Tim Kurkjian, a local graduate of Walter Johnson High School…
Wow, it’s pretty cool that Kurkijan isn’t so “big time” that he forgets his roots and where he came from. Good on you, Tim Kurkijan.
Still, I know a lot of you out there are terribly disappointed about missing your chance. Dry your tears, friends. I am sure there is a Jayson Stark or even a Buster Olney Bobblehead Night on a minor league team’s schedule sometime, somewhere. Dare to dream, folks, and it can become a reality.
Tim Kurkjian bobblehead night [D.C. Sports Bog]
Soccer truly is the Beautiful Game, especially when an irate coach, who is know for his “fiery temper” and his players start mixing it up with something called “touchline reporters” after a hotly contested match.
Several of the players for Goiás Esporte Clube, one of the largest club teams in Brazil, along with their coach, Emerson Leao, who coached Brazil’s national team from 2000-2001 and also played goalie for the national team in the 1974 and 1978 World Cup, got into a brawl with sideline radio reporters after a 2-2 draw with Vitoria at the Barradao stadium in Salvador. According to reports, the coach and Goias striker Rafael Moura were taken into police custody for questioning.
Via a Reuters report on Yahoo!:
Trouble broke out after the final whistle of Wednesday’s midtable match in which Vitoria had snatched an 89th minute equaliser.
Touchline radio reporters attempted to broadcast the conversation, leading to a scuffle involving a number of Goias players.
Television pictures showed that at one point, a reporter was pushed to the ground by a Goias player.
Touchline reporters are a distinctive feature at Brazilian matches. They interview players on the pitch immediately before or after games, when players are sent off, and also run on to the field when there is a disturbance.
Watch at about the 1:00 minute mark of the video. That’s when you can clearly see one of the players knocking down a reporter with a vicious right. Well, as vicious a right-handed punch a soccer player can throw, that is. Other assorted jumping and flailing kicks can also be seen throughout the fracas.
I’m sorry, but having a bunch of reporters that can just run around the sidelines and get in the faces of players and coaches sounds like a recipe for disaster. Imagine that occurring here. And Bill Belichick thought it was annoying to have to speak to Andrea Kremer at halftime when the Patriots are getting their butts whipped and getting asked inane questions like, “What adjustments will your team have to make in the second half to get back into this game?” Actually, I’m surprised Belichick hasn’t slugged a sideline reporter yet. It could happen, right? Maybe we’ll see Belichick body slam some unsuspecting sideline reporter this season. In the rough and tumble world of the NFL, anything can happen.
Players, coach and reporters brawl on pitch in Brazil [Yahoo!/Reuters]
Goiás Esporte Clube
Fourteen years. It has been fourteen long years since the NHL callously broke the hearts of an entire community when they ripped the beloved Jets out of Winnipeg, transplanted the franchise to Phoenix and renamed them the Coyotes. And as the Coyotes franchise continues to deal with problematic ownership issues, there have been mutterings that a potential return of the NHL to the largest city in Manitoba, Canada is a possibility, albeit a long shot. And while talks have been mildly encouraging, none of these rumblings have taken away the sting and pain endured by the region’s betrayed residents, nor will Jets fans ever get over their collective heartbreak over losing the team.
Well, for one individual, the frustration finally boiled over. This particular soul, a 32-year-old resident of nearby Lundar, Manitoba, reached the point of no return and realized he was mad as hell and he wasn’t going to take it anymore. As any sane person would do when facing a similar issue, he called 911 to air his grievances regarding the Jets leaving town in 1996 and demanded that RCMP officers do anything in their power to get the Jets to move back to Winnipeg. He has been charged with “public mischief, false messages, harassing phone calls and obstructing justice.”
A new terrifying menace in our public schools has been identified which, if left unchecked, is certain to wreak havoc on the health and safety of our nation’s youth:
No, not bullying. No, not sexting. And no, it’s not paint huffing. Those are, in a word, child’s play compared to the dangers associated with this particular treacherous activity which is done daily on the playgrounds and gymnasiums all over this great country. And get this: not only do school administrators turn a blind eye to the fact that these heinous acts are being committed on school grounds, the activity is actually being condoned by our flawed and reckless physical education system:
Modified Tee Ball. GAH!
Won’t somebody think of the children?
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, links, suggestions and casserole recipes to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Ieshuh Griffin, a Wisconsin resident running for the Milwaukee seat in the state assembly, has been informed that she is not allowed to use “NOT the White Man’s Bitch” as her campaign slogan. According to state law, “independent candidates to have five words describing themselves placed after their names on the ballot as long as it’s not pejorative, profane, discriminatory or includes an obscene word or phrase.” Griffin is now seeking an injunction in federal court. Best of luck to her. I hope she succeeds in her fight against those stuffy Wisconsinites on the state’s Government Accountability Board. Fuddy duddies. [Yahoo!/AP]
• Thierry Henry forced to endure the worst television interview ever. [Out of Bounds]
• These guys might have an idea where Reggie Bush is hiding his Heisman Trophy. [TAUNTR]
• That soccer player who choked a referee during a match has received a 27-game suspension. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The ticket sales manager for the Jacksonville Jaguars finally let the pressure of no one buying tickets to games get the best of him. [Busted Coverage]
• Phenomenal Ilya Kovalchuk photoshops. Brilliant work, guys. [Four Habs Fans]
• Wait: fantasy baseball can breed real life drama? Wha? [You Been Blinded]
• Photos of Pete Rose with all the ladies in his life. [Bob's Blitz]
• The top 10 awful topical fantasy football names. [Five Tool Tool]
• Ladies and gentlemen, from Butter Chicken: “The Lazy Wednesday Video Of A French Pop Star Most Canadian Boys Used To Jerk Off To Of The Day” [Food Court Lunch]
• Tommy from Quinzee makes a return appearance. Fackin’ A. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Kid Ready To Start Playdating Again
And by “good,” I of course mean “borderline retarded in a self-deprecating fashion.” But that’s the way of the world when you are Jared Allen. Whether he is cutting off his mullet for his wedding or wearing a speedo during his honeymoon, Allen is always willing to go all out and do it in style, even during an appearance at the American Century Tahoe Celebrity Golf tournament over last weekend.
But on the other hand, is he wearing flip flops while playing golf in that photo? For real? Come on, dude, don’t be that guy. At least go with some Birkenstocks or something. Nah, I’m just kidding. No self-respecting human being should ever wear those damn footwear atrocities. An affront like that should get a person at the minimum savagely beaten, as by doing so makes them a stinking hippie. Or at very least, it indicates that they are supportive of their cause, and that ain’t right.
[H/T Steady Burn]
(previously at the Sportress: NO!!! Jared Allen Cut Off His Mullet! & Dear God No: Jared Allen Busted Out The Speedo During His Honeymoon In Italy)
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Rachel Uchitel has signed on to appear on VH1′s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, claims Tiger got her hooked on Ambien. A more important question is: who got her hooked on whorish gold-digging? [Out of Bounds]
• A visit from Backwater Brett is always a good thing. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Much like Ilya Kovalchuk is getting screwed by the NHL, my comrades over at MYFO are totally getting jacked regarding their new contract with Bloguin. [Melt Your Face Off]
• We discussed the fact that the Field of Dreams site went up for sale, but here’s an update: it’s going for $5.4 million. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Aww, that’s sweet: MMA fighter demonstrates choke hold on infant son. You know, you can’t ever get those days back. Cherish them, psychopathic MMA fighter guy. [Larry Brown Sports]
• A drunken Raiders fan plowed his SUV through a coed’s room at San Diego State. Sounds about right. [Busted Coverage]
• Aw, man: vuvuzelas have been officially banned at all Atlanta Thrashers home games. [Puck Daddy]
• ESPNU’s Britton Lynn sure likes to laugh. [Bob's Blitz]
• A Red Sox fan was arrested after sliding across the tarp during a rain delay. [Total Pro Sports]
• An amusing story about an ump who takes off in the middle of an American Legion game. [Bugs & Cranks]
• Gallery of the Atlanta Falcons cheerleaders Cancun photo shoot for their calendar, anyone? [Unathletic]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Future Recruiting Violation Makes Commitment To Michigan
Send tips, links and a list of drugs you have become addicted to because of Tiger Woods to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
The AP report in its entirety (because I’m so damn lazy):
A federal judge in Connecticut has ruled competitive cheerleading is not an official sport that schools can use to meet gender-equity requirements.
U.S. District Judge Stefan Underhill says competitive cheerleading is too underdeveloped.
Wednesday’s ruling comes in a lawsuit filed by members of the volleyball team at Quinnipiac University in Hamden, Conn. The players sued after the school announced last year that it would eliminate the team for budgetary reasons.
The school replaced it with a competitive cheer squad to stay in compliance with the 1972 federal law that mandates equal opportunities for men and women in athletics.
Quinnipiac has 60 days to come up with a plan to keep the volleyball team and comply with gender rules.
To be honest, I have little to no interest on whether or not cheerleading is legally considered a sport as it pertains to gender-equity in our schools, but I will tell you this: no way in hell am I passing up an opportunity to upload this brilliant video again.
Classic.
US judge in Conn.: Cheerleading not a sport [AP]
(previously at the Sportress: Hoo Boy: Portly Male Cheerleader Dazzles With Some Mighty Fancy School Spirit)
I know what a lot of you Giants fans are thinking: “Why couldn’t it have been the severed arm of a former major league manager of the San Francisco Giants, like say, Felipe Alou, not a manager for some area minor league team?” Not only would that have done a tremendous disservice to the great adequate performance of the team during Alou’s tenure, but it would have also caused this story to change from a tale of drunken shenanigans to one dealing with a disgusting and horrific act of human dismemberment. And that would make you people real sickos with a twisted desire for bloodlust. Yeesh.
You see, when Darlene Sularski, a cocktail waitress and hostess at Lefty O’Doul’s Restaurant and Tavern in San Francisco, discovered a msyterious package among the bar’s daily mail, she was a bit perturbed. Things grew worse upon opening up the box, when she recoiled in horror after seeing what appeared to be a human arm inside of it.
Thankfully for everyone involved, it was simply the left arm off a mannequin that sits out front of the tavern which is an homage to the bar’s namesake, Lefty O’Doul, a native son of San Francisco who went on to have a successful career in the major leagues and later became a much-beloved minor league manager for the Giants organization. O’Doul managed the Pacific Coast League’s San Francisco Seals from 1937-1951. The left arm which was mailed to the bar had been ripped off the mannequin three years earlier by a couple of inebriated patrons who then took the arm on quite the joyride around the Midwest.
…it’s still pretty cool, ain’t it?
When she last left our collective consciousness, Miss Alicia Sacramone, the tough-as-nails, ultra-competitive, Boston-bred gymnast, she was performing her own personal epic fail at the 2008 Beijing Olympics. As you likely recall, she fell in two of the three events she competed in during the team final, an outcome that left her embarrassed, shamed and humiliated, which ultimately led to her retirement from the sport.
Not so fast, though. The 22-year-old Sacramone is staging a comeback and it all begins this weekend at the CoverGirl Classic in Chicago. From the Boston Herald:
Last summer, after a year off from the sport, Sacramone decided she wanted to try again while her body still could take the pounding.
“I didn’t have the performance of a lifetime at the Olympics, and I know I’m a better competitor than that,” Sacramone said. “I want to show everybody the true athlete I am so I can finish my career on a better note.”
The profile of the talented and bad-ass Olympic athlete found in the Herald is a compelling read, so I would advise on you heading over and taking a peek. For instance, did you know that Sacramone dated Brady Quinn for a year? I had no idea she had interests outside of gymnastics, like being a beard for a high profile football player. Interesting.
But much more than that, the article highlights something I had forgotten about: the YouTube video of her knocking the crap out of some guy – who happened to be All-Ivy League Brown linebacker Steve Ziogas, a good friend of hers – during a frat party at Brown (video follows):
Okay, Jenny Meadows, the rival of Caster Semenya quoted in The Telegraph article referenced, didn’t actually say the last part about Semenya whipping out her semi-wiener and teasing her competitors by wagging it about to and fro as she yells “Deez Nuts!” but it would have been funny if she had.
Because you just know even if it has been determined that she is technically a woman, Semenya has some sort of male genitalia-type protuberance sticking out down there. Not that I spend a lot of time contemplating that sort of thing. And for your information, I also totally knew that chick in The Crying Game was a dude the entire movie.
(shudders)
Caster Semenya will smash 800 metres world record, says rival Jenny Meadows [The Telegraph]
When you wake up you’re all weak
Throwing your life away
Someday, sorry coming home
Sorry snail
What you wait for… – “Snail” by Smashing Pumpkins
In an event riddled with an unparalleled level of excitement which is rivaled only by NFL preseason football, the 2010 World Racing Championships went down in the tiny village of Congham in Norfolk, England on Saturday. The World Championships have been held annually in Congham for the past 25 years and like every race which preceded it, it was rife with slow-moving, heart-racing action.
This year’s winner was Sidney (above crossing the finish line), who is owned by Claire Lawrence, a 62-year-old Gastropod-loving gal from nearby Litcham. Sidney outraced 200 other molluskian (?) competitors with a breakneck time of three minutes and forty-one seconds.
Background of how the race is put on, miscellaneous tidbits and a thrilling piece of video journalism chronicling the event follows.
Bad news out of France today – but really, is there ever any good news out of that accursed country? – after becoming ill on the golf course during a Pro-Am round at the Evian Masters, Michelle Wie was driven off the course in a golf cart while being escorted by her mother Bo. No word on whether Michelle’s aunt, Luke, was also in attendance.
We here – actually just me as I’m the only one – at the Sportress enjoy peddling in unsubstantiated rumors and irresponsible speculation since stupid sports blogs are not held to any idealistic journalistic standards nor do any of us who run these awful sites possess any semblance of integrity. With that in mind, I would like to blindly hypothesize as to what may have caused Michelle’s untimely case of the urps:
Totally gnarly hangover, man.
Not buying it? Just take a reasonable – albeit capricious – look at the situation. Here’s a young, trophy golf phenom, in the parlance of out times, 20-years-old, in fact, just below the 21-year-old limit which would allow her to legally imbibe on the sweet stuff, according to our great country’s laws. She finds herself over in Gay Paree, where the attitudes on alcohol use are not quite as draconian as they are here in the States. Michelle starts off with a couple of bottles of some fine wine, moves on to a little Absinthe and before she knows it, she’s three sheets to the wind and passed out dead drunk in a gutter near the Seine. I’ve seen it a million times before – such a shame.
Okay, okay, maybe it’s not that at all. Perhaps Michelle is a good girl who wouldn’t allow herself to get caught up in such a sticky situation. Further, she’s under constant, suffocating supervision of her parents – her mother, in this instance – and maybe she just had a bit of a tummy ache. Poor girl.
On the other hand, maybe this is just some weird publicity stunt connected to the latest product endorsement she’s signed on with – Ipecac.
Hey, it could happen. But in hindsight, I guess I’ll stick with the tummy ache hypothesis. She is such a nice girl, isn’t she?
Michelle Wie gets sick on course; pulls out of Evian Masters pro-am [Game On!]
Whoa, dude. That was one gnarly pitch, brah. The baseball was almost about to shoot right up into orbit and stuff. It’s like Lincecum originally thought he was going to throw the ball to the catcher, but then he wondered if the catcher wasn’t really there and might have been like totally right above him. Maybe Lincecum thought the catcher was on another plane of existence, somewhere up in the atmosphere or something.
Or maybe it was just because his fingers were all greasy from eating Funyuns or some other assorted snack food product.
I’m sure Giants fans might be a little miffed about the pitch, but relax, alright? San Francisco Giants pitching coach Dave Righetti has got this ultimate set of tools for dealing with the greasy-fingered aftereffects of munchies-related noshing. Actually, it’s just a paper bag filled with Wet-Naps, but it’s still cool.
[H/T SB Nation]
I know, I know: weaksauce. But it’s not like you haven’t come to expect this sort of half-assed nonsense. Plus the bit killed during my comedy tour on Rigel VII.
It’s a nice photo of Kang & Kodos, though, right? That should count for something, and I should get a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?
Kang earns medalist spot for US Junior girls [Golf.com]
