Archive for May, 2010
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s Pulitzer prize-winning morning link dump. It would like to thank all the other link dumps it stabbed in the back and stepped over to get to this place. Send tips, links, etc. to weedagainstspeed.com.
• An overdue book checked out 221 years ago by George Washington has been returned to a New York library. “The Law of Nations” by Emer de Vattel was checked out by our nation’s first president on October 5, 1789 and if late fees were assessed, they would amount to $300,000. I cannot tell a lie: that’s a buttload of money. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
• Yesterday, Woody Paige directed viewers to call a phone sex line on Around the Horn via his trusty chalkboard. [Deadspin]
• Tiger Woods appears to have avoided getting mixed up in this Dr. Galea steroid mess. [Out of Bounds]
• Enlightening piece regarding the dire situation facing the Vikings in relation to their stadium efforts. [Daily Norsemen]
• Seven things that will likely get you tased at a sporting event. [Total Pro Sports]
• Golf legend Chi Chi Rodriguez was robbed of $500k in Puerto Rico. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Wearing a Tony Romo jersey to a Jonas Brothers concert? Who does that? [Busted Coverage]
• A touching piece about golfer Erica Blasberg, who tragically passed away earlier this month. [Wei Under Par]
• Want to buy a Los Angeles Lakers surfboard? You do? Weirdo. [FirstCuts]
• Angel Pagan (great name, by the way) became the first player since 1955 to hit an inside-the-park home run and take part in a triple play in the same game. [Big League Stew]
• Lakers head coach Phil Jackson has confirmed that he will have to take a pay cut if he returns next season. [Pro Basketball Talk]
• Lance Armstrong blasted Versus for leaving cycling to cover NHL hockey? Seriously? [Puck Daddy]
• Hey y’all: Paula Deen made an appearance at Nationals Park. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• Samer takes columnist from The Denver Post to task. [Second-String Fullback]
• The Chinese are holding bra-removal contests. [straitpinkie]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: New Social Networking Site Changing The Way Oh, Christ, Forget It (Let Someone Else Report On This Bullshit)
KAAAAAAAAAAHHHHNNNNN!!!!!
He had to go and do it, didn’t he? If it weren’t bad enough for Minnesota’s star-crossed NBA franchise, Wolves GM David Kahn had to go and rip the NBA Lottery. Considering the team’s historic bad luck with the lottery (in the 13 times the team has participated, they have never moved up in the draft), one can hardly blame him for being frustrated, but to actually refer to the NBA Draft Lottery as “hideous”? Bad idea jeans, dude.
“It’s truly a hideous experience,” Kahn said. “It’s just the worse. First of all, they have you go early. You have no control of what’s going to happen.”
Yeah, that run of bad luck the T-Wolves have historically experienced with the lottery, Kahn? Better get used to it. You have just screwed yourself – and the team that employs you – royally. Nobody criticizes David Stern’s Wacky Bit, no matter how ridiculous a spectacle it might be.
T’Wolves’ Kahn calls lottery ‘hideous experience’, discusses Rubio [SI]
(previously at the Sportress: The Minnesota Timberwolves Take Their Lottery Lucky Charms Literally)
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Another exciting edition of Minor Enterprise covering the latest news from minor league baseball from my colleague Rick Chandler. [Out of Bounds]
• Midget wrestling? Midget wrestling. [With Leather]
• NFL players have hotel sex parties? I knew I should have went pro. Sigh. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The classic SNL characters from “Bill Swerski’s Superfans” are reuniting. [The Sporting Blog]
• The USGA has tweaked the legendary 8th hole at Pebble Beach. [Waggle Room]
• Yankee pitcher Joba Chamberlain has appeared to calm down a bit. [Bob's Blitz]
• Sorry, there is absolutely nothing embarrassing about the player introductions for the San Jose Sharks. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• The Madrid Masters got some fine ass ballgirls. [The Slanch Report]
• Jarrod Saltalamacchia has started going to a shrink for his case of the yips. [Big League Stew]
• Coach Ryan greets the newbies. Hilarious. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Blue Menu provides a public service for all of you new parents out there by providing you a tour of the parent-teacher conference. [Food Court Lunch]
• David Ortiz claims he “lives in an emotional maelstrom.” [Hardball Talk]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: New Study Shows Progress Made By Broads
Send tips, links, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. Thanks.
Seriously, is this the first thing we want the little green men to see upon visiting to our planet (besides our anuses)? Some obnoxious Yankees fan traipsing around weightless with a Yankees logo on his arm? And if they make the unfortunate mistake of engaging him in conversation, the poor bastards will be subjected to him prattling on and on endlessly about the Bronx Bombers and even though they have mastered interstellar travel they cannot compare to the supreme being that is Derek Jeter? Fuggedaboutit. It won’t be a Close Encounters kind of interaction with the aliens – it will end up much more like Battlefield Earth…or something. I guess. It’s not like anybody ever watched that miserable waste of celluloid, right? Pick some other bad-ass aliens movie instead if you need to.
Ahhh, I’m just kidding. Just trying to rankle the easily-ruffled feathers of Yankees fans out there. You know who you are.
What you see above is an image released this week by NASA depicting astronaut Garrett Reisman going about his business while making repairs to the Space Shuttle Atlantis during a spacewalk on Monday while the ship was docked at the International Space Station. Before embarking on the seven-and-a-half hour spacewalk, Reisman drew the Yankees logo on his suit.
Via the New York Post:
The logo could clearly be seen on his left arm during the live telecast, along with a “27″ on his equipment. The Bombers won their 27th championship last year.
Reisman is so insane about his hometown team that in April 2008, on his maiden voyage, he made history by throwing out the first pitch in orbit — or at least simulating the toss while on the space station.
That odd weightless curve was televised on the Stadium’s JumboTron during a game against Boston.
That’s pretty bad-ass. Even for a Yankees fan.
Yankee super ‘star’ [New York Post]
What’s that? What do you mean Anchorman references are played out and have become passé? When did this happen? Why didn’t I get the memo? Screw it. I don’t care what anybody says, I’m still gonna stick it in there.
/that’s what she said
What? Fine, to make it up to you for being such so behind the times, here’s a cool link for your perusal.
You gotta be kidding me.
ESPN lanza su Micrositio Mundial para la Copa Mundial de la FIFA 2010 [ESPN Media Zone]
Allow me to be the first to introduce you to Wenlock and Mandeville, the official mascots of the 2012 Olympic Games in London. Horrifying. Truly horrifying.
But what in the hell are they?
Via The Guardian:
With a metallic finish, a single large eye made out of a camera lens, a London taxi light on their heads and the Olympic rings represented as friendship bracelets on their wrists, they resemble characters dreamed up for a Pixar animation.
The pair are based on a short story by children’s author Michael Morpurgo that tells how they were fashioned from droplets of the steel used to build the Olympic stadium. They will be crucial in raising funds and spreading messages about the games.
Well, that certainly clears it up. Further, according to The Telegraph, Wenlock and Mandeville are “[t]wo parts-Pokemon to one-part lava lamp, the distinctive figures are the product of a rigorous design process intended to capture the imagination of children, and work as well in the digital world as they will in costume form at trackside in 2012.”
Of course they are. But why do they have to be so bizarrely petrifying? Forget that, kids love them!
“They remind you of aliens, which is really weird and cool,” said 10-year-old Ali. “It reminds you of the Olympics, which is worldwide so it’s something you’ll want to remember forever,” added 11-year-old Zanyab as they cavorted with life-size mascots for the cameras.
I would advise the parents of Ali and Zanyab to keep a very close eye on their boys in the coming days. It is certainly within reason to suspect that when no one was watching, Wenlock and Mandeville secretly implanted eggs inside the two and are using them as hosts for incubation. The next thing you know, you got several hundred miniature versions of these freaks terrorizing the streets of London.
That wouldn’t be good.
London Olympics 2012: Meet Wenlock and Mandeville, drips off the old block [The Guardian]
London 2012: Olympic mascots Wenlock and Mandeville unveiled [The Telegraph]
Here is a video of a guy dressed up in some sort of mechanized Tyrannosaurus Rex getup throwing out the first pitch at a Memphis Redbirds game, the Triple-A affiliate of the St. Louis Cardinals. I hate to spoil the surprise, but shockingly, he/it doesn’t perform the task at hand very well, what with “throwing” the ball with its mouth and all. Apparently, minuscule forelimbs are not conducive to throwing a baseball despite the presence of functional biceps brachii muscles capable of lifting up to 199 kilograms.
It’s the musical accompaniment of “Walk the Dinosaur” by Was (Not Was) that really ties the whole video together, although I would have went with “Keep the Glove” by Dinosaur Jr. Not only because the title has a semi-relevant baseball reference given the atrocious effort put forth by the Tyrannosaurus Rex, but also to to maintain my indie rock credibility.
[H/T Mouthpiece Sports]
These are the kind of unorthodox management moves that turn average coaches into…slightly above average coaches.
Steve McLaren – an Englishman – is set to take the reins of Verein für Leibesübungen Wolfsburg-Fußball GmbH (or Wolfsburg VfL for short) – a German soccer club – and he displayed his managerial acumen by stating that his first order of business to actually figure out a way to, you know, communicate with a majority of his players.
“Of course I will try to learn German,” said the 49-year-old. “In addition, I would like to enjoy the German culture outside of football.
“I am really looking forward to gaining experience in Germany and I would like to take in all of the history, tradition and culture of German football.”
Allow me to wish Mr. McClaren the very best of luck on his new gig. And here’s a piece of advice for the new coach: if he would truly “like to enjoy the German culture outside of football,” might I recommend he familiarize himself with two very important components of German society:
- The musical styling of one David Hasselhoff; and
- Sausages.
I suppose there might be some other cool stuff about Germany, but I doubt it.
Wolfsburg’s new manager Steve McClaren intends to learn German [The Guardian]
Nor will he anytime soon, regardless of whether or not he elects to grace the Minnesota Vikings, the NFL, all its fans and really, the entire ever-loving universe with his presence in a purple uniform next season.
Courtesy of the Star Tribune blog Access Vikings comes news that on July 15th, Favre will conduct a private memorabilia signing. What’s a private memorabilia signing, you ask? Simple: you will not actually be able to experience Brett just having fun out there signing stuff when you plunk down your hard-earned money for his Herbie Hancock – all items must be mailed in care of the organizer of the event, Radtke Sports, where they will next be placed in front of the Gunslinger for his signature at some undisclosed, secret location.
Among the items available, as well as some interesting restrictions:
The signing will take place July 15th, 2010.
All send in items must be received no later than Wednesday, July 14th, 2010.
***We are limited to 100 send in items for this signing. Items will be accepted in the order they are received.
Pricing is as follows for send in items.
1.) Full Size Helmet-$400
2.) Jersey-$400
3.) Football-$250
4.) Mini Helmet-$175
5.) Flats 11×14 and over-$250 **Note we will not accept any items over a 16×20**
6.) Flats under 11×14-$175
7.) Inscriptions- $100 (Inscriptions will be limited to SB XXXI Champs, and 3x MVP. No exceptions. He will also make items out to an individual. Example “To Bob”.
But what if your name isn’t Bob? No problemo. Favre will gladly sign the item “To Mike” or “To Antonio” or “To Mooch”, for instance, but under no circumstances will he sign anything “To Aaron,” for obvious reasons. Also, Favre apparently “reserves the right to not sign an item for whatever reason.” Does that mean I shouldn’t even bother sending in my Brett Favre Mural I created solely out of human hair, doll parts and grass clippings? That stinks.
What Brett will do on his summer vacation [Access Vikings]
Here we have the lovely Andrews sisters mugging for photos with Erin’s Dancing With The Stars partner Maksim Whatshisfaceskiy at some Hollywood shindig. As mentioned above, it could be worse for the Russian dancer: he could instead have been the meat in The Andrews Sisters sandwich, the aptly-named “Boogie Woogie BLT.” At the same time, bacon is delicious, and if I did have to be a cured meat, it would most certainly be bacon.
…
Where was I? Oh yeah. Erin and Kendra Andrews. The gals are looking might spiffy in those outfits. If Maksim didn’t bust out a “You’re With Me, Leather” reference he should be ashamed of himself for more things than not buttoning up his shirt appropriately. Does that look come with a complimentary bath in Axe Body Spray? If it doesn’t, it should.
[H/T (with more photos) Busted Coverage]
Battling nerves, Lindsey Vonn threw out the first pitch before yesterday’s Cubs-Rockies game. Unfortunately, there appears to be no account on how well she performed, but if her past is any indication, she suffered a brutal wipeout while warming up, milked the injury for as long as possible, then zipped a heater right down Broadway.
Vonn also sang “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” during the Seventh Inning Stretch. Once again, no word on the quality of her performance.
“I knew I would be nervous,” said Vonn, who had her sister, two cousins and 37,029 fans as backup singers.
“It worked out perfectly for me. I got to meet players from both teams, and they were great,” Vonn said between autographs.
Between her appearance at Wrigley Field and her upcoming role on Law & Order set to air May 24th, Vonn is the rare case of a Winter Olympic athlete managing to stay in the spotlight and maintain their popularity for more than two days after Closing Ceremonies.
Good for her. And look at her - she’s so darned cute to boot.
Vonn gets a tuneup at Wrigley Field [The Denver Post]
Skiing star Lindsey Vonn’s so sad to see ‘Law & Order’ take a powder [New York Daily News]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It’s a trip, it’s got a funky beat and I can bug out to it! Send groovy tips and links to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• …I’d have forty-five cents, but when you think about it, that’s quite a few times to be drunk in a stranger’s tub. Hopefully, this 18-year-old from South Haven, Indiana learns his lesson the first time. He was discovered at 5:00 a.m. on Sunday in the bathroom with the door locked by the home’s owner and was arrested on felony residential entry and misdemeanor underage drinking charges. Yeesh. [Yahoo!/AP]
• Apparently, Paul Pierce’s Twitter account was hacked last night. [Larry Brown Sports]
• And Dwight Howard responded to said fake tweet by quoting scripture. [You Been Blinded]
• Reunited and it feels so good: Dennis Green and Daunte Culpepper might be back together again in the UFL. [RandBall]
• Chad Ochocinco was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. [Outside the Boxscore]
• Who wouldn’t want a t-shirt featuring a Wendy’s/Oakland Raiders mashup? [FirstCuts]
• Zito’s Unicorn is the newest internet meme. [Out of Bounds]
• Congrats to the Washington Wizards for winning the NBA Draft Lottery, the biggest sucker deal in sports. [Ball Don't Lie]
• A one-year-old snowboarder? [With Leather]
• The top 10 complaints of Florida Marlins malcontent Hanley Ramirez. [Five Tool Tool]
• The triumphant return of Pacman Jones to KSK. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Video of two high school seniors combining for a rare double alley-oop. [The Dagger]
• The Rocky Top Tramp Stamp. [Friends of the Program]
• The 7 types of pictures that will haunt you on Facebook. [Guyism]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: New Study Confirms Humans Only Use 10% Of Genitalia
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• DEAR GOD. Worst skateboard crash ever. [With Leather]
• The people protesting Phil Jackson and the Lakers are idiots. [Rumors & Rants]
• Fantastic write-up by the great Dan Levy regarding the direction ESPN appears to be headed. [The Sporting Blog]
• NBA Lottery drinking game, anyone? [Hardwood Paroxysm]
• See? We actually do have hot women up here in Minnesota besides Loni Anderson. [Busted Coverage]
• Tiger wants Elin to sign a lifetime confidentiality agreement. [Out of Bounds]
• More Tiger news: the gambling site Bodog has offered Woods a $100 million contract to revert back to his old, sex addicted ways. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Ben Roethlisberger attends a charity golf tournament. [Waggle Room]
• Adam Schefter and Chris Mortensen in “Lunch.” [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Now, here’s a way to make soccer interesting. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Roy Jones, Jr. barely beat a chicken in Tic-Tac-Toe. [PSAMP]
• Here is an explanation why the NHL opted for doubleheaders to open up the Conference Finals. [Puck Daddy]
• Kickboxing Orangutans? Kickboxing Orangutans. [Uncoached]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: If We Don’t Stop Childhood Obesity, Our Fat Toddlers Could Become Fat Fucks
Send tips, links and donations to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
An 87-year-old man has died from injuries sustained in a crash at Dallas Motor Speedway on Saturday. I should point out he wasn’t driving, but nevertheless, Fred “Don” Krusemark has shuffled off this mortal coil and went to the Great Pit Stop In The Sky.
Krusemark was a passenger in a corvette whose driver lost control and crashed into a wall. To make matters worse – if that’s possible – Krusemark was participating in the drive along as a reward due to how much blood he has donated to the facility Carter BloodCare. Yeesh.
The ride along is a standard program put on by some organization called the Texas Driving Experience. The company claims on its website that it provides “safe, educational, fun programs” at the race track. Yeah, not so much.
The website lists events that include allowing participants to “don a racing suit and helmet, get strapped into a racecar, and get private instruction from a professional racer while driving the 1-mile Infield Road Course at Texas Motor Speedway.”
Participants can also participate in a “Pit Crew Challenge” to see how fast they can work as a team to change tires on a racecar using real pit crew power tools.
Carter BloodCare, in its infinite wisdom, has not yet decided whether or not it will continue giving out free passes for the Texas Driving Experience as a reward to its clients, citing its popularity among donors. Perhaps they will reconsider after someone participating in the above-mentioned “Pit Crew Challenge” gets dragged around the track for a couple of miles. We’ll have to wait and see.
Man dies after crash at TMS [NBC-DFW]
Hey, Tiger may have problems up the wazoo, but in light of everything that has come out about the man over the last six months, problems with mounting sure as hell ain’t one of them.
ZING! BOO-YAH! HEY-OH!
Try the veal.
Tiger Woods will play in Open at St Andrews despite mounting problems [The Guardian]
