Archive for July, 2010
We are reaching the stage of critical mass in LeBron James Free Agency speculation. If the far-flung, throwing-crap-at-the-wall-and-seeing-what-sticks gets any further out of hand, sportswriters are in great danger of creating a conjectural black hole which from we may never recover.
Look no further than well-respected and successful SI NBA writer Ian Thomsen. Even writers as accomplished as Thomsen have become so desperate to be the first person who “breaks” the news of where LeBron will end up or even be the one whose hypotheses turn out to be most accurate are pretty much just throwing crap out there just for the hell of it.
Here’s is what Thomsen informs us of in his column entitled, “My gut feeling: LeBron will have to choose among three teams.” The title alone should sufficiently warn you that his column is nothing but conjecture, but read on, according to the tea leaves which Thomsen is reading, this his how it might, just might, play out:
This is an attempt to make sense of the market, which has been boiled down to four big names remaining in the pot (LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh and Carlos Boozer), five teams with max cap space (Miami, New Jersey, Chicago, New York and the Clippers) as well as the franchise with the most to lose (Cleveland). With James not expected to make a decision until Wednesday night at the earliest, my reading is that he will be left to choose from as many as three compelling teams that clearly are offering him the best opportunity to win — and winning has always been the No. 1 criterion, according to James himself.
And here are the three teams Thomsen believes LeBron should choose from:
Team #1: Does LeBron stay in Cleveland?
Team #2: LeBron to Miami?
Team #3: LeBron to Chicago?
Essentially, Thomsen simply crossed off the Clippers, Knicks and Nets off his own list of potential landing spots for LeBron and made a column out of it. Of course, there is much more detail to it – and if you’re interested, Thomsen does make some compelling points. But ultimately what I am getting at is no matter what anyone thinks, until LeBron James signs a free agent contract, it’s all a moot point. Perhaps we should all take a deep breath, wait a goddamn week at the most and just see where he ends up.
My gut feeling: LeBron will have to choose among three teams [SI]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Oakland A’s pitcher Dallas Braden is none too impressed with the “Get Off My Mound” t-shirt now available for purchase, because why would any rational person like something related to the only reason anyone knows who the hell they are? [Out of Bounds]
• Oh, Martellus Bennett, you cad! Here’s a video of him portraying the newest zany character to hit the interwebs: Osama Been Happenin. [With Leather]
• Sounds like a great deal – if you consider catching the herp with thousands of other dudes at the same time a great deal: Dutch pornstar promises to give each one of her Twitter followers a BJ if the Netherlands wins the World Cup. [Busted Coverage]
• Sweet Christ! Larissa Riquelme might be the target of some sinister kidnapping plot. Or something. It’s hard to understand exactly what she is getting at. [Bob's Blitz]
• Former Seton Hall basketball coach nabbed for shoplifting a man purse. Oh dear. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Here’s an animated GIF of Demy De Zeeuw of the Netherlands getting kicked in the face during the squad’s match with Uruguay earlier today. [Total Pro Sports]
• Good question: why isn’t Jim Thome considered among the all-time greats? [Midwest Sports Fans]
• Holy crap, if you haven’t heard the story about NFL prospect Tony Washington, you best click on over. Jebus. [Bootlegger Sports]
• LeNoceur regales with a tale of one of his personal experiences with internet marketers that we bloggers have become all too familiar with. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Dan Levy interviews Stephen A. Smith, self-righteous indignation ensues. [The Sporting Blog]
• Is Shaquille O’Neal a computer mastermind? Maybe. Probably not, though. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Killer first impressions: Orlando Magic rookie forward Daniel Orton was ejected from his first Summer League game. [You Been Blinded]
• General Tao hops in the time machine and takes us on a journey of some awkward sports commercials. [Food Court Lunch]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: My Hot, Horny Housewife Has Been Spending An Awful Lot Of Time On The Phone Lately (By Donald Gower)
Send tips, links and whatnot to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
We haven’t heard much from Shaun White in some time, but I regret to say that his reappearance is under disconcerting circumstances. Setting the world of long red locks lovers into a frenzy, Shaun White uploaded the above photo depicting the snowboarder/entrepreneur contemplating getting a haircut to his Facebook page. In fact, 3,500 have responded to White’s musings. Excerpted from an AP report:
“I I don’t know …. Is it time?” reads the caption underneath the picture, added to the snowboarder’s page on Monday.
Others tell him to take it slow — maybe an inch or two at a time — while a few suggested he cut his hair and donate it to cancer patients. If he does go for the cut, he’ll get his $5 worth. His locks now extend down around his shoulder blades.
The long and short of it: Well, one fan suggests, “Cut it and see who your true fans are.”
Indeed. I imagine Shaun White’s enormous fan base is comprised by many clearheaded, rational people who will forever feel betrayed if Shaun White got a haircut. I mean, the nerve of the guy, right?
But if I may interject with my levelheaded opinion: Don’t do it , Shaun! Don’t even think about it! You cannot even begin to understand the enormity of what you are about to decide! What happens if you do it, you ask? You could lose all of your magical powers! You would be just like that guy in the Bible – oh, bloody hell, what was his name again? Oh yeah, Jesus!
Think about it, brah. Nobody wants to go out like the Jesus.
Long and short of it: Shaun White mulls a haircut [AP]
Shaun White [Facebook]
First of all, that would have been horribly awkward for everyone involved. Secondly, she probably wouldn’t have landed that coveted autograph she was after.
Pictured above is eight-year-old Ava Mulhall, an incredibly courageous little girl who braved a sound tasering by breaking through security in order to obtain the autograph of her hero, Tiger Woods, during the JP McManus Celebrity Pro-Am at the Adare Manor golf course in Limerick, Ireland.
Via The Sun:
Little Ava, who has been playing golf for over a year, already had her card signed by 19 other big-name players.
After bagging Tiger’s autograph, she said: “I’m delighted and I’m very proud.”
Father Colin, a tax consultant, admitted he gave his daughter a little advice before she breached the security lines.
“I told her to run like hell, smile politely and say ‘thank you’,” he said.
Thankfully, everything appeared to work out splendidly, but as I mentioned above, who knows what sort of terrible incident might have occurred if little Ava had taken the one-on-one moment with the golfer to ask him questions about his personal life, something that didn’t go over too well during Tiger’s press conference, as Woods became a bit perturbed and provided only terse responses the line of questioning regarding his personal life from some of the reporters (once again, via The Sun):
When asked why he would not be practising any links golf before next week’s Open at St Andrews, Woods replied: “Because I need to go home.”
And when quizzed if that was due to “personal stuff” Woods glared before abruptly answering: “To see my kids.”
The 34-year-old was also asked if he felt his misdemeanours had been worth it given his relatively poor form since returning to the game.
He replied: “I think you are reading too deep into this.
“Golf is something I have done for a very long time and there are times in one’s life when things get put into perspective.
“One was when my father passed away, and also what I have been going through lately.
I guess that if you were to read into these two events and attempt to come out with one all-encompassing conclusion, this would have to be it:
If some news agency really wants Tiger to open up and answer some tough questions about his personal life, they would be well-served to hire an ambitious elementary school student with an interest in journalism to do all the investigative legwork. Child labor laws be damned, I say.
Girl, 8, breaches Tiger’s security [The Sun]
Tiger snarls at sex questions [The Sun]
There may have been a little more to the interview process whereby University of Georgia President Michael Adams named Frank Crumley the interim athletic director to replace ousted drunky good time party guy Damon Evans, who recently resigned from the post of AD in a white-hot blaze of shame and red-pantied embarrassment, but my guess it did not require much more than that. From the Atlanta Journal Constitution:
Adams also appointed a search committee to look for the new AD. Adams said it would not surprise him if the search takes six to 12 months.
Adams said the intention is to first look outside the UGA staff for Evans’ permanent successor, although he did not rule out Crumley and other current staffers from becoming candidates.
Crumley has been excutive [sic] associate athletics director under Evans and has gotten much credit for the department’s strong financial performance.
Best of luck to Mr. Crumley in his new capacity as interim athletic director, although one has to believe that the bar as to what is expected has got to be set pretty low at this point.
Adams names Frank Crumley interim AD [Atlanta Journal Constitution]
Bad news, ESPN: the legal maneuvering performed by your high-priced lawyers in an effort to force Erin Andrews’ stalker Michael David Barrett to foot any portion of the additional fees incurred in the wake of Peepholegate has been…JACKED UP!!
According to TMZ, a Judge ruled and issued an Order earlier this month which denied ESPN’s claims that they should be compensated by Barrett – who is currently in prison and probably up to his eyeballs in debt to his own attorneys – for the additional expenses it incurred due to the controversy.
Eloquently summarized by the scribes at TMZ:
TMZ broke the story back in May … ESPN wanted the government to force King Creepster to cover all of the network’s enormous expenses in the wake of the stalking scandal — mostly for extra security.
Barrett fired back weeks later, claiming he’s “virtually penniless” and shouldn’t have to foot the $327,442.27 bill for a third party.
According to the new docs filed in California District Court, the judge agreed — claiming “ESPN voluntarily paid all costs on behalf of direct victim Erin Andrews and restitution to ESPN is therefore not appropriate.”
Man, when is ESPN ever going to catch a break? Considering the dire economic straits ESPN probably finds itself in (yeah, right), without that reimbursement from Barrett that they were counting on, tWWL might have to go ahead and cancel the company Christmas party this year. At the same time, they were probably putting the kibosh on it anyway – liability issues due to a plethora of potential sexual harassment cases and whatnot.
Erin Andrews’ Stalker Off Hook for ESPN’s $300K Bill [TMZ]
(previously at the Sportress: Lame: ESPN Attempting To Cash In On Erin Andrews’ Pain And Suffering)
I guess if an organization wants someone to teach young kids the dangers of getting caught up in the world of steroids, it might as well be a person who experienced virtually no repercussions whatsoever due to his use of performing-enhancing drugs.
That’s right, Alex Rodriguez, along with fellow performance-enhancing drug using teammate Andy Pettitte, will make an appearance at an anti-steroid reception held at Yankee Stadium after New York plays Detroit on August 19th benefiting the Taylor Hooten Foundation.
Rodriguez vowed to work with the Taylor Hooton Foundation when he admitted to steroid use last year. The organization honors the memory of a 17-year-old baseball player who committed suicide in 2003. Doctors believe Taylor Hooton became depressed after he stopped using steroids.
Like a hose wrapped tightly around an arm right before a nice dose of HGH is shot up, the benevolence displayed by the slugger by agreeing to appear at this event certainly should tie up A-Rod’s whole steroid mess quite nicely. If this doesn’t make everyone forgive and ultimately forget that A-Rod cheated the game yet experienced minimal ill-effects to his professional baseball career, I’m not sure what will satisfy you people.
In the end, I guess we should all be thankful that A-Rod is willing to face up to what he has done in the past, with his shame and embarrassment there on display for all the world to see. Apparently, not only will several Yankees be in attendance, both he and Pettitte have donated signed items for sponsors. I bet someone is walking out of there with an autographed A-Rod Centaur portrait! What a deal!
A-Rod to appear at anti-steroids fundraiser [CBS Sports]
Ha! Get it? If you say his name really fast it sounds like you are saying an obscene word used to describe a part of the female anatomy.
Huh. Surprised you have never heard that reference before now. It’s a pretty common joke.
In this poor bastard’s defense, I’ve read some of his stuff for the Journal-Sentinel and it’s pretty good. Further, Hunt at the very least had the wherewithal not to go with Mike and instead stuck with Michael, which is a much better fate than the one suffered by much-maligned, yet little-known Scandinavian sportswriter, Jorn Aards. Ouch.
Yeah, I got nothing today.
Barely a forethought on Favre [Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel]
Hey, it is what it is…denying it doesn’t change the truth: Larissa Riquelme has indeed been a pageview boobnanza for many a sports blog. Why act like she wasn’t?
Given that I took yesterday off for some much needed rest and relaxation and some regrettable delirium tremens after a long holiday reason, I haven’t been able to address the disappointing outcome of the Spain vs. Paraguay match on Saturday. You see, Spain eliminated Paraguay by a score of 1-0 which unfortunately meant that Paraguay World Cup Hottie Superfan Larissa Riquelme would not be able to follow through on her promise to run naked through the streets of Paraguay if her beloved team won it all.
Of course, Larissa was very excited at the onset of the match and was jiggily optimistic that her squad could outplay the Spanish team (above). However, as the matched progressed and it appeared with every passing minute that a victory was not to be, she became quite sad and dejected, as evidenced by the below photos.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s Rabbi Martin Katzenstein Award-winning morning link dump. Despite the fact I am neither Jewish nor did I attend Harvard Divinity School, they must really appreciate the cut of jib. Send tips, links and recipes for latkes to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A 23-year-old New Zealand man described by authorities as a transient dropped dead while attending a screening of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Perhaps he couldn’t accept the fact that people not only pay money to watch the movies but are ridiculously obsessed with the crap. [MSNBC]
• What in the holy hell went down at Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest the other day? [Out of Bounds]
•Serena Williams discusses her buge hoobs and ginormous booty. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Legendary NHL enforcer Bob Probert dead at the tragically young age of 45. [Puck Daddy]
• Here’s a heartwarming story about how Minnesota Vikings head coach Brad Childress was reunited with his son who is serving in Afghanistan while on a USO tour. [Daily Norsemen]
• JaMarcus Russell is all about the purple drank. So much so he was arrested for illegal possession of codeine. [Shutdown Corner]
• And here are the top 11 questions surrounding the epic bust’s arrest. [Five Tool Tool]
• At the same time, Russell’s arrest may land him some new endorsement opportunities. [Daddy's Sugar Ball]
• Teenager shot dead by neighbor due to his excessive vuvuzela blowing. [Busted Coverage]
• The hot rumor regarding Cliff Lee is that the Twins are packaging two top prospects in an effort to land the pitcher. [Big League Stew]
• Oh nos! Every player who deserved to get voted into the All-Star Game didn’t make it! [Walkoff Walk]
• Oh dear, another LeBron Free Agency song. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Here’s a very nice Shakira World Cup video mashup. [Bob's Blitz]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Husband Still Faithful After 42 Years Of Trying To Cheat
“The horror… the horror…
“I’ve seen horrors… horrors that you’ve seen. But you have no right to call me an awful man for posting this photo. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that… but you have no right to judge me. It’s impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror… Horror has a face… and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies! I remember when I first saw this photo of Diego Maradona wearing a G-string during his more svelte days…seems a thousand centuries ago. I went to Total Pro Sports. And I remember… I… I… I cried, I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my eyes out; I didn’t know what I wanted to do! And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it… I never want to forget. And then I realized… like I was shot… like I was shot with a diamond… a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought, my God… the genius of that! The genius! The will to upload this nightmare fuel! Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than me, because they could stand that these were not monsters, these were men… trained bloggers. These men who wrote with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love… but they had the strength… the strength… to do that. If I had ten bloggers like these men, the popularity of this site would increase very quickly. You have to have men who are moral… and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to blog without feeling… without passion… without judgment… without judgment! Because it’s judgment that defeats us.
- Colonel Kurtz, if he had been a blogger and not a deranged madman
You know, I suppose those two segments of the human population – blogger and deranged madman – are not as mutually exclusive as one would suspect. Huh. Because what other kind of person other than a complete nutjob would have this photo be the prevailing image on his blog over a long 4th of July weekend? You would have to be crazy to do something like that. But here I am. Doing that. And here you thought the mental image of Jared Allen in a speedo was terrifying. It goes to show there is always something worse – more disturbing, more…yeah…I got nothing.
And now, a little site news: I may or may not write on Monday, July 5th. I will wait and see how the mood strikes me. I am sure you all will get along just fine, but I didn’t want anyone worrying about old Weed.
Enjoy the soccer matches tomorrow, especially the epic matchup between Argentina and Germany. It should be a real humdinger, just as long as Diego doesn’t decide to don the g-string due to a madcap theory that it will bring his squad luck. No one needs to see that.
And a Happy 4th of July to each and every one of you. Be safe, but have fun.
[H/T for image to Total Pro Sports - Thanks. I think]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• In honor of July 4th, here is a treatise unraveling the truth about Independence Day from my friends at TSR. [The Slanch Report]
• Seriously, one of you should buy me this anti-LeBron t-shirt. Sums up my feelings perfectly. [Out of Bounds]
• The post is a few days old, but these NHL rookie “Glamour Shots” photos are beyond awkward. [Puck Daddy]
• The Mets are on the hook to Bobby Bonilla for an assload of cash which is to be paid over the next 25 years. Brilliant! [With Leather]
• Marshall Faulk wishes he had taken money when he was in college. In other news, Marshall Faulk probably wishes he wouldn’t have opened his fat mouth about it. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Awesome: the Top 10 “Where Were You Moments” since 1990. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Who knew LeBron James loved lavish Broadway musical numbers? He doesn’t? That what was the point of this crap? [Ball Don't Lie]
• The Toronto Maple Leafs are the early winners in the NHL free agent frenzy. At least someone thinks so. [Melt Your Face Off]
• The NCAA has launched an investigation into discovering one non-cheating basketball program. [TAUNTR]
• Arizona Cardinals reciever Steve Breaston: “I am what I is.” Alrighty then. [Shutdown Corner]
• Spelling out quite clearly why LeBron James is not going to the New Jersey Nets. Well done. [Ted Williams Head]
• Yay! I missed this yesterday but Thursday was KSK Mailbag time. Read and become enlightened. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Another epic dodgeball knockout. [Unathletic]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Area Man Supports The Troops He Didn’t Go To High School With
Send tips, links and baked beans recipes that don’t give you gas to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Earlier this week, the Sportress had a somewhat off topic story regarding a photo Paris Hilton uploaded to Twitpic of her sitting on a buttload of luggage as she prepared to embark on a trip to South Africa for the World Cup. I cleverly came up with term “whoredrobe” to describe the sheer volume of baggage the hotel heiress was bringing along for her trip. And I am extremely proud of myself for coining that term. But now I have a new word that bastardizes a relatively benign word with no negative connotation with a word used typically to define a woman of loose morals:
Slutfari.
I have been keeping a casual eye on Hilton’s activities as she made her was south of the Equator by way of the photos she has been uploading, like the one above which originally roused my interest. Below you will find eight additional photos that Miss Hilton has uploaded to her Twitpic account as a means of keeping us apprised of how her slutfari to South Africa has been going.
Now, there’s nightmare fuel and then there’s SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? SOME KIND OF HIGH OCTANE NIGHTMARE FUEL?!? I believe this little story fits quite nicely in the latter category.
Thankfully, for the sake of our rods and cones and overall mental health, no photos have surfaced confirming what Jared Allen told Dan Patrick as of yet, but on Patrick’s radio show earlier today, Allen discussed his choice of swimwear while he and wife honeymooned in Italy:
DP: Are you still married?
JA: Absolutely. Just got back from a beautiful honeymoon.
DP: Where’d you go?
JA: Amalfi Coast, over in Italy.
DP: Did you wear your jersey?
JA: Yeah, of course. I was wearing my jersey every day. I cut the sleeves off by the pool and cropped it up a little bit.
DP: Did you wear a Speedo?
JA: I dominated a Speedo over there. I figure, when in Rome, right? It kind of applies. When in Europe, when in Rome.
So…cold. So very, very cold. I cannot close my eyes for fear of what mind-warping, psychologically-scarring image might be waiting for me in the recesses of my subconscious. Yowsers.
DP Show Daily: Jared Allen on Favre, mullets and speedos [SI]
Holy ginormous mouth, Paraguyan World Cup Hottie Superfan! Now that’s a mouth you can set your watch to. Or something.
With the world breathless and the internets blue-balled with anticipation over whether or not Larissa Riquelme will be able to grip firmly, yet sensually, onto her 15 minutes of global fame for a bit longer, I would like to take a moment to point out something I found particularly interesting regarding many of the photos of the lovely Riquelme contained in a recent gallery published by News of the World:
No, it’s not her boobs.
Okay, it is her boobs, too, but there is something else as well. Her proclivity for being photographed with her mouth wide open, like she’s about ready to engorge herself on a, um, something large – let’s just go with a five dollar foot long and leave it at that, okay? Granted, these photos are what they call in the photography business as “candids” (I believe they are called “She Doesn’t Even Know I’m Taking These Photos” in the Photostalker Voyeurism business, but that’s another story for another day), so Senora Larissa can’t be entirely blamed for the fact that she is frequently photographed with her mouth agape, her breasts a-heaving and her cell phone a-smooshing.
But I digress. Originally, as the title of this post suggests, this was supposed to be only a photographic study into the Larissa Riquelme Open Mouth Photo Phenomenon, but the other non-open-mouthed photos which made up the site’s gallery were too good to pass up, so I included them as well. I imagine you folks won’t mind that I did.
So, am I correct in assuming that I know what we all should be pulling for after looking at these photos?
No, not sexual gratification, you sickos. A victory for Paraguay tomorrow in their Round Of Eight match against Spain, of course! Sometimes, you people…jeez.
LARISSA RIQUELME SLIDESHOW [News of The World]
(previously at the Sportress: Larissa Riquelme Will Run Naked Through The Streets If Paraguay Wins World Cup)
