Archive for June, 2010
Holy crap, Bobby Hull, too? It’s a goddamn epidemic, people. If a camera gets shoved in the face of a former Blackhawks player, odds are they will be tearing up. Now, as I mentioned in the post directly preceding this one regarding Roenick’s on-air waterworks, I’m all for it, but if footage surfaces of legendary badass Al Secord crying, we might have to call in the National Guard to Chicago to restore some semblance of order. On the other hand, if Bob Probert is seen crying, it might be that he too has been overcome with emotion, but the more likely reason is because he ran out of coke.
Stanley Cup celebrations around Chicago [Chicago Breaking Sports]
Jeremy Roenick Got All Verklempt Last Night
Posted by:Talk amongst yourselves, the neutral zone trap is neither neutral, a zone, nor a trap. Discuss.
I guess it’s true: boys do cry. That Robert Smith’s full of shit, man. And Mike Milbury, you’re kind of a dick.
But seriously folks, how about that? Roenick’s emotions got the best of him last night as he watched the Chicago Blackhawks, the team he played his first eight years in the NHL for, celebrate winning the Stanley Cup, something he was never able to do despite a brilliant career. While a lot of people are giving him crap for tearing up, I would like to commend Roenick for being honest and open about the emotions that flooded over him in the heat of the moment. Good for him. Now I feel a little bit better about myself for crying every time I watch The Notebook, which, in terms of emotional experiences , is pretty much on par with hoisting Lord Stanley’s Cup, right? Right?
COME ON! HE STAYED WITH HER THROUGH ALZHEIMER’S, DAMMIT!!
(sobs)
[H/T Larry Brown Sports]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s Wolf Prize in Agriculture-winning morning link dump, mainly due to this here site’s ability to create something amazing out of horse manure. Or something like that. Send tips, links and fertilizer suggestions to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Jeez, with the sub-par pay, long hours and having to deal with kids all day, one would think it would be okay for a teacher to blow off some steam by getting it on with a dummy at a private party. And if the dummy happens to be me, so much the better. But in this case, I am referring to a mannequin. In 2007, Anna Land was relieved of her duties as a middle school teacher in Michigan after photos surfaced of her having simulated sex with a mannequin at a bachelorette party. There’s more to the story, of course, but mainly I am linking to this story so I could upload this video:
You’re welcome. [azcentral]
• Instead of just a link to one post, for all things Stanley Cup-related, just clicking over to the best in the business, Puck Daddy, throughout the day. Oh, and congratulations, Blackhawks. Back in the day when they were the North Stars biggest rival, I hated that team. Now, not so much. [Puck Daddy]
• Three journalists robbed at gunpoint at a South African hotel. World Cup fever, baby! [Out of Bounds]
• Esteemed golf blogger Ryan Ballengee conducts a video interview with a Sportress favorite, Beatriz Recari (sighs, draws hearts on my notebook) [Waggle Room]
• Boston fan calls out Boston-centric blog Barstool Sports for being assholes. Well done, Samer. [Second-String Fullback]
• ESPN conducted some crazy photoshoppery with Doc Gooden’s head. [Bob's Blitz]
• Well, I suppose it is high time to start discussing Ben Roethlisberger again. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Red letter day for men who love ginormous asses: Serena Williams is apparently back on the market. [You Been Blinded]
• Nationals draft pick Bryce Harper is the Ultimate Warrior? [TAUNTR]
• Allen Iverson took his sister to prom. No word on any awkward moments during slow dances. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Fantastic pseudo-comic strip re-creation of a Celtics press conference. [Basketbawful]
• Building a World Cup squad out of NFL players. [Shutdown Corner]
• Mercy: photo gallery of 60 hot World Cup fans. [Total Pro Sports]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: [video] In Focus: Study: Children Exposed To Pornography May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable
Sure, she has been working for tWWL since February of this year – although I seem to remember her doing features during College Gameday last fall, and some of the photos I came across appear to confirm this – but there is no need to quibble that now – so a press release was in order. My only question is, um, why in the hell did it take them so damn long?
A portion of the press release via ESPN Media Zone:
Jenn Brown joined ESPN in February 2010 as a reporter for College GameDay, co-host of ESPNU’s Road Trip, and a Los Angeles-based bureau reporter.
In those roles, Brown serves as feature reporter for both football and basketball College GameDay programs, hosts ESPNU’s Road Trip which covers the biggest college football and basketball rivalry games, and contributes reports and interviews for ESPN’s news-gathering operation. She had previously served as a freelance correspondent for ESPN since 2006.
Prior to joining ESPN fulltime, Brown was a Showtime Sports correspondent for its Emmy Award-winning Inside the NFL, as well as its boxing & mixed martial arts programming (2008-2010). She was co-host of The Super Stars on ABC (2009) and hosted E! Entertainment’s E! News Now (2008).
So, welcome into the fold, Jenn. You’ll fit right in there. Hopefully, you do not like walking around your hotel room in the nude, though.
Still, I am left wondering why it took all this time? Maybe the folks over at ESPN personnel were already beginning to worry about other pressing issues. Or maybe they were simply trying to throw Berman off her scent. In the end, I suppose it could have been a multitude of things when you think about it.
Jenn Brown [ESPN Media Zone]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Golden Tate’s story about trespassing in a donut shop is full of holes (+1 Shakey). [With Leather]
• 3,000 tickets were sold in two hours for the Australian Open. Hmmm…I wonder why (hint: it rhymes with “liger”). [Out of Bounds]
• Uh-oh – another NSFWednesday. Today, “Two Teams, One Cup.” Actually, it’s awesome, as usual. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Bye-bye, ESPN Media Zones. They must have needed the money for Brooke Hundley’s settlement. [Larry Brown Sports]
• In light of the World Cup, the UK’s Food Standards Agency would like to remind pregnant women to not drink alcohol – okay, just a little bit, but not a lot. [Bob's Blitz]
• Derek Fisher cried while watching Sex and the City 2? What the? [TAUNTR]
• That’s it, Butter Chicken is a goddamn genius. [Food Court Lunch]
• The U.S. World Cup team got a surprise visit from a guest motivational speaker. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Ladies and gentlemen, the Mark Scutaro Song. [Ted Williams Head]
• Ozzie Guillen is as mad as hell and he’s probably just going to sit there and take it this time. [Walkoff Walk]
• NBA Finals Game 3 LOLCATZ. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Like the rest of us, Charles Barkley is confused as hell about MJ’s mustache. [Ball Don't Lie]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Work Friend Accidentally Becomes Real Friend
Send tips, links and dirty limericks to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Zing! Oh my, am I just a terrible, terrible person or what? And it’s not like I’m some kind of Adrian Adonis or anything, either.
Moving on, everybody’s favorite frumpy production assistant/secret-lover-of-failed-major-league-baseball-GM-turned-self-debating-baseball-analyst a/k/a Steve Phillips (there I go again) has filed a lawsuit against ESPN for wrongful termination and defamation (complaint can be found here in PDF form). From PRNewsChannel (via Game On!):
According to the suit, ESPN returned Hundley to work, “…so long as she and Mr. Phillips avoided contact with each other, outside of what was reasonably required to do their respective jobs.” Hundley says human resources told her that the incident would not affect her employment and even assigned her an additional duty of covering NASCAR for the network.
About a month later, the ‘New York Post’ wrote an article based on statements Phillips had given to Wilton, Ct. police. Phillips reported in a sworn statement to the police that he had been attempting to end the relationship and that Hundley was pursuing him. Hundley’s version of the events is different. In the article, the ‘Post,’ because of Phillips’ sworn statement, characterized Hundley as a “dumped mistress” who had a “`Fatal Attraction’ freakout.”
The lawsuit claims that when ESPN questioned Hundley about Phillips’ statements, including that he was attempting to end the relationship, she flatly denied them. “Plaintiff responded that it was not true and showed ESPN text messages on her phone that proved that Phillips continued to pursue Plaintiff,” the lawsuit reads.
Hundley claims she was put on paid administrative leave, and within days, she was fired for “misconduct, including but not limited to failing to fully participate in the investigation.” Hundley claims ESPN closed its investigation more than a month earlier, satisfied with the settlement between Phillips and Hundley, and never sought to re-interview her. She claims that ESPN defamed her by falsely alleging that she failed to participate in an investigation which was already closed.
Yeesh. Yet another black eye for tWWL. Thankfully, Phillips will not have to deal with the humiliation of still being employed by ESPN during the litigation process as he has moved on and sufficiently embarrassing himself in his own right over on FanHouse. Zing again.
Speaking of yeesh, while searching for the above image of the two former lovebirds together during happier times, I came across the below photos of Miss Hundley, which clearly indicate her involvement in some ill-conceived mail order slump buster pornography ring.
Yeesh, indeed.
Brooke Hundley files a lawsuit against ESPN [Game On!]
Former ESPN Production Assistant Involved in Sex Scandal Files Lawsuit against Sports Network [PRNewsChannel]
Submitted for your approval, one Rich Young, a resident of the sleepy village of Carol Stream, Illinois. A peaceful, gentle man by all accounts, but Mr. Young was harboring a terrible, dark secret from his unwitting neighbors: a powerful and possibly dangerous combination of a die-hard dedication to the Chicago Blackhawks, an enthusiasm for trains and an insatiable need to blast ear-bleeding horns.
So, Mr. Young combined those three passions in a manner so he could indulge his uncontrollable urges: he jimmy-rigged a horn from a diesel-powered locomotive and connected it to an air compressor and lo and behold, it sounds exactly like the horn that is blasted inside the United Center during ‘Hawks games whenever the home team scores a goal. Genius!
But what about his neighbors? Clearly, they must find his display of super-fanaticism incredibly irritating, right? Not so fast. Via the Daily Herald:
“I’d hope if any of the neighbors had a problem with it they’d come see me before calling the police,” Young said.
In fact, it appears the neighbors seem to be enjoying it as much as Young and his family.
Young blasts the horn three times after each goal and three more times after a win. During Game 1 when the Blackhawks scored six times and won the game, the neighbors quickly caught on to what was happening. By the end of the night, half the neighborhood was watching the end of the game at the Young’s house, he said.
Now that’s an inspiration example of committing to the Indian. Sounds awesome. To be honest, I was just joking about Young being an annoying neighbor. In fact, I’d love to have this guy living in my neighborhood – he loves his team and wants everyone living within 10 miles of his house to know it. And hey, it can’t be worse than the folks on my block, with their staunch opposition to my nude sunbathing. Friggin’ prudes, the lot of ‘em, I tell ya.
Suburban man installs Hawks goal horn in yard [Chicago Breaking Sports]
Is a train coming or did the Blackhawks just score? [Daily Herald]
There appears to have been a lot of activity on the Chrissy Pronger front since we last visited the nightmare fuel photoshop hilarity yesterday. Let’s take a look at some of the highlights:
- Let’s start off with the victim herself: try as they might, the media jackals couldn’t get Pronger to bite as he steadfastly refused to address the epic burn, tersely saying on Tuesday: “I don’t read what you guys write, good or bad. I really couldn’t care, to be honest with you. I’m worried about playing the game.”
- Next up, the poster has been deemed sexist (no! not that!) by at least one female hockey player, three-time gold medalist for the U.S. women’s Olympic hockey team, Angela Ruggiero, who told the AP:
“I’d like to see that editor out on skates. I’ll take them one-on-one on the ice any day. They obviously have never seen women’s hockey and are living in the dark ages.
“Some people are still ignorant. Our sport doesn’t get a lot of exposure, so you have to see us play in the world championships or the Olympics to see what the highest caliber of women’s hockey is.
“Obviously, it’s offensive. It’s disappointing more than anything. I grew up playing with boys, trained with NHL players. I would go head-to-head with Pronger any day I could.”
By “head-to-head” does she mean “penis-to-penis”? Now, before one of you yahoos gets all uppity and accuses me of insinuating that all extremely-talented female athletes must have male genitalia, cool your jets – that’s clearly an ignorant statement and even more sexist than the ridiculous (yet amusing) act of depicting Pronger in a skirt. Of course, what I am referring to is that male-on-male genital touching would be an impossibility between the two even if she was a hermaphrodite (which she isn’t). Why? Because we all know Pronger doesn’t have a penis.
Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week!
- Finally, the Chrissy Pronger Headline of the Day belongs to the Toronto Sun, for this little witticism: Pronger poster taking things tutu far?
Try the veal.
Pronger shrugs off mocking Chicago poster, women players don’t [CBS Sports]
Pronger poster taking things tutu far? [Toronto Sun]
(previously at the Sportress: Holy Nightmare Fueled Photoshop Of ‘Chrissy’ Pronger, Batman!)
Great news for lovers of both the British monarchy and lawn tennis, bad news for former baseball players/hypnotized assassins: for the first time in 33 years, Queen Elizabeth II will take in a little bit of championship tennis when she visits the All-England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club to take in some grand slam tennis matches at Wimbledon on June 24th. Via SI/AP:
In a statement on the Wimbledon website, All England Club chairman Tim Phillips said “we are delighted and honored that the queen has indicated that she will be attending the championships this year and we very much look forward to welcoming Her Majesty back to Wimbledon.”
The queen will presumably be hoping to watch Andy Murray, who is under immense pressure to become the first British men’s Wimbledon champion since Fred Perry in 1936.
Where’s Frank Drebin when you need him? Crap, even Nordberg would do in a pinch at this point.
Queen Elizabeth planning to attend Wimbledon [SI/AP]
By now, you have undoubtedly heard about the ESPN analyst flame war Packers’ quarterback Aaron Rodgers ignited during an interview with ESPN Milwaukee the other day when he egregiously hammered on the sub-par quality of the football analysis emanating out of Bristol. Rodgers saved his most spiteful comments for Pardon the Interruption co-host and former Monday Night Football color guy Tony Kornheiser, who Rodgers referred to as “terrible” and inferred that the longtime columnist for The Washington Post doesn’t know “anything about sports” (more here).
Not surprisingly, Kornheiser took the mean-spirited shots with his usual class and self-deprecating sense of humor. Commenting to an inquiry by The Big Lead, Kornheiser addressed Rodgers’ comments thusly:
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s Harold W. McGraw Prize in Education-winning morning link dump. You know, for kids! Send tips, links and whatnot to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. That’ll learn ya.
• Advanced Medical Technologies, a metal building business in Washington, is offering a $1,000 reward for the safe return of the company’s beloved doormat. The company assumes the heinous crime may just be a prelude to this maniacal thief’s ultimate goal of breaking into the business. Alright. [AP]
• The former little league teammates of pitching phenom of Stephen Strasburg paint him as a chubby, whiny little bitch. [Out of Bounds]
• Speaking of Strasburg, here are 10 observations from his phenomenal major league debut. [Mr. Irrelevant]
• MLB.com’s Stephen Strasburg headline fail. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• The top 10 takeaways from Stephen Strasburg’s debut. [Five Tool Tool]
• Here are some words of advice for Stephen Strasburg from players who have been down the same road before. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Finally, an insightful analysis of…what’s his name’s first major league start. [Big League Stew]
• No link here, but just wanted to point out that I will likely not mention Stephen Strasburg again on the Sportress today. Whee!
• Holy crap! There was an NBA Finals game on last night? Huh. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Players on the Baltimore Ravens better stop snitchin’ if they know what’s good for them. [With Leather]
• Woody Harrelson kicks game-winning penalty kick in some celebrity soccer game, proceeds to thumb his nose at Gary’s Old Towne Tavern. [Outside the Boxscore]
• Here’s your NCAA Softball Tournament update that’s kind of sort of not really but yeah about the NCAA Softball Tournament. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Marion Barber is one tough sumbitch. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• Weightlifter attempts to squat a ridiculous amount of weight, promptly pukes. [The Last Angry Fan]
• The 7 worst athlete songs of all-time. [Sports Pickle]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Archaeologists: Egyptian Pyramids Actually Early Attempt At Camping
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• The police are reportedly intending to investigate Philadelphia’s most famous underage, beer-swilling baseball fan. Buzzkills. [Out of Bounds]
• Kinky: MLB.com message boards are getting pumped full of porn spam links. Get it? Pumped? Forget it. [With Leather]
• Video of the handball riot to end all handball riots. Why yes, I believe there may have been another one at some point. [Deuce of Davenport]
• Hockey coach allegedly kicks the crap out of kid on opposing team. Nice. [Busted Coverage]
• Brilliant: Fixing the NBA Finals for Dummies. [TAUNTR]
• This is going to be the tits: Rick’s Cabaret in NYC will be “broad”casting World Cup games. Get it, “broad”casting? Forget it, that’s my last brilliant joke in this link dump. [Bob's Blitz]
• Pete Rose corked his bat? That I cannot believe. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Kick-ass spray paint job of a car in support of the Philadelphia Flyers. Gotta support the team, I guess. [The700Level]
• Tony Romo withdrew from U.S. Open qualifying to focus squarely on blowing it for the Cowboys this season. [Waggle Room]
• There are few better ways to irritate a Packers fan than this. [Mouthpiece Blog]
• Even Google is pumped up for the World Cup. [The Sporting Blog]
• 2010 NBA Finals LOLCATZ. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Jimmy Fallon showed Ian Poultier a thing or two about playing Tiger Woods 11. [Devil Ball Golf]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: It’s Feet Like This That Remind Me Why I Got Into Geriatric Podiatry By Dr. Michael Stone
Send tips, links and whatever the hell else you feel like sending to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Sweet merciful crap, what in the hell does the Chicago Tribune think it is doing with this pullout in its paper featuring this epic photoshop of Chris Pronger wearing a frilly skirt? Not only is it a low blow, it’s simply horrifying.
Seriously, I haven’t been this frightened by an image of a Chrissy since Suzanne Somers had all that plastic surgery done. Ugh.
[H/T The700Level]
Hey, it can’t be pandering if you don’t know the meaning of the word, right? No, seriously, what does pandering mean? Someone just walked by my desk and told me that’s what this is, but the chick who said it is kind of an uptight, prudish broad anyway, so who cares what she thinks.
Anyhoo, big news regarding a ginormous media conglomerate’s coverage of the ginormous-est soccer tournament on the planet: David Beckham has signed on with Yahoo! Sports to provide coverage of the World Cup for the site. Of course, Beckham’s Achilles tendon injury prevents him for competing for England in the tournament, so what the hell. A few relevant quotes, courtesy of the AFP report:
“Yahoo! will allow me to interact one on one with as many football fans as possible talking about the game I love,” Beckham said in a statement.
“David’s experience in three consecutive World Cup championships combined with his club experience in both Europe and the US gives him a unique perspective on football and the World Cup,” said Yahoo! chief marketing officer Elisa Steele.
Beckham’s presence can be found on the Yahoo!”s brand-spanking-new “David Beckham channel.” And speaking of spanking, I have graciously provided a few more photos of Beckham’s lovely robot wife Victoria for your ogling pleasure below.
And if that’s not enough, I have saved my favorite one for after the jump:
