Archive for May, 2010
Best marketing gimmick by a second-tier sports team ever or BREAST marketing gimmick by a second tier sports team EVER!
Either way, you have to love the moxie of the Nationals, the upstart Major League Lacrosse team based in Toronto. Between the Argos, Maple Leafs, Blue Jays and Raptors, the competition for the sports-attending public’s hard-earned money is pretty intense in Toronto, so the Nationals came up with an absolutely genius idea to attract fans to their home games:
Sign a partnership agreement with the Hooters restaurant chain and have them take over the concessions at the arena. And even better, have real, live Hooters girls staff the concession stands. Brilliant!
How is it that nobody else has ever thought of this before? It’s a pretty simple formula, really:
- Entertaining live sporting event
- Chicken wings
- Beer
- Boobs
- …
- Profit!
Well, leave out number one on the list and Hooters has that formula patented for years now, but it shouldn’t have taken this long for somebody to add that one additional component. Congratulations, Toronto Nationals: you have now become my favorite professional lacrosse team. But to be honest, the competition wasn’t that fierce in the first place.
Nationals have a Hoot of a plan [Toronto Sun]
Dear. God.
A veritable cavalcade of who’s who among Cleveland wheelers and dealers showed up a couple of weeks ago to record the soulful, tongue-in-cheek sendup of USA for Africa’s “We Are The World,” aptly entitled, “Please Stay LeBron.”
Among the esteemed participants included Cleveland Browns Super fan, John “Big Dawg” Thompson, Slider, Cleveland Indians Mascot Slider and as my colleague Rick Chandler points out, the one, the only, ambusher of library masturbators, the great Carl Monday!
Video after the jump. Be prepared.
In light of the tumultuous past seven months in Tiger’s life on and off the course and the appearance that it isn’t improving dramatically, no one could hold it against him if all he wanted to do was enter into a virtual world of his making, away from all the mistresses, divorce attorneys and chiropractors. Obviously, with his official separation from Elin appearing more and more imminent with every passing day, Tiger would need to stock this artificial world with the best of the best as it pertains to hottie virtual women. But who would they be?
Thankfully, in counting down the Top 10 video game chicks Tiger has been rumored to be nailing, the folks over at Machinima, in their web series “TEN FTW” tackled that very issue. Granted, the video after the jump has been out there for six months, but it’s a relatively slow news day for a blogger unless you want to write about LeBron James. Ugh. So bear with me, the video was new to me and perhaps it might be new to you.
As England’s soccer team prepares to embark on their trip to South Africa for the month-long World Cup, the team’s official supermarket, British grocery chain Tesco, has released the items the squad has requested be sent along with them, and let me tell you, as one who enjoys the finer things in life, in particular fine foods, all I can say is, “Blech.”
Via The Guardian, below are the English squad’s requested items:
- Six bottles of Tabasco sauce
- 24 bottles peri-peri sauce
- 12 tubes of wasabi paste
- 25 bottles of sweet chilli dipping sauce
- 10 bottles of English mustard
- 30 packs of seaweed sheets
- 25 bags of pine nuts
- 30 bags of dried apricots
- 30 packs of custard
- 30 packs of vegetable stock cubes
- 200 bars organic chocolate
- 30 bags of assorted herbal teas
- 10 packs of Arborio risotto rice
- 5 litres olive oil
- 10 bottles balsamic vinegar
- 24 jars of jam
- 15 bottles brown sauce
What in the hell is that? It’s all friggin’ condiments! It has no real food on it. With all the sauces and inedible food, all this is is an enhanced version of what you would expect to find in the average college student’s refrigerator – make that the average fancy-boy, dandy college student’s refrigerator. What are you going to put the jam on? No sausages, no shepherd or minced meat pies? No figgy pudding?
If you don’t eat your seaweed sheets, you can’t have any pudding!! How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your seaweed sheets???
Actually, clever reference to Pink Floyd aside (bows), there won’t be any pudding whatsoever. But they may choose to indulge every once in a while with some organic chocolate, which sounds dreadful.
But seriously, these are English blokes we are talking about – despite their status as world-class athletes, they do enjoy their British comfort food, so I’m a bit surprised for an entire month, they will not be able to feast upon bangers and mash, faggots or spotted dick. Heh. Spotted Dick.
Hilarious names aside, those foods look scrumptious, even delectable. And the Brits won’t be having any of them during the World Cup. I do not envy those guys. Not one bit.
The food England’s stars can’t do without [The Guardian]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. If it ever achieved free agent status, it would stay in Cleveland as long as it didn’t have to look at yahoo Anderson Varejao ever again. Maybe. Possibly. Probably. It needs to think about it some more. Send tips and contract offers to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• What I like about it is its accuracy. And that the word “tip” is used. A Canadian tourist vacationing in New Zealand woke up with a swollen penis due to a bite by a poisonous spider on his “Kiwi” after post skinny dipping nap on the beach. Take it away, AFP: “By the time he got to hospital in the far north of the country, his penis was severely swollen, his blood pressure was high and his heart racing.” Yeah, my heart would be racing too if the tip of my schlong looked a red balloon tied to a string. Yeesh. [Yahoo!/AFP]
• Coach in Catholic basketball league arrested for trying to bribe referees. Hey, it involved Catholics, his arrest could have been for something much worse. Zing! [Out of Bounds]
• Butter Chicken provides tips on how to tell if your hairdresser is gay. [Food Court Lunch]
• Gorgeous sideline report Ines Sainz donned a bikini for a photo shoot in Esquire Mexico. [Guyism]
• Boston Bruins head coach Claude Julien bears an eerie resemblance to something… [Melt Your Face Off]
• Jay-Z and Eminem tried to act like they give a crap about baseball. [With Leather]
• Fantastic golf blog is giving away tickets to Pebble Beach for the U.S. Open! [Waggle Room]
• Top 11 reasons the Cavs gave up in Game 6 against the Celtics. [Five Tool Tool]
• Not good: Jarrod Saltalamacchia puts the “fun” in fundamentals. [Walkoff Walk]
• Yamma-hamma: a gallery of all 51 contestants for Miss USA 2010…in swimsuits. [straitpinkie]
• The announcer for NBA Jam has been announced. Also, a contest where regular folks can submit one-liners to be used in the game. [FirstCuts]
• Reader submissions for JaMarcus Russell’s Raiders career in pictures. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• 1980′s Washington Bullets sales video is sublime. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: [video] In Focus: Live From Congress: Representative Wants To Rid Congress Of Gang Members
The Worst Seat At Target Field
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Hey, at least it’s a seat outside, right?
This was the seat occupied by Pioneer Press reporter Amy Nelson Tuesday night as the Twins took on the White Sox. It is Section S, Row 13, Seat 1, right outside of the Legends Club suite entrance. You might notice that a person occupying the seat cannot see home plate from this vantage point, which means, of course, you cannot bear witness to the Great Sideburned King Of Minnesota, Joe Mauer, as he reigns over his sparkling new kingdom from behind home plate.
Nelson should have known something was up after the usher directed her to her seat and her seatmates began giving her the business:
When I asked an usher where to find my seat, she said it was right outside the Legends Club suite entrance. She didn’t wink or give me a knowing look of sympathy, but when I finally sat down, the guys next to me filled me in: ‘You’re in the worst seat,’ Drew Wood said.
His friend Scottie Tuska explained: “People keep coming by to take photos of themselves sitting there.”
Nelson was a good sport about it and said that she could caught the entire game between watching the action on the field and utilizing the ginormous video screen.
And hey, she was still outside watching a ballgame, right? Right.
The view from the worst seat at Target Field [Pioneer Press]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• Remember that large-chested hottie from the University of Texas Undie Run we briefly addressed here yesterday? Turns out she was an impostor. Big deal, she still had fantastic breasts. [Busted Coverage]
• A word to the wise: never fall asleep on the bus while playing baseball in Venezuela – unless you don’t mind crapping your pants. [The Sporting Blog]
• Stu Scott is as stupid as the other side of the pillow or something after he referred to the Nationals as the Nazis. [Tirico Suave]
• South Africa has a whole lotta whores. [Bootlegger Sports]
• My buddies and former comrades at MYFO are pleased with the outcome of the Canadiens-Penguins series, just like me. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Epic Headline Fail by ESPN. [Joe Sports Fan]
• This could very well be the stereotypical Cardinals fan. [Walkoff Walk]
• Mike Ditka was on-hand for a commercial shoot earlier this week for the new Tiger Woods video game. [Devil Ball Golf]
• The wacky world of NBA free agent recruiting websites. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Six badasses from TV that would be fun to have a drink with. [Guyism]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Study Reveals Dolphins Lack Capacity To Mock Celebrity Culture
Send tips, links and detailed instructions on how to do the Heimlich Maneuver to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. Hurry!
In an interview with MeetTheBoss.tv, WWE International department head Andrew Whitaker boasted of the superiority of the product the WWE churns out on a weekly basis compared to the uninspiring, boring, substandard product that more traditional, “real” sports continue to put out for consumption.
Via The Sun:
“We can calibrate the delivery of each episode across the course of a year, to run a storyline over a period of time.
“So while it’s compelling, in most instances, watching pure sport, the reality is, in some instances, we have an advantage in the sense that we are able to calibrate the delivery of our content and how it’s delivered on a daily and weekly basis.”
He’s right to a certain point. It’s not like a lot of people are following real sports anymore. This Whitaker fellow doesn’t need to tell me organizations like the NFL, MLB, NHL and NBA are on their last legs. It’s abundantly clear these fly-by-night leagues are totally on the decline.
Whitaker points out that wrestling’s existence as an entertainment medium trumps any inherent shortcomings of their product.
“Obviously, the E is in our name. WWE is an entertainment company. It is a globally known brand now.
“Part of our being able to go public has allowed us to be able to do that.
“We see ourselves very much as an entertainment company that happens to also produce product in this genre and is the kind of — let’s call it the flagship leader — of that particular genre of programming.”
Wait. Professional wrestling isn’t real? All this time arguing with people about it, putting my integrity on the line, and it was all for nothing? Hillbilly Jim and Junkyard Dog – you guys lied to me, ya jerks!!!
WWE Official: ‘Wrestling has the advantage’ [The Sun]
They partied hardy after their beloved Canadiens upended the number one seed Washington Capitals in the first round and last night, they took to the streets of Montreal once again after the Habs upset the defending champion Pittsburgh Penguins in dominating fashion in Game 7 of that series. 41 arrests have been reported from last night’s revelry, but many more than that probably be thanking their lucky stars they didn’t wind up in the hoosegow.
It appears with each series victory, the frivolity and unfortunately, the violence seems to get taken up a notch. What worries me about this escalation of riotous behavior is what in God’s name would happen if the Montreal Canadiens actually won the whole enchilada and brought home Lord Stanley’s Cup to la ville aux cent clochers (that’s French for the city of cent clohers, by the way)?
What’s that? The Canadiens have won the Stanley Cup 24 times in the franchise’s history? So why do their fans get all crazy and crap when they win a measly early round playoff series? That doesn’t make sense. I guess we should just blame it all on the influence of those damn Frenchies.
Hockey mayhem in Montreal brings 41 arrests [Sporting News/AP]
Photos: Montreal fans riot after Habs victory [The Vancouver Sun]
(previously at the Sportress: Hey Look, Canadiens Fans Took To The Streets For Drunken Revelry…Again)
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who hate Kevin Costner and those who really hate Kevin Costner. Well, that might not necessarily be the case, but those two segments do include a majority of people, right?
Myself? Can’t stand the guy. I haven’t even seen Field of Dreams. Although I have seen Message in a Bottle over 50 times. Don’t judge me and my romantically sentimental ways.
Well, for those of you in the minority who can tolerate watching Kevin Costner and keep buying tickets to his craptastic movies, here is some good news: Don and Becky Lansing of Dyersville, Iowa are selling the property where one of several celluloid homages to America’s pastime by Costner Field of Dreams, was filmed. The property has been in Don Lansing’s family for well over a century but the Lansings feel that the time is right to move on.
Included in the property sale: the legendary baseball diamond, which the Lansings have maintained ever since Universal Studios built it for the film, a two bedroom house, six outbuildings, and a 193-acre parcel of land.
And dance he did, along with some singing and accordion playing during his magnetic performance in the musical revue, “Tom Izzo Goes To Broadway,” which is a song-and-dance retrospective of Izzo’s impressive career, which me to thinking, why wouldn’t someone have come up with this brilliant idea years ago? It was right there for the taking. But that’s the theater for you – for every stroke of genius, there are dozens of concepts never properly cultivated – like a seven-foot behemoth that camps out behind the arc and launches ill-advised three-pointers. Sooner or later, you are going to catch lightning in a bottle – just have to take the risk is all.
From mlive (via The Dagger):
The show, which raised money for arts education programming in West Michigan and MSU student scholarships, was put on by Broadway Grand Rapids. It took Izzo back in time to his hometown in Iron Mountain, wearing his No. 24 jersey at a high school basketball game with three seconds to play and a free throw needed to win. Izzo missed the shot — but it was the perfect time for those in the show to start belting out “Memory” from the musical “Cats.”
As Izzo tried to make it on Broadway, more moments led to more Broadway songs, including “The Impossible Dream” from “Man of La Mancha” and “Getcha Head in the Game” from “High School Musical.”
Sounds fascinatingly awful, but it was for a good cause so it’s all good. And the 1,800 people who packed DeVos Performance Hall for Tuesday night’s performance were left enthralled. Said one attendee: “I loved it. It was much better than Cats. I am going to see it again and again.”
Damn, that Tom Izzo must be one hypnotic performer. Screw the Spartans, I hope Izzo takes this bad boy out on tour and dazzles the nation with his toe-tapping talent and love of the bright lights of a different stage. Chase your dreams, Coach Izzo! Dance! Dance! Dance!
Michigan State’s Tom Izzo unveils a new song and dance [The Dagger]
‘Izzo Goes to Broadway’ gets extra laughs with unscripted event [mlive]
Certainly not the biggest deal in the world, but in light of of CBS Sports columnist Gregg Doyel’s Twitter crusade against Fanhouse celebrity blogger Jay Mariotti during March Madness earlier this year, I bet Doyel will not be pleased when he learns about it, especially when he realizes Mariotti’s column was published first. Somebody’s head at CBS Sports is going to roll over this egregious oversight.
Parting is such sweet sorrow, for Cleveland’s star is LeGone [CBS Sports]
We Won’t Forget the Night LeGone Quit [Fanhouse]
(previously at the Sportress: Could Gregg Doyel Vs. Jay Mariotti Be The Next Journalist Pissing Match?)
Ahh, isn’t he cute? After more than 200 entries having been submitted to the official site of the St. Paul Saints of the American Association of Independent Professional Baseball, a name has been selected for the team’s ball pig for the 2010 season:
Brat Favre.
His job, as it was with all ball pigs, that came before him, including Slumhog Millionaire (2009), Boarack Ohama (2008), Notorious P.I.G. – Piggy Smalls (2003) and Kevin Bacon (2001), is to deliver baseballs to the home plate umpire. Obviously, considering how Brett Favre put Minnesotans all across the state under his gunslinging spell last season, the decision was a no-brainer. Other potential names included Dr. Kaporkian, Swine Sungaard, Apollo Anton Oinko, Conan O’Swine and Sty Young. I’m liking Brat Favre more than any of those.
St. Paul Saints manager George Tsamis is particularly pleased with the selection:
“We didn’t really care about the timing of when he joined the club. All we care about is that he’s there on opening night delivering baseballs with precision at the levels that only he can reach. I don’t know if it’s his youthful exuberance or what he ate for lunch, but he has that confidence which makes him a true leader. If he needs some help, I’m ready to call on Pigney Rice, Bernard Boarian and Percy Carvin’ to step up their games.”
Heh. Percy Carvin’. Obviously, Brett and Brat share many similarities besides their names and love of Wranglers:
After the record-breaking season that Brett Favre had in 2009, guiding the team to a near Super Bowl berth, and the outpouring of support for #4, the name was a logical choice. The Saints pig is loved by everyone in the country and looks to guide the 2010 Saints to their fifth championship. Brat Favre demonstrated his commitment to the club this spring, reporting to Saints training camp on time and in great shape for a month-old pig. All four of his ankles looked both strong and potentially delicious.
Quite the nicely executed ankle joke. Well done. But potentially delicious? That does not bode well for Brat Favre, does it? Are they implying that these wonderfully talented and capable ball pigs are eaten at the end of the season? Say it ain’t so, St. Paul Saints.
Saints New Mascot Ready for Championship Run [Saints Baseball]
In something called the Rally New Zealand, the oldest World Rally Championship race in the southern hemisphere (thanks, Wikipedia!), driver Mark Tapper was in the lead until he was distracted by some wisenheimer on the side of the road dropping trau and mooning him. Tapper subsequently rolls the car and lets out some understandable expletives.
Video follows.
This is exactly why the NFL is often referred to as the “No Fun League,” brah.
The owner of the upstart 420 FL, a “sport” where the distance the ball moves up and down the field is dependent on how long a player can hold in bong rip, has received a cease and desist letter from the NFL for trademark infringement. The letter cites that the 420 FL’s logo could “tarnish the image of the NFL … and dilutes the strength and value of the NFL trademark.”
Come on, man, those logos are completely different. First of all, the NFL logo has starts whereas the 420 FL logo has pot leaves. And the color schemes are like, totally different.
Before the NFL came and ruined the good times, below are the reasons provided why a person should consider declaring for the 420 FL draft:
*Great opportunity to become a 420 Star and personality!
*Show the world just how good you really are!
*You could make it into the 420 Hall of Fame!
*Meet new friends and have fun!
So there you have it. If you would like to know more about the little league that could, but then kinda forgot about what it was doing, then totally refocused on the task at hand only to receive a majorly lame letter from the NFL which totally made it like super hard to pull off, the 420 FL does have an official site (everything420.com), but be forewarned: there is a whole bunch of marijuana smoking-related stuff on that site. Shocking right? Also, here’s a compelling photo gallery depicting some of the 420 FL’s biggest stars in trading card form. Yep. Trading cards.
Wow. I imagine it would be kind of intimidating to be in the presence of so many great athletes.
NFL Weeds Out Marijuana Football League [TMZ]
