Archive for June, 2010
What started off as a brazen, sultry publicity stunt for the Dutch beer company Bavaria has quickly turned into quite the controversy over in South Africa, resulting in 36 lovely ladies posing as crazed Dutch fans wearing the traditional orange typically worn by Netherlands fans – only much skimpier – getting ousted from the stadium during the match with Denmark and has left one soccer pundit for British network ITV without a job.
Well known soccer analyst Robbie Earle has been unceremoniously relieved of his duties by ITV after it was learned that the models gained access to the stadium via tickets Earle provided for friends and family which were subsequently passed on to a third party for “unauthorised purposes.” The issue at hand is Budweiser is the official beer sponsor of the World Cup and no other beer company is allowed to promote itself within World Cup stadiums.
From a report in the New York Post:
The group of young Dutch women was detained for several hours for wearing the outfits which, according to local newspaper The Star, were sold with Bavaria Beer packs in the Netherlands during the run up to the World Cup.
“We were sitting near the front, making a lot of noise, and the cameras kept focusing on us,” Barbara Kastein told the newspaper.
“In the second half, about 40 stewards surrounded us and forced us to leave the stadium,” she said.
They were taken to a FIFA office where police quizzed them about the dresses and asked if they worked for Bavaria. More than three hours later they were released, and police said they would continue investigating, the newspaper reported.
FIFA said the women were, “used by a large Dutch brewery as an instrument for an ambush marketing campaign,” although the dresses were not branded.
Quite the ruse, wouldn’t you agree? Too bad it didn’t work out as well as planned. Now some poor bloke is out of a job and World Cup attendees are still forced to drink crappy Budweiser. Damn those sneaky Dutch bastards, with their sexy models and tasty beer.
The orange ambush: How 36 stunning models posing as Holland fans gatecrashed the World Cup for a beer ad [The Daily Mail]
UK broadcaster fires pundit after Dutch beer babes held at World Cup [New York Post]
Between the incessant droning of complaints regarding the vuvuzelas and the sounds emitted from the horns themselves, the blasted instrument has quickly become the prevailing story of the World Cup. And what better illustration of the frustration and annoyance regarding the horn than a man blowing one in front of Edvard Munch’s classic painting, “The Scream”? Look no further than Munch’s explanation behind what inspired him to paint the piece to provide a tidy little summary of the vuvuzela’s role in the World Cup:
I was walking along a path with two friends — the sun was setting — suddenly the sky turned blood red — I paused, feeling exhausted, and leaned on the fence — there was blood and tongues of fire above the blue-black fjord and the city — my friends walked on, and I stood there trembling with anxiety — and I sensed an infinite scream passing through nature.
Infinite scream indeed.
The Telegraph has collected the best images regarding the vuvuzela in a nifty little gallery, including this flatulent one depicting a man on a motorcycle eating baked beans with a giant vuvuzela sticking out of his bare ass. Nightmare fuel? Probably. Accurate representation of most people’s feelings? Definitely.
World Cup 2010: vuvuzela humour – the best of the web [The Telegraph]
What a pansy candy-ass, amirite? He’s no Eduardo Corrochio, that’s for sure. I guess Christian Hernandez isn’t man enough to take the bull by the horns, or as gored matador Julio Aparicio would probably alter the old saying, “take the horn from the bull through the throat and out your friggin’ mouth.” What a coward. All I know is if I ended up in a bullfighting ring with an angry bull, I would at the very least display a modicum of courage by taking the time to poop my pants before running out of the ring in complete terror.
At least Hernandez is honest about the prospects of continuing his bullfighting career. In a statement once they probably found him cowering in a corner weeping, Hernandez opined (via Yahoo!/AP):
“There are some things you must be aware of about yourself,” the 22-year-old Mexican matador said in a television interview. “I didn’t have the ability, I didn’t have the balls, this is not my thing.”
To add insult to (the cowardly avoidance of) injury, local media reported that Hernandez was arrested by Mexico City authorities on Monday, apparently for breach of contract. He was subsequently released after paying a fine.
No word yet on whether the bull will seek punitive or compensatory damages.
Cowardly bullfighter: Mexican matador flees bull [Yahoo!/AP]
Well, this is rather gruesome [Out of Bounds]
[H/T for video to Bob's Blitz]
Wake N” Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s American Academy of Arts and Letters Gold Medals-winning morning link dump. Why couldn’t you have made me an architect? You know I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect. Send tips, links and CAD drawings to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Two bots enter, one bot leaves. Robots are set to engage in a bouts of taekwondo in South Korea. Staged by Knowledge Economy Ministry and Gyeonggi province in October, the robots, in “bouts guaranteed to be bloodless” (you think?), “the robots will detect their opponents’ movements with sensors and respond according to the data” and will battle “under the same rules as human contestants — three rounds each of three minutes, with three judges.” Here’s a peek at what the robots look like:
Far out, man. The future is now. [Yahoo!/AFP]
• The end is nigh: the vuvuzela now has its own Twitter account. [Out of Bounds]
• Nobody better lay a finger on Robert Green’s Butterfingers. [TAUNTR]
• An earthquake in San Diego interrupted the Padres-Blue Jays game last night. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Throughout the week, the lovely and talented Stephanie Wei will be on hand at Pebble Beach to keep us apprised of all that is going on at the 2010 U.S. Open. [Wei Under Par]
• An angry World Cup fan accidentally injured his father. [Rumors & Rants]
• If you’re interested, you can purchase Mickey Mantle’s sheriff badge for $10K. [FirstCuts]
• YBB brings you the second edition of their new feature, “The Sports Snob.” [You Been Blinded]
• If you haven’t seen Wally Backman’s epic meltdown on an ump during a minor league game, you are definitely missing out. [Deuce of Davenport]
• The top 10 reasons FIFA is allowing the sonic overload of vuvuzelas to continue at the World Cup. [Five Tool Tool]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Candidate May Have Lied About Heroic Death In Vietnam
Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay
As a regular reader of the Sportress (as I know each and every one of you are – or you should be – no, it’s not a threat), you are no doubt already aware of how much I enjoy stuff from The Onion and have likely become accustomed to me featuring two Headlines of the Day from The Onion in my link dumps.
Today, given the timeliness and inherent hilarity of the above video, I chose to embed some video from The Onion. Why? For one, as I just mentioned, it’s hilarious – pay attention, people. And two, I’m lazy and ready to wrap the day off.
But in the end, we all win.
Heh. In the end. That’s what soccer said.
[H/T The Onion]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• Rumor has it that Tiger Woods might have a love child out there. That’s odd. One would think that Tiger, given how careful he was regarding sexual partners, would have made sure they were on the pill. [Out of Bounds]
• Charles Barkley would like be your NBA team’s next general manager. You know, it wouldn’t be that turrible. [With Leather]
• Dutch soccer fans like to cheer, are attractive. [Bob's Blitz]
• The seven most annoying props used at sporting events. [Guyism]
• Peter King writes about soccer, Big Daddy Drew hammers him on it. The universe remains in balance and complete harmony. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• If he was asked, I bet Ryan Leaf would say he was pretty impressed with Vince Young being such a quick learner. [TAUNTR]
• The 1-1 tie makes it clear: it’s time for the American Revolution, Part Deux. [Food Court Lunch]
• Where are the best wiffle ball fields in the nation? [Big League Stew]
• Here’s your cliche guide for the 2010 U.S. Open. [Waggle Room]
• Video of Chris Cooley eating condiments. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• A Lego reenactment of the England-U.S. World Cup match. [The Sporting Blog]
• Chronicling the evolution of music’s role in the NHL. [Puck Daddy]
• Drunken Hookup Failure: NHL edition. [Melt Your Face Off]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: ‘Minotaurs The New Vampires’ Says Publishing Executive Desperate To Find New Vampires
After an incredibly frustrating day on the pitch Saturday as his team played to a 1-1 draw with the U.S., Wayne Rooney, along with a couple of his mates from England’s World Cup squad, elected to blow off some steam by playing a round of golf. And what better way to get some relief on the course than to relieve oneself on some boulders?
Below is the amusing caption which accompanied the above photo on AS.com (as translated by Google Translate and via Dirty Tackle):
ROONEY incontinence. Some England players were relaxed by playing golf the day after a draw against the United States. During his match, Rooney had a grip and did not hesitate to address his needs on one of the holes of the golf course.
As Brooks Peck on Dirty Tackle astutely points out, what man hasn’t communed with nature and taken a whiz out on the course? Ultimately, it’s really not that big of deal. But those socks? Hoo boy.
Rooney relieving himself on golf course is news in Spain [Dirty Tackle]
If there is one thing we have learned about Roger Goodell during his tenure as Commissioner of the NFL, it’s late he’s a big softy when it comes to players embarrassing themselves, their teams and the League, so my guess is that since Vince Young has apologized and asked for leniency from Roger Goodell, this will probably be the last time we ever hear about this incident. Goodell will quash all rumors of a suspension, say a bunch of nice things about Young and then probably go out for some shirtless swilling of spirits.
Yeah, right. The only way the above scenario would ever play out if is Bizarro Goodell somehow manages to escape Bizarro NFL World and replaces the real Herr Goodell without anyone knowing – not bloody likely. Anyway, here is Young’s heartfelt apology for getting into a fight at a Dallas strip club (via The Huddle):
“I just made a mistake, I made a mistake even being there and I let that guy provoke me into doing what I did. I pray to God that Roger Goodell doesn’t come down hard on me, because I definitely want to be here for my teammates.”
Best of luck to you with all that, Vince Young. I’m not saying that it is an impossibility that Goodell could exhibit some modicum of benevolence towards Young due to his admission that he made a “mistake,” but the odds are better that Goodell and Roethlisberger go college bar-hopping together and play each other in a rousing game of “Coed Grab Ass.” Although at the same time, I have heard that Goodell was King Grab-Asser of Washington & Jefferson College back in the day. Heck, when a guy at his alma mater scores in a public restroom, they refer to it as a “Jolly Roger.” So I’ve heard.
Titans QB Vince Young apologizes for incident, asks Roger Goodell for leniency [The Huddle]
And by “Honk My Vuvuzela” I of course mean…well, you know what I mean. Suffice it to say, I really need a nap now.
As regular readers of the Sportress can surely attest, I use the phrase “Sweet sassy molassey” from the classic SNL skit where Ray Romano’s portrays a new SportsCenter anchor Chet Harper a little too often, but do you know what? I really don’t care, so here goes:
Like a donkey eating a waffle! Sweet Sassy Molassey! Get out the checkbook and pay grandma for the rubdown!
Now that I’ve got that out of my system – among other things – let’s move on. As you probably already know, Katy Perry is an all-American gal (and more than that, a California Gurl – man, has that song firmly implanted itself in my brain – not that I’m complaining), but she also has to weigh a conflict of interest of sorts given that her fiancé is none other than British comedian Russell Brand. So, the lovely Miss Perry did her best to straddle the conflict regarding the U.S.-England match on Saturday by rocking this incredible getup which featured both the U.S. and Union Jack flags.
Well done, Katy. With your wisdom, wit, impeccable sense of style and fantastic boobs, you have truly shown me the way. In a manner of speaking.
[H/T World Cup Babes (via The Slanch Report)]
(previously at the Sportress: Katy Perry Interviewed On FoxSports Radio, Barely Justifies Katy Perry Photo Gallery)
Shine on, you crazy diamond. Although I wonder what Pat Sumitt would think about all this craziness.
Former Tennessee Lady Volunteers basketball star Brittany Jackson must be trying to keep up with the big, bad boys as she was arrested for the second time in twenty-two days, this time it was for a DUI offense, implied consent and attempting to leave the scene of an accident with injuries. She was arrested with her sister three weeks ago and charged with aggravated assault stemming from an altercation with a woman at Tennessee Wesleyan College when Brittany and her sister Lindsey laid a beatdown on the girl who was allegedly dating Lindsey’s ex-boyfriend and father to Lindsey’s child. Woo, that was like writing out a plot to a soap opera there.
The sordid details of Jackson’s dive into debauchery after the jump.
When trying to come up with a headline to summarize the AP report regarding Germany’s 4-0 dismantling of Australia yesterday during Group B play of the World Cup, the guy responsible for that job at The Denver Post, of course, went with a “Blitz” reference, because, you know, making light of Nazi Germany’s sustained bombing of England during WWII which resulted in over 43,000 deaths is a great source of comedic material.
And The Denver Post weren’t the only who went with the lazy, lowest common denominator bit: Nova Scotia’s The Chronicle Herald also went with a variation on the “Blitz” bit, as did Australia’s ABC Online.
I know, I know, it’s not the biggest woo in the world, but still. I suppose it’s possible I am looking too deep into this and playing the politically correct card, but as far as I know, the term blitz isn’t used as regularly in soccer like it is in American football. And if the headline would have been about any other team but Germany, it’s like that it would have scarcely been noticed. But it was Germany, so there you go. Maybe we should just simply be thankful they didn’t go with a holocaust reference, so they have that going for them, which is good.
Germans blitz past Australia in first round [The Denver Post]
Holy PGA Golfer Swamp Ass, Batman!
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Dear lord, what happened to Robert Garrigus’ pants? Granted, the weather in Memphis was mighty steamy yesterday and sweating was an inevitability, but I haven’t seen swampiness that pervasive and disturbing since I mistakenly watched Swamp Thing. As one commentator said during yesterday’s broadcast of the St. Jude’s Classic on CBS, St. Jude is the patron saint of lost causes. I guess we should all be praying for whoever does Garrigus’ laundry, because they have an assload of scrubbing ahead of them.
So, yesterday afternoon after spending a majority of the day working at a soup kitchen, visiting shut-ins and donating blood, I arrived home just in time to catch the finale of the St. Jude’s Classic – no, really, they actually do broadcast golf tournaments when Tiger isn’t playing – shocking, right? And boy, am I relieved I tuned in, because I was treated to an epic meltdown by Robert Garrigus.
Leading Lee Westwood and Robert Karlsson by 3 with one to play, Garrigus played the 18th horribly. Knowing all he had to do was not put up a big number and the victory was there for his taking, Garrigus shanked his tee shot into the water. And if that wasn’t bad enough (and I am not even referring to his swamp ass at this point), he yanked his third shot (after taking the drop) far left into a bunch of trees. By the time he putted out with a triple bogey, he had surrendered the lead and found himself in a playoff with Westwood and Karlsson, which he was unceremoniously ousted from after a bomb of a drive on the first playoff hole came to rest behind a tree. What say you, Mr. Garrigus (via Devil Ball Golf):
“I don’t remember swinging on the 18th tee,” Garrigus said. “I felt like I handled everything great today … except for one swing.”
Ouch, dude. Westwood went on to win the playoff, Garrigus lost over a half-million dollars in money due to his gaffe and will now be known as the “Guy with The Swamp Ass Who Totally Blew It In That Tournament That One Time.” Or maybe he’ll simply be known as “Swampy.” The first one I came up with might be a bit long.
But seriously, look at that hot, wet mess. It looks like he sat on a water balloon or something. Awkward. And probably pretty stinky.
For those interested, bonus video recap footage of Garrigus’ meltdown and sweaty ass after the jump.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s Mark Twain Prize for American Humor-winning morning link dump. Send tips, links and Huck Finn fanfic to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• After their World Cup soccer team defeated Greece 2-0 in group play Saturday, South Koreans exhibited their excitement and jubilation by buying an assload of condoms. In fact, condom sales increased five-fold after the match. Nice. [Yahoo!/AFP]
• God, those damn vuvuzelas are friggin’ annoying. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• The photoshop depicting Obama smiling while watching the England-U.S. game with David Beckham grimacing was gold, Jerry, gold! [The Sporting Blog]
• Vince Young got himself in a little bit of trouble with the law over the weekend. Hey, at least he kept his shirt on. I think. [Second-String Fullback]
• Some Blackhawks fan withstood a barrage of bottles being hurled at him and still managed to take down a Stanley Cup banner. [Busted Coverage]
• Erin Andrews superfan and Red Sox call-up Daniel Nava is a classic underdog story as he hit a grand slam in his first major league at bat on Saturday for the Red Sox. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The top 11 takeaways from last night’s Game 5 between the Celtics and the Lakers. [Five Tool Tool]
• NBA Finals Game 5 LOLCATZ. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez and his special lady Jamie Lynn Sigler took in the Tony’s last night. [Bob's Blitz]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Seashells Transform Suburban Bathroom Into Tropical Hideaway
Long after I become an even more cynical old man than I already am at this stage of my life, I will always have a soft spot in my heart (to go along with the soft spot on my cranium – my mom says that makes me “special”) for Weezer.
Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo’s love for The Beautiful Game has been well documented (see an example here), but for him to actually take the time to write a song and dedicate it to the U.S. World Cup squad is pretty badass. Even better, you can download “Represent” for free on iTunes. Cool.
It’s all up to the U.S. squad now – here’s to them taking out those English bastards tomorrow. Time to kick some limey ass!
USA! USA! USA! USA!
Rivers Cuomo Is Really, Really Into U.S. Soccer [FirstCuts]
(previously at the Sportress: Say It Ain’t So: Weezer’s Rivers Cuomo To Participate In Charity Soccer Game)
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• The Florida Marlins are considering putting aquariums behind home plate. Yep. [Out of Bounds]
• Members of Blogrifca from far and wide came together to dispense wisdom regarding the World Cup, myself included. But of course, I did not dispense any wisdom, because I’m stupid. Sigh. [Daddy's Sugar Ball]
• The news that Colorado is joining the Pac-10 is not necessarily a big story, but what if I informed you that it was the Colorado Avalanche? Now that’s interesting. [Melt Your Face Off]
• MB is the place to be for the drunken revelry going down in Chicago. [Mouthpiece Blog]
• My bud Bob Mantz, Jr. had the privilege of interviewing SI’s Jimmy Traina. Even better, Mr. Traina of Hot Clicks fame had some nice things to say about me and the Sportress. That certainly made my day. [Bob's Blitz]
• Great write-up about the World Cup from the old boss at WL, Matt Ufford. [With Leather]
• Sometimes, Cubs fans almost make it too easy to ridicule them. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• A song by R. Kelly has been selected as the anthem of the World Cup. Wait, R. Kelly? [Ted Williams Head]
• Celebrating the worst in hockey broadcasting from last season. [Puck Daddy]
• Make sure you pick yourself up some of Kobe Bryant’s Booger Hair Gel. [TAUNTR]
• The top 7 hyped debuts. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Ow, with a capital “O,” baby! Dick Vitale drilled by line drive at Rays game. [Big League Stew]
• Profiling the many faces of Tom Brady. [Larry Brown Sports]
• With the Blackhawks now the champs, the Toronto Maple Leafs move up to No. 1 on the list of longest stretch without winning the Stanley Cup. [Food Court Lunch]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Most Thrilling Playoffs In Recent Memory Unfortunately Happen In Hockey
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