Archive for May, 2010
After easily handling Natalie Gulbis in the first round (55%-45%) and weathering a hard-fought battle, even losing at one point but finishing strong in the round of 32, but ultimately prevailing over Danica Patrick (56%-44%), loverboy-football-coaching-hottie Lane Kiffin is now finds himself in the Sweet 16 of Esquire‘s Sexiest Woman Alive Madness Bracket.
But as you can see above, the deeper you go in the tourney the stiffer the competition. Kiffin will have his hands full in this round with the stunning soccer-playing beauty Heather Mitts.
Here’s how Esquire sees the epic matchup:
He’s not the tourney’s only Cinderella, but Lane Kiffin does have the distinction of being its only male contestant. Through grit and sheer anti-determination (and maybe because he takes such good care of his hair), Kiffin was able to make it farther than Tennessee fans — and even the selection committee — ever thought possible. Especially considering his pump-up routine.
As for Heather Mitts, it’s no surprise that voters would be unfamiliar with her program. She plays soccer… in the United States. Although Kiffin may have the higher national profile, Mitts does have a slight advantage: She is a woman. (And in the span of her career, she’s won only twelve fewer football games.)
Zing. With 10 days left to vote, you best get yourself over to the site and vote for your favorite hotties of the year. Start with voting for Kiffin here.
If Kiffin can somehow manage to vanquish Miss Mitts, the road to the Final Four will prove to be a difficult one to say the least. The other matchup in the Sports bracket is a no-holds-barred grope-fest (we wish) between Stacy Kiebler and Tanith Belbin. Nice.
But if Kiffin has proven one thing, it’s that he is extremely unpredictable and a wily competitor. If I were a betting man, I would put my money on Kiffin over Mills. He’s got moxie and loads of spunk inside of him.
Sexiest Woman Alive Madness: The Sweetest Sweet 16 Ever (Lane Kiffin vs. Heather Mitts) [Esquire]
Get it? Hoo boy, that’s some sweet, sweet material right there. You know, because a microphone is phallic-shaped and Tiger Woods has been having a lot of sex with his penis, which is kind of where he is holding the microphone. The only thing missing is a well-crafted “That’s what she said” reference. Then, the New York Post would have hit the lazy comedy mother lode.
Come on, New York Post. That’s some weaksauce blogger stuff right there. The least the newspaper could have done was leave the joke for me to write. Jerks.
Site Note: Yes, that is my third “It’s Funny Because…” post title of the week. Apologies for that, but it’s just so easy and I’m even lazier than the writers at the New York Post, apparently.
[H/T The Sports Hernia Blog & Devil Ball Golf]
Prior to beginning his NBA career, Milwaukee Bucks point guard Brandon Jennings spent a year playing basketball in Italy. Jennings was on with Jim Rome yesterday and credited the time he spent in Italy for the quick adjustment to his life as a professional basketball player in the great city of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Via Ball Don’t Lie:
Rome: “Can you see spending your whole career in Milwaukee?
Jennings: “Yeah, I can. I like it. It reminds me of Italy, laid-back town, small little market, and they’re real big on sports.”
(HEAD ASPLODES)
I’ll just let you guys chew on that one over your lunch hour. Enjoy.
Brandon Jennings: ‘Milwaukee reminds me of Italy’ [Ball Don't Lie]
You do know who the real victim ended up being when Erin Andrews was videotaped nude in her hotel room, don’t you? No, it wasn’t Erin Andrews, who was victimized by a scumbag to such an extent her sense of privacy, safety and security may have been permanently compromised. Come on, don’t be so naive, people.
Nope, the real suffering experienced in light of the hell Erin Andrews went through last year was not her, but her employer, ESPN, of course. Duh.
According to TMZ, ESPN is attempting to recoup some of the money it was forced to spend on an increased security detail for Erin Andrews after the Peepholegate mess blew wide open last year to the tune of $327,442.27. The network filed documents in federal court in California yesterday requesting that Michael David Barrett, currently serving 30 months for recording Andrews in her hotel room, pony up the money to help out the cash-starved network. I am sure he has that kind of scratch readily available. Convicted felons always have more than a quarter million in cash laying around, right?
Given its status as a rinky-dink, fly-by-night, upstart operation barely squeaking by to make ends meet, I suppose we can hardly blame ESPN for trying to get some of that money back. I mean jeez people, tWWL is rubbing two pennies together as it is, for Pete’s sake.
ESPN Demands $300k from Erin Andrews’ Stalker [TMZ]
Tony La Russa Is All About The Pussy(cats)
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St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony La Russa, a longtime animal activist, will be making an appearance on the Animal Planet show Housecat Housecall this season to discuss, identify and help train “therapy cats” and the way in which they are utilized by his organization, ARF (Animal Rescue Foundation).
Via Daily Pitch:
La Russa created ARF in 1991, a year after he befriended a stray cat that wandered on the field while he was managing an Oakland A’s game. He was dismayed there weren’t any “no-kill” rescue shelters in the East Bay.
His organization’s mission is aimed at improving the bond between animals and humans, by designing “progressive programs” for groups that can benefit from the healing contact of animals.
You have to give La Russa credit where credit is due. His passion and dedication in helping protect and save helpless animals who have been more or less forgotten and cast aside by society is commendable. Although I suppose we shouldn’t be too surprised that La Russa finds this kind of work so rewarding – just look at the tremendous job he did rescuing Mark McGwire from certain oblivion. A lot of people thought McGwire should have been put down, too.
Pet defender Tony La Russa to appear on Animal Planet’s Housecat Housecall [Daily Pitch]
After shooting a sub-par 83 in a local qualifier at the MetroWest Golf Club in Orlando, Vikings kicker Ryan Longwell failed to advance to the next stage of sectional qualifying for the 2010 U.S. Open. Longwell, an accomplished golfer who one day hopes to transition from professional football player to professional golfer, still had a blast while playing with amateur Phillip Choi, who had the best round at MetroWest yesterday.
“Didn’t play great but had two bad breaks which led to big numbers,” Longwell said via text message. “Had two (double bogeys) and a quad. Only 1 birdie. … A lot of fun though!!”
“It was really fun, and I’ll be much better next time just having been through it once,” Longwell said. “Also great to see Philip shoot lights out and see how it’s done!”
Perhaps Longwell should ask his neighbor, Tiger Woods, for some playing advice. Since Woods is not currently playing due to that bulging disk injury, it isn’t like Tiger has a lot on his plate right now or anything…
Vikings kicker Ryan Longwell shoots 83 in U.S. Open golf qualifier [Pioneer Press]
Ryan Longwell Says Woods’ Neighborhood ‘Crazy’ [WCCO]
Notre Dame tight end Mike Ragone and a woman who was traveling with him were arrested and charged with misdemeanor marijuana possession by the Indiana State Police after being pulled over Saturday evening. Notre Dame director of football media relations Brian Hardin confirmed on Monday.
From The Journal Gazette (via College Football Talk):
State trooper Tony Lomonaco smelled marijuana and found two small bags of marijuana in the woman’s purse, Galaviz said.
Because the amount found was less than 30 grams, Ragone, 22, and the woman were charged with misdemeanor possession, according to Galaviz.
“Coach (Brian) Kelly is aware of the situation and feels it is a serious matter,” Hardin said. “He has spoken with Mike, but any team-related action that may be forthcoming would be handled internally.”
Jeez, when contemplating the state of Notre Dame football, perennial underachievement fueled by a legacy of a once-proud and decorated football program now reduced to borderline irrelevancy usually come to mind, not players on the team stupidly getting busted with weed in their car. Times they are a-changin’, I guess.
Toking Irish: TE Ragone busted for pot possession [College Football Talk]
Notre Dame tight end arrested [The Journal Gazette]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. If you would like to see one of your very own posts linked on this Peabody Award-winning sports, send tips and submissions to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Scientists studying the colossal squid Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni have discovered that it is not the fierce hunter it was suspected to be. Instead, it just lays around and waits for its prey to swim by. Said marine biologist Rui Rosa: “It’s a squid that weighs half a ton with hooks in its tentacles, but our findings show it’s more like just a big blob.” That’s real classy. Have they ever considered the squid’s feelings? Name-calling hurts. [MSNBC]
• The mayor of Boston better brush up on his Boston sports knowledge. [Out of Bounds]
• LPGA golfer Erica Blasberg was found dead on Sunday. She was 25. [Wei Under Par]
• Hank Haney has resigned as Tiger’s swing coach. [You Been Blinded]
• A fantastic compilation of the dumbest sports fans ever. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• Ken Griffey, Jr. is old, sleepy. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Hilarious: JaMarcus Russell’s Raiders career in pictures. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Notre Dame golfer claims she hit a 30 on the front nine during a tournament as a goof and surprisingly, the little joke backfired on her. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Butter Chicken goes over ridiculously simple things he never knew. [Food Court Lunch]
• Pitching great John Smoltz’s bid to qualify for the U.S. Open fell short. [Hardball Talk]
• BC needs someone to bake a 21st birthday cake for Kevin, the site’s intern. Help ‘em out. [Busted Coverage]
• Detroit Pistons backup performs “Roses” by Outkast. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• The top 10 reasons Ken Griffey, Jr. should retire. [Five Tool Tool]
• Kobe Bryant needs to hire a new stylist or something. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Police Plan To Pillage And Terrify Community
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• In light of getting hit in the junk during last night’s Stanley Cup playoff game, Sami Salo’s testicle now has its own Twitter account. [Out of Bounds]
• Awesome: the return of “Ask Joe Thornton.” [Melt Your Face Off]
• Jovana Vasic plays tennis at a junior college. She is also quite fetching. [Busted Coverage]
• Given Dallas Braden’s perfect game, JSF sought out other great accomplishments by baseball players named after cities. [Joe Sports Fan]
• You might not believe it, but MMA actually got gayer over the weekend. [With Leather]
• Photos of a wet Brooklyn Decker. [Guyism]
• A recap of the “bulging dick”-broadcaster phenomenon. [The Sporting Blog]
• KSK has Sexy Monday now? Sweet. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Mets slugger David Wright had a complete meltdown while arguing a strike 3 call yesterday. [Big League Stew]
• What was the deal with the crappy condition Sawgrass was in this weekend? [Waggle Room]
• Discussion of a brand new site, Billy Ripken Bombs, which places the infamous phrase found on his bat in that baseball card into famous historical photographs. [Mr. Irrelevant]
• A-Rod Loves Man Ass. [The Slanch Report]
• 10 heart attack-inducing burgers. Yum. [Uncoached]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Full-Time Mom Drunk On The Job
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There are few jobs more demanding than being the analyst a baseball broadcast, especially when the game goes into extra innings. Mets color man Keith Hernandez had a case of the nappies Saturday night during New York’s extra inning affair with the San Francisco Giants, which the Mets ultimately won by a score of 5-4. Thankfully, a producer woke up Hernandez so I assume he must have caught the thrilling ending. He later described his little unscheduled snooze as a “cat nap,” which seems about right since Hernandez always has and always will be all about the pussy.
Still, the man fell asleep during a live broadcast. Jerry Lewis essentially stays awake for three straight days during his telethon every year and he has had one foot in the grave for going on 30 years now. But ultimately can we really blame Keith Hernandez? Life ain’t easy for the guy. First of all, his ‘stache is trash, and if he had a beard, it would most certainly be weird. Plus, you never know, maybe Hernandez had to get up earlier than his usual wake-up time – 10:00 a.m. – for a golf outing or something.
Yeah, these broadcasting guys sure got it rough, man. But you have to admire the restraint and class shown by Keith’s broadcasting partner, Gary Cohen. I will tell you this: Clyde Frazier wouldn’t have put up with that bull crap.
ModernTube: Keith Hernandez falls asleep during Mets game [Big League Stew]
If you’re thinkin’ Bill’s too cool to boogie
Boy oh boy have I got news for you
Everybody here tonight must boogie
Let me tell ya’ Bill is no exception to the rule
Get on up on the floor
Cuz Bill’s gonna boogie oogie oogie
Till he just can’t boogie no more (boogie)
Boogie no more
Bill can’t boogie no more (boogie)
Boogie no more, listen to the music
If anything, I have a newly found respect for Bill Self’s sense of humor. And his choice of attire. That outfit is smokin’, man.
On June 11th, Bill Self will be hosting “Basketball Boogie” in Kansas City, a charity event which will raise funds for Self’s Assists Foundation, which seeks to “help provide young people access to better lives.” The screencap above is from a video (can be found after the jump) Self did to promote the event.
From The Dagger:
“We had such a great time at the 2008 Boogie, it took us two years to recover,” Self said in a statement. “And we expect this one to be even better. We have to build on that success because we’ve got some great kids and organizations to recognize and a lot of money to raise to meet our long term goals and commitments.”
And now, Bill Self doing a little dance, making a little love, getting down tonight.
Okay, he’s actually just doing a little dance. As far as I know, the Bill Self sex tape isn’t set to be released for a few months. Post-production stuff and all.
Yesterday, some boys discovered a javelin in the bushes in front of the Westmont Park Community Center in Pomona, California. Right after throwing the javelin, another kid, 15, ran around a corner of a building and impaled himself on the javelin which was embedded in the ground. From CBS News:
Daniel Hearn said he saw the teen running toward the javelin and fall to his knees after he was injured.
He says the boy tripped and the javelin entered near his hip and came out through his buttocks.
Other witnesses at the scene said the teen seemed like he was in shock as he grabbed the javelin with both hands and pulled it out.
Holy crap. You know, if the yahoos in charge of track and field would have adopted the kind of javelin Lamar Latrell threw in Revenge of the Nerds, disasters like these could be easily avoided. But it is rare for big time organizations to consider the wisdom imparted by 1980s raunchy team comedies. It’s a shame, really.
Thankfully, the boy is reportedly now in stable condition at an area hospital, but that does not sound like a pleasant way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Or any afternoon, for that matter. Except maybe Tuesday afternoons. They blow.
Boy, 15, Impaled By Javelin in Calif. Park [CBS News]
Teen in Stable Condition After Being Accidentally Stabbed with Javelin [Fox News]
What motivates a person to buy a shirt parodying the “Enjoy Coke” logo with the word “vagina” on it? An overwrought and desperate need for attention? A whimsical, carefree attitude? The fact that he is a likely a complete tool that thinks the word “vagina” is inherently hilarious?
Heh. Enjoy Vagina. That’s some creative novelty t-shirt witticism right there. It’s too bad he forgot his “Wine ‘Em, Dine ‘Em, Sixty-Nine ‘Em” trucker hat at home. He would have been the epitome of class, then.
When it comes down to it, an “Enjoy Vagina” t-shirt presents that whimsical, devil-may-care attitude rarely seen in clothing since those Big Johnson t-shirts were a hit way back when. Oh, and can’t forget about the hilarity that is a “Free Mustache Rides” shirt. Solid.
[H/T Walkoff Walk]
The internets have been abuzz today with news of Oakland Athletics pitcher Dallas Braden pitching a perfect game yesterday against the Rays and how it adds an additional level of intrigue to his feud with Alex Rodriguez. Forget that crap. That’s only like, one game, man. A high school senior in California – John Kukuruda, a 6-3 righthander for East Nicolaus High School – pitched his fourth consecutive no-hitter on Friday, a new California state record. Now that’s an example of a standout pitching performance.
Kukuruda began his streak April 16 in a five-inning, 10-0 defeat of Esparto. His other no-hitters were also abbreviated by a 10-run mercy rule: April 23, six no-hit innings for a 10-0 defeat of Biggs; April 30, five no-hit innings in a 11-0 win at Los Molinos; Friday, a five-inning, 10-0 defeat of Hamilton (Hamilton City). He also had 1⅓ no-hit relief innings May 4 in a 19-0 defeat of Esparto.
Obviously, the magnitude of his accomplishment is somewhat diminished by the fact that not one of the games went the complete seven innings, but is it his fault that high schools use the mercy rule? You know who is at fault? The communists. I could go on, but I don’t want to get all political and stuff on you so early on a Monday. Plus, I have no idea what I’m talking about, something regular readers of this here site have long been aware of.
California pitcher’s fourth straight no-hitter breaks state record [USA Today]
Athletics’ Dallas Braden throws perfect game against Tampa Bay Rays [USA Today]
This is precisely why everybody hates A-Rod [Out of Bounds]
Yamma-hamma. Canucks defenseman Sami Salo was injured in one of the most unpleasant ways imaginable at the end of the first period during Sunday’s Game 5 of the Vancouver-Chicago playoff series when he absorbed a Duncan Keith slapshot right to his, um, man parts. Ugh. Salo was taken to the hospital but encouraging news surfaced later last night that Salo did not, in fact, suffer a ruptured testicle, as was originally speculated. So I guess that’s a good thing.
Despite the positive development that he didn’t lose one of his testicular soldiers in battle , there are still few things that sound worse than taking a hunk of frozen, vulcanized rubber right to the junk. At the same time, hockey players are tough bastards so it wouldn’t be a shock if Salo is suited up and ready to play come tomorrow night for Game 6.
Yowsers.
Video: Sami Salo takes puck to groin, hospitalized (updated) [Puck Daddy]
