Archive for April, 2010
So, Duncan Keith manages to pick up the pieces of his failed music career and parlay the frustration and disappointment that he could only write one hit song into a lucrative and successful NHL one and he goes and pulls a stunt like this?
Not cool, Duncan Keith. Not cool. You can’t just go spraying hecklers with water bottles, not matter how big of a douche said heckler happens to be.
Via Puck Daddy:
It’s difficult to decipher what, exactly, verbally transpires between the two in the following clip; at least until the Smashville native starts talking about pulling a fire alarm in the Blackhawks’ hotel.
Yeah, I have to admit that threats by some yahoo can cause a person to become frustrated and react impulsively, but it’s no surprise that Duncan Keith flamed out of the music business. You need thicker skin that that. Let’s try harder to maintain your composure next time, Duncan.
Video: Duncan Keith’s liquid response to Predators fan taunting [Puck Daddy]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It is 100% self-funded, so donations are welcome. As you are well aware, there is a lack of quality blogging on the interwebs, but we cannot continue to provide wonderful programming like “Nightmare Fuel”, “It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?” and “Chicks, Man” without your support. With every donation, you will receive a stylish S.O.B. tote bag as a gift. In the interim, tips are welcome and encouraged. Please send in care of weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Sarah May Ward, a 39-year-old woman from Sydney, Australia, has been sentenced to 25 years in prison after she ran over and killed 21-year-old Eli Westlake after the kid threw cheeseballs at her car. When the incident occurred, Ward was a little off her rocker, which usually occurs when a person “two bottles of wine and used cannabis, amphetamine drugs and anti-depressants before getting into her car in Sydney’s northern suburbs on June 7, 2008.” Yeah. The moral of the story? Eat Cheetos. No way a person in their right mind would willingly waste those delicious morsels of cheesy goodness. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
• Help BC identify the Naked Notre Dame Grass Bangers. It’s your civic duty. [Busted Coverage]
• Elin may be back in Sweden permanently. I heard she picked up a few evening shifts at IKEA to make ends meet. [Out of Bounds]
• There was a handshake fail at the White House yesterday when the Yankees met with President Obama. [Bugs & Cranks]
• Former NFL quarterback (if you could call what he did quarterbacking) was arrested and charged with two counts of simple assault after attacking his wife. [Deuce of Davenport]
• Some guy named Tito Ortiz – I guess he’s in MMA or something – has been arrested on felony domestic assault charges for allegedly attacking his girlfriend, porn star Jenna Jameson. [Guyism]
• ESPN NHL analyst Barry Melrose is a goddamn hippie. [The Sports Report Girl]
• Joe Mauer will be featured on E:60 tonight. [SOOZE!]
• Butter Chicken has a vendetta against Hoop Hype’s 2010 NBA Mock Draft. [Food Court Lunch]
• The worst throwback jerseys ever. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Today in 1983, Nolan Ryan recorded his 3,510th strikeout, besting Walter “Big Train” Johnson’s 56-year-old record. Yeah, both those guys were alright pitchers. [Joe Sports Fan]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: (Video) Jockey Liam Hollins The Favorite To Brutally Whip Horse To Kentucky Derby Win
Example No. 5,493 Why The British Confuse Me
Posted by:
Above is a screencap from The Guardian’s soccer – er, football – blog The Fiver with the headline, “Fuzzier than a hippy the day after summer solstice.”
Huh? What does that even mean? Are hippies generally “fuzzier” (whatever that means) on the longest day of the year in the northern hemisphere? And if so, why? And what does this have to do with the soccer?
No, I didn’t read the damn post. I was confused enough already.
Fuzzier than a hippy the day after summer solstice [The Fiver]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• Big Ben has issued a very personal, heartfelt statement…most likely written by his publicist. [Mondesi's House]
• When he was six-years-old, Ricky Williams’ dad took naked photos of him. Ouch. [With Leather]
• Apple won’t allow an iPhone app that shows the latest Tiger Woods editorial cartoons, but previously OK-ed a President Obama one. [Out of Bounds]
• Dennis Haskins, a/k/a Mr. Belding from Saved By The Bell, was at the Baseball Hall of Fame. That guy is everywhere. [Walkoff Walk]
• Taking a look at 30 years of funny names of horses that have raced in the Kentucky Derby. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Fresh off his successful campaign as manager of the Minnesota Timberwolves, Kurt Rambis is going to add his coaching acumen to the Lakers playoff coverage on Fox Sports West. [The Fabulous Forum]
• Phil Jackson referred to Ron Artest as a “naïve, innocent lamb.” Alright. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Now here’s an awesome Ben Roethlisberger t-shirt. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• South Alabama baseball team videotapes themselves shirtless and dancing. Hoo boy. [Busted Coverage]
• Video of a bullfighter getting gored in the groin by a bull. Once again, hoo boy, but in a completely different way. [Sports Rubbish]
• Red Wings fans who threw octopi onto the ice during Game 2 of Detroit’s series with Phoenix got taken to jail for their shenanigans. [Puck Daddy]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Fan Incredibly Disappointed To Learn Player’s Favorite Book Is The Bible
Send tips, complaints, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
According to a tweet by NFL PR Department employee Joanna Hunter (via The Huddle), Tim Tebow’s new Broncos jersey was the biggest selling jersey among rookies over the weekend. No number were made available, but I can assure you that every single moron who laid down between $79.99 for a replica and over $200 if they sprung for an authentic, customized jersey will rue the day they blew their money on such a frivolous purchase. The guy hasn’t even made it through a damn training camp, for crying out loud. What happens when Tebow hears the call of the Lord commanding him to leave football and focus solely on circumcisions ? What? It could happen.
You cannot be too careful when purchasing a jersey for someone who hasn’t done jack squat as a professional. That is, unless you enjoy throwing your money away. And allow me to admit that I speak from experience. Who has two thumbs, is a complete woodhead who impulsively purchased an authentic Tarvaris Jackson jersey before the first game of the 2008 Vikings season?
This guy. I suck.
Tim Tebow’s jersey the top seller for rookies on NFL draft weekend [The Huddle]
Back in the day, Ice Cube, before he began appearing in movies with children and animals (bad idea), and his cohorts in N.W.A. frequently dressed themselves in Raiders gear. So much so, that Raiders clothing and the street culture of gangsta rap became synonymous.
Apparently, Cube was ready to take a nostalgic look back to before he became sanitized for family consumption, as he has directed a documentary on the Raiders, Straight Outta L.A. Hey, that’s just like the title of that album by N.W.A.! Brilliant!
From an AP report (via Film Drunk):
The film was to premiere at the Tribeca Film Festival on Friday and will air on ESPN in May as part of the network’s “30-for-30″ series.
“It was a team we could identify with, from the neighborhood that we came from,” says Cube. “The Lakers was real glitzy and glamour; the Dodgers were seen as a little out of reach. But the Raiders, it seemed like my uncles played for the Raiders.”
ESPN asked Cube, who has worked as actor and producer in such movies as “Boyz n the Hood” and “Friday,” to contribute a film to “30-for-30.” But he had only directed once: 1998′s “The Players Club.”
“I thought about it for a minute, and this was the story: the L.A. Raiders coming to L.A. and how their image and persona, in a lot ways, changed the trajectory of hip-hop,” he says.
Video after the jump. And yes, it is relevant to the story. What did you think I would do? Upload irrelevant video? Sheesh.
GAH!!! I don’t know what is worse in the above terrifying images – the sight of Larry King romanticizing his not-so-estranged wife with a soul-sucking kiss (seriously, if they would have locked lips any longer, it would probably have resembled a scene from Lifeforce), her patting his ass or King all decked out in denim and leather. Really, it’s a tough call.
Here’s the dirty truth, gang, a Larry King sex tape could be in the offing. If you only see one film the rest of your life it should not be that. Is it just me, or did looking at that photo just cause me to become impotent? Sudden thought: I will never be the same again. I don’t care what anyone says, in my book, Larry King should not be allowed to kiss a woman ever.
(last paragraph riffed from SNL skit, Larry King’s News & Views)
Larry King & Shawn — The Make-Up Kiss [TMZ]
Yeah, I’m a Star Trek nerd, wanna fight about it? Not an actual physical fight, mind you, but some sort of computerized simulation of fighting. A fight amongst the stars on Star Trek Online, perhaps? I call the Enterprise!
Anyhoo, this ridiculously overreaching (and tremendously unfunny) Borg joke is courtesy of the news that tennis legend Bjorn Borg will make his return to semi-professional tennis. Borg will compete in the Outback Champions Series in Boston beginning Thursday. The Series, which is open to competitors over 30 years of age (Borg is fifty-friggin’-three), has the potential for quite the intriguing matchup. Also competing in the tournament is one of Borg’s most diabolical nemesis…
No, not Picard. Come on, man. I am of course referring to John McEnroe. If Borg can get by Mikael Pernfors in the first round, he will face the winner of a match between and Mats Wilander and McEnroe in the following round.
Via CBS Sports:
Borg won 11 Grand Slam singles titles from 1974 to 1981 — five at Wimbledon, six at the French Open. He and McEnroe split their 14 career meetings. Their most famous match was the 1980 Wimbledon final, in which McEnroe won a fourth-set tiebreaker 18-16, but Borg won the fifth set 8-6.
Says Borg: “It’s always something special to see John’s face on the other side of the net.”
Indeed. This is the most excited I have been from an appearance by a Borg since Jeri Ryan, the gal who portrayed Seven of Nine on Voyager, made an appearance at a Star Trek Convention I attended. Talk about boldly going where no boner has gone before. I showed her my Autonomous Regeneration Sequencer, if you know what I mean. She didn’t seem too pleased about the dong-velopment, but Brent Spiner, who was also there, sure seemed impressed. A little bit too much, I am reluctant to admit.
Borg returns to competetive tennis, may face McEnroe [CBS Sports]
If a ginger-headed hack sportswriter has an erection for a city for longer than two decades, should they consult their doctor? Or should we simply sit back and hope his provincial priapism results in massive brain hemorrhaging, thereby relieving us of ever having to read his Boston-centric bullshit ever again?
Of course, I am referring to Dan Shaughnessy, who is becoming quite popular on this here site due to his positively moronic columns regarding his white hot man love for Boston and its sports teams. His latest entry for his gig at S.I. is all about his claim – made a couple of weeks ago at the onset of the NBA Playoffs – that the Celtics will beat the Cavaliers in the second round.
He begins:
The Celtics will beat the Cavaliers in Round 2 of the NBA playoffs.
There. I said it.
Call me a knucklehead. Call me old-school. Call me a fool (Cedric Maxwell did). This was my pick before the start of the playoffs.
It’s right there in black and white, on the sports pages of The Boston Globe on April 15:
“I’m picking the old green guys to at least make it to the Eastern Conference Finals. That means they’ll beat Miami in the first round, then beat Cleveland in the second round.”
After a bunch of moronic drivel about how Boston knows how to beat LeBron, the days off will help an aging Celtics team, blah blah blah, he conludes:
The Celtics are cagey enough and good enough to exploit all of the above. It’s really not as crazy as it sounds.
Actually, it is as crazy as it sounds. First of all, neither of them are even in the second round. Granted, it is extremely likely that Boston and Cleveland will advance given that both teams hold a commanding 3-1 lead in their respective series, but does that somewhat foregone conclusion necessitate Shaughnessy writing a column about it now? For his gig as a national columnist for S.I.? He could have at least waited until the Celtics won the first two games of the series – or at least waited until the series actually started – before flexing his prognostication muscles, and even that would have been profoundly irritating.
What an absolutely worthless tool. No one cares, man. Just go away, or at least keep your Boston crap limited to your local writing, you red-headed waste of space.
I’ll say it: Celtics will beat Cavs in second round of playoffs [S.I.]
(previously at the Sportress: Jerkoff Boston Sportswriter Thinks Nomar Is A Jerkoff Because He Treated Sportswriters Like Jerkoffs & Shocking: Hack Columnist From Boston Douchetardedly Declares Beantown America’s Best Sports City)
First of all, I have no idea where this video is came from, nor can I testify to the accuracy of the translation from Russian or if the damn thing is even real, but it was far too humorous to not pass along to you.
Apparently, some Russian immigrants – their spokesperson insists they are Cubs fans – took in a game at Wrigley Field, where they were treated, in his words, like shit.
A transcript of the video-watching-challenged:
Russian Dude: “See this pile of shit behind me? These Cubs fans treated us like that.”
Interviewer: “They treated you like a pile of shit?”
Russian Dude:“They shoved my friend’s face into it.”
Interviewer: “Why did they do that?”
Russian Dude: “They thought we were from Milwaukee.”
Interviewer: “You still a Cub fan?”
Russian Dude: “No, not anymore.”
Awesome. Apparently, to Cubs fans, all Russian immigrants are from Milwaukee. Yet, this video leaves us with more questions than answers. First of all, what exactly occurred on that terrible day at Wrigley Field? Yes, they clearly felt they were treated like shit, but how so? Should all immigrants steer clear of Wrigley Field? Especially ones who appear to be from Milwaukee because they were Russians? Second, when Russian Dude says that the Cubs fans in question shoved their friend’s face into it, did he mean that literally? I am speculating here, but my guess is he must be referring to the unstable, possibly inebriated, comrade behind him, who, as far as I can surmise, has shit still smeared all over his face. Why hasn’t he cleaned the shit off his face? How much later was this video taken? Immediately? A few days? And where was this video recorded? Are there actually large, steaming piles of shit right outside of Wrigley Field? Does Wrigleyville have a major issue with the disposal of excrement?
No, I don’t understand this video. Not at all. But that shit-faced -both literally and figuratively – Russian guy stumbling around in the background during the interview makes it all worth it.
Could the brain trauma suffered by Ben Roethlisberger due to his spate of concussions be the underlying cause for his groping, allegedly rapey behavior? I say bullcrap, but according to forensic pathologist Cyril Wecht, who insists that although it should not be looked at as an excuse, the NFL should definitely perform its due diligence when studying exactly how extensively damaged Roethlisberger’s meatheaded brain is while continuing its inquiry into the quarterback’s irresponsible, impulsive behavior.
Via the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:
“Ben Roethlisberger is a guy with a lot of concussions. It would be a very wise decision, a very appropriate one, for the NFL to test him for damage related to them. That’s being very fair to Ben.
“It’s conceivable to think that there is a possibility that those concussions have led to some behavioral issues. The question I pose is simple: Can someone with several chronic or repetitive head injuries later display behavior that is socially undesirable? It’s certainly possible, but we won’t know that unless there is a proper evaluation, then work-up and treatment plan. It would be medically negligent not to include these sorts of tests as a part of this disciplinary process.”
Although drain bamage may be a contributing factor in explaining the potential neurological basis for Roethlisberger’s reckless behavior, it would also appear that his narcissistic sense of entitlement which stems from his position as an elite NFL quarterback might play just as big of a role. But hey, I’m not a brain doctor.
Once again, it is important to stress that the medical officials contacted by the newspaper “refused to diagnose the root causes of Roethlisberger’s pattern of self-destructive behavior. But frontal lobe brain trauma has long been known to affect mood, judgment, interpersonal relations, foresight and the inhibition that keeps most others from displaying inappropriate social behavior — what’s called ‘executive function’ by neurologists and psychiatrists.”
I don’t know, it just seems to easy to lay a majority of the blame on possible brain trauma, especially when you consider Roethlisberger didn’t seem to have much of brain to begin with before these injuries and his reputation for uncivilized, brutish behavior goes a long way back. In that way, Ben and I are a lot alike, except after I suffered my brain trauma – don’t ask, it’s complicated - I still had the good sense to avoid the kinds of sticky situations he seems to repeatedly find himself in. But to be fair to the guy, between not being rich and famous and my crippling fear of the outside world, I don’t find myself afforded the same opportunities for mischief as Big Ben does. But I like my little, uncomplicated world. I made a fort out of boxes from the UPS Store and everything.
Is Roethlisberger’s brain trauma at fault for recent behavior? [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review]
Talk about going all out for a ball. A Cubs fan fell 14 feet from the lower level to the field during batting practice Sunday before his Cubs took the field to play the Brewers at Miller Park. He was taken off the field on a cart and treated at a hospital.
Via the USA Today/AP:
The man wearing Cubs gear and believed to be in his 20s was reaching out over the railing down the left field line attempting to catch foul balls on Sunday when he tumbled headfirst over the rail and onto the hard dirt below.
“Very shaken up, looking around the stadium, there’s got to be something to prevent that,” Cubs shortstop Ryan Theriot said. “I guess it could happen to anybody going for a ball. Guys get those front-row seats to get foul balls. Very scary.”
Brewers spokesman Tyler Barnes said privacy laws prevented them from releasing any detailed information about the person or the incident.
“He was observed by fans after the fall moving all his extremities,” Barnes said.
Thankfully, it appears the unnamed Cubs fan will eventually be no worse for wear and will be able to resume his usual activities of acting like an arrogant, drunken dick at Cubs games soon enough. Like the saying goes, you can take the Cubs fan out of Wrigley but you can’t take the Wrigley out of the Cubs fan. No, that doesn’t really make sense, but you know what I mean.
Fan falls about 14 feet during Cubs BP [USA Today]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Yeah, it’s Monday. Big deal, right? I don’t want to hear any whining. It’s just another day. Get over it. Send tips, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Or do I smell stupid? I can’t tell. Twin sisters Adrian and Hannah McInnes asked identical twins Josh and Jerimiah Dockter to attend their prom at Jamestown High School in North Dakota. Apparently, they all work at the same grocery store so I guess in a town the size of Jamestown, the grocery store will have to be closed on prom night. [MSNBC/AP]
• Outstanding extensive interview with Joe Mauer by David Brown. [Big League Stew]
• Troy from West Virginia is back doing You Tube videos. If you have not heard of him, familiarize yourself with his work. [Walkoff Walk]
• Your Mr. Irrelevant from 2010 NFL Draft… [Shutdown Corner]
• …looks like a dirty hippie. [Tirico Suave]
• Wright State basketball player busted for stealing condoms. [Busted Coverage]
• Tom and Gisele have a nice little house on the West Coast. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Nightmare fuel photo of the day. Nice biceps, dork. [Total Pro Sports]
• Classic video of Ahmad Rashad interviewing Tiger Woods after he won the 1997 Masters. [You Been Blinded]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: How Gay Should Your Husband Be Before You File For Divorce?
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• The esteemed Michael Wilbon discusses Alexander Ovechkin’s Snowgate controversy, and look at the blog he links to in his post: little old me and the Sportress! How about that! [World Wide Wilbon]
• The New York Mets have turned into telemarketers. [Simon on Sports]
• A display comparing the heights of elephants to other animals at the Pittsburgh Zoo has had a reference to Ben Roethlisberger’s height removed by staff. [Mondesi's House]
• Meanwhile, my colleague Rick Chandler landed an exclusive interview with on the elephants. [Out of Bounds]
• The seven best Twitter reactions to Denver’s drafting of Tim Tebow. [Busted Coverage]
• Trying to put a positive spin on the Pirates losing 20-0 to the Brewers yesterday. [Bugs & Cranks]
• Hey! If Tiger Woods wants to go watch bland corporate rock concerts, he should be allowed to, dammit! [Devil Ball Golf]
• Best goal celebration ever? Best goal celebration ever. [With Leather]
• A gallery of “Doan Face” photoshops. If you have no idea what “Doan Face” is, you’re missing out. [Puck Daddy]
• The Tim Tebow draft pick in photos. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Ladies and gentlemen, the Alexander Ovechkin song. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• TBL dug up some photos of that underage prostitute that one soccer player you never heard of was nailing. I’m not touching this one with a ten-foot pole. [The Big Lead]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Apartment-Wide Porn Sweep Precedes Date’s Arrival
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To be exact, forty-one Silver Bullets. Or Coors Light, for the layperson.
On the NFL Draft red carpet yesterday, Lawrence Taylor informs SI.com that he does not have much of a memory from that hazy day in 1981 when he was drafted by the New York Giants. In fact, all LT can remember is he put back forty-one of those watery, ass-tasting beers. That’s a lot of adult beverages for any man.
Video after the jump.
