Archive for April, 2010
Yes, Michael Scott would have been proud, but with all the buildup, all the possibilities and directions a wisenheimer could go with the first substantiated heckle of one Tiger Woods, it’s a “That’s what she said” bit. And to make matters worse, it was in response to some dickhead yelling “Get in the hole!”
It occurred earlier today on the 10th green at Quail Hollow Championship (in a tournament Tiger is likely not even going to make the cut at, even). The New York Daily News has the disappointing details:
Woods was in the process of missing a five-foot putt for par when two spectators acted in concert: After the first fan first yelled, “Get in the hole!” the second called out, “That’s what she said!”
Charlotte police and course security attempted to track down the hecklers but were unsuccessful as they apparently fled from the green scene.
And they didn’t catch them either? That sucks. One would suspect it would be fairly easy to track down two ham-fisted mouth-breathers easily distracted by bright, shiny objects. The fact that they have the mental capacity – or lack thereof – to lock themselves inside a Porta-John probably doesn’t hurt either.
Tiger Woods gets heckled for first time since comeback at Quail Hollow Championship in Charlotte [New York Daily News]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:
• My esteemed colleague Rick Chandler had an IM session with the Blogfather, Will Leitch, about his new book. A must read, both the post and Will’s book. [Out of Bounds]
• Terry Bradshaw jumping out of a cake for Jay Leno’s birthday. That’s a whole lotta douche right there. [The Sporting Blog]
• The Top 7 biggest fringe sporting events. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Great bit on customized alcoholic beverages of several NFL players. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• My pals at MYFO preview Penguins-Canadiens series. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Michelle Beadle eating a hot dog GIF, anyone? [Busted Coverage]
• Bud Selig will not rest until everyone is invited to the All-Star Game. [Walkoff Walk]
• Sweet Christ, check out this 1991 Topps baseball card of Jeff McKnight. [Mr. Irrelevant]
• Brooks Laich discusses the tire changing incident from the other night. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• Yeah, Mark Cuban didn’t take the Mavericks crapping the bed again too well. [Ball Don't Lie]
• What would NFL types have to say about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? [Shutdown Corner]
• It’s Friday, so it’s a phone-in post from General Tao. And it’s great. [Food Court Lunch]
• I don’t know if this they did this on purpose, but this Sears portrait is terrifying. [Uncoached
• Great Odin's Raven! Paramount passed on Anchorman 2. [FilmDrunk]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: [Video] Most College Males Admit To Regularly Getting Stoked
Got tips, complaints, a good recipe for apple cobbler? Send any and all to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
Yep. You read that right. The one, the only Oprah called in to Stephen A. Smith’s Fox Sports radio program this morning, and as you can see, SAS was pretty pumped up about it. I can tell by the eight exclamation points and that he actually used capital letters appropriately to emphasize excitement, not merely to illustrate how loud he talks all the time. Really, Stephen A. Smith has been this excited since CHEEZ DOODLES came out with their Honey BBQ Puffed flavor. QUITE FRANKLY, THE HONEY BBQ CHEESE DUST IS EXEMPLARY FINGER-LICKING-NESS !
Other than that, not much to add here, other than according to a subsequent tweet by SAS, Oprah was using Smith’s, um, reach, to inform people of her movement to try and stop people from texting and driving. SAS is in and it he hopes “all of ya’ll are too.” All ya’ll of us? I feel like I’m really part of something!
Is it just me, or is it becoming increasingly apparent that Oprah has really taken to slumming it lately? First, it was stooping to narrate a nature documentary on the Discovery Channel, now this? What has happened to you Oprah? Stuff like this used to be beneath you. Is Gayle King not putting out enough lately or something?
Stephen A. Smith [Twitter]
Amid all the other crap going on with Dez Bryant right now (I refer you to The Sporting Blog – they are all over the story today), here’s another thing to add to the list: Bryant was visibly exhausted during his first workout with the Dallas Cowboys.
He’s caught just about everything thrown his way, including a spectacular, one-handed grab with his left hand on a ball thrown on a comeback route. It looked like he stabbed his arm out to catch a nerf ball, not a football.
But after almost every route, Bryant has walked off to the side of the field to rest. After one play he took off his helmet, used it to prop himself up and bent down on one knee for nearly a minute. He would constantly take his helmet off and wipe his face with a towel during drills when the other rookies would not.
Boy, that doesn’t sound good. Bryant better shape up or the Cowboys are going to put him out on the street.
Rough first workout with Cowboys for Dez Bryant [The Dallas Morning News]
The Dolphins’ Side of Dez Bryant’s Talk With Jeff Ireland Comes Out; Source Issues Denial [The Sporting Blog]
New Hofstra men’s basketball coach Tim Welsh has been suspended without pay after being arrested Friday morning on suspicion of drunken driving. Preliminary breathalyzer results indicate a blood alcohol content of a whopping .18. He wasn’t messing around.
Welsh, who was serving as a broadcaster for ESPN after he was terminated from his last coaching job at Providence. He was just hired at Hofstra last month. Talk about a great first impression. At the same time, it can only get better from here, right? Unfortunately, the embarrassing details of his arrest certainly won’t ingratiate him to the school’s community.
Via NBC New York:
Welsh, 49, was pulled over in Levittown at about 1 a.m. Friday after officers on patrol observed him at the intersection of Hempstead Turnpike and N. Bellmore Road stopped inside his 2006 Lexus although the light was green.
“A canine officer on patrol finds the subject asleep at a steady traffic light, ” Nassau Det. Lt. Kevin Smith told NBCNewYork. “The officer pulls up, sees that he is asleep, his foot on the brake and his car in drive.”
Wow. A canine officer. The guy got busted by a frigging dog. Boy, does that add insult to injury.
New Hofstra basketball coach Tim Welsh charged with DWI after early-morning arrest [New York Daily News]
New Hofstra Hoops Coach Busted on DWI Charge [NBC New York]
I guess we can file this idea under “Right String, Wrong Yo-Yo.”
Ten children from Iraq will be taking in the sounds and sights of “professional” baseball at Oriole Park at Camden Yards in May as part of a baseball clinic put on by Ripken Academy. So, we’re flying these boys and girls all the way over from Iraq and make them go to Baltimore and learn about baseball from the Orioles? Jeez, haven’t these poor Iraqi kids been through enough already?
Ripken Baseball, a marketing company that represents former Oriole and Hall of Famer Cal Ripken Jr., is bringing the boys and girls — ages 5 to 17 — to Maryland as part of a U.S. State Department visitors program.
While in Maryland, the children will watch the Orioles play the Mariners May 11, tour Camden Yards and take a baseball clinic taught by Seattle Mariners designated hitter and All-Star Ken Griffey Jr.
At least they are bringing in Ken Griffey, Jr. to teach the kids about baseball. Who were they going to get from the Orioles team? They’re 4-18, for Pete’s sake. I suppose there could have been worse places to attend a baseball clinic. Pittsburgh comes to mind. And anything associated with the Arizona Diamondbacks, too. I mean, what makes better sense than boycotting a team that just so happens to play in a state that passed a terrible law that really has nothing to do with the actual team or the players? Shame on everyone affiliated with the Diamondbacks team even if they have nothing to do and don’t support the damn law. Hey, the team does play half of its games in that terrible state, they do need to take some responsibility for that.
Anyway, congratulations to those 10 very lucky Iraqi kids. Enjoy Baltimore. I guess.
10 children from Iraq coming to Md. to learn about baseball [The Baltimore Sun]
Ridiculous Diamondbacks Boycott Rolls On [Deadspin]
And down she goes. Obviously, this poor excuse for an equine has never worked in live television before, and it will likely be the last time. My guess is after this humiliating appearance on The Today Show, it’s off to the glue factory for this horse.
The poor woman bucked off the horse is former jockey Donna Brothers, who is now some sort of correspondent for NBC. In retrospect, it was a horrible idea from the get-go. Al Roker don’t work with kids or animals. Or Gene Shalit anymore. Seriously, what happened to that guy?
But here’s the inside scoop for all of you budding show business types: if there’s one thing you better learn if you want to make it far in the business, it’s that you never EVER cross Al Roker. The guy is like an elephant – he never forgets. Also, he loves peanuts.
Jockey Gets Bucked During Al Roker Interview [TMZ]
In sports, there are controversies and then there are “holy crap, won’t somebody think of the children/things will never be the same ever again” controversies.
Fox Sports Midwest, the local provider of St. Louis Cardinals games in Missourah, finds itself in the eye of the storm after the events of last Monday. It started off innocuous enough when Cardinals superstar Albert Pujols crushed a ball to deep left field. The drive just missed clearing the fence and Pujols was subsequently thrown out at second base on the play. FSM analyst Al Hrabosky speculated that Pujols must have assumed he got enough of the ball to knock it out of the park. Although Hrabosky did not outright say it, it can be inferred that he believed Pujols wasn’t running out the play with maximum effort and his casual trot around the bases resulted in him being tagged out at second base.
But this is where it gets conspiratorial, people. FSM never showed a replay of this supposed lollygagging by Pujols, inspiring accusations that the network was covering up for the team’s best player.
GASP! A cover-up! Jinkies!
Not so fast, so says Tom Mee, director of the telecast. In fact, it’s downright hooey, as hooey is a very popular term for St. Louisianiteicans.
Via the St. Louis Post-Dispatch:
“Nothing could be farther from the truth, and it insults me that people would think that,” he said. “I respect the game too much. Our responsibility in the truck is to respect the game. That’s something we take pride in. Anybody who thinks differently doesn’t know what they’re talking about.
“There is absolutely no way that we would not show something to try to protect anybody,” he said. “It would affect the integrity” of the game and telecast.”
Just a bit too convenient if you ask me, wouldn’t you agree? I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there’s something fishy going on here, and we should not rest until we get to the bottom of Lollygagglegate. The damage that could be done to the good people of the St. Louis sports fan community could be extreme and potentially irreversible. I tell ya, every layer you peel away, the more it stinks. Kind of like an onion, but even more like a two dollar whore one would pick up on the docks. So I’ve heard.
‘Cover-up” talk irks director of St. Louis Cardinals telecasts [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
Another reason I find this headline amusing: my sense of humor has all the sophistication, class and refinement which you would assume a twelve-year-old boy who has been raised by inbred carnies possesses.
But the headline does beg the question: why do Brits insist on using the term “fag” for a cigarette when they have to be aware of the negative connotation the word has here across the pond? I imagine they think it’s amusing on some level that they can use the word yet throw up their hands and say, “Hey, we’ve been calling cigarettes ‘fags’ forever. Stop being so bloody uptight, you simple-minded bloke,” because I imagine that any sentence uttered by a person from England has to incorporate the words “bloody” and “bloke” every time.
On the other hand, perhaps we Americans should learn to use the term as it was originally intended and do away with the bigoted meaning that has been ascribed to the word in this country. Although with the negative perception a large segment of our society views smokers nowadays, I don’t know if that would help.
Something to think about. Or not. It doesn’t matter to me, I’m going to have a smoke.
You’re only ever one result away from a fag [The Sport Blog]
So, yeah, The Denver Post, in an attempt to harness the frenzy and excitement of Tim Tebow’s arrival in their fair city, did what any sensible, thinking-outside-of-the-box newspaper would do: hold a reader-submitted haiku contest with the Broncos first round draft bust pick as the subject. Genius! Plus, it pays tribute to the lost art of professional sports poetry, too, so in many ways, it’s a win-win.
We held a contest to see who could write the best haiku about Denver Broncos draftee Tim Tebow. About 150 haikus were submitted, and we cut those entries down to these 5, ranked in the order of votes from the Denver Post online team.
We now leave the selection of the winner to you, dear reader. The writer of the haiku with the most votes wins a Denver Broncos store gift card. This poll closes Wed., May 5 at 2:30 p.m.
The finalists in the Tim Tebow Haiku Contest follow.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Friday already, eh? This week just flew by. It makes me kind of wish ABC’s TGIF lineup was still in effect, because nothing caps off a week of work like substandard network programming. If you would prefer to actually read something interesting as opposed to me rambling on about crappy television, send me a tip at weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• 21-year-old Anna Godfrey of Lincoln, Nebraska was arrested on suspicion of felony assault regarding an incident at party where a 24-year-old man allegedly called her fat. Godfrey did not take too kindly to this and promptly bit a chunk of the man’s ear off. Fat people. You can’t trust them. [MSNBC/AP]
• After all these years, the San Diego Chicken is still the most popular mascot. Sometimes you cannot improve on perfection. [Out of Bounds]
• Remember GUTS, that whacked-out show on Nickelodeon? Take a trip down memory lane and relive the magic. [Amphibious Sports Duo]
• Mark Twain once said, “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” Sadly, Matt Millen has never heard that quote. If he had, he would have probably just said Mark Twain’s mom was a hooker. [Shutdown Corner]
• If you want to help name the new UFL team, you better do so quickly. Who knows how long it will be around. [With Leather]
• Audio of that Eminem diss of Ben Roethlisberger. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Top 11 reasons Jeff Feagles is retiring. [Five Tool Tool]
• It’s KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag time! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Ric Flair + South Carolina = Greatest Scratch-Off Lottery Ticket Ever. [The Big Lead]
• The New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox are not the most hated teams in baseball. I question the legitimacy of this study. [The Sporting Blog]
• Derek Fisher is not a Waffle House brawler. Why would he go and do something like that? [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Indeed, it truly has been an interesting first month of the baseball season. [Fanway]
•The Onion Headline of the Day: [Audio] Horribly Awkward First Sexual Encounter ‘Worth The Wait’ For Christian Newlyweds
Okay, that might be a stretch, but above is the newest McDonald’s commercial featuring the lovely Michelle Wie. Apparently, Michelle would like all of her friends to meet her at McDonald’s and the only way she can get into contact with her pals is to hit golf balls with messages on them. Genius!
To be honest, I write little messages on my Titleists before I hit them, too. Here’s an example:
Dear Fellow Golfer,
Sorry about drilling you with my errant tee shot.
Sincerely,
Guy Meekly Walking Over From The Next Fairway
Yeah, I gotta a wicked slice. Other times, it’s a gnarly hook. And other times, I pop it up. And every once in a great while, I pound it right down the fairway a whopping 250 yards. Those are the shots that keep me coming back to the course for another 18 holes of abuse.
I love golf. But not as much as I like McDonald’s and Michelle Wie.
Michelle Wie Is Throwing A Party at McDonald’s and You’re Invited [Waggle Room]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
Posted by:• Tiger Woods allegedly cops to nailing 120 women while married. It’s always nice when your sexual conquests end up at a round number. [Out of Bounds]
• Nice story about how Washington Capitals winger Brooks Laich helped change a tire on a car just hours after his team crapped the bed against the Canadiens. [With Leather]
• Bill Belichick and Joe Maddon are now hoodie buddies. [Big League Stew]
• In light of the Dez Bryant controversy, the fellas over at DSB prepared an amusing prospective draftee questionnaire. [Daddy Sugar Ball]
• Courtesy of BC, “The Disgusting Montreal Canadiens Chick Showing Her Habs Underwear Video That You Need To See” and then promptly unsee. Trust me. [Busted Coverage]
• The Montreal Canadiens are replacing traditional playoff stereotypes and the San Jose Sharks could not be more thrilled about it. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Speaking of the Sharks, Sean Leahy breaks down the Sharks-Red Wings series like only PD can. [Puck Daddy]
• Butter Chicken has another beef and you should read about it. [Food Court Lunch]
• Pacman, er, Adam Jones believes he can change. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Wall Street Journal is wrong about the Indians being the most hated MLB team. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Picture of the day: a white Bronco and an O.J. Simpson vanity plate. [Total Pro Sports]
• Mugshot of the year? Mugshot of the year. [Uncoached]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: [video] In Focus: Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Exceeds Two Hand Jobs
Got tips? Super! Send them to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com and you win yourself a gold star!
(may not actually receive gold star)
I don’t know about you guys, but when I think of World Cup soccer, I think of Playboy. At the same time, when I think about Playboy, I don’t think about World Cup soccer – I think about boobs and an insane amount of airbrushing, oddly.
No matter, the point here is that for a reason known only to them, the folks at Playboy had model Danielle Fornarelli model the new duds our boys will be sporting in South Africa when the World Cup kicks off in June.
Fornarelli? Sounds a bit like Fonzarelli, doesn’t it? Which reminds me, who has two thumbs, keeps yelling “Aaaaaay” and just got kicked out of the library for wearing a leather jacket and nothing else?
This guy! Whoa!
[H/T With Leather]
Because she happens to be a student at Oklahoma State University, just like Dez Bryant! What a kwinky-dink! Perhaps she could have shed some light on the controversy. It seems like anyone tangentially related to the story has opined on the topic, why not Kellee (that’s two “l’s” two “e’s” for those out there keeping track) Cooper, a sophomore cheerleader at OSU studying Sports Media and Broadcast Production? Cripes, with her educational focus, it was right up her alley.
Alas, S.I. missed a golden opportunity to get the blue-eyed beauty’s opinion on the most recent controversy of the day which will soon be forgotten when someone else in the sports world does something colossally stupid. But they did ask her the customary 20 questions. Let’s take a look-see, shall we?
