Archive for April, 2010
I would say the only “driving errors” Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili committed were getting on his sled and deciding to race down the far-too-fast death trap organizers had prepared at the Whistler Sliding Center for the Olympic event. But I am not the expert here – the International Luge Federation is – and they say driving errors, so I guess we have no choice but to believe them. From the Telegraph:
The report said: “The findings from examining the fatal run indicate that Nodar did commit driving errors starting in curve 15/16 which as an accumulation ended in the impact that resulted in him leaving the track and subsequently hitting a post, causing blunt force trauma to the base of his skull, causing the fatality. This is a tragic result that should not have occurred as a result of an initial driving error.”
Kumaritashvili’s father, David, disagrees.
“Yes, any sportsman could make a mistake, but it shouldn’t result in a tragic and fatal accident,” the father said. “He flew off the track. No matter what mistake he had committed, he should not have flown off it. Security measures must be provided.”
I have to side with Nodar’s grieving father on this one. Whether or not the kid made an error, who thought it would be safe to have a steel girder with no padding whatsoever placed so prominently right next to the track? It boggles the mind how anyone thought that was a good idea. It’s like littering a football field with land mines or something. Or having fifty gallon drums of gasoline surrounding the pit during a NASCAR race.
If the girder had been reinforced with some sort of padding, would Kumaritashvili’s death been prevented? I suppose we’ll never know, but it wouldn’t have decreased the likelihood of his survival.
Nodar Kumaritashvili’s Winter Olympic luge death blamed on ‘driving errors’ [Telegraph]
You know, if this whole fledgling country music career doesn’t pan out for this Reba McEntire gal, she should definitely look into writing jokes for Leno or starring in her own sitcom or something, because this little red-headed firecracker brings the funny in ways few can. And she’s topical to boot!
During Sunday’s broadcast of the Academy of Country Music Awards – I can’t believe I missed it! – Reba took a potshot at notorious adulterers Tiger Woods and Jesse James when discussing the prevailing themes of this year’s crop of country music hits. Via the New York Daily News:
“We’ve had a great year in country music,” said Reba McEntire as she took the stage of Las Vegas’ MGM Grand Garden Arena, adding, “lots of songs about cowboy Casanovas, white liars and two-timin’ men – and I’d like to thank Jesse James and Tiger Woods for inspiring us all.”
Touché, Reba. From your mouth to God’s ear, I’ll tell you that, darlin’. If it hadn’t been for those two cheatin’ hearts, there would have been a dearth of songs about that topic in country music this year. If one thing can be said about country music performers, they never would beat a dead horse for subject matter. They’re always coming up with new and inventive ways to write songs about women, dogs and drinkin’.
And Reba wasn’t the only person to grace the stage and dig into their basket of professional sports-related tricks. Brooks & Dunn went with a Brett Favre zinger during their time at the microphone.
Brooks and Dunn, who announced last August they would be splitting up, quipped that they were “currently in therapy with Brett Favre trying to figure out how to waffle on [retirement].”
Ha! Hilarious and topical! I have got to start paying better attention to country music. I figure all I need is some earplugs and a lobotomy.
CMA awards 2010 winners: Reba McEntire takes Jesse James, Tiger Woods to task at country music gig [New York Daily News]
You’re With Me, Contract Extension
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No one circles the wagons and locks up an overrated blowhard with a long-term contract like the Worldwide Leader in Sports.
Well, maybe the “Rrrrrraiderrrrrs” do, but that’s another story altogether.
The rumors that Chris Berman might leave the friendly confines of Bristol, Connecticut and “Could. Go. All. The. Way.” (rumblin’, bumblin’, stumblin’, I’d reckon) for a rival – NFL Network, perhaps – were just that: rumors, as the word on the street is Berman will reportedly sign a multi-year contract extension with ESPN as soon as today. Joy!
Via USA Today‘s always informative Sports Television blog:
Asked about speculation he might leave, Berman said Sunday that “this is my home. I’d love to finish here, and I’m going to. I’ll be here as long as they’ll have me.”
Berman has been with ESPN since its inception in 1979, and to give credit where credit is due, that’s a mighty long time to stay relevant – at least in the eyes of the people who sign a person’s paychecks – in that business. Berman claims he is looking forward to bigger and better things, and with ESPN and its parent company, ABC in the running to secure broadcast rights of the upcoming Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro and Socchi, Russia, Berman has said he might even brush up on his Russian, if necessary.
“I took just a tad of Russian once upon a time. I’ll have to find my old book. … That would be awesome.”
Awesome, indeed. But instead of his mildewy, old Russian book from college or whatever, Berman should probably spring for that Rosetta Stone software. It’s a much more effective learning tool and my guess is The Bermanator could afford it.
ESPN, NFL Network try to add red-carpet celebrity glitz to draft [Sports Television]
It was an open and shut case. You know, because Valero hung himself ;ast night while in police custody. That ties up the case in a nice little bow for investigators, doesn’t it?
Valero was arrested Sunday morning by the Carabobo State Police in Mexico after apparently confessing to hotel security that he had murdered his 24-year-old wife, Jennifer Carolina Viera de Valero, at the InterContinental hotel in Valencia. Authorities state that Valero hung himself with his own clothes at some point overnight.
As a boxer, Valero was 27-0, winning all his fights by knockout, but was currently serving a suspension imposed by the WBC. Some thought he could have been a potential opponent for Manny Pacquiao. Not so much anymore.
WBC lightweight champion Edwin Valero arrested on suspicion of murdering wife [Telegraph]
Edwin Valero kills himself after arrest for wife’s murder, say police [The Guardian]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. It’s the right thing to do.
• A sheriff’s deputy in Washington stopped in the Vancouver, WA Burger King for a meal. After having an “uneasy feeling” about one of the employees, he inspected is Whopper and found a big snag. DNA testing confirmed it was one of the Burger King employees and now the cop is suing the franchisee for $75,000. DNA testing will get you every time. Also, spitting in a cop’s food. Not good. [MSNBC/AP]
• People who write about the St. Louis baseball team resort to “cards” references way too often. [Joe Sports Fan]
• What’s the deal with Carmelo Anthony’s goofy Nike commercial? [Ball Don't Lie]
• MYFO points out an error on the front page of NHL.com this morning. [Melt Your Face Off]
• PGA golfer Brian Davis gave himself a two-stroke penalty during a playoff hole against Jim Furyk in the Verizon Heritage, which cost him his first Tour victory. Classy move. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Heh. His jersey has “JIZ” on it. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• The 2010 of the USC Song Girls swam with a fat dude. [Busted Coverage]
• The Top 10 small school NFL draft prospects. [Shutdown Corner]
• Baby Hulk Hogan is a great photo to start off the week with. [Total Pro Sports]
• So, there was some sort of brawl after an MMA bout this weekend. [Outside the Boxscore]
• An amusing collection of caption fails from TV news. [Uncoached]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Chinese Factory Worker Can’t Believe The Shit He Makes For Americans
Off Topic: All Aboard The Portable Pot Farm!
Posted by:Keep on truckin’, mobile marijuana dudes. Keep on truckin’.
On that note, we’re wrapping it up here for the week at the Sportress. Have a great weekend. Stop on by and say hello to me over at Out of Bounds this weekend, if you like.
Thanks for dropping by this week. See you on Monday.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• A Massachusetts high school is cutting all sports programs. [With Leather]
• Thank goodness, I can sleep now. Jerry Jones has clarified his feelings for Bill Parcells. [Shutdown Corner]
• It’s Sexy Friday! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Buffalo Sabres have an unofficial, hip-hop playoff anthem. Good for them. [Puck Daddy]
• The Chargers cheerleaders tryouts were nice. [Guyism]
• Make sure you keep reading MYFO’s playoff previews. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Sports bloggers tackle KFC’s gutbombtastic Double Down “sandwich.” [The700Level]
• Taking a look at the Sports Meme Power Rankings for the week. [SB Nation]
• Only rich folk will be able to see Sean Taylor’s locker at FedEx Field. [Mr. Irrelevant]
• That sergeant who posed with Ben Roethlisberger? Yeah, he quit the force. [The Sporting Blog]
• Here is your NBA Playoffs announcing schedule. [Awful Announcing]
• You can buy Jackie Robinson’s UCLA yearbook. [FirstCuts]
• General Tao takes a leering look at the douchebaggery found at Facebook. [Food Court Lunch]
• Now here is an adorable photo of the day. [Total Pro Sports ]
Send tips, complaints and outright threats to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. If necessary, I will then notify the proper authorities. Thanks.
Well, it probably didn’t go down exactly like the classic scene from Sunset Blvd. when A-Rod struck a pose to model his brand new, glamorous World Series ring, but I can assure you there was at the very least an increased level of douchetardery involved.
All I know is it’s because of photos like this that Rodriguez is completely deserving of Gourmet Spud’s “Punchable Faces” treatment over at Food Court Lunch.
“We didn’t need dialogue. We had faces!”
[H/T Big League Stew]
The poor bastard will never entertain a minor league crowd again. Or wipe his own ass without assistance. Sad.
Courtesy of YouTube uploader guy:
The Reno Aces, Triple-A affiliate of the Arizona Diamondbacks, played an exhibition game against the University of Nevada at Aces Ballpark to kick-off the 2010 season. Between innings, the Aces mascot, Archie, and University of Nevada mascot, Wolfie, danced atop the dugout for fans. Wolfie started his dance atop the dugout. He finished his dance inside of it.
Wolfie, we all hope for your speedy recovery. And Archie? The guy’s a total mess now. Who knows if he will ever amuse the fans with his cunnilingus-esque shenanigans (video after the jump) ever again?
Sure, that’s not how it might read to you, but every once in a while, my skipawordisitis flares up. and I need some assistance making sense of words. Laugh all you want, but it is a very debilitating condition. I’d like to see you try to write a book report for Where The Red Fern Grows only reading every other word.
All I thought was, “Man, that Ben Roethlisberger will screw anything.”
And yes, between the “gay colon tenders” and the Where The Red Fern Grows reference, I actually am in 4th grade.
STEELERS’ SPAETH, GAY AND COLON SIGN TENDERS [TSN]
Much like the Grateful Dead fans of yesteryear, who would traipse around the country with their stinky, dirty hippiness and grilled cheese sandwiches, it appears Joslyn James has decided to follow their example. James apparently has decided she has no other choice but to hitch her wagon to something far bigger than her, follow it around from town to town in a shameful effort to provide direction and some sort of twisted meaning to her aimless, has-been life. I mean she’s 33 and a porn star. The expiration date on that overused cooter is almost upon her.
This must be why James has decided to go kicking and screaming into that empty life of pornographic irrelevance. According to the Charlotte Observer, James will be appearing at gentlemen’s club Uptown Cabaret on the dates of April 30th through May 1st. And lo and behold, by a cosmic twist of fate, a person once near and dear to her heart (and various bodily orifices) will also be in town for those dates on personal business: Tiger. Woods recently entered and will be competing in the Quail Hollow Championship in Charlotte the very same weekend. Who woulda thunk it, right? Talk about jizzmet! Er, kismet. Kismet was the word I was looking for.
As I am sure you recall, James also performed at Atlanta strip club Pink Pony, located just 50 miles away from Augusta National, during the Masters. This is becoming a bad habit for the washed-up starlet. Just like following Dead around became for those filthy hippies. But this cannot last forever for James. Before you know it, she will lose her way and end up following some second rate version of the real thing. Does anybody have an idea who the PGA’s version of the String Cheese Incident would be?
Former Tiger Woods mistress coming to Uptown Cabaret [Charlotte Observer]
USA Rugby Must Really Hate Mormons
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But who doesn’t, amirite? Just kidding. I’m sure Mormons don’t hate other Mormons – at least some of them.
Ranked sixth in the nation, the B.Y.U. women’s rugby team is on a roll right now heading into this weekend’s game in the national college playoffs. But whether or not they manage to beat Wisconsin-Milwaukee in the quarterfinals on Saturday, their season ends after the game. The reason? B.Y.U. will unfortunately have to forfeit their next game because USA Rugby scheduled the games in the next round on Sunday, and I guess Mormons aren’t allowed to do stuff on Sunday.
Via The New York Times:
“We’re obviously just very frustrated,” said Siebach, a senior. “We don’t want to put USA Rugby in a bad light, but at the same time we feel like we’ve been treated wrongly.”
Ashley Voss, a spokeswoman for USA Rugby, said scheduling the round for Sunday was not intended as a slight to the B.Y.U. team. “It’s in no way a move to disregard their religious beliefs,” she said. “We want them to be able to compete. We want them to be here.”
Two things: first, women’s rugby? Yowsers. Probably not the best looking ladies on campus. Second, who knew Mormons couldn’t participate in sports on Sunday? Wasn’t Steve Young a practicing Mormon during his NFL playing days? He played on Sundays all the time. Hypocritical non-believer, that guy.
Head coach Tom Waqa, B.Y.U.’s head coach, is justifiably pissed. When reached for comment, Waqa said, “I told that fuck down at the league office…I told that anti-Mormite a fucking thousand times that we don’t ball on the Sabbath!”
Nah, he was much more reserved than that, Mormonically speaking. He said his squad “will be playing with a heavy heart, not being able to participate any further.”
Shomer Sabbath!
B.Y.U. Women’s Rugby Team Will Forfeit if It Reaches Sunday Game [The New York Times]
Despite the multitude of problems the organizers of this summer’s World Cup in South Africa have faced, they still deserve an enormous amount of credit for one thing: they know how to break out the eye candy at big events.
First it was Charlize Theron, when she was on hand to announce the World Cup draw. Now it has been announced that Shakira, backed by a South African group called Freshlyground (like my morning one-hitter coffee!) will record and perform “Time for Africa,” the anthem for the World Cup.
The song, which will be available for download on April 26th, will also be performed by Shakira and her backing group at the kick-off concert for the World Cup on June 11th.
Never has a performance of an anthem been so eagerly anticipated for its inherent bonerrific-ness – except for Rosanne Barr’s performance of America’s national anthem. Talk about a subtly sexual, sublimely erotic performance.
Speaking of which, is it in bad taste to be turned on by the performance of anthem? Ah, what do I care? It’s not like I want to be a member of some worldwide, soccer-loving global community, with my rampant xenophobia and all.
Colombia pop star Shakira to sing World Cup anthem [BBC]
(previously at the Sportress: The World Cup Draw Just Got A Lot Sexier With The Inclusion Of Charlize Theron)
To be fair, I probably wouldn’t have been too happy either after plunking down a bunch of money for a ticket only to watch the home team – the top-seeded Washington Capitals in this particular instance – crap the bed and lose in heartbreaking fashion, 3-2 in overtime, to the Montreal Canadiens. The Caps are now down 1-0 in their Eastern Conference quarterfinal series to the Habs, the No. 8 seed. It must be especially frustrating to not only those who are camera averse, but to Caps fans everywhere after Alexander Ovechkin did not register a single, ever-loving shot for the entire game. That’s brutal.
So brutal, in fact, that one guy in the crowd didn’t take to kindly to the camera squarely focused upon him and broadcasting his anger to the entire television viewing public, and made it abundantly clear by swearing at the camera and then standing up for some more frustration-based histrionics. Something tells me this guy, much like his hostile mentor Sean Penn, would have a hard time avoiding confrontation with the paparazzi if he were ever to become a big Hollywood star.
Video after the jump.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It is 100% self-funded, so donations are welcome. As you are well aware, there is a lack of quality blogging on the interwebs, but we cannot continue to provide wonderful programming like “Nightmare Fuel”, “It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?” and “Chicks, Man” without your support. With every donation, you will receive a stylish S.O.B. tote bag as a gift. In the interim, tips are welcome and encouraged. Please send in care of weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A girl bathing in the water in the Upper Amazon in Peru recently had a two-inch, fanged leech pulled out of her nose. Named Tyrannobdella rex, it has a single jaw with “ferociously large teeth” and is sure to give you nightmares. Photo of the creepy crawler in the link. [MSNBC]
• When misplaced priorities happen: Dallas high school builds $60 million stadium. [Out of Bounds]
• The security at Dodger Stadium beat up some dude. [Walkoff Walk]
• Superb work done by the fellas over at The Gally Blog where they attempt to pair up prominent sports bloggers with characters from The Godfather. Huh. I’m not in there. I see how it is. [The Gally Blog]
• The 10 most intimidating athletes in the world. [Guyism]
• Crikey! Some Australian footballer got knockedafuggout. [With Leather]
• People in D.C. named their child after Alexander Ovechkin. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• The release of witness statements regarding the alleged sexual assault incident did not improve Ben Roethlisberger’s image. [The Sporting Blog]
• Ryan Leaf got 10 years probation for his criminal, druggie behavior. [Busted Coverage]
• Jimmy Kimmel has outsourced his Tiger Woods joke writing to a call center in India. [Outside the Boxscore]
• Is it time for the city of Buffalo to finally experience some good fortune and win a Stanley Cup. This guy says yes. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: All Sports To Cease So Skip Bayless Has Nothing To Talk About
