Sports blogosphere, at my signal, unleash hell.

I don’t make it a regular habit of reading Vanity Fair, probably because I do not belong to the societal subset of mindless sycophants who believe that they can curry favor with the upper crust by simply being seen reading that rag at airports, upscale coffee shops and bathhouses by way of it helping them appear sophisticated and cosmopolitan.

Thankfully, despite my desire to not waste my time critiquing the drivel contained within what should be considered the periodical equivalent of a boiling hot coffee colonic, I would be remiss not to at least address and mercilessly rip – as other colleagues of mine already have – the douchetardery exhibited by Vanity Fair contributing editor George Wayne in his interview of Erin Andrews, “Views from a Sideline.”

To be honest, I have no earthly idea what Wayne was trying to pull off with his offensive and immature line of questioning of Andrews. Perhaps he was trying to be “edgy” or “provocative” during the interview, but instead of achieving whatever his ill-conceived goals were, Wayne comes off as an egotistical, elitist, patronizing and and downright crude asshole journalist who apparently prefers to be the center of attention instead of the subject he is interviewing. In a word, this abomination is utterly reprehensible.

If you take the time to read the entire article, you will most assuredly notice that Wayne conducts the interview with a prevailing tone of condescension for his subject and a flippant air of superiority over Andrews, but instead of reviewing everything here, I’ll simply highlight the most moronic questions he poses to her.

Do you have man-size feet like Paris Hilton? You know, she can find shoes to fit her only in the “tranny” section of the shoe store.

No, I wear a size-7 shoe, and I am five feet ten inches.

There are few ways to better ingratiate yourself to your interview subject than by making a veiled transvestite reference about them. Stellar work, Wayne.

He then wisely moves away from comparing Andrews to RuPaul but cannot pull himself away from being some kind of fancy boy smart ass as he suggests her relationship and the extent of it with her Dancing with the Stars partner, Maksim Chmerkovskly, was nothing more than fodder for the tabloids:

I’m sure you have toned perfectly, too, with all that dancing. But what gets me to the vomitorium is that faux romance between you and that cheesy ballroom-dancing partner of yours. What was with this tabloid fake romance?

Do you know him?

I don’t need to know him to find him cheesy, honey.

Well, all I know is he was a wonderful dance partner and a wonderful human being who looked out for me, who would call me each night after practice to see if I was O.K.

Well, if this dickstick finds him cheesy, Erin, what could you have possibly been thinking? Honey.

And then, right smack dab in the middle of the interview, Wayne poses this unbelievably inappropriate and useless question:

What is the one thing you take when feeling constipated?

Are you really going to write about that? I’m not going to comment on that. That is kind of weird and I don’t feel comfortable answering that question. I have gone through so much in the last year.

Seriously, WTF? I don’t even think Howard Stern would have had the balls to ask a person like Erin Andrews that question. Even Stern has more integrity than that. What was the point of even asking that? Did this retard expect her to seriously answer the question? Or did he simply want to make her extremely uncomfortable. That’s some bush league stuff right there, man. Classless.

Finally, and I am skipping around a bit in the interview, but here is one of the questions he asks Andrews towards the beginning of the interview:

What’s the one thing you hate about yourself?

I always second-guess what I am doing.

Indeed. And I am absolutely certain Andrews was doing a whole helluva lot of second guessing regarding why she even agreed to participate in this miscarriage against journalism which this asshole passes off as an interview.

One thing I will give Vanity Fair a pittance of credit for is the excellent photo shoot one of their photographers did with Andrews. And why would I give those jerkoffs any page views the benefit of pageviews by linking to them when I can instead simply upload them here? So, here you go.

Tasteful, yet subtly sexy. Still, I am certain there will be more than one self-righteous windbag media type who will criticize Andrews and hammer her for vainly taking advantage of her looks. Although I will be happy to condemn them when they do so, they are ignorant and jealous and just don’t know any better.

Views from a Sideline [Vanity Fair]
Vanity Fair Dickhead Writer Questions Erin Andrews: “What Do You Take When Feeling Constipated?” [Busted Coverage]