Sportress of Blogitude

Fear The Pork Chop: Yankees OF Brett Gardner Hospitalized With…Acid Reflux???

The heck? I’m not sure how this semi-amusing story (for us, not Gardner) managed to slip through the cracks over the weekend, but apparently Yankees left fielder Brett Gardner was hospitalized Saturday morning with a wicked flare-up of his acid reflux, which he believes was caused by a pork chop he ate as part of his pregame meal on Friday. According to a story in the Star Ledger, Gardner felt ill afterward and assumed that the pork chop got “lodged in his digestive system” and he was hoping the delectable¬† hunk of pig meat “would pass through,” but to no avail. He awoke Saturday morning still painfully bemoaning his choice in dining options.

As a frequent sufferer of heartburn (Rolaids? They’re like candy to me),¬† I can certainly sympathize with the outfielder’s plight. Gardner has dealt with his acid reflux condition since he was a teenager and all interested parties believe he’ll be just fine:

“He’ll be fine,” said manager Joe Girardi before the game. “It’s something he has dealt with since he was 15 years old. For whatever reason, it (his food) didn’t go down like it usually does.” …

So, there you have it. Gardner didn’t play on Saturday because he had a real bad tummy ache. But I am happy to report that Gardner was back in the lineup for Sunday’s game against the Royals, where he went 1-4 with an RBI in New York’s 12-6 victory.

That’s all well and good, but the next time Gardner feels icky, I hope he doesn’t use it to disparage the wonderful qualities and taste of a pork product. I will not stand idly by and allow this fine food – in any of its delicious forms – be callously disparaged.

I’m keeping my eye on you, Gardner. You better watch it. Next time, Gardner may elect to have something more easy on his system, or if he elects to go with something as scrumptious as a pork chop, perhaps he should heed Jamie Lee Curtis’ advice and eat some Activia beforehand. It works for her. You should see Jamie Lee Curtis pinch a loaf sometime. Epic crapper, that woman. Her defecation output is stinkingly astounding.

Poop.

Gardner hospitalized with acid reflux condition [Star-Ledger]