I know what a lot of you Giants fans are thinking: “Why couldn’t it have been the severed arm of a former major league manager of the San Francisco Giants, like say, Felipe Alou, not a manager for some area minor league team?” Not only would that have done a tremendous disservice to the great adequate performance of the team during Alou’s tenure, but it would have also caused this story to change from a tale of drunken shenanigans to one dealing with a disgusting and horrific act of human dismemberment. And that would make you people real sickos with a twisted desire for bloodlust. Yeesh.
You see, when Darlene Sularski, a cocktail waitress and hostess at Lefty O’Doul’s Restaurant and Tavern in San Francisco, discovered a msyterious package among the bar’s daily mail, she was a bit perturbed. Things grew worse upon opening up the box, when she recoiled in horror after seeing what appeared to be a human arm inside of it.
Thankfully for everyone involved, it was simply the left arm off a mannequin that sits out front of the tavern which is an homage to the bar’s namesake, Lefty O’Doul, a native son of San Francisco who went on to have a successful career in the major leagues and later became a much-beloved minor league manager for the Giants organization. O’Doul managed the Pacific Coast League’s San Francisco Seals from 1937-1951. The left arm which was mailed to the bar had been ripped off the mannequin three years earlier by a couple of inebriated patrons who then took the arm on quite the joyride around the Midwest.
While the mannequin – which was moved to a safer location in the bar after it was desecrated – was suffering from phantom limb syndrome, it’s left arm went on an exotic journey. Well, as exotic a journey as a mannequin’s arm can experience spending three years around Iowa. Guilt must have gotten the better of the thieves, as they returned it back to where the rest of its body was along with a letter.
Via the San Francisco Chronicle:
The letter was from “Lefty’s Left Arm” and opened “Dear Bar Patrons of Lefty O’Doul’s.” It recalled the plane flight to Des Moines in an overhead bin and its “reservations about the weather.”
The arm then listed some of its adventures, including participating in a 12,000-cyclist bike race across Iowa, sledding and touring the state Capitol. Somewhere along the line, it put on a yellow bracelet from Livestrong, cycling champion Lance Armstrong’s cancer foundation.
To judge from the photos, though, the arm was usually involved in harassing the friends of its captors, who used it to grope anyone within arm’s reach.
The letter included a handwritten note: “We felt it was time for Lefty to return home. He will be missed but long remembered! Lefty’s friends.”
Some of the photos sent along with the severed arm and letter:
Well, it’s nice to know that the mannequin arm is back safe and sound at O’Doul’s and hopefully reattached to its body. It’s even nicer to know that the severed arm in the story was not Felipe Alou’s. But if it had been Dusty Baker’s? Well, that’s another story altogether, right Giants fans?
Lefty O’Doul’s thieves do the right thing [San Francisco Chronicle]