Archive for July, 2010
This video is simply…I don’t know…mesmerizing? Hypnotic? Borderline disturbing?
Whatever it is, I cannot stop watching it. The only thing it needs is any song from the Flashdance soundtrack to put it over the top. “Flashdance: What A Feeling” by Irene Cara would certainly work, but in my book, “Maniac” by Michael Sembello would better capture the passion and intensity of his overall performance.
To be honest, I feel a bit guilty posting this as I would rather not embarrass the guy, but my guess is he’s got the spirit to take the criticism. And who knows? Maybe a little exposure is just what this aspiring performer needs to crash through the glass ceiling which holds back all male cheerleaders from making it big. I’m thinking he’s got NFL cheerleader potential written all over him.
The saddest part of all? You wouldn’t suspect it, but this guy probably got more cheerleader action in high school than any of us ever did. Seriously.
Thanks Upstate Underdog
In the nearly 100 years that the Bay to Breakers race has been run in San Francisco, it has progressively become more and more a display of how far its participants can stuff the envelope as it pertains to tawdry, alcohol-fueled behavior as they brazenly flaunt the conventions of societal norms and what constitutes acceptable public behavior. Runners are allowed to show up looking as ridiculous as they like – as evidenced by three ladies above, who are dressed up like gigantic clitorises-es (clitori?). Or if costumes aren’t your bag, runners have been well-know to show up in varying stages of undress – even running the race butt-ass naked (as evidenced in the below, rather awkward photo. Further, if you require further evidence of what kind of naked anarchy that ensues, do a Google Image Search for “Bay To Breakers” but be forewarned: even with “Moderate Search” turned on, you will be quite surprised what shows up).
Oh, Arnie! You dirty, dirty old man! You have balls that are older than Cristie Kerr. I meant golf balls, obviously. I think.
Above we have Arnold Palmer, Cristie Kerr, Paula Creamer and Jerome Bettis posing for a photo which was uploaded by Creamer to Twitter (via Waggle Room) after the four participated in a children’s golf clinic at Oakmont Country Club in advance of the U.S. Women’s Open. They say the camera never lies and as you can see, Arnie was caught gawking at Kerr’s perky breasts – or at least he appears to be.
Arnold, Arnold, Arnold, don’t you know that looking at boobs is like looking at the sun, you don’t stare at them. It’s too risky. You get a sense of them and then you look away.
Some old horndoggers will never learn.
I Don’t Think Arnie Palmer Is Staring at the Grass in This Pic [Waggle Room]
Wake N’ Blog: Ma! Ironing!
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Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Apologies for the delays this morning. We had some minor server issues. I’m not going to sit here and disparage the hosting site I am signed on with – to which I pay good money – but please allow me just to say that sometimes, their service leaves me sad. Almost blue, even. Send tips, links, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. Thanks.
• A 29-year-old man in Georgia faces charges of aggravated assault and false imprisonment after he held his mother hostage after she didn’t iron his clothes. The loser, “who lives with his parents, wanted his mother to do some ironing because it was ‘woman’s work.’ When she refused, authorities allege he pulled out a gun, and took his 51-year-old mother’s keys and cellphones and refused to let her leave for at least six hours.” I expect big things from this guy once he gets into his 30s. [Yahoo!/AP]
• Paul the Octopus Oracle was spot on in with his World Cup pick again. Get this creature to Vegas. [Out of Bounds]
• God bless you, Stan Van Gundy, for perfectly capturing exactly how we all feel about the LeBron James/ESPN debacle. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Sigh. Another – and hopefully the last – LeBron James free agency song. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Oh dear: unstable Clippers fan offers himself up to LeBron James. Yep. [You Been Blinded]
• Colin Cowherd has been forbidden by ESPN from talking about the rumor that Delonte West was nailing LeBron’s mom. Don’t make me side with Colin Cowherd, ESPN. [Bob's Blitz]
• The top 10 reasons LeBron is announcing his decision on ESPN. [Five Tool Tool]
• Here’s another one: the top 10 reasons LeBron needed a TV special. [Ted Williams Head]
• Former ESPN employee has a thing for 15-year-olds. 15-year-olds, dude. [Busted Coverage]
• They’ve been used for practically everything else, so some enterprising person out there needs to get going on making a bong out of a vuvuzela. [The Slanch Report]
• Remember Rinku and Dinesh, those Pittsburgh Pirates minor leaguers from India? Yeah, their story is going to be made into a movie. [Walkoff Walk]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: New-Versus-Old Electric-Slide Confusion Blamed In Wedding-Reception Pileup
Until the people have spoken, my guess is the competition for who gets the final roster spot in the All-Star Game will be hotly contested and the campaigns certainly have the potential of getting downright dirty. Excellent work on the Youk Campaign Video, fellas. If I hadn’t already thrown my support behind red-hot Twins slugger Delmon Young, who has virtually no shot of winning, I would most certainly vote Youk before that pinstriped poseur Nick Swisher. And that’s a fact, um, Jack.
Be sure to check out some of the best tomfoolery and skullduggery on these here internets every day over at TAUNTR.com.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• One of my personal favorites of all the storylines of the World Cup has an update: PETA would like Paul the Octopus Oracle freed. [Out of Bounds]
• Ladies and gentlemen, the Tiger Woods Interview Drinking Game. [Wei Under Par]
• In other Tiger news, Tom Watson continues to slam his colleague. [Devil Ball Golf]
• A stray dog caused a bit of a tumble at the Tour de France. [The Sporting Blog]
• Awesome (or terrible?) video of a grown adult pinning a kid against the fence in order to secure a home run ball. [Busted Coverage]
• Are you ready to take on the challenge of this Phildaelphia-based video game, “Phillies Assassin: Licensed To Tase”? Try it, if you dare! [TAUNTR]
• If you are not planning your next vacation at Lake Jonathan Toews in Manitoba, clearly you are not headed to Canada. I guess. [Puck Daddy]
• ESPN even has trouble confirming stories in which they are one of the central characters. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Video of Lakers fans taunting Bill Simmons at Game 7 of NBA Finals. [Bob's Blitz]
• Ugh: Tim Tebow leads the NFL in jersey sales. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• The newest MLB.com commercial features none other than the greatest pitcher ever to play the game: you guessed it, Stephen Strasburg. [Mr. Irrelevant]
• A well-done homage to one of the NHL’s all-time bad asses, Bob Probert. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Peter King is meticulously hammered on by Drew once again, with entertaining results. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Butter Chicken took in a meal at a sushi restaurant. It was interesting. [Food Court Lunch]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Astronomer Discovers Black Hole At Center Of Own Marriage
Send tips, links, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Not that there’s anything wrong with it, of course. Further, what did you expect from this Gay fellow? It says right in the headline that he was tired and the Dix were right there for the taking. It’s borderline entrapment, I tell ya!
Via Reuters
[H/T The Sports Hernia Blog, many others]
What? Don’t they have tasers in South Africa?
The quality of the video isn’t great (if something else better comes up, I’ll replace this one), but here is the first video available of that crazy Superman t-shirt-wearing weirdo who somehow managed to gain access to the field of play for about 5 seconds during the Germany-Spain semifinal match before getting quickly ushered off by security. Apparently, vuvuzelas will make even a normal man commit uncharacteristic acts. Like wearing a Superman t-shirt, for instance.
No word on whether the referee will add extra time for the interference. Or whether or not he even noticed the dummy.
U-G-L-Y, Wayne Rooney Ain’t Got No Alibi
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Well, maybe not to some people (hunchbacks, circus freaks and those poor souls afflicted with elephantiasis, to name a few…oh, and Rocky Dennis), but according to users of BeautifulPeople.com, an online dating site which “assesses its own members’ looks and people are only allowed to join if deemed suitably attractive by other members,” using what I imagine is some convoluted and completely superficial rating system, found English striker Wayne Rooney to be the most repulsive player to have competed in this summer’s World Cup. And that’s only appearance-wise, of course – they’re not even referring to his miserable performance during the tournament! I guess members at this particular dating site do not find displays of public urination at golf courses an attractive quality. Prudes.
Via The Telegraph:
Greg Hodge, managing director, said: “Collectively, the worst looking team is Algeria. The term ‘trophy head’ could have been coined for most of their team.
“England follows close behind, with the most unattractive player on the planet, Wayne Rooney. The England team do have very beautiful wives and girlfriends, but this is surely due to their bank accounts which certainly makes them a lot more attractive.”
Heh. Trophy head. Now that’s a moniker you can scare the neighborhood kids with.
Wayne Rooney is the ugliest player in the World Cup, survey claims [The Telegraph]
(previously at the Sportress: He’s Wayne Rooney, He Wears Tall Socks, He Went Pee-Pee On Some Rocks)
In a press release issued by the World Wide Leader in Self-Fellatio, a/k/a ESPN, the network spends a majority of the text proudly slapping itself on the back and trumpeting the wondrous public service it is pleased to be taking part in due to the final culmination of its around-the-clock, please-make-it-stop coverage of LeBronapalooza over the past several months. The one-hour LeBron James Special, dubbed “The Decision,” (see, it’s catchy, but not too over-the-top) is not at all about ESPN once again devouring anything and everything in its path as it voraciously consumes the entire sports media landscape – nope. Instead, it is all about being an esteemed partner of LeBron James and his chosen charities, all for the benefit of some underprivileged kids. You know, the kind of kids who aren’t lucky enough to have cable and get to watch ESPN bastardize everything in its unrelenting corporate wake.
After rolling along with amazing success ever since the moment Carl Pavano and his mustache’s genetic code – in some kind of twisted perversion of science – merged to become an unstoppable pitching force for the Minnesota Twins known simply as Pavanostache, it appears that after witnessing last night’s subpar pitching performance of the mutant wunderkind against the Blue Jays up in Toronto (6 1/3 innings, 8 hits, 6 earned runs), one can only assume that being in a foreign land makes Pavanostache very uncomfortable. What other reason could it be? We are talking about Pavanostache, and now that it has experienced the emotions of frustration and anger, should not only be respected for its awesome power, but should be feared for how it will react to such negative emotional stimuli.
Tread softly around Pavanostche, friends, as there is no telling what kind of havoc it is capable of unleashing on an unsuspecting population. Especially those damn Canadians. I can only hope the beast did not witness the journalistic atrocity perpetuated by the Associated Press in recapping the Twins’ 7-6 comeback victory over the Blue Jays, as evidenced by the following headline discovered at the Boston Herald, among other places:
Screw the Miracle On Ice. Kirk Gibson’s dramatic home run in Game 1 of the 1988 World Series? Bah. Michael Jordan’s “The Shot” during Game 6 of the 1988 NBA Finals? Puh-leeze. There have been many dramatic, awe-inspiring moments – too many to count, really – but if you were to ask ESPN’s Adam Schefter, few sporting events will ever again captivate our collective imagination and sense of wonder and the belief that anything is possible than when LeBron James declares which team he intends to sign with when he makes his formal announcement on Thursday evening. That, my friends, is what sports memories are made of.
And would you look at that? It just so happens that said announcement by James will be made during a live special right there on the network that employs one Mr. Adam Schefter! What a kwinky-dink!
Come on, Schefter. Are you kidding me? Is it possible for you to be any more transparent regarding your motivations in tweeting this gigantic load of bullcrap? Total weaksauce, man. Who put you up to this? Norby? Yeah, I bet it was Norby.
Assuming that ordering various personalities to shill ESPN’s prime-time LeBron James Special came from someone up high at tWWL, here are some other potential tweets from various ESPN personalities regarding upcoming moments that just so happen to involve ESPN:
@Mike_Golic: Rip on it all you want, 2011′s ESPN The Weekend was one of those non-sports, but sports moments that will go down in infamy!
@Mel_Kiper_Jr: Debuting my brand new crew cut at the 2011 NFL Draft is sure to be one of the highlights in the history of mankind!
@Stu_Scott: Tonight on Monday Night Countdown, yours truly will take on that Juggs Machine again! It will be “must-see” TV! Holla!
@Hannah_Storm: Read my lips, @TonyK, I’m not wearing any underwear and I got a Brazilian – today, on a history-making edition of SportsCenter!
@Adam_Schefter (via @JimmyTraina)
Yeah, I thought so.
Typically, the Philadelphia Eagles assemble one of the more attractive group of NFL cheerleaders every season and this year’s current crop of Eagles cheerleaders certainly does not disappoint. Another thing that never lets us down is their annual calendar (here’s last year’s), which is sure to make flipping to the calendar to the next month the highlight of every 1st.
Of course, this is but a taste of what is in store for admirers of the Julian calendar, so be sure to head on over to Philly.com to see even more photos of the lovely Eagles cheerleaders Also, it would be wise of you to mark down a reminder on the unsexy calendar you are probably currently using for tomorrow, July 8th, when the entire calendar is officially released during a gala at the Prince Music Theater in Philly.
Sneak Peek at Cheerleaders Calendar [Philly.com]
Hey, Fancy-Pants Surgeon Person: you’re doing it wrong! I’m no doctor, although I played one on TV – as a wee lad, I performed a one-man show portraying Marcus Welby, M.D. while standing on top of my parents’ ginormous RCA television console (Get it? On TV? Ha!) – but I’m pretty sure when a surgeon is performing an appendectomy they should be nowhere near a person’s shin.
Ohhhh, so what you’re telling me is the person’s name who was operated on is Shin, not that somebody’s shin is on the mend? I get it. Weird name, Shin. But not as weird as the name of my morbidly obese third-grade art teacher, Miss Cankle.
Shin Is on the Mend After Appendectomy [On Par]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump and it’s alive in the Superunknown, first it steals your mind and then it steals your soul or some such nonsense. Send tips, links and overreaching lyrical references to Soundgarden to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Hey three-foot long python, let go of that janitor’s sideburns! A custodian in Newton, Massachusetts was cleaning out lockers in an area high school when a python fell out of one. At first, he thought it was fake, until it coiled into attack mode. Yet another reason not to pursue a career in the custodial arts. [Yahoo!/AP]
• Jumpin’ Jesus on a pogo stick! LeBron James finally joined Twitter! [Out of Bounds]
• The Rangers fan who fell from the upper deck has a broken ankle and fractured skull. Could have been worse, I guess. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Video: 2 girls, 1 World Cup mudslide. Enough said. [Busted Coverage]
• Sad news: gorgeous gal Cheryl Cole is in intensive care after being bitten by a mosquito on a goodwill trip to Africa. [Bob's Blitz]
• YBB’s 5th edition of their great feature, “The Sports Snob.” [You Been Blinded]
• Marmalard pays his final respects to Air Coryell. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• So, Dmitri Young had a pseudo-prescription for that bag of weed he was busted with. [Walkoff Walk]
• Jose Canseco continues to rock Twitter’s world. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• The top 10 signs you are beginning to prepare for fantasy football way too early. [Five Tool Tool]
• Holy massive back tattoo, Eric Hinske. [Zoner Sports]
• Speaking of tattoos, somehow, Chris Andersen managed to get even more of them. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Catching up with the Catching Molina Brothers. [More Hardball]
• The Strasburg Hype Machine has gone out of control, reminding Cecilio’s Scribe of other overhyped athletes from the past. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Life In The Navy Rocks Even Harder Than The Commercial Implied
