Archive for June, 2010
As a well-respected, Juilliard-trained sports blogger, I feel it is my duty to keep you informed regarding the comings and goings of everybody’s favorite South American, Larissa Riquelme, known around these here parts as Paraguayan World Cup Hottie Superfan. When she’s not busy modeling lingerie or stuffing her cell phone into the cleavage of her ample, heaving bosom (hummina hummina), she enjoys sexily cheering on her country’s World Cup squad.
Well, good news, horndoggers: if her beloved Paraguay manages to win the World Cup, Senora Riquelme has vowed to run butt-ass-naked through the streets in an orgasmic display of relief, gratitude and celebration with her “body painted with the colors of Paraguay.”
Hoo boy.
The fine folks at You Been Blinded managed to track down a video of her making good on her vow to jiggle her way up and down (and up…and down…and up…you get the point) the streets of Paraguay. Enjoy.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• The word on the street is its official: Tiger and Elin are divorced. Elin is reportedly set to receive $750 million. Hoo-ah! [Out of Bounds]
• Ian Poultier withdrew from the Pro-Am event at the French Open due to a friggin’ bug bite. Seriously? [Wei Under Par]
• Some possible alternative questions from Vanity Fair dickbag for his interview with Erin Andrews. [TAUNTR]
• My pals over at MYFO might be just about ready to jump on this whole new social media craze. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Not only did Jonathan Toews have to go through all that awkwardness with Miley Cyrus at the MuchMusic Awards, he later had to hang out with that Snooki creature from Jersey Shore. [The Sporting Blog]
• Englishman vs. Vuvuzela Beer Bong: WHO YA GOT? [Busted Coverage]
• Sweet Jesus no: after retiring from CNN, Larry King would like to try his hand at something in baseball, perhaps for the MLB Network. [Larry Brown Sports]
• In his own unique and highly entertaining way, General Tao enlightens us all with his World Cup Round Up. [Food Court Lunch]
• Those Japanese soccer fans sure know what it takes to decorate your head properly. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Some super mean lady is allegedly suing the Phillie Phanatic. [The700Level]
• Scottie Pippen may be a lot of things, like ugly, but one thins he isn’t is good with money. [With Leather]
• Anyone else not buying Tiger’s claims that his relationship with Steve Williams is all good? [Devil Ball Golf]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: America’s Sweetheart Dumps U.S. For Some Douchebag
Send tips, links and banana bread recipes to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Being a native of Cincinnati who probably hasn’t stepped foot in the city in 25 years, ESPN NBA analyst Ric Bucher likes to think he knows a thing or two about the Cincinnati Police Department and its interactions with the city’s resident football team, the Bengals.
Unfortunately, Ric – that’s without a “k” mind you – should probably do a bit more research about issues beyond his realm of expertise before proceeding to stick his foot in his mouth while appearing on nationally broadcast radio programs.Or at the very least, get his facts straight before condemning an entire city’s police force by insinuating that they are a corrupt, vindictive organization gunning for high profile arrests.
Speculation has been rampant across the internet today but it now has been officially confirmed that after weeks of speculation, the only show on ESPN devoted entirely to intelligent, thoughtful analysis regarding the NFL has been spared and will be part of the network’s programming for the upcoming football season.
Earlier this afternoon, ESPN released a statement indicating that despite some sponsorship snafus and other behind-the-scenes production issues, NFL Matchup will return for another season. The show has been on the air since 1994 and will continue to feature Sal Paolantonio as host with Merril Hoge and Ron Jaworski, who is surprisingly tolerable in the show’s format, as analysts.
The entire press release follows.
To be honest, I know very little about this Ashley Cole chap, but I can tell you this: I have little sympathy for a guy who would be arrogant and moronic enough to cheat on the gorgeous Cheryl Cole. I also realize that as England World Cup squad slinks home with its tail between its legs after a profoundly disappointing performance in South Africa, now is probably not the best time for the above little nugget to surface.
Cole probably wishes he hadn’t entered in “I hate England and the f*****g people!!!” as the status message on his BlackBerry moments before jetting off to Austria for England’s pre-World Cup training camp. I imagine the feeling might be mutual.
Of course, this wasn’t meant for the prying eyes of the public, but in this day and age, Cole should exhibit a little more technological savvy and realize that more often than not, those who should not see something like this end up seeing it. Now, the surly Cole will face another s**tstorm from an even surlier soccer-loving England.
Can’t say the bloke doesn’t deserve everything bad that’s coming to him. The guy actually cheated on Cheryl-freaking-Cole, for crying out loud. In fact, he deserves worse than what is in store. Much, much worse.
And Cheryl – my offer still stands – that book of Love Coupons I mailed to you does not have an expiration date. Call me!
Cole: I hate England [The Sun]
(previously at the Sportress: Great News! Cheryl Cole Finally Divorcing Footballer Husband, May Move To U.S.)
The traveling STD cautionary tale that is Paris Hilton uploaded the above photo which epitomizes the spoiled heiress’ compulsion for excess to Twitpic earlier today with the following caption:
All Packed and Ready for The World Cup! So excited!
You’re not the only one who is excited, Paris. I heard that the Center for Disease Control can trim their on-call staff by 30% as long as she remains out of the country.
A disconcerting tidbit courtesy of Los Angeles Times writer Grahame L. Jones’ travelogue regarding the uncomfortable conditions which must have been part and parcel of flights making their way out of South Africa. Apparently, the ear-splitting conditions on some flights had gotten so bad that airlines, as part of their pre-flight safety demonstrations, found it necessary to include this what should be completely unnecessary caveat right before informing you to enjoy your trip:
Stop honking that goddamn, migraine-inducing vuvuzela, ya damn ingrates!
In any event, the trip had another unique aspect, not one you would find on a flight to, say, Whitefish, Mont., or points east.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” said the flight attendant during the takeoff ritual, “just a note to tell you that the blowing of the vuvuzelas is not permitted during the flight.”
Enough is enough, members of the Royally Annoying Order of Vuvuzela Blowers: people not only in South Africa attending the matches but those of us trying to enjoy the World Cup on television have been forced to tolerate the infernal racket emitted from those blasted plastic instruments, but if these morons even think for one second that someone about to spend 12 hours on a flight from South Africa to their ultimate destination while some inconsiderate jerk toots their own horn, so to speak, my guess is these ill-informed and incredibly rude passengers will find it difficult to sit down for the remainder of their flight with a vuvuzela crammed squarely up their ass.
World Cup: That horrific noise you hear is not the aircraft’s engine [The Fabulous Forum]
Oops. I think I did that whole “spoiler alert” thing wrong.
Um, carry on, then. Have a nice day and stuff.
WIMBLEDON 2010: Roger Federer in shock exit as Tomas Berdych rolls Swiss master over on Centre Court [Daily Mail]
Sports blogosphere, at my signal, unleash hell.
I don’t make it a regular habit of reading Vanity Fair, probably because I do not belong to the societal subset of mindless sycophants who believe that they can curry favor with the upper crust by simply being seen reading that rag at airports, upscale coffee shops and bathhouses by way of it helping them appear sophisticated and cosmopolitan.
Thankfully, despite my desire to not waste my time critiquing the drivel contained within what should be considered the periodical equivalent of a boiling hot coffee colonic, I would be remiss not to at least address and mercilessly rip – as other colleagues of mine already have – the douchetardery exhibited by Vanity Fair contributing editor George Wayne in his interview of Erin Andrews, “Views from a Sideline.”
To be honest, I have no earthly idea what Wayne was trying to pull off with his offensive and immature line of questioning of Andrews. Perhaps he was trying to be “edgy” or “provocative” during the interview, but instead of achieving whatever his ill-conceived goals were, Wayne comes off as an egotistical, elitist, patronizing and and downright crude asshole journalist who apparently prefers to be the center of attention instead of the subject he is interviewing. In a word, this abomination is utterly reprehensible.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. And here is your Weed Against Speed Nug of Wisdom for the day: “The ones who love us best are the ones we’ll lay to rest, And visit their graves on holidays at best, The ones who love us least are the ones we’ll die to please, If it’s any consolation, I don’t begin to understand them.” Send tips, links and your favorite Replacements lyrics to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• An unidentified senior citizen was arrested after chasing another man around a taco stand in Salem, Oregon after the owner of the taco stand denied that he stole a drill bit from the old fogey’s business. I would have just ordered a taco and not enjoyed it. The revenge is subtle, but effective. It’s effective. [Yahoo!/AP]
• Hank Haney insists that his relationship with Tiger Woods was “always dysfunctional.” [Out of Bounds]
• Tragic news: Randall Cunningham’s 2-year-old son drowned in the family hot tub. [The700Level]
• Jeopardy contestants could not answer a question about John Wooden, or should I say question the answer. [Larry Brown Sports]
• After her loss to Serena Williams, Maria Sharapova played a little soccer – and it was sexy. [Busted Coverage]
• In other hottie tennis player news, apparently ball boys have a lot in common with me as they appear here quite smitten with Anna Kournikova’s buttocks. [Bob's Blitz]
• Oh nos! Sergio Garcia is threatening not to participate in the Ryder Cup. Here’s a suggestion, Sergio: how about you threaten not to participate in professional golf anymore? Believe me, you won’t be missed. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Oh, Cedric Benson. Sigh. [Second-String Fullback]
• The top 10 reasons Cedric Benson got arrested (again). [Five Tool Tool]
• My friends at MYFO do their best to keep us updated on Alyssa Milano’s sports whoritude. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Introducing Pau Gasol, MD. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• Better stock up on ball markers: Joslyn James’ Tiger-themed porno comes out July 5th. [Out of Bounds]
• In this week’s “Ask Joe Thornton,” Joe helps out with parenting tips. [Melt Your Face Off]
• I’ll have what he’s having: LaDainian Tomlinson guarantees the New York Jets will win the Super Bowl within the next two years. [The Sporting Blog]
• Lenny Dykstra: steroid pioneer? Yeah, I can see that. [The700Level]
• A guy with no arms threw out the first pitch before Edwin Jackson’s no-hitter. [Busted Coverage]
• The continuing misadventures of Coach Wade Phillips and Jerry Jones. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Video of Annika Sorenstam hitting balls from 40 stories up into the East River. [Waggle Room]
• Makes sense: hockey parents sue league for $25k after kids are cut from it. [Puck Daddy]
• Screw the wars: some goddamn hippies are protesting the new stadiums in Los Angeles. [With Leather]
• Photographic evidence that Jesus Christ loves World Cup soccer. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Rich people: they’re just like us! Now brawls are breaking out in luxury boxes at the World Cup. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Classy: Kenny Perry will donate $2,000 for every birdie he gets at at the Greenbrier Classic to the families of fallen miners. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Here’s video of Detroit Lions president Tom Lewand’s DUI arrest. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Presenting the 4th edition of YBB’s great series, “The Sports Snob.” [You Been Blinded]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Realtors Blame Housing Market For Slump In Creepy-Mansion Sales
Send tips, links and whatnot to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Yeah, I’m sure Morneau is thrilled to know that in light of this tweet from the Bieberster, that he appears to have captured the faney of the gender-bending tween queen. No way. That chick’s a dude? No kidding? Huh. And what exactly does membership in Justin Bieber’s Wolfpack entail? On second thought, let’s forget I even brought that up. Some things aren’t best left unknown, for many reasons.
Perhaps a little backstory from your resident Minnesota sports blogger is in order here: Justin Bieber, the “singer,” is in Minneapolis tonight for a sold-out shriek-inducing concert at Target Center and Justin Morneau, the baseball player, is also in Minneapolis tonight as the Twins take on the Tigers across the street from Target Center at Target Field. Apparently, this Bieber lad is quite astute at making simplistic connections, as he quickly realized, likely without any help from his handlers, manager or mommy, that:
- Both he and Morneau hail from Canada;
- Both he and Morneau just so happen to have the first name Justin; and
- Both he and Morneau, like billions of other people on this planet, like McDonald’s. Although my guess is Bieber arrived at this conclusion due to the fact that Morneau took a buttload of money from the fast food giant to appear in some radio and television commercials (one of which can be found after the jump) – which doesn’t necessarily mean that Morneau actually likes McDonald’s, just that he is willing to take fat stacks of cash from them to shill their product.
And by good, I of course meant bonerrific, but I am sure you knew that already.
Sure, it was in a match for something called the Ladies’ Invitational Doubles, so it wasn’t technically a competitive professional event per se, but there they were, Anna and Martina, Kournikova and Hingis, Weed Against Speed’s Tennis Player Fantasy File Spots 1 and 2, on the hallowed turf of Court No. 2 at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, playing tennis, sweating, grunting, et cetera, et cetera.
Boy, do those photos take me back to a time not so long ago when Hingis and Kournikova reigned over the sexy world of women’s tennis. And that, too, was good. Very, very good.
Wimbledon 2010: Anna Kournikova and Martina Hingis return to SW19 – in pictures [The Telegraph]
(previously at the Sportress: Anna Kournikova, Martina Hingis Reuniting For Some Sexy, Ball-Whacking Action)
Yay! College football players better continue to work on their Rey Maualuga-inspired dance moves, because USA Today‘s Michael Hielstand, perhaps the most plugged-in sports media journalist in the business, just broke the story that Erin Andrews, whose current contract with ESPN was set to expire in mere days, has reportedly signed a multi-year contract extension with tWWL. Even better, Hielstand got the scoop from none other than ESPN Vice President Norby(!) Williamson himself. Norby(!) declined to discuss specifics, but did go on record to say that he hopes “to have a deal done soon.”
Finally, our long, gut-wrenching, national nightmare has now passed and we can confidently feel that things will slowly return to a sense of normalcy now that Andrews is back in the fold. Great news indeed. And I know one guy who let out a huge sigh of relief: Read More→
Best idea ever or BEST IDEA EVAR?
I cannot believe I didn’t hear about this a year ago when it was initially released, but a news report of an Alaskan distillery releasing a salmon-flavored vodka mentioned that Seattle-based Black Rock Spirits has had a bacon-flavored vodka, conveniently named Bakon, out on the market for some time now. Genius!
From Black Rock Spirits website:
Around the world today, high-end lounges are serving a variety of “carnivorous cocktails.” The best mixologists are like chefs behind the bar and they don’t want to be limited to standard fruit-flavored infusions. These bartenders have found that the savory aspect of bacon makes a great dominant profile in a cocktail like a Bakon martini with a blue cheese-stuffed olive. But it can also take the back seat, with bacon’s smoky flavor subtly enhancing the taste in a concoction like a Chocolate Martini.
Mmmmm…bacon intoxication…
If you are having difficulty wrapping your brain and taste buds around the idea of a bacon-flavored vodka, try this Bloody Mary recipe on for size:
• 1½ oz. Bakon Vodka in a pint glass filled with ice.
• Fill glass with tomato juice
• 1 dash each of celery salt and ground black pepper
• 2-4 dashes each of Worcestershire sauce and Tabasco
• 1/8 tsp. horseradish
Shake and pour into a salt rimmed pint glass. Garnish with a celery stalk and your favorite pickled vegetables.
That sounds good. I’ll have that. There are many more drool-inducing drink recipes where that came from, too. Now, I’m no mixologist nor am I a dietician or culinary wizard, but I do know one thing for certain: bacon makes everything better. Even your chronic alcoholism.
Move over fruit, meat-flavored vodkas moving in [AP]
