Archive for May, 2010
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s Grammy Award-winning morning link dump. It’s still angling for that Tony Award but that just might not be in the cards. Send tips, links, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• New Zealand Prime Minister John Key made a culinary faux pas Thursday and the press are eating him alive over it. Speaking at a tourism conference, Key made a crack about the Tuhoe tribe, who were known at one time as cannibals: “The good news is that I was having dinner with Ngati Porou as opposed to their neighbouring iwi which is Tuhoe, in which case I would have been dinner, which wouldn’t have been quite so attractive.” Zing. Seriously, aren’t people being a little bit oversensitive here? What topics are safe to joke about at this point? I’m pretty sure midgets are the only thing left. They’re funny. [Yahoo!/AFP]
• How about them Montreal Canadiens??? Bye bye Sidney Crosby, ya jerk. [Puck Daddy]
• I can assure you these guys are thrilled. [Four Habs Fans]
• The Seattle Mariners are blackballing the reporter who wrote the story about Ken Griffey, Jr. sleeping in the clubhouse. [Babes Love Baseball]
• Reports indicate that Hank Haney quit as Tiger’s coach because he has “no regard for a person like that.” [Out of Bounds]
• Be prepared to pay more if you intend to take in an NFL football game this season. [Shutdown Corner]
• Lenny Dykstra: still broke. [Walkoff Walk]
• Charles Barkley: loves him some tasty chicken feet. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Compelling reasons to hate the Astros. [7th Inning Stache]
• When an urban legend can break your heart. [Food Court Lunch]
• Brooklyn Decker doing cartwheels. Brooklyn Decker doing cartwheels. [Busted Coverage]
• The top 10 reasons the NBA insists on these long breaks smack dab in the middle of the playoffs. [Five Tool Tool]
• Five additional excuses Lawrence Taylor may use at trial. [Guyism]
• Vin Scully was a grouchy old coot in the booth last night. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Tiger Woods has an inflamed facet joint. What in the hell is that? [Trailing Tiger]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: I’m In Alien Ant Farm For The Long Haul By Mike Cosgrove, Drummer
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• My colleague Rick Chandler has brought back Minor Enterprise from his Deadspin days. It’s great stuff. [Out of Bounds]
• My pal LeNoc has prepared a very special Game 7-themed NSFWednesday for our enjoyment. [Melt Your Face Off]
• There are now reports that Ken Griffey, Jr. was crying in the clubhouse, not sleeping. Jebus. [Big League Stew]
• Yay! FCL finishes the headline! [Food Court Lunch]
• A Cleveland Cavaliers fan was so mad last night he had popcorn flying out of his mouth. [Busted Coverage]
• You know all those videos showing prospects jumping out of pools and up into truck beds? Here’s a hilarious video of when one of those attempts goes wrong. [With Leather]
• Cripes. Ken Burns is doing another documentary about baseball. [Walkoff Walk]
• Maria Menounos was sexily talking smack on ESPN earlier today. [Bob's Blitz]
• Tracy Morgan made an appearance in the booth during a Baltimore Orioles game. [The Sporting Blog]
• The Albert Pujols Dress, anyone? [Joe Sports Fan]
• Five qualified candidates from the sports world for the Supreme Court. [Sports Pickle]
• SSF got some mail! [Second-String Fullback]
• Here’s some LOLs from Game 5 of the Celtics-Cavaliers series. [Daddy's Sugar Ball]
• Hubba hubba: Jason Kidd’s girlfriend has been named Playmate of the Year. [The Slanch Report]
• The Cornell basketball team sang Beyonce’s “Single Ladies.” Yikes. [Outside the Boxscore]
•The Onion Headline of the Day: Yankees Hat Purchased
Send tips, submissions, complaints, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
From the “Who Are The Ad Wizards Who Came Up With This One?” department comes news that former novelty boxer Eric Esch, a/k/a Butterbean, has joined the ranks of MMA fighters.
The grisly details (from The Fabulous Forum):
“Butterbean” is not only fighting Boston radio personality and former Boston Bruins player Lyndon Byers on May 21, he’s also co-promoting the “Moosin: God of Martial Arts” show at the DCU Center in Worcester, Mass. The pay-per-view main event will feature former two-time UFC heavyweight champion Tim Sylvia versus five-time “World’s Strongest Man” competitor Mariusz Pudzianowski.
You know, I thought you had to be, I don’t know. in peak physical condition to be an MMA fighter. I guess I was wrong.
Butterbean understands the risk he’s taking and apparently is working hard to ensure he doesn’t humiliate himself in the octagon or whatever the hell they call that thing those meatheads fight in.
“A lot of boxers have tried it and not had success,” Esch said. “It’s important to know the differences, otherwise you look like Michael Jordan trying to play baseball.”
Yes, exactly like Michael Jordan playing baseball. Or better yet, a portly, bald dude making a terrible mistake.
Please don’t kill me, Butterbean.
Add ‘Butterbean’ to list of boxing’s MMA converts [The Fabulous Forum]
Really big, huge…just coming out the top of her bra…they are like, chokin’ her.
Boy, that’s quite the busty coed. God, I miss college.
To be honest, I have no legitimate reason to post this photo. Simply consider it a mid-afternoon treat from your friendly neighborhood Blogger-Man.
[H/T (with more pics!) Friends of the Program (via Busted Coverage)]
Maybe if he wore that helmet more often, Big Ben wouldn’t be having so many problems with antisocial behavior.
It doesn’t quite add up, does it? In light of two alleged incidents of sexual assault, a company that sells friggin’ beef jerky drops Ben Roethlisberger like a bag of dirt, but two worthwhile, well-meaning and well-respected charities stand by Big Ben as he weathers yet another storm entirely of his making.
Make-A-Wish and the Ronald McDonald House charities remain committed to Roethlisberger despite the fact he is a ginormous egotistical asshole. Although Judith Stone, the President of Make-A-Wish Pittsburgh admits that she was “heartbroken and very surprised” when she heard about Roethlisberger’s recent men’s room dalliances, her organization will stick by their guy. Why? Because some misguided children with terrible parents still want to meet Big Ben, just hopefully when he’s not totally inebriated and scoping for unsuspecting victims chicks.
iPhones. What can’t they do?
San Diego Padres reliever Tim Stauffer woke up in the middle of the night early Tuesday morning in his hotel room not feeling so hot, so he did what any sensible person would do: he entered his symptoms into a medical website on his iPhone. The site’s prognosis wasn’t good: possible appendicitis. So Stauffer called Padres head trainer Todd Hutcheson to seek advice.
From The San Diego Tribune:
“He had himself diagnosed,” said Hutcheson. “He said, ‘I think I have appendicitis.’ ”
Hours later, indeed, Stauffer no longer had an appendix. Able to get to St. Mary’s Hospital via taxi and address the issue before his inflamed appendix burst, Stauffer underwent a minimally invasive (one-stitch) laparoscopy. Placed on the disabled list, Stauffer initially was projected to miss perhaps four weeks of playing time.
Wow. These modern cell phone thingamajigs are some wonderful contraptions. I should really consider upgrading mine. It’s probably due time, huh?
Stauffer makes right appendicitis call [The San Diego Tribune]
Hey Buzz, just because you have never brought a woman to one, that doesn’t mean you don’t have to spell the word correctly.
ZING!
And what in the hell is a sports radio blogger anyway? That’s an incredibly narrow field of bloggery to limit yourself to if you ask me.
Ahh, I’m just messing with him. Mistakes and jumbled, nonsensical tweets can happen to the best of us. But I don’t know, there is something about a well-respected, incredibly-talented writer misspelling words on Twitter that really pisses the shit out of me.
buzzbissinger [Twitter]
Buzz Bissinger Hates Deadspin Editor, Blogs in General [New York Magazine]
She’s banned? She’s banned. But what is she gonna do for fruit?
After being fined a record 2 million yen ($21,590) by the Japanese LPGA, golfer Yuko Mitsuka has voluntarily banned herself from competing in 11 upcoming tournaments as a consequence for her immature behavior during the first round of last week’s World Ladies Championship. Mitsuka stormed off the course in a huff during the middle of the round after getting penalized for slow play.
JLPGA chief Hisako Higuchi issued an ominous threat to Mitsuka’s Japanese LPGA players:
“It will have a serious impact on her to miss these tournaments. Let this be a lesson to other golfers.”
Indeed. And this guy means it, too. Apparently, the JLPGA suspended a player for 10 years in 2006 after she falsified her scorecard. Yikes.
Golf-Japanese player bans herself for 11 events [Yahoo!/Reuters]
Rumors are circulating around the ‘tubes that former Connecticut Huskies star and current Memphis Grizzly Hasheem Thabeet (above, grilling) reportedly knocked Tanzanian Bongo Flava (?) musician TID (above, chilling) at some nightclub in Tanzania.
Via Swahili Remix:
According to eyewitnesses, it was said that the R&B singer was accompanied by a lady friend known only as Anna, who went to greet Hasheem. But the R&B singer wasn’t happy and tried to create a scene, thats when the 7 foot Big Man bounced him like a basket ball.
Thabeet’s agent has denied that an altercation took place, although he did concede, according to MyFox Memphis, that “Thabeet was in a nightclub last weekend when an altercation broke out, but that the Grizzlies center was in a private section of the club and being protected by three bodyguards at the time, which is the norm for Thabeet when staying in Tanzania.”
TID did shed some light on the situation when he addressed the issue on his blog, TOPBAND:
Ilikua majira ya saa kumi unusu nikiwa natoka club billcanas pamoja na rafiki yangu ANNA tukiongozana kuelekea mlango mkubwa wa kioo nikiwa naongea na simu na Hisbert kwa sauti ya juu maana kelele za muziki zilikua zinasumbua nikiwa nimesimama nje ya mlango wa kioo ghafla akatokea bwana HASHIM ambaye alikua counter akiongea na wakata ticket akaja nje na kunipiga bonge la mtama nikaaunga chini ya sakafu na kuzirai kwa dakika kadhaa,mabaunsa wakanibeba na kuniweka pembeni maana nilikua mlangoni,nilipozinduka nilisikia maumivu makali kwenye mabega,mkono wangu wa kulia na mguu ambao unafanya kutembea kwangu kwa taabu,nikaangalia mkononi simu yangu sikuiona tena,nikawauliza mabaunsa wake jamaa amekwenda wapi!wakadai ameondoka tayari…nikajikokota kuelekea kwenye gari yangu na kuelekea polisi kutoa taarifa niweze kupata matibabu,nilipofika nikaaandika statement nikapewa namba ya case CD/RB/6848/10 pia nikapatiwa PF3 nikaenda hospitali nikapata matibabu,sasa hivi niko kitandani siwezi kutembea vizuri,pia nitashindwa kuperfom kwenye harusi ambayo tayari nishalipwa pesa tayari.SWALI langu ni kwanini ameamua kunidhalilisha vile mbele ya CLUB na FANZ ambao nilikua nawatumbuiza?kwanini ameamua kuniharibia kazi yangu?kwanini ameamua kunipiga bila ya kumkosea?JE NI SAWA HIVI JAMANI….naona MACHOZI YANANITOKA SINA CHA KUMUELEZA MAMA YANGU.
Wait. What? Dammit, I knew I should have stayed up on my Swahili studies. Or at very least, not pawned by Swahili Decoder Ring.
Hasheem Thabeet punches T.I.D [Swahili Remix]
Thabeet’s Agent Denies Fight Took Place [MyFox Memphis]
HASHIM THABEET AMENIPiGA. [TOPBAND]
Well Played, Sports Pickle
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Apparently, this is the only play Cleveland Cavaliers head coach Mike Brown knows how to draw up. And it ain’t working.
IMAGE: Mike Brown’s playbook [Sports Pickle]
Dear God. Darling little Olympian Shawn Johnson had the honor of throwing out the ceremonial first pitch before a minor league baseball game last night in Iowa, and as you can plainly see above, she ranks right up there with Mariah Carey, Carl Lewis and Cincinnati mayor Mark Mallory as it pertains to awkwardly embarrassing performances by a non-baseball player on a pitcher’s mound. It was such a poorly thrown ball that it is surprising it didn’t travel backwards.
Via the Des Moines Register:
Shawn Johnson threw something other than a strike Saturday night at Principal Park, but that didn’t matter. Gymnastics is her game, not baseball, and it was evident after the 2008 gold medalist was just a bit low during her ceremonial first pitch before the Iowa Cubs’ game against Oklahoma City.
Actually, it was quite a bit low. It barely made it out of the pitchers mound dirt.
“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” she said before the pitch.
Her into-the-ground pitch still got cheers from an announced crowd of 4,835.
I suppose we should give the young lady a break and allow her a free pass on this one. Baseball isn’t a very popular activity among members of the Lollipop Guild.
Shawn Johnson’s first pitch comes up a bit … short [Des Moines Register]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It is 100% self-funded, so donations are welcome. As you are well aware, there is a lack of quality blogging on the interwebs, but we cannot continue to provide wonderful programming like “Nightmare Fuel”, “It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?” and “Chicks, Man” without your support. With every donation, you will receive a stylish S.O.B. tote bag as a gift. In the interim, tips are welcome and encouraged. Please send in care of weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• David Medford, 37, of Medford, Oregon, invited three women, one of them his former girlfriend over to his home. That’s when things got a little out of hand. From azcentral.com: “Stockton got angry and told them to leave, police said. He fired up his Poulan chainsaw and ran the 18-inch blade along the passenger side of the small sport utility vehicle, denting and scraping it, then poked the blade through the passenger side front seat window, Boudreau said.” Awesome, yet terrifying. Even more awesome, yet terrifying? His mug shot:
Ha. He looks like one of my relatives. [azcentral]
• Sammy Sosa is back to his usual skin tone. [Busted Coverage]
• Nice: model ball girls for tennis. [Bob's Blitz]
• Tim Donaghy is back in the news. Yippee. [Hardball Talk]
• Suck it, A-Rod: Dallas Braden did the Top 10 on Letterman. [Bugs & Cranks]
• Former Red Wings executive allegedly likes kiddie porn. [Detroit4Lyfe]
• Cheer up, Canucks fans: even though your team was eliminated last night, at least you will always have the lamest hip hop anthem ever. [Puck Daddy]
• Remember that story about those Tiger Woods irons that were for sale on eBay that he supposedly used during his Tiger Slam? The story has taken an interesting turn. [Devil Ball Golf]
• You have got to check out twoeightnine’s new Steve Nash t-shirt. [Ball Don't Lie]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: EPA: Stubborn Environment Refusing To Meet Civilization Halfway
Oh my God, Look What The Cat Dragged In.
Given the guy has barely evaded death something like six times in the past three months, the Tampa Bay Rays might want to have a contingency plan in place for the evening of September 25th, because fans won’t be looking for Nothin’ But A Good Time when rocker (you always have to preface his name with “rocker”) Bret Michaels is scheduled to perform on the last night of the Tampa Bay Rays’ concert series.
Unfortunately, Dierks Bentley’s performance has been bumped to June 12th to accommodate the Poison frontman’s schedule. Like I know who in the hell Dirks Bentley is. The name of that band sounds like I’m trying to explain to you what kind of British car Dirk Nowitzki drives.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go listen to Open Up And Say…Ahh! for the first time in ten years. And you know what? I bet “Fallen Angel” still has the raw power ballad power to get to me. I’m a sensitive guy that way.
Win big, mama’s fallen angel
Lose big, livin’ out her lies
Oh, you’re still here? The post is done, man. Beat it.
Bret Michaels to rock Trop after Sept. 25 Rays game [Tampa Bay Online]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• If the NHL returns to Winnipeg (fingers crossed), the Colorado Avalanche will have to move to the Pacific Division. [Puck Daddy]
• A disgusted Atlanta Hawks fan has put Joe Johnson on Craigslist. [Out of Bounds]
• The New York media is going all-out in their efforts to try to land LeBron James. [The Sporting Blog]
• Citi Field is full of garbage (insert joke here). [Walkoff Walk]
• Man, does Shaq look friggin’ old. [With Leather]
• The Penn State Undie Run really brought out the heifers. Yikes. [Busted Coverage]
• A lovely gallery of NHL Ice Girls. [Unathletic]
• Spike Lee is rooting for the Celtics in hopes that it will help lure LeBron James to New York. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Jerome Bettis is looking pretty fat. I’m talking like Orca fat. [PSAMP]
• Carlos Boozer did not have a good night last night. [The Last Angry Fan]
• More LSUfreek animated gif magic. [The Sporting Blog]
• Happy Twilight Zone Day, everyone! [Pop Candy]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Prince Fielder Satisfies Curiosity By Eating Small Handful Of Dirt
Send tips, submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Canucks defenseman Sami Salo, a/k/a the TOUGHEST MAN IN THE WORLD, showed an unparalleled level of commitment to his team by showing up and participating in Vancouver’s morning skate earlier today at GM Palace. Head coach Alain Vigneault said earlier that Salo is still considered “day-to-day” but has not been technically scratched from the lineup at this point. And with the Canucks facing elimination tonight against the Chicago Blackhawks, they could certainly use Salo, even if the manpower he can provide at this point is half-cocked at best.
But seriously, the guy took a damn slapshot straight to the friggin’ crotch on Sunday. He had to go the hospital. I will tell you this: I wouldn’t leave my house for at least three months if something that terrifyingly awful happened to me. Crap, I would need a year of intense therapy at a minimum simply to walk around without wearing two nut cups.
Sami Salo turns up for morning skate with Canucks [The Vancouver Sun]
(previously at the Sportress: Barney’s Movie Had Heart, But ‘Puck in the Groin’ Had A Puck In The Groin)
