Archive for June, 2010
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• An uproar by Catholics has resulted in a World Cup commercial getting banned. For Christ’s sake. [Out of Bounds]
• German student moons the Hell’s Angels, throws a puppy at them and escapes on a bulldozer. Yep. [With Leather]
• Time for another sexy edition of NSFWednesday from my buddy LeNoceur! [Melt Your Face Off]
• It’s going to cost you plenty to get Tim Tebow’s autograph: your soul. Just kidding, but it will take a lot of money. [Busted Coverage]
• Not everyone is happy that Tom Izzo is staying at Michigan State. Count this reporter among that group of people. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Yay! FCL finishes the headline. Read it or else, sucker fools. [Food Court Lunch]
• TAUNTR.com Records presents: “Experience the Soothing Sounds of the Vuvuzela. [TAUNTR]
• Here’s one way to get more Americans more interested in the World Cup. [Bob's Blitz]
• NBA Finals Gam3 6 LOLCATZ. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Soccer ball headed Chilean player receiving a purple nurple. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Cubs Organ Player Getting Into Heavier, Darker Stuff
Send tips, links and cover versions of Jefferson Airplane’s “Somebody To Love” to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Yesterday, the Sportress wrapped up its day with the above photos as a way to kind of ease into the evening. Of course, we were not the only ones captivated by this sexy lady’s boobular passion for The Beautiful Game, in particular her unjiggling support for her favorite team, Paraguay.
And, as is the case whenever an attractive gal captivates the attention of the internets, you can’t swing a dead cat without nailing several intrepid souls with an interest and the time to seek out additional information regarding the newest young lass.
Thanks to the dedicated work by sites like Busted Coverage and Total Pro Sports, the Paraguyan hottie has been identified: model Larissa Riquelme. Here is her official site – which amounts to nothing more than a few photos on a loop with some weird music playing – and after the jump are a few more photos of the Paraguayan World Cup Hottie Superfan I culled from the ‘tubes. Enjoy. And go Paraguay!
There has been much hand-wringing the past couple of days in the small corner of the world I live – the Land of 10,000 Lakes – Minnesota, for the layperson – regarding the less-than-stellar lineup Minnesota Twins manager Ron Gardenhire put out on the field for the rubber game between the Twinkies and the Braves on Sunday to give some of the starters a rest, a game in which the home team was whipped 7-3.
To put it mildly, it was dreadful. See for yourself right here – a murderer’s row of Brendan Harris (.160), Drew Butera (.135), Nick Punto (.221) and something called Trevor Plouffe (.130) batting in succession? Jebus. As a personal aside, because if I have learned anything about quality sportswriting from Peter King, it’s that people like it when the writer interjects meaningless personal details into the story. I bought my old man tickets to Sunday’s game for his birthday and to have my hard-earned (not so hard-earned) money wasted and my dad being forced to watch that horrible lineup whiff its way through the day makes Weed an unhappy boy.
First of all, before I get to my brilliant, yet brief, analysis, allow me to point out that this smartass post is in no way a criticism of the fine work done here by the brilliant author of this column, Jeff Pearlman. For those of you not familiar with his work, Pearlman is one of the finest sportswriters working right now. If you haven’t had the pleasure of reading his book, The Bad Guys Won: “A Season of Brawling, Boozing, Bimbo-chasing and Championship Baseball with Straw, Doc, Mookie, Nails, The Kid, and the Rest of the 1986 Mets, the Rowdiest Team Ever to Put on a New York Uniform–and Maybe the Best, get up from your desk, quit your job, go down to the nearest bookstore and steal it (on second thought, maybe you should buy it instead).
With that out of the way, allow me to quickly and succinctly summarize this article in one brief statement:
Why the WNBA isn’t — and will never be — a popular league:
Because it’s chicks playing basketball. Poorly. Duh. And I mean that in the least chauvinistic way possible. I think.
Why the WNBA isn’t — and will never be — a popular league [SI]
When Wayne Rooney isn’t busy taking a piss on a boulder during golf outings, he apparently enjoys writing graffiti on his own shoes. While the Urination on the Rock event occurred the day after England’s 1-1 draw with the U.S., the above photo was taken the day before Saturday’s match and as you can see, Rooney, the rascally devil that he is, wrote “FCUK U” on the inside of his left shoe prior to this official photo was taken. Additionally, Rooney scrawled “Floyd” on the other shoe, whatever that means. Via The Telegraph:
No explanation has been given for the slogan, but it is possibly some form of in-joke. However, a spokesman for the clothing chain French Connection UK said last night: “We are happy Wayne Rooney is supporting us.”
Oh, I get it. French Connection (F C), then UK. While possible, I’m still not buying it. Obviously, I am no expert on British clothing companies nor am I keen on the vagaries of secret messages written on a soccer player’s golf shoes, so I can add very little to the speculation currently running rampant, but if you ask me, Rooney’s misspelled dirty word might reveal a deeper, darker secret – one that Rooney, while he has nothing to be ashamed of – would perhaps do anything to keep secret:
His ongoing battle with dyslexia. Yep.
Disagree? How else can you explain a guy who has shown he has no problem with unleashing profanity-laced tirades – including dropping F-bombs – on referees during friendly matches not correctly spelling the F-word on his shoe? A guy who can be so vulgarly eloquent while speaking would clearly not take issue with writing the same on his shoe, right? I think we can all agree on what exactly is going on here, but why the hiding, why the secret shame?
Don’t be embarrassed, Wayne Rooney. Many people have gone on to live very productive lives while dealing with dyslexia. For crying out loud, even the Fonz, Henry Winkler, overcame it, and that guy is the most, ya dig?
World Cup 2010: Wayne Rooney’s golf shoes carry indelicate four-letter slogan [The Telegraph]
Wayne Rooney criticised for ‘F*** you’ outburst at ref in World Cup warm-up [Metro]
(previously at the Sportress: He’s Wayne Rooney, He Wears Tall Socks, He Went Pee-Pee On Some Rocks)
Necessary? Is it necessary for Padraig Harrington to test his own urine? Probably not, but he does it anyway because it’s sterile and he likes the smell.
In actuality, Padraig Harrington, as he prepares to begin his quest for a fourth major at the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach this week, leaves no stone unturned and no bodily fluid untested when it comes to determining his preparedness and fitness before heading out on the course. In fact, he routinely utilizes a device which tests his urine to determine if he’s keeping himself properly hydrated, a wise move with the players about to face the sweltering temperatures in California.
Some might say that the Irishman might be taking it a bit too far with the urine testing – he disagrees. From the worldwide leader in the field in hard-hitting analysis of the urinary habits of professional athletes, The Sun:
I never leave anything to chance. If you are relaxed and confident about your health and fitness, you play better golf.”
You see, the benefits of testing one’s own urine are twofold: for one thing, it provides an accurate assessment of the condition of your body; and two: is there any time when a man feels more relaxed and confident than immediately after taking a whizz? Especially if you can manage to do so under the prying eyes of other urinators in a public restroom. Hey, stage fright can be quite the embarrassing and debilitating affliction, wouldn’t you agree? No? Just me, huh? Liars.
Here Wee Go For Padraig [The Sun]
Well, for accuracy’s sake, it is actually Kraft that would like to show you their humongous noodle, it’s just the Cubs who are paying for it.
Furthering the complete commodification of Wrigley Field – the Toyota sign prominently displayed above the left field bleachers of the treasured stadium is another example of this transformation – the Cubs organization has signed on with Kraft which allowed the makers of the delectable Mac & Cheese to display the above pastastrosity (I just made that up) outside the stadium, near the statue of Ernie Banks by Clark and Addison streets.
While I am a big supporter of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese – hands down, the blue box is bar none the best premade macaroni and cheese on the planet. I mean, does anybody really eat that generic crap? Not me. And you can forget about that sloppy, gloopy mess Stouffers attempts to pass off macaroni & cheese – nasty stuff. At the same time, Velveeta’s Shells and Cheese is alright, but I find that you have to cut back and not use the entire packet of cheese sauce they provide. Otherwise it’s simply too overpowering. Man, is anybody else out there starving now?
Wait. Where was I? Oh yeah, the big noodle. Cubs executive vice-president of marketing Wally Hayward defended the process by which the Ricketts family is attempting to squeeze every last penny out of Wrigley Field by bastardizing it into some kind of Times Square-esque destination. Via Chicago Breaking Sports:
“We’ll continue to generate incremental revenue for the ballclub so we can continue to help the performance on the field,” Hayward said. “And we’ll continue to renovate and preserve Wrigley Field for the next generation of fans.
“It’s outside the ballpark. It’s out along the street. It’s creating a lot of excitement. People are googling ‘You know you love it,’ and it takes them to the Kraft mac-and-cheese web site…It’s a nice way to bring in a corporate partner at a significant deal without doing anything inside the ballpark.”
A fair point, I suppose, but whenever I do a Google Search for “You know you love it,” I am usually directed to Hentai tentacle porn and bondage and discipline sites, so I’m a bit confused by how that helps the Cubs. Maybe it’s just me. Perhaps my search filter is all screwed up or something. Who knows?
Cubs install giant noodle ad outside Wrigley Field [Chicago Breaking Sports]
Wrigley Field’s new Toyota sign not warmly recieved by Chicagoans [Out of Bounds]
As he does before every match when North Korea’s national anthem is played, forward Jong Tae-Se openly wept prior to his homeland’s match against mighty Brazil. And there were more tears after North Korea battled the Brazilians valiantly, but still came up short, losing 2-1.
What is interesting about Jong Tae-Se is that he wasn’t even born in North Korea – he is what is called a “zainichi,” an ethnic Korean who lives in Japan. From STV:
Born in Nagoya to a South Korean father and North Korean mother, he was brought up in a North Korean enclave in the Japanese city and had a North Korean education and upbringing.
But that doesn’t prevent him from letting the waterworks flow whenever he hears his country’s anthem. At the same time, he is not what many would consider a stereotypical North Korean. He is often referred to as North Korea’s Wayne Rooney.
The star still takes his iPod, Nintendo and flash clothes with him when he travels for away games with the national side, though never into North Korea for home matches. But rather than turning the heads of his less well-off comrades, he is the one who has had his eyes opened. He admits to being impressed by their indifference to material gains and their commitment to their side.
Video of Jong Tae-Se’s emotional response after the jump.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s Plimpton Prize-winning morning link dump. Paper Lion, bitches. Send tips, links and reasons why have no right to even mention the name George Plimpton to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Doody Calls (heh) Pet Waste Removal employee Steve Wilson noticed something funny about the poopy he was cleaning up. Upon closer inspection, he realized it was cash. After sanitizing it, Wilson discovered it amounted to $58, which he returned to the owner of the dog who ate the cash. Poop. [Yahoo!/AP]
• England goalkeeper Robert Green might have been thinking about a girl when he let that soft goal in against the U.S. [Out of Bounds]
• A bunch of New York celebrities are going to get together and try to woo LeBron into coming to the Big Apple. No word on whether that Naked Cowboy Times Square guy has signed on. [With Leather]
• Holy crap! Speaking of Robert Green, here is some interesting footage of Invisible Jesus getting involved in the flubbed save. [TAUNTR]
• Keep up-to-date on the goings on at the U.S. Open with Stephanie Wei. [Wei Under Par]
• (Yawn) Tom Izzo mad grab at attention is over – he is staying at Michigan State. [The Dagger]
• A brilliant photographic retrospective of Albert Haynesworth’s career with the Redskins. [Deuce of Davenport]
• Dr. Phil breaks down the Cleveland-LeBron James situation. Shortly thereafter, he strangled a 12-year-old Thai prostitute, just for the rush. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Taking a look at the New York Post‘s WAG of the Day. Mercy. [Bob's Blitz]
• We have yet another celebration-related injury: this time, UCLA’s second baseman was injured in a dogpile. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The Baltimore Ravens are a mess. [Second-String Fullback]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Lucky Dead Student Gets Own Page In Yearbook
It’s been a hectic day here at the Sportress, so why not ease into the evening with some Paraguayan World Cup Superfan Cell Phone In The Cleavage Boobage? She was clearly thrilled with her squad’s 1-1 tie with the Italians. Good for her – and for us.
I didn’t think any of you would complain. Have a good evening, ladies and germs. See you tomorrow morning bright and early. Or a little later. We’ll see.
[H/T Deadspin]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• Whaa? Tiger Woods is not the favorite to win the U.S. Open? Weird. [Out of Bounds]
• News flash: PETA sucks. Now they’re bitching about the Marlins’ plan for aquariums at the ballpark. [With Leather]
• San Jose Sharks star Joe Thornton will solve your workplace problems. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Donovan McNabb should have been arrested by the fashion police for wearing these shorts. [Mr. Irrelevant]
• Get in line behind me, guys: Jenn Sterger is single. Hey Jenn, call me! Or e-mail me. Whatever. It’s your call, candypants. [Bob's Blitz]
• The Chicago Blackhawks will rue the day they gave Jay Leno a jersey with his name on it. Have fun not winning a Cup for another half a century. [Puck Daddy]
• Dick Enberg is broadcasting a Padres game during an earthquake and he doesn’t even say “Oh my!” during the tremors? What give? [Walkoff Walk]
• Steve Nash, rockin’ the sports bra. Nice. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Tom Brady’s hair is wild, man. Wild! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• That’s crappy: a sewage leak stained England’s World Cup uniforms. [The Sporting Blog]
• Butter Chicken finds some positives to the G20 Summit being held in Toronto. [Food Court Lunch]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: New Pixar Employees Required To Watch Adorable Sexual Harassment Video
Send tips and links to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. Grazie.
Displaying quite the bravado, Slovenia midfielder Andrej Komac laid it all on the line to the assembled media after practice on Tuesday, when he guaranteed victory over the United States on Friday in Group play. Via ESPN/AP:
“We are going to win this match,” Komac said after practice Tuesday.
He added there’s “a good feeling” on the squad after Slovenia beat Algeria 1-0 to claim its first World Cup victory and the top spot in Group C. Komac came on as a substitute in the final minutes.
Considering that Komac hails from a country with a population of just over 2 million people (I cannot help but think of Coach singing “The Albania Song” on Cheers when I hear Slovenia), Komac’s proclamation is quite brash, but everybody also thought that Namath’s prediction that the Jets would beat the Colts in Super Bowl III was an ill-advised, irresponsible move at best. Now look at him. Actually, don’t. The guy has been looking a bit rough lately. Who knew quitting drinking could wreak such havoc on a person’s looks and health? I have sure learned my lesson. Don’t worry about a thing, bottle of Vodka – you ain’t going anywhere. And Komac? I look forward to his embarrassing antics on the sidelines at the 2034 World Cup which will surely become the source of Slovenia’s most popular professional soccer blog’s name, Poljubljanje Anja Čarman.
No really, that word (and the chick) are authentic Slovene. Look it up.
Komac: ‘We are going to win this match’ [ESPN/AP]
Okay, that came out wrong. We’re talking about a golf game here, not some masturbatory funny business. I think.
Look out, Tiger Woods, here comes a challenger who knows a thing or two about stroking it! It appears when he’s not occupied with suing children’s charities, John Daly keep himself busy by developing video games. Courtesy of this tweet (“Sneak Peek of my game only here “John Daly’s Pro Stroke Golf”–Y’all are gonna love to Grip It & Rip It!”) by the big man himself, we have all been fortunate enough to have been provided a sneak peek at the boxes for his upcoming golf video game, John Daly’s ProStroke Golf.
Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one? Of course, it was those damned Dutch again! What is their deal, man?
Ironically, the app was designed by a Dutch duo. The Dutch have been the most vociferous in their disdain for the cacophonous horn, with coach Bert van Marwijk banning them from his team’s training sessions and Dutch striker Robin van Persie blaming vuvuzelas on his inability to hear a referee’s whistle.
“It’s the Vuvuzela jackpot,” said Jeroen Retrae, co-designer of the iVuvuzela at http://moblio.nl/
The iVuvuzela can emit honks or whatever the hell you want to call that noise up to 90 decibels and can be downloaded for free (and has been over 1 million times already) on the iPhone, iPod Touch or iPad and it is free, so get to downloading, you mindless Apple lemmings.
BBBBzzzz! Noisy iVuvuzela latest app [Yahoo!/Reuters]
And you thought Marvin Gaye’s treatment of “The Star-Spangled Banner” at the 1983 NBA All-Star Game in L.A. was a sonic exercise in sexual healing, you haven’t seen nothing yet, as it was announced earlier on Christina Aguilera’s website that she is slated to sing the national anthem before tipoff of Game 6 of the NBA Finals between the Lakers and Celtics tonight at the Staples Center in Los Angeles.
Word on the street is that Staples Center management will bring on additional personnel equipped with those dry mops in anticipation of her performance to soak up any bodily fluids left on the floor after she is done belting out the song.
Aw, I’m just kidding. Christina is a talented, beautiful performer who I am sure will do a bang-up job this evening. Heh. Bang.
Christina to Sing National Anthem at NBA Finals [ChristinaAguilera.com]
