Archive for May, 2010
You know, Miss Duff, I am aware that you are a big time Hollywood starlet, what with your star-making turns in Lizzie McGuire and Cheaper By The Dozen (parts 1 and 2). Still, just because you have an image to uphold does not mean you ask your boyfriend, Edmonton Oilers center Mike Comrie, to go with you to the Sadie Hawkins dance and then not wear your matching flannel shirt when you stop and take in a Lakers playoff game on the way to the dance. Sheesh.
Further, why is a 22-year-old woman going to a high school dance anyway? That’s weird.
Anyhoo, the Canuckistani paparazzi was in full force last night at the Lakers-Suns game when they snapped not one, but ten photos of the couple (whom I have dubbed DuffCom 2, but have yet to trademark) courtside at the Staples Center.
Unfortunately, the story about the two in The Vancouver Sun came up woefully short in the juicy detail area, so your Friendly Neighborhood Blogger-Man is going to give his Bloggey Sense a good workout and attempt to ascertain the give-and-take going on between the cute couple.
Things are not going very well in the magical, fairy tale kingdom of White Sox Land. Ozzie Guillen addressed Chicago White Sox GM Ken Williams’ statement that he is losing patience with the White Sox in trademark Ozzie Guillen fashion. First of all, he is well aware of the fact he is not some fancy princess:
From the Chicago Sun-Times (via Hardball Talk):
I think I do what I can do every day to make this ball club work. It’s something I believe if this thing don’t work, I’m not a princess or an icon or not that great. If the team don’t work the way it [should] be working, I’ll be the first one to be blamed. That’s the way this thing works in baseball or any sport. You don’t produce, it’s easy to fire one guy or two or three guys than 25.
Huh. So I guess my Disney Princess-themed surprise birthday party for Ozzie should be considered a no-go? That’s a real bummer. What am I going to do with all this glitter?
Ozzie Guillen: ‘I’m not a princess or an icon’ [Hardball Talk]
Oz reacts to his GM and does so in Guillen fashion – “we stunk” [Chicago Sun-Times]
The Minnesota Timberwolves: they’re magically atrocious!
Especially as it pertains to the franchise’s fortunes when it comes to the NBA Draft Lottery (according to record, in 1992, they should have landed Shaquille O’Neal and instead got…Christian Laettner. Hello?).
The Timberwolves were nice enough to send a mocked-up box of Lucky Charms to Star Tribune blogger Michael Rand of the magnificent RandBall for his perusal, and as he points out, the back of the box attests to Minnesota’s lottery woes:
“In their 12 previous lottery appearances, the Wolves have remained in the same draft position six times and fallen six times. Minnesota has never moved up in the draft through the lottery.”
So, after attempting several unconventional methods to assure themselves some lottery luck in year’s past and failing miserably, the T-Wolves decided to think “inside of the (cereal) box” this season and had Minnesota-based company General Mills come up with a custom-designed Timberwolves-themed box of Lucky Charms. Brilliant!
Nevertheless, in their 13th appearance in the lottery, my guess is their bad fortunes will continue and they will either stay the same or drop, despite their mascot Crunch dressing up in full-on leprechaun mode for the front of a locally produced cereal box. Whee.
The cereal says the Wolves are guaranteed lottery luck [RandBall]
If has only taken 20 years, but the drive-by shooting has finally reached the idyllic setting of Green Bay, Wisconsin. The victim? Lambeau Field.
NO!
Referring to the drive-by as “random and isolated,” police suspect that sometime on late Sunday evening, some unknown thugs went “Rat-tat-tat-tat like that (Wisconsinites never hesitate to put a bullet through the glass)” on Lambeau, leaving two bullet holes in the atrium of the legendary stadium. A review of security tapes revealed little information, although authorities suspect the heinous act is connected to another drive-by at a Green Bay gas station earlier that Sunday evening. That’s some mighty fine police work there, Lou.
Citizens should not be afraid to visit the Football Mecca in the daytime, assures local resident Peter Richlen, grandson of Ellsworth Richlen, who was taking Peter to see the stadium but instead walked right into a grisly crime scene. Broken glass and whatnot.
“If someone’s going to take a shot at a public place like this it’s probably going to be in the late, late evening when there’s no witnesses,” said Peter Richlen. “You don’t really do something like that if there is going to be a lot of people around. So I don’t feel threatened being inside there if it’s daylight.”
Nor should you, young Peter. Nor should you. If there’s one thing I have learned from watching gang-banger movies, it is only when a person tries to escape the senseless violence of the ‘hood that will they ultimately succumb to the cruel and heartless Code of the Street, and we all know that no one ever leaves Green Bay. No matter how bad it gets, the ‘hood is in their blood.
Bullet holes in Lambeau Field Atrium [WLUK-TV]
Because it sure as hell didn’t help advance his acting career at all.
David Arquette, when he is not driving his wife Courtney Cox back and forth to her weekly collagen injections (seriously, have you seen her lips on Cougar Town?), takes in a fair amount of Los Angeles Lakers games, sitting among the “beautiful people” courtside.
Last night, during the Lakers’ Game 1 victory over the Phoenix Suns, Arquette became part of the action – in a way. Reports are sketchy at the moment, but apparently, a scuffle ensued between security personnel and a man who walked out onto the court. Somehow, Court Stormer Guy managed to subdue the security guard and had him pinned to the ground like a fall guy in a pro wrestling match. That’s when Arquette’s training for his titular role as Gordie Boggs in the wrestling film, Ready To Rumble, were put into action. Arquette came to the assistance of the pinned security guard and as you can see above, ended up flat on his back for his bravery.
A Staples Center spokesperson would not confirm Arquette’s heroic actions, but did divulge that an incident had taken place. Via ESPN Los Angeles:
“At the end of the game, a fan came out of the stands and out on to the court,” Roth said. “Any time a fan breaches the court, you don’t know what their intentions are. We approached him and asked him to leave and when he didn’t want to leave, there was some force used.”
Allow me to give David Arquette credit for putting his well-being on the line during his attempt to restore order to the anarchic environment which typically characterizes the courtside area of the Staples Center. As an actor, he couldn’t t buy this kind of publicity. Just ask Arquette’s wife’s former co-star, Matt LeBlanc. Crap, LeBlanc would take the notoriety of being the guy who stormed the court at this point.
Actor Arquette toppled at Lakers game [ESPN Los Angeles]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s Tony Award-winning morning link dump. It has the theater in its blood. Also coursing through its veins: a nearly-lethal mix of uppers, downers and something the guy said would kill the bugs from crawling on its skin. We shall see. Send tips and links to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• After throwing an ashtray when the owner of a bar would not turn up the volume on the jukebox, 33-year-old John Wetzel was in the process of being escorted out of the Bismarck, North Dakota bar when he stabbed the owner. If I informed you that the song playing on the jukebox was “Party In The USA” by Miley Cyrus, would the assault be more or less justifiable? Not that I have any idea whether or not that was in fact the song, I’m just curious. [MSNBC/AP]
• Controversy is brewing regarding the Olympic Village condos in Vancouver that were supposed to be converted to low income housing. [Out of Bounds]
• The top 10 lucky charms you might see busted out at tonight’s NBA draft lottery. [Total Pro Sports]
• General Tao wrote a heartfelt letter to Montreal. [Food Court Lunch]
• Not shocking, but still despicable: NASCAR fan wears racist shirt at Talladega. [Bob's Blitz]
• Jim Rome is talking out of his ass again. This time, it’s about the LeBron/Calipari rumors. [straitpinkie]
• The missed dunk by Shannon Brown from last night that you have to see. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• MYFO breaks down the NHL Western Conference Finals. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Did The Onion go too far with this George Karl story? [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• Screaming Flyers fan scares the crap out of analyst Pierre McGuire. [Outside the Boxscore]
• The top 10 next careers for Terrell Owens. [Five Tool Tool]
• Apparently, we need more kids cluttering up golf courses. [Devil Ball Golf]
• In light of the above news, Ryan Ballengee writes about what got him into golf as a kid. [Waggle Room]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Heckled Christian Rock Band Knows How Jesus Felt
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Something ain’t right with Giants pitcher Barry Zito.[Out of Bounds]
• High school baseball player got busted for taking a leak on the field during the national anthem. [With Leather]
• Miss USA Rima Fakih once won a stripper pole contest. Me likey. [Bob's Blitz]
• Speaking of which, the gorgeous Miss Michigan happens to be the daughter of Sharks GM Ron Wilson. [The Slanch Report]
• Jim Gray has replaced attractive gal as the Sacramento Kings courtside reporter. Not a good call. [Busted Coverage]
• Peter King is going through some emotional stuff. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• ESPN baseball analyst Joe Morgan: still friggin’ terrible. [The Sporting Blog]
• A golf cart accident may end the career of a Denver Broncos player. [Shutdown Corner]
• The proprietor of HHR got in a Twitter war with NFL great Thurman Thomas. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Ron Jaworski loves dropping 25-foot putts. [The700Level]
• Los Angeles Clippers fans to hold a rally for LeBron James. Good luck with all that. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Some stats regarding Mariano Rivera giving up a grand slam to Twins slugger Jason Kubel that are truly mind-blowing. [Big League Stew]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: [video] In Focus: Ex-Pedophile Shares Tips On How To Make Your Kids Less Attractive
Yep, the guy photographed above will be getting his very own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame during a May 24th ceremony. Hopefully, he’ll run a comb through that mop before making his appearance.
Despite his shortcomings, Berman is a highly accomplished member of the media and has been at it for a mighty long time, so I suppose it makes sense to a certain extent, but still…Chris Berman? On the Walk of Fame? I can’t quite put my finger on it (nor would I want to), but there is something not quite right with that in my book.
Berman, of course, is extremely flattered by the recognition:
“A star on Hollywood Boulevard is an iconic honor that has literally blown me away,” said Berman. “It speaks to 30 years of hard work for thousands of ESPN employees, and I am proud to represent each and every one of them. I can assure you that this will be the only time that my name will be in a sentence with the likes of Clarke Gable and John Wayne.”
Not so fast, Berman. Here’s a sentence:
“Listening to Chris Berman’s tired shtick makes me wish I was a six feet under, much like Hollywood icons Clarke Gable and John Wayne.”
See? That wasn’t too hard. As a side note, Berman truly does appreciate the dedication of the thousands of ESPN employees he has worked with in the past…except for those dumb bastards he was stuck working alongside on Monday Night Football. JESUS!
As mentioned above, Berman has been around for eons and won numerous awards – something the press release from ESPN goes to great lengths in highlighting, but what I found most interesting is how they highlighted Berman’s rock ‘n roll lifestyle in the write-up:
A long-time aficionado of rock and roll, Berman has appeared on stage singing with Huey Lewis and the News more than a dozen times. In addition, he sang twice with Eddie Money, appeared in a video with Hootie and the Blowfish, and was joined by Glenn Frey of the Eagles for a special “Hotel California” Super Bowl edition of “The Swami.”
Well, if working with Eddie Money can help a person score a star on the Walk of Fame, then where in the hell is Ronnie Spector’s? Be my little baby? Hello? I mean that’s so rude, I can’t believe that’s … that’s so goddamned rude. Why does everyone all of sudden feel they can go on ignoring the accomplishments of a friggin’ Ronnette? Two tickets to paradise my ass! JESUS! Somebody get Huey on the phone, pronto!
Chris Berman Gets Hollywood Walk of Fame Star [The Sporting Blog]
ESPN’s Chris Berman to Be Honored With Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame [ESPN Media Zone]
It might be time for the Dallas Cowboys to have a nice sit-down with wide receiver Roy Williams and inform him of the great Abraham Lincoln quote that “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”
During an appearance on ESPN 1300 in Houston, the underachieving wide receiver addressed many topics, including how he felt about the Cowboys drafting Dez Bryant to how it felt to be in the playoffs for the first time in his career last season. But Williams brought out the big, idiotic guns when they asked him if he and Romo have improved their chemistry (via Sports Radio Interviews):
“You know, last year around this time we were throwing and catching and it wasn’t very good. Just to be quite honest with you, we were missing balls, and bad throws and drops and all that in the offseason that carried over to the season. But this year, we’re connecting like Montana and Rice. It’s night and day from last year so I know we’re expecting big things for both of us.”
He didn’t actually say that, did he? Hoo boy. How about this instead? He might want to improve dramatically on his measly, career-best 38 receptions last season before he starts comparing himself to a Hall of Famer. Further, it would be wise for Williams to perhaps hesitate from comparing Tony Romo to Joe Montana until he improves his postseason performances a tad. Just a thought.
Roy Williams Confident He and Tony Romo are Poised for Big Things in ‘10: “This year, we’re connecting like Montana and Rice…” [Sports Radio Interviews]
Wait. What?
According to some poll by British milkshake Frijj, more than half of those asked claim they would rather see England win the World Cup than experience a night of sexual bliss with British pop star hottie Cheryl Cole, which leads me to believe one of two things:
- The men polled are dirty rotten liars; or
- The men polled are a bunch of fancy boys.
What other options are there? Granted, the last time England won the World Cup was 1966, and we all know how soccer crazy they are over their in Merry Old England, but seriously? Believe me, I would love to see the Vikings win a Super Bowl, but at what cost? At what cost? We are talking about Cheryl-freaking-Cole here. Look at her!
Other results from the poll also indicate that 10% of the men would dump their girlfriends to win it all and a whopping 12% would give up sex for a year in exchange for World Cup glory. To which I say. Bully. Bully on you, English poll taker guys.
Neuropsychologist David Lewis argues that this sort of impassioned behavior when one would deprive oneself from gratification or a relationship in exchange for success of one’s favorite sports team stems from the brain region nucleus accumbens.
“It floods mind and body with ‘feel-good’ chemicals when we anticipate something pleasurable,” he said. “So you could say that fans are giving themselves an intense but perfectly legal high as they anticipate an English victory.”
Whatever. Screw the anticipation of an English victory in the stupid World Cup, imagine the flood of chemicals pumping through your brain while anticipating a romp in the sack with Cheryl Cole. Crap, my cat scan of my brain would resemble New Orleans post-Katrina, for crying out loud. “Feel-good”chemicals would be pouring out of my friggin’ ears, among other places.
We’d give up sex.. if team won [The Mirror]
Sacrifice sex to win World Cup? 12% in England say yes [Game On]
This cannot stand, man. Gregg Rosenthal of Pro Football Talk is reporting (via a Peter King story) that the NFL is not seeking out new sponsors for the long-running ESPN series NFL Matchup. The informative and intelligent show, with Sal Paolantonio as host and Ron Jaworski and Merrill Hoge as analysts, consistently provided thorough, well reasoned coverage of NFL action, instead of some loudmouth ex-player babbling incessantly about who knows what, which seems to comprise the bulk of the mindless drivel ESPN trots out for its NFL coverage.
ESPN could decide to produce and fund the show itself, and a subsequent post by Rosenthal indicates that all might not be lost. According to an NFL Films spokesperson, negotiations are ongoing between them and ESPN.
Let’s keep our fingers crossed. Although the show aired at odd times (3:00 a.m. Eastern and then re-run at 6:30 a.m.), it was always insightful and entertaining, unlike ESPN’s flagship Sunday morning pregame program, Sunday NFL Countdown , while occasionally watchable, does not hold a candle to quality programming typically seen on NFL Matchup.
NFL Matchup show may be no more [Pro Football Talk]
NFL Films “optimistic” NFL Matchup show will continue [Pro Football Talk]
The above headline might be over-sensationalizing it a bit, but who does Rick Reilly think he is coming into Paige’s town and badmouthing the second coming of Denver quarterbacking divinity?
Reilly, in town to promote his atrocious new book, Sports from Hell, sat down for an interview with Denver television station KMGH-7 and talked smack about Tebow and sneaked in a rip on head coach Josh McDaniels. Reilly, a longtime friend of John Elway, said that he strongly disagrees with the legend’s opinion that Tebow will one day be the starting quarterback of the Broncos (video here):
“What the hell does Elway know? Elway doesn’t know anything about this guy. He can’t throw the 30-yard out. He doesn’t have a professional arm. I mean he’s going to be great on the Jake Plummer roll-outs and those kind of plays. He’ll be good in the West Coast Offense. But, you know, I have seen McGenius make a smart move yet, so why are people so sure this is the smartest move ever.”
That kind of heretical talk will not sit well with Denver Post scribe Woody Paige, a Tebow disciple ever since the quarterback rolled into town. Paige had penned numerous columns praising Tebow that have bordered on religious fanaticism. I imagine Paige will take offense to some big-time national media blowhard coming into his quiet mountain community and criticizing the Tebowner, especially in light of the opening from Paige’s most recent Tebow Psalm:
T-Bo. Timmy Today. Tim Tremendous. Bronco Tebow. Ion Man. Tim The Enchanter. Tebow & Arrow. TB-1-Kenobi.
Rambow makes his debut, alongside the other rookies, with the Broncos’ veterans at the team’s (in)voluntary minicamp today through Wednesday. He’s back — to stay in Denver most of the spring, summer, fall and winter and probably here to stay all of his career.
Get used to it.
To those in Colorado, throughout the country and around the World Wide Web who have claimed recently they won’t read another word about Tim Tebow, but are proving daily they will hang on every word about MystiQB:
Deal with it.
Fine, we’ll deal with it, but how about this? Paige and Reilly engage each other in a no-holds barred douche-off and then hope the locale of said battle is struck by a meteor. Hey, we can dream, right?
Writer Reilly doesn’t care for Broncos’ McDaniels, Tebow [The Denver Post]
Paige: Set your watch to Tebow Time [The Denver Post]
(previously at the Sportress: Woody Paige Believes Godless Heathens Should Stop Ripping Tim Tebow For His Faith)
Not much commentary is necessary with this photo – that is awesome.
Well played, attractive bar patron gal. Well played.
[H/T Total Pro Sports]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It is 100% self-funded, so donations are welcome. As you are well aware, there is a lack of quality blogging on the interwebs, but we cannot continue to provide wonderful programming like “Nightmare Fuel”, “It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?” and “Chicks, Man” without your support. With every donation, you will receive a stylish S.O.B. tote bag as a gift. In the interim, tips are welcome and encouraged. Please send in care of weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Due to a recent scourge of rapes of women over 60 in the dangerous Korogocho slum in Nairobi, Kenya, an elderly woman is now training potential victims in hand-to-hand combat. Good for them. Keep kicking ass, grandmas. [MSNBC/AP]
• Video of shirtless streaker guy from the Rays game on Saturday. [Busted Coverage]
• Mariano Rivera actually blew a save inside the friendly confines of Yankees Stadium yesterday. [The Sporting Blog]
• The Flyers looked damn good during their shellacking of the Habs on Sunday. [Puck Daddy]
• Speaking of which, Paul Revere and Robert Newman react to the Flyers’ historic comeback against the Bruins. [Melt Your Face Off]
• LeBron and Calipari to the Bulls rumors are beginning to pick up steam. [Midwest Sports Fans]
• Some Bret Michaels doppelganger is playing on the European Tour. [Waggle Room]
• Yay! Interleague play makes its triumphant return this week! [Hardball Talk]
• Holy moly, a lot of people from the sports world were born on this day. [Joe Sports Fan]
• The top 10 reasons a Super Bowl will one day be held in New York. [Five Tool Tool]
• Butter Chicken is not pleased with Canadian fast food joint Swiss Chalet. [Food Court Lunch]
• Congratulations to Rima Fakih for winning the Miss USA pageant. [Bob's Blitz]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Study Reveals Dolphins Lack Capacity To Mock Celebrity Culture
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• A peeping tom got the crap beat out of him by woman’s MMA fighter husband. [Out of Bounds]
• Buzz Bissinger loses his mind, threatens the proprietor of this blog. [Bob's Blitz]
• During a celebration, a guy in a motorized wheelchair storms a soccer field. [With Leather]
• MYFO is bringing back the classics. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Before you know it, all MLB players will come to bat with teeny-bopper music. [Walkoff Walk]
• More on this. Andy Hutchins takes a crack at matching MLB players to their teeny bopper at-bat music. [The Sporting Blog]
• Sexy Friday, anyone? [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Nice LeBron “Nope” shirt. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Ten awesome beer pong tables. [Unathletic]
• Brilliant: He-Man singing 4 Non Blondes. [Guyism]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Lawrence Taylor Asks Exactly Which 16-Year-Old Prostitute Reporters Are Talking About
Send tips and advice on what I should be doing about the stray cat that has been shitting on my well-maintained yard to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
