Archive for April, 2010
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
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• Some guy running for Pennsylvania has a commercial which depicts a guy in a Jared Allen jersey being arrested. [Out of Bounds]
• This makes sense: voting for the MLB All-Star game has already begun. [Walkoff Walk]
• Red Sox fan takes a hit off a six-foot bong. [Busted Coverage]
• What in the hell is Myron Rolle wearing? [With Leather]
• Ndamukong Suh…in sandwich form. [The Sporting Blog]
• Wysh makes a case for the superiority of the NHL playoffs over their NBA counterparts. No need to argue, as far as I’m concerned. [Puck Daddy]
• The cover of NCAA Football 11 featuring the one and only Tim Tebow has been revealed. [FirstCuts]
• KSK will be live-blogging the NFL Draft on Thursday. Should be a hoot and a holler. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Chris Berman will be anchoring ESPN’s prime-time coverage of the U.S. Open. Joy. [Waggle Room]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Stoner Regales Friends With Tale Of This One Bong He Saw In Iowa City Once
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This Just In: All Canadians Hate America
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You know, one would think with all the goodwill the good old United States of America have demonstrated towards our friends to the North since they became a country fifty years ago, they would treat us with a little more respect. But no, those goddamn Canuckistanis thumb their nose at us every chance they get.
Not once, but twice recently, Canadians have taken a steaming dump on every American from sea to shining sea with their deplorable behavior and utter contempt for our traditions, culture and honorable heritage.
The first: two Canadian domestic terrorists, Ryan Smith (25) and Matt Siefert (26) may be charged by the La Quinta, California police department with flag desecration and vandalism after they took down an American flag and replaced it with a Canadian flag after Canada defeated the United States in the gold medal hockey game during the Vancouver Olympics.
From The Vancouver Sun:
The flag in question had been displayed on a mountain top in La Quinta, a resort town about halfway between Los Angeles and the Nevada border which is popular with Canadian snowbirds. The flag had been “maintained by a private citizen in honour of the September 11, 2001 victims,” the release said.
After Sidney Crosby scored the gold medal-winning goal against U.S. goaltender Ryan Miller on the afternoon of Feb. 28, police allege Smith and Siefert, who had watched the game at a nearby bar, trekked up to the top of what locals call Mount Happy and replaced the Stars and Stripes with the Maple Leaf.
Police said that the flag was “damaged” when they found it.
That’s shameful, shameful behavior!
Second, the hockey fans of Canada are back at it again, booing our national anthem. On Monday night at the Bell Center in Montreal, fans could be heard audibly booing during “The Star-Spangled Banner” prior to the start of the game between the Canadiens and Washington Capitals.
Video after the jump.
Okay, that title was a bit of a reach-around, but Mouthpiece Sports sat down with the legendary porn actor and discussed how he and Orlando Magic head coach Stan Van Gundy look alike.
Enjoy.
Ron Jeremy On His Resemblance To Stan Van Gundy [Mouthpiece Sports]
Keli McGregor, the president of the Colorado Rockies was found dead in his hotel room at the Grand America Hotel at 9:00 a.m. this morning by Salt Lake City police. Salt Lake Det. Rick Wall stated that police “didn’t see anything suspicious,” and that McGregor “did pass away of natural causes. The official cause of death will be investigated by the Salt Lake City Medical Examiner’s Office.”
McGregor was 48.
The Rockies have released a statement:
“Words cannot describe the level of shock and disbelief that we all are feeling this morning at the loss of Keli,” team owner Charlie Monfort said. “Our thoughts, our prayers are with (McGregor’s wife) Lori and the entire family as we all try to cope and understand how such a tragic loss could occur with such a wonderful man.”
Forty-eight friggin’ years old, man. Jesus. My thoughts go out to his family and the entire Colorado Rockies organization.
Colorado Rockies president found dead in Salt Lake City [Denver Post]
If there is one thing that most people will universally agree upon when it comes to Stephen A. Smith it’s that he isn’t afraid to look at things a tad askew, to take the contrarian stance simply for the sake of being different. And ladies and gentlemen, SAS has done just that once again. He’s not going to get pigeonholed into the populist take on the controversial issue of what Roger Goodell should do about Ben Roethlisberger. Are you ready for it?
Stephen A. Smith, in his infinite wisdom, thinks Ben Roethlisberger needs be punished by the NFL. Suspended, even. And immediately. Whoa. Slow down there, good fella.
From his column in The Philadelphia Inquirer, the aptly-titled and leaving no doubt where he stands on the matter, “Goodell should suspend Roethlisberger”:
Goodell needs to announce that the NFL is suspending the Pittsburgh Steelers’ quarterback. A four-game suspension sounds about right. He needs to make it clear that it’s not because of any criminal act, that it’s primarily because of juvenile behavior and a violation of the league’s code of personal conduct. And he needs to do so immediately, without compunction, and without any input from Roethlisberger’s employer, preferably before the NFL draft on Thursday night, specifically to avoid the appearance of any preferential treatment.
Hoo boy, that’s some pretty dangerous thinking right there. The kind of thinking, in fact, that can be potentially dangerous to the person courageous (or foolish) enough to publicly articulate it. Come on, Stephen A. Smith. Radical opinions like that are going to get you in trouble with the wrong kinds of people. Check yourself.
Stephen A. Smith: Goodell should suspend Roethlisberger [The Philadelphia Inquirer]
Not to make light of what appears to be a pretty sticky situation for Indianapolis Colts defensive tackle Eric Foster, who is now facing allegations that he sexually assaulted a 22-year-old college student the night before the AFC Championship game in January, but the initial details which are emerging could spell a dental joke boon for ESPN hack columnist Rick Reilly.
In a civil lawsuit, the woman accuses Foster of sexual assault, battery, false imprisonment and intentional infliction of emotional distress.
Her suit alleges the assault happened Jan. 24 at University Place Hotel at Indiana University-Purdue University in Indianapolis. The woman is a student at the school and a receptionist at the hotel.
The suit alleges that Foster assaulted her when she delivered dental products to his room.
Dental products? That’s a new one. Sure, it lacks the panache or the “straight-from-a-pornlines” story of Ben Roethlisberger’s “Come Fix My Cable” escapades in Reno, Nevada, but I am aware of one person who will appreciate it, despite its association with potentially criminal behavior: Rick Reilly.
If you happen to be have made it this far in life blissfully unaware of Reilly’s propensity for dental-related humor, first of all, count yourself among the lucky ones. Secondly, here’s a primer on his obsession.
Now we sit and wait for Reilly to bite. The bait has been set and I see no way he will be able to refuse at least a nibble considering how this one has been so perfectly set up for him.
Colts defensive tackle Foster accused of Jan. 24 sexual assault [CBS Sports]
Rick Reilly’s Complete Dental Records [Slate]
(previously at the Sportress: Fixing The TV Only Turns Into Sex In Jackie Treehorn Movies, Ben Roethlisberger)
I’m sorry, this is one of the most egregious displays of racial insensitivity I have ever seen. “HNIC,” as in, “Head Blankety-Blank In Charge”? What could a reputable newspaper like the Tribune had possibly been thinking when they went with that headline?
What’s that? “HNIC” stands for Hockey Night In Canada? Oops. I guess I should have read the article. My bad. Perhaps the CBC should consider changing the name of the long-running show to avoid further confusion. How about Hockey Evening In Canada? No? Okay, let’s go with Canadian Hockey In Nighttime, or “CHIN” for short? Yeah, I like that one.
Crosby cool to heat from ‘HNIC’s’ Don Cherry [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review]
A word to the wise: it’s probably not the best idea to call an insane professional football player’s fiancee a derogatory name.
Some yahoo in Arizona should be counting his blessings (and his teeth) after he drew the ire of Minnesota Vikings defensive lineman Jared Allen a couple of weeks ago at the Grapevine Bar in Scottsdale after he allegedly hurled what TMZ is referring to as a “four-letter slur” that “rhymes with punt” at Allen’s bride-to-be. Hoo boy. The “C Word”? Bad idea jeans, man.
When Jared heard the insult, the 6’6″, 270 pound Pro Bowler — who’s also an avid hunter — told the guy, “I’ll break your f*cking neck homeboy … and then I’ll write a check to your f*cking name too.”
In the video, a woman can be seen dragging Jared away from the other man. We’re told both Jared and the other dude each left the bar without further incident.
Jared’s rep at EAG Sports Management tells TMZ, “No matter what, Jared will always protect and defend his family.”
Thankfully, for Allen’s sake, no punches were thrown and other than a few threatening expletives spewed at the guy who clearly has no regard for his own personal well-being, it appears the potential altercation ended without a major incident. Nevertheless, considering that Allen has been arrested for DUI three times during his career and has been previously suspended by the NFL, one has to wonder how Der Kommissar Herr Goodell will look upon Allen spending time in a bar and how that might play into a possible violation of the NFL’s personal conduct policy. I guess we’ll have to wait and see on how this plays out.
NFL Star Jared Allen — Violent Threat in Bar Fight [TMZ]
Won’t somebody think of the children???
Ronnie O’Sullivan, a three-time World Champion snooker player nicknamed “The Rocket” due to his fast play, blasted his middle finger at the red ball during the first round of a match with Liang Wenbo.
Okay, since I hardly qualify as an expert concerning the game of snooker, I’ll allow The Times to explain:
The three-time champion made back-to-back centuries of 100 and 108 but was otherwise not at his best in accumulating a 7-2 overnight lead in his first round match. O’Sullivan grew increasingly frustrated with the frequency of his errors, which led to him raising his middle finger after another ball failed to drop into the middle pocket.
O’Sullivan was warned about his behaviour by referee Colin Humphries, and has been told a repeat will result in him being docked a frame.
The opening nine frames of the clash with Liang summed O’Sullivan up, with a touch of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Centuries in the third and fourth frames, an 86 in the eighth and a 56 in the ninth, which could quite easily have become a 147, were the highlights from the title favourite’s perspective, but he nevertheless made more mistakes than usual and was fortunate his opponent offered next to nothing.
Yeah, what they said.
Video of the dastardly deed after the jump.
Via executive order handed down from the upper echelons of the power-mad MLB Fashion Gestapo, Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon is now forbidden from wearing his trademark blue hooded sweatshirt during games. Major League Baseball re-issued a memo last Friday decreeing that managers and players can only wear clothing officially approved by the league.
Although Maddon says he will follow the letter of the law, he insists that he has made significant upgrades in the quality of hooded sweatshirts he has chosen to wear over the years.
“There was a time where they first did it, it was more of — the quality was less. The quality has been raised, it’s more of a shiny kind of material now that I know presents well. I’ve seen them on TV, it presents really well. I have no idea why this is happening. For me, it’s just a comfortable thing. I’ve always worn hoodies,” he said.
Of course, the MLB can do whatever it chooses when it comes to matters such as these, but it seems to be a bit of an overreaching policy. When a league’s rules regarding appropriate attire surpasses even the facist-like policies of the National Football League, it is a pretty strong indication that they might be a bit too restrictive. Maybe if Maddon had cut off the sleeves in the hobosian style favored by Bill Belichick, whose fashion choices could kindly be referred to as “homeless casual,” perhaps the MLB wouldn’t have made a fuss. At the same time, no one from the secret style police said one word about the message Joe Maddon was conveying when he went goth last season.
In all likelihood, given Maddon’s willingness to accept it and not make a stink , this minor fashion controversy will quickly fade away. But I will tell you this, if Maddon chose to fight, this would have been the biggest hood brouhaha the MLB has seen since they had to tell Marge Schott to stop wearing her Ku Klux Klan outfits to Reds games.
Nah, I’m just kidding. Schott wouldn’t have been caught dead in a KKK hood. She was all about the Nazi chic.
Rays manager Maddon banned from wearing hoodie [AP]
(previously at the Sportress: Before You Know It, They Will Be Pumping In Bauhaus Tunes At Tropicana Field)
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It is 100% self-funded, so donations are welcome. As you are well aware, there is a lack of quality blogging on the interwebs, but we cannot continue to provide wonderful programming like “Nightmare Fuel”, “It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?” and “Chicks, Man” without your support. With every donation, you will receive a stylish S.O.B. tote bag as a gift. In the interim, tips are welcome and encouraged. Please send in care of weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• If that title doesn’t have “box office gold” written all over it, I guess I’m not a Hollywood producer. Which I guess I’m not. Anyway, two Venezuelans have been arrested by police for impersonating plastic surgeons and providing breast and butt implants to unsuspecting patients in their apartment. Yeah, nothing says “clean, sterile environment” like cosmetic surgery on a kitchen table. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
• Here’s your update on Tiger-Elin divorce odds. [Out of Bounds]
• Video of a drunk, passed-out Cardinals fan getting beer cups stacked on him. [Busted Coverage]
• On this day in 1912 and 1916 respectively, the inaugural games at Fenway Park and Wrigley Field were played. [Joe Sports Fan]
• The curious case of Sergio Garcia (spoiler alert: he’s a dickhead). [Devil Ball Golf]
• Here’s a nice feel-good story heading into the NFL draft about a 33-year-old guy not willing to give up on his dream. [Second-String Fullback]
• The residual effects of that volcanic eruption in Iceland is totally screwing over Euro golfers. [Waggle Room]
• Courtesy of LSUfreek, Blazing Big Ben. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Would you look at that – Bleacher Report has gone and screwed up again. [Puck Daddy]
• Here’s a rundown of some early surprises of the MLB season. [More Hardball]
• Charles Barkley and the Shake Weight are a sure fire recipe for nightmare fuel. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Fifteen amusing reasons why newspapers are going out of business. [Uncoached]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Lesbian Identity Ends Abruptly Mid-Junior Year
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• Happy Birthday, Joe Mauer! [Babes Love Baseball]
• Awesome new feature at the site I spend my weekends at: “The Darren Daulton Week In Preview.” [Out of Bounds]
• Tiger Woods should start a blog. [Dogs That Chase Cars]
• Do you want to see a hockey fight where a dude gets his leg broken? Have at it. [Busted Coverage]
• Separated at Birth: Vomiting Phillies Fan. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Here’s some LSUfreek animated gif goodness: Dirk Nowitzki, Tim Duncan and Call of Duty. Sublime. [The Sporting Blog]
• Begun, the Kevin Garnett backlash has. [Ball Don't Lie]
• There has been a very disturbing trend of deaths in the world of boxing lately. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Now I have seen it all. Jeff Gordon stained glass art. [FirstCuts]
• Peter King: still stupid. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Screaming Shane Doan photoshop is the latest internet craze. [Puck Daddy]
• More shocking news: Jose Canseco had another meltdown on Twitter. [Mouthpiece Blog]
• Louisville’s new basketball arena is sponsored by KFC. Yummy. [The Sporting Blog]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Average Time Spent Being Happy Drops To 13 Seconds Per Day
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Courtesy of Adult Swim’s “Eyewitness Nightbeat” comes this animated parody video of the shocking experiences of a man and his son in a U.S. Cellular Field men’s room on Opening Day (here’s a nice summary of the evening’s events that I wrote over at With Leather, in case you missed it). Suffice to say, there was some bangin’ going on in a stall, much to the shock and chagrin of said father.
The video is a classic. Well played, Adult Swim. The Taiwanese narration with English subtitles gave it a nice touch. And what is argued in the cartoon is true, America does love a winner. Although I do not quite get why there was an organ blocking the urinal. Interesting artistic choice.
[H/T The Sporting Blog]
As Kevin Cowherd astutely points out in a post in The Baltimore Sun blog, The Toy Department, as the skipper of the hapless Baltimore Orioles, “[y]ou better have a sense of humor if you’re going to manage this bunch.” Truer words have rarely been written. Sitting at 2-11, the Orioles already find themselves a whopping eight games back in the AL East race.
Not willing to be dragged down into the dumps by such an already dire situation, Orioles manager Dave Trembley showed off his humorous side during the post-game show after Baltimore finally snapped its nine-game losing streak with an 8-3 win over Oakland.
“Good for the team, great for the fans,” Dave Trembley said to Gary Thorne and Jim Palmer on the MASN post-game show. “Now we can go for the pennant drive.”
That’s brilliant material right there, kids. Pennant drive. But it must be so damn frustrating to be affiliated with the Orioles franchise in any capacity and be forced to look up at the Yankees and Red Sox and their bloated payrolls (as well as the Rays and Blue Jays with their more modest payrolls) year after year in the standings. So, you have to give Trembley credit for at the very least maintaining some semblance of whimsicality in the face of yet another hopeless baseball season in Baltimore.
Not to be outdone, infielder Miguel Tejada was also cracking wise – although I’m not entirely sure he was joking at all – after the game.
“This game today for everybody here feels like a playoff game,” Tejada told reporters.
Ha! Man, these guys! These are funny guys.
An awful lot to like as O’s end awful skid [The Baltimore Sun]
Pennant Drive?! You kidding me?! PENNANT DRIVE?! [The Toy Department]
Typically, one should attempt to curtail the white-hot rage which is caused by reading a Dan Shaughnessy-penned column, especially on the occasions (read: all the time) when his sticky man-love for the city of Boston is ejaculated all over the pages of the Boston Globe.
Usually, Shaughnessy reserves his boner for Boston sportswriting to the Globe, but today he utilized his gig at Sports Illustrated to announce to the entire S.I.-reading nation that Boston is the greatest sports town of all American cities. Why? Just so you don’t have to read the drivel yourself, I’ll summarize: because Boston’s winter sports teams are in the playoffs and the Red Sox played a game at Fenway while a bunch of people ran in a marathon. Oh, and the Patriots play a few miles outside of town. Can’t forget about them Patriots. I think that can be considered a crime against humanity under the collective bargaining agreement.
He begins:
Welcome to my town, Boston, Massachusetts. It’s quite simply the best sports city in the United States of America. Especially this week.
Care to argue?
Bring it on.
Wow! Tell me more, Dan Shaughnessy! No, wait. Don’t.
