Archive for March, 2010
When novelty songwriter Ray Stevens sat down in 1974 to pen what many consider to be his magnum opus, “The Streak”, I’m pretty sure he didn’t envision the act depicted in his song would be used as a means of promoting websites at dog shows.
But apparently that is now the case after the guy above, dubbed “The Captain,” streaked at the National Exhibition Centre (NEC) in Birmingham during Crufts 2010, which is considered the largest annual dog show in the world.
From a report in the Daily Mail (via No Guts, No Glory):
He was wearing nothing but shoes and socks and a cat-shaped mask covering his modesty and had the words “I streak.com” written on his chest.
The man, believed to be known as the ‘Captain’, was quickly escorted from the area, allowing judging to continue.
Wow. Dog shows, cat-shaped masks covering dong – and sweet sassy molassey, those socks – they really tie the ensemble together – or lack thereof, I suppose. This story has it all. Except the mental beach required to wash that image out of mind. Well, what do you know? Here’s another photo of the streakage:
Mike Lupica’s foray into young adult writing has been, surprisingly, an unmitigated success. With novels like Bump and Run, Wild Pitch and Heat spending time on the best seller lists, the Sniveling Scribe of Sanctimony appears to have developed the confidence to explore much darker themes in his most recent novel, The Batboy, at least if the intro to an excerpt from the book in the New York Daily News is any indication. To wit:
In his new book “The Batboy,” Daily News columnist Mike Lupica tells the story of a young boy and his summer dream job – batboy for his favorite Major League team. But what happens when his hometown heroes reveal themselves to be more human than idol? For one boy in need of a family and one fading star in need of someone to believe in him again, it is the summer neither of them expected…and neither will ever forget.
Is it just me, or does that paragraph not make the novel sound, um, wrong, on so many levels? Not to mention wholly inappropriate for young adults, the novel’s target audience. What gives, Lupica?
(reads further)
Oh. It’s about steroids. I guess I was way off-base with this one. I’ll let this one slide, Lupica, but I still won’t let any of my kids read it, you pervert.
New Mike Lupica novel touches ‘em all with tale of a kid & his dream [New York Daily News]
Dipsy-doo, Dickie V. just dumped his goo!
Zipping its way across the internets is this video of Dick Vitale grabbing Erin Andrews and forcing her to dance with him. Awkward. I have seen footage on the news of kids cooperating more with a masked abductor then Andrews was with Vitale during that disaster. You can tell by the look on her face that there are at least 10,000 other things she would rather be doing, and one of those involves watching home videos with Michael Barrett.
If Miss Andrews gets ousted during the first week of Dancing With The Stars, we’ll know who to blame. Andrews is clearly soured on the whole dancing bit now and she ain’t going to be doing any sweetening anytime soon after this hot mess.
[H/T The Sporting Blog]
It happens all too frequently, a journalist, with an impending deadline staring them in the face, suddenly realizes that even though they realize that despite having no motivation or a topic worth writing about, they have to crank out something, however benign or ridiculous, simply to satisfy their vocational obligations (note: for Rick Reilly, this is every column, by the way). From time to time, the Sportress will profile examples of when a columnist (and sports journalism as a whole) would have been better served if they had instead taken a sick day instead of lazily mailing it in.
Today, Norman Chad and Tuffy the Snow Prince’s blog journal. Because when I want to read something from a well-compensated journalist, I want their inspiration to be something like, “You know, I wonder what a dog would write if they could.” That’s a Pulitzer-worthy concept, to say the least.
Now, I like Norman Chad - kind of in the way a person can enjoy engaging in a conversation with a great aunt who suffers from dementia – it’s interesting and enlightening in a twisted way, yet one cannot help but feel a bit guilty due to how much enjoyment is derived from listening to their nonsensical ramblings.
I have previously even referred to Norman Chad as the “Poor Man’s Rick Reilly” – and if there is a better example of a backhanded compliment, I’d like to hear it – and the guy earns that moniker in spades with his “blogging dog” column, which can be found in its entirety after the jump.
I’m pretty sure that song by whoever that guy is (I am not hip) probably isn’t about the act of prospecting for nose gold, but you know what? It could be. It could be.
Rock on with your boogie, Steve “Dudley Dawson” Francis. Make a Kleenex dance if you feel the need. You’re the certifiable Boogie Woogie Booger Boy of Company D.
And Steve Francis is not here just defending himself but all those pickers out there who’ve been caught. Each and every one of them, who has to suffer the shame and humiliation because of people like you. Are we not human?! If we pick, do we not bleed?! He is not an animal!
[H/T Detroit4Lyfe]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It is now time to figure out whether I make the trek out to Milwaukee to watch the Gophers play in the first round of the NCAA Tournament on Friday. Where there’s a will there’s a way.
• I suppose it can’t make it any worse, right? When 30-year-old Jason Botos was dropped off at the courthouse in Papillion courthouse in Nebraska by his father, he was too drunk to appear at his sentencing hearing related to a DUI conviction. He was so drunk that Botos’ father needed assistance from deputies to help his son out of the car. Sweet mercy. [MSNBC/AP]
• Here is a great story how Arnold Palmer put Ben Roethlisberger in his place after Big Ben acted like an asshole at a golf course. [Waggle Room]
• Ashley Judd doing the John Wall dance. Nice. Sort of. [Busted Coverage]
• You know those Chuck Liddell and Chad Ochocinco naked videos? They were viral ads. [The Big Lead]
• I cannot wait for Wednesday’s new South Park when they lampoon Tiger Woods. [Sports Media Watch]
• What a dick. PR firm hired by Craig James blogged using pseudonyms to criticize Mike Leach. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• The Big Easy is back on top, baby. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Clark Kellogg referenced Bang Bus when discussing the Midwest region. [Tirico Suave]
• TNT has retired Charles Barkley’s jean shorts. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Another awesome display of skilled photoshoppery by the fellas at FHF. Today: Who’s Next? [Four Habs Fans]
• Be sure to head on over to WL and sign up for the Uproxx NCAA Pool of Awesome. [With Leather]
• Speaking of brackets, it’s time to start planning. Here are some do’s and don’ts for filling out yours from an expert. [The Dagger]
• Ha. Gaylord Perry asked Bud Selig to repeal the spitball ban. [Big League Stew]
• Fifteen awesome photos of people getting arrested while wearing costumes. [Uncoached]
• The Onion Headline of the Week: (Audio) Christian Rockers Deny Kicking Ass
After over an astounding 300 submissions, the Sidney Crosby Golden Roar Art Contest presented by Puck Daddy has come to an merciful end.
Above is one of the 12 finalists in the contest. The other 11 can be found here and every submission, um, submitted can be found on Flickr.
So go forth and vote for your favorite one. These guys spent a lot of time making Sidney Crosby look like even more of an asshole than he usually does, so they deserve your praise. Voting ends Sunday at midnight eastern so you have no excuse for not participating.
Have a great weekend, folks.
Vote Now: Sidney Crosby Golden Roar Reader Art Contest Finals [Puck Daddy]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (March 12th)
Posted by:
• A very special message from Ben Roethlisberger. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• A mascot tried to eat ESPN SportsNation‘s Michelle Beadle. [Busted Coverage]
• Here’s a Wunderlic Test even Tim Tebow could ace. [Guyism]
• Snoop Dogg is a huge Sidney Crosby fan. [P.S.A.M.P.]
• Ben Roethlisberger was photographed with a bunch of Georgia cops the night of the, ahem, incident. Nope, no conflict of interest there. [With Leather]
• Ian Poultier’s legions of fans dress like him, mess up everybody’s rods and cones. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Funny Colorado Rockies commercial where Dexter Fowler teaches Todd Helton about Twitter. [Big League Stew]
• Hex wraps up the week with a very entertaining “What Are You Thinking?” [Melt Your Face Off]
• The Philadelphia 76ers aren’t real impressed with Stephen A. Smith’s writing. Join the group. [You Been Blinded]
• Fifteen hilarious fan-made signs. [Uncoached]
• And finally, since there can never be enough mocking and ridiculing of Ben Roethlisberger, here’s The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: ‘She’s Probably A Money-Hungry Liar,’ Extremely Nervous Steelers Fans Report
Over the Olympic break, St. Louis Blues forward T.J. Oshie realized he needed to make a change, liven things up. So, Oshie did what every sensible man would do in his situation. He had his hair cut and permed.
Yep. Cut and permed.
As you can somewhat see from the above photo, Oshie was sporting some long locks back in January. Not anymore.
“It’s something new . . . I wanted to cut it for a while now,” Oshie said. “I almost cut it in training camp last year. Just kind of a new look.”
Oshie’s hair is MUCH shorter, but that’s not all. It’s curly and it’s not natural curls. He got a perm.
“I literally had a perm,” he said. “My hair is still a little curly.”
Hoo boy. I’m sorry, but when was the last time anyone has heard of a guy getting a perm? I remember when I was in 4th grade, a friend of mine got a perm. It was a horrible mess and I didn’t feel one bit guilty shunning him acting like I didn’t know who the hell he was for the three weeks it took for the curls to relax a bit. You could say that any male who elects to get a perm deserves a similar fate, which Oshie realized quickly once his teammates saw what he did.
“Oh yeah, they’ve been on me for a while now,” Oshie said. “I don’t remember who it was, but I had someone ask me if I felt I was getting old, so I cut my hair to look like I’m 17 again.”
Whoever that guy was that said that was way off the mark. Getting your hair cut and permed shouldn’t make you feel younger, it should make you feel like you better get a move on or you are going to be late for bridge club.
Sadly, a photo of the new ‘do could not be located. Too bad, because Oshie isn’t really happy with it, saying, “The old hair will be back. I don’t like it.”
At least he got to spend a day at the beauty parlor, sitting under one of those perm machines or whatever they are called, reading Ladies Home Journal and gabbing with the ladies about soap operas, or as Oshie probably likes to refer to them, his “stories.”
Updated:
The esteemed Sean Leahy from Puck Daddy has kindly forwarded me a photo of Oshie’s new perm. Behold:
Dear God.
New hairdo has not slowed down Blues’ T.J. Oshie [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
But don’t we all?
In a discussion with Fox’s Jay Glazer regarding how he feels the the Philadelphia Eagles use him, Michael Vick pointed out how he did his very best to avoid becoming a distraction last season despite his limited reps in the offense and how that will not change this season upcoming season even if his role on the team is not expanded (via Moving the Chains):
“If I’m in the same situation, I’ll just have to suck it up and go out and play and listen to what Andy [Reid] wants me to do and understand I’m there to play a certain role to try to help the Eagles win a Super Bowl,” he said. “I can’t be a disgruntled employee, because that’s not who I am.”
You can label Vick many things (I won’t get into them now), but if you try even once to call him a disgruntled employee…well, I don’t have to tell you the kind of things the man is capable of doing.
Vick: I can’t be a disgruntled employee [Moving the Chains]
Which I personally believe was a completely disrespectful thing to say to Guillen, being that his name is Ozzie and all.
Alright, maybe they didn’t say that exactly, but the Chicago White Sox organization informed their manager that under no uncertain terms would he be allowed to launch with a personal website that was in the works. They are imposing upon Ozzie’s freedom. This cannot stand, man.
“It was something we tried to do, and Major League Baseball was going to help us,” Guillen said. “All of a sudden the front-office people didn’t want to have me in the middle of stuff, and I have to respect that.”
“It was a personal thing I was going to talk about baseball on,” Guillen said. “It was going to be involved with Major League Baseball. The White Sox weren’t comfortable with me doing it, they didn’t say no, but they weren’t comfortable. That’s why I backed off.”
In an interview with the Chicago Sun-Times, Guillen alluded to his outspoken nature as a possible reason why the White Sox were not too enthused about the idea, although they will allow him to keep his Twitter and Facebook accounts active – for now, at least. Thank goodness.
And as far as said Twitter and Facebook accounts are concerned, White Sox general manager Ken Williams is real sick and tired of being sick and tired of answering questions about it. I believe his text message reply to the Sun-Times makes his opinion on the matter quite clear:
“Don’t ask me another question about Twitter, websites [sic], blog, radio shows, non [sic] of that [stuff]. All I care about is players playing, coaches coaching and managers managing. If they do that and do it well, we got no problems, but if they don’t …”
Damn dude, take a chill pill or something. Ironically, maybe one of the rumored potential features of Ozzie’s now-nixed site may have helped Williams better deal with the stresses of his job a bit better – a weekly advice column entitled, “Don’t Sweat The Small Shit, You Overreacting Hyper-Ass, Reactionary Motherfucker.”
As I said, that idea was just a rumor, but I guess I can see why the White Sox didn’t think this was a great idea.
Sox say no to Guillen Web site [ESPN Chicago]
Padraig Harrington, Irishman, major winner, President Obama’s drinking buddy?
This will not end well. In fact, this has international incident written all over it. To invite an Irishman who is known to be fond of his drink to the White House on St. Patrick’s Day? Hoo boy.
Indeed that appears to be the case as Harrington announced earlier this week to anyone willing to listen to him that he will attend a St. Patrick’s Day celebration at the White House next week.
“I’m looking forward to it,” Harrington said Wednesday. “It’s something different. Obviously President Obama is one of the most charismatic people of the world, one of the most powerful people in the world; you want to meet these people and see what they are like and get your own judgment on things, if you know what I mean. And you can tell a lot when you meet somebody, so I’m looking forward to that.”
There is no doubt Harrington will be more than happy to talk Obama’s ear off in his charming Irish brogue. That is until the spirits begin to get the best of Ol’ Paddy. Hopefully, he will keep it limited to a bawdy Irish joke or two and not end up pissing in the corner of the Oval Office. That wouldn’t be good for anybody – much less the Irish, which I am one-half, thank you very much.
Harrington headed to White House for St. Patrick’s Day [PGATour.com]
Due to safety concerns regarding overcrowding, the annual cheese-rolling event at Cooper’s Hill in Gloucestershire, England has been canceled this year, and not only are people disappointed, they are stunned, borderline psychotic about it.
The event, held at Cooper’s Hill since at least 1826, usually attracts thousands of spectators but officials feared that after an estimated 15,000 people showed up last year that the crowds were too much and became a safety concern.
Of course, cheese-rolling aficionados are absolutely stunned. One particular cheese-rolling fanatic, 83-year-old Deana Smart, whose farm produces the cheese that is rolled, has been left “shattered” by the cancellation.
“I’m shaking at the prospect of not having any cheese-rolling,” she said.
“It is one of our biggest raisers of funds for the business, particularly this year when we’re desperately trying to increase our premises.”
Goddamn concerns over safety. Always ruining a perfectly good time, unless you happened to be among the folks routinely injured at the event.
Organizers said Friday that thousands of people tried to attend last year and some 19 spectators were injured while watching competitors run after — and tumble down — the steep, slippery hill in pursuit of a 7-pound Double Gloucester cheese.
I first read about this bizarre and whimsical event way back in 2007 from a post by my Out of Bounds colleague Rick Chandler when he was writing for Deadspin. To know that it will not be held this year is greatly disappointing. I guess I will not be booking my trip to Gloucestershire for next year now. Who knows when they will hold it again?
Organizers ax 200-year-old cheese chase [MSNBC]
Roll On, Big Cheese, Roll On [Deadspin]
Beginning April 3rd, ESPN will be taking over programming on ABC for a two-hour block every Saturday afternoon in order to recycle crap that people barely watch when it originally aired on the flagship station.
That’s right, with the announcement of ESPN Sports Saturday and Winners Bracket, you will now be able to watch reruns of E:60 and Rick Reilly’s Homecoming every Saturday afternoon. Brilliant!
Oh, but there’s more: did I mention that the lovely Hannah Storm will be anchoring the broadcast? Hooker boots on a hoochie mama for everybody!
Here’s the scoop on the dregs of ESPN programming one will find on ABC, via Michael Hiestand’s “Sports Television” column:
ESPN Sports Saturday and Winners Bracket, debuting April 3 on ABC and anchored by Hannah Storm, will air 4-6 p.m. ET. The first hour will sometimes be a launch pad for ESPN shows, such as ESPN’s Guru of Go documentary on Hank Gathers that debuts in the first Saturday, as well as ESPN’s E:60 and Homecoming with Rick Reilly. And the Saturday show on ABC will also be a recycling center for such shows after they’ve aired on ESPN.
The second hour will consist of Winners Bracket, a sports week-in-review — the week’s top stories will be in a bracket to determine who’s No. 1 — hosted by Michelle Beadle and Marcellus Wiley, who appear on ESPN2′s weekday SportsNation.
Enthralling Saturday afternoon television theater to be sure, but considering that this move was in reaction to complaints by ABC and its affiliates that ESPN was hoarding all of the best broadcasts of live sporting events, I fail to see how this is nothing more but a huge middle finger to the ABC network.
In fact, John Skipper, ESPN executive vice president/content, essentially thumbs his nose at their complaints by saying the new content will be “be near-live, which is sometimes how I think my life is going.” Zing.
He next states outright that this was nothing more than a half-assed attempt to shut people up.
“Sometimes you wish you could say it was more long-term and strategic and based on research,” says Skipper. “This was just responding to a request.”
Wow, that’s awfully big of you, Skipper, you jerkoff. Thanks for throwing the ABC affiliates a bone. But then again, that’s ESPN for you. In their view, they can do whatever the hell they want whenever they want. Arrogant dickbags.
ESPN gives ABC a new wide world of sports [USA Today]
ABC affiliates upset about losing sports to ESPN [Reuters]
You know a person has finally arrived in the pantheon of sexual icons when they get their own sex doll. Usually, the doppelbanger (heh) sex doll market is generally reserved for porn stars and um, other porn stars. But the sex toy company Pipedream Products has decided that now is the time to begin marketing their own inflatable Tiger Woods sex doll. Although not mentioned, it’s a safe bet that Tiger’s love doll is made from “high-quality, moisture-resistant, realistic-feeling material.”
Most of all, the genius of their new product is in the timeliness of its release. As well as the fact it has some kind of artificial schlong.
As you can see by the above image of the box, Pipedream not only like to lay the sexual innuendo on thick when choosing their company name, but they also enjoy running the gamut with golf-themed sexual imagery.
He’ll always be ready to play an extra hole or two!
He’ll show you his wood if you show him your hole
He’s Got Major Wood!
If you are in the market for the Pipedream Products-proclaimed “#1 Golf Love Doll” – I’m thinking #2 has got to be Vijay Singh, just a hunch – I would get off – er, get on – it quick, because I suspect the Tiger Woods Sex Doll will not be long for the grimy, seedy underworld of online sex products once Tiger’s battalion of ravenous attorneys catch wind of it.
(Note: links in the post below NSFW)
Tiger Woods get his own love doll [True/Slant]
