Archive for March, 2010
Last Call: Smothers Brothers Edition
Posted by:
I knew eventually this day would come, but that doesn’t mean I cannot be devastated by the news. That’s right: after more than 50 years of comedy, the Smothers Brothers may be calling it quits.
You know, this is just too hard to write about at this moment. Forgive me.
(sobs)
Okay, I feel a little better. On to the usual routine.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (March 16th)
Posted by:
• Sean Avery a/k/a The Cock Knocker returns! [Melt Your Face Off]
• The Masters in 3-D is going to be life, far out, man. [Waggle Room]
• YE Yang does his best Jan Brady imitation on Twitter. [Trailing Tiger]
• St. Louis loves their HJs. [Joe Sports Fan]
• By far the most comprehensive Tiger timeline you will ever see. [Devil Ball Golf]
• More photoshop wizardry from my boys at FHF. [Four Habs Fans]
• Here’s a tip for anyone planning on attending a golf tournament. Don’t touch a player’s ball if it lands by you. You might get tackled. [Out of Bounds]
• Nobody is happy about the Josh Howard-Albert Pujols trade rumors. [Big League Stew]
• KSK continues their “Better Know A Draft Pick” feature with Tony Washington. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The failure that is the four-jerseys-in-one Brett Favre tribute. [Shutdown Corner]
• If you’re enough of a weirdo to do want to do something like this, you will be able to watch a Phillies game nearby the grave site of former announcer Harry Kalas. Creepy. [The700Level]
• Enough with Bill Simmons already! [The Big Lead]
• Gourmet Spud brings us another scam he has fallen for. [Food Court Lunch]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Laser Pointer Aimed Toward Space In 1997 Finally Annoying Planet 13 Light-Years Away
If there’s one thing I have learned in life, it’s that if you want to avoid going completely insane, you have to appreciate the little things in life.
Well, courtesy of Busted Coverage, here is one of those little things: after limiting the comely pole vaulter’s exposure on their website (due to the internet frenzy Miss Stokke has frequently whipped up in the past), Cal has decided to lift the embargo on images of the lovely athlete and has provided us with a current photo of Stokke (above, left).
Okay, it’s not the most revealing photo, but you take what you can get.
And speaking of revealing, I don’t know how I missed it back in January, but BC somehow got their hands on a photo of Stokke in her 2009 Halloween costume. Commence slack-jawed leering:
That didn’t take long, did it?
To be fair, I am no great gambling mind, so maybe this ploy is simply a means of amping up the wagering action, but gambling site VictorChandler.com (never trust a gambling site with two first names) has pegged Tiger Woods as the betting favorite to win The Masters. He is currently listed at 9-2.
Via The Fabulous Forum:
Their second favorite is Phil Mickelson at 8-1 (lefty has won the Masters twice), followed by Padraig Harrington at 16-1, and Ernie Els and Steve Stricker at 20-1.
People do realize that Tiger hasn’t competed in a golf tournament since last November, right? It would be quite the scene if Tiger were somehow able to recapture the magic so quickly, but is that going to happen?
If he does, I do know of one person who would be thrilled: former Masters champion Fuzzy Zoeller. That man loves his fried chicken.
Tiger Woods is betting favorite to win the Masters [The Fabulous Forum]
Golfer says comments about Woods ‘misconstrued’ [CNN]<
Although I cannot confirm that he actually warned them about the inherent dangers – both moral and otherwise – of forcible sodomy, given Dungy’s deeply-held religious views that cause him to believe that homosexuality is a sin, I wouldn’t be surprised.
Dungy, who has kept his word that he was retiring from coaching football to work more closely with troubled, at-risk young men, visited with both minimum and maximum security inmates at a South Carolina prison.
Dungy told minimum security inmates at the Broad River Correctional complex in Columbia on Tuesday that no matter their mistakes, they can choose the right direction and gain redemption.
Indeed they can. Unless they happen to be homosexuals, of course. Then it’s off to the Seventh Circle of Hell with all the other sodomites, right Coach Dungy?
Ex-coach Dungy speaks to inmates in South Carolina [Sporting News/AP]
Tony Dungy on Homosexuality: Bigotry Is Bigotry [Bleacher Report]
Hoo boy.
In an interview for an episode of Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel set to air tonight on HBO, before they went on to have very successful coaching careers, Steve Mariucci and Tom Izzo reveal that back in college at Northern Michigan University, a lot of people thought they were gay lovers because of how close they were with each other.
From Campus Rivalry (via Guyism):
“I swear to God, yes. People thought we were a little bit too close,” Mariucci says during an interview that will air Tuesday on HBO’s Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, according to The Detroit News.
“I think our parents wondered if we ever were going to go our separate ways,” Izzo said.
Izzo, who was an All-America guard in college, and Mariucci, an All-America quarterback, said people began talking about their relationship because they were simply inseparable.
At team awards banquets, they would take the other as a date.
“Well, I would bring him, he would bring me,” Mariucci said. “Free meal, right? So people started wondering a little bit about us.”
Well, that’s certainly strange. Usually, when a man brings another man to an event as his “date”, the possibility that they are gay would never have crossed my mind, although I can see how some people may have thought it a bit queer (not that there’s anything wrong with it) when they would hold each other close and slow dance to Rod Stewart’s “Tonight’s The Night (Gonna Be Alright)”. Hey, it was 1977 and times were different back then.
Relationship between Tom Izzo, Steve Mariucci raised eyebrows in college [Campus Rivalry]
People thought Izzo and Mariucci were more than just friends [Guyism]
Call me crazy, but I found this brief 18-second clip from the annual Mascot Basketball game the Milwaukee Bucks put on every year to be more compelling than anything I have seen out of the NBA this season. You got the Racing Sausages and Bernie Brewer from the Milwaukee Brewers, Ronald McDonald (although I have to say he really wasn’t working hard to get back into the play in transition) and whatever the hell the Sonic mascot is supposed to be.
Seriously, what is that thing supposed to be? A anthropomorphic cylinder? Weak. I guess that particular burger joint puts all their creativity into their commercials.
In any event, David Stern should be worried. It’s not shown in the video but somebody told me the refs even called traveling a couple of times.
[H/T Busted Coverage]
It’s Official: Tiger’s Back, Jack!
Posted by:
Tiger Woods has issued a statement indicating will make his return from self-imposed exile and compete on the hallowed grounds of Augusta National Golf Club in The Masters.
His statement (via Game On!):
“The Masters is where I won my first major and I view this tournament with great respect. After a long and necessary time away from the game, I feel like I’m ready to start my season at Augusta.
“The major championships have always been a special focus in my career and, as a professional, I think Augusta is where I need to be, even though it’s been a while since I last played.
“I have undergone almost two months of inpatient therapy and I am continuing my treatment. Although I’m returning to competition, I still have a lot of work to do in my personal life.
“When I finally got into a position to think about competitive golf again, it became apparent to me that the Masters would be the earliest I could play. I called both Joe Lewis and Arnold Palmer and expressed my regrets for not attending the Tavistock Cup and the Arnold Palmer Invitational. I again want to thank them both for their support and their understanding. Those are fantastic tournaments and I look forward to competing in them again.
“I would also like to thank the Augusta National members and staff for their support. I have deep appreciation for everything that they do to create a wonderful event for the benefit of the game.”
So there you have it. Everybody just forgets about everything that happened over the past couple of months and moves on, right?
No?
Tiger Woods says he’s coming back for The Masters [Game On!]
Rick Majerus Is So Angry He Could Eat
Posted by:
At the same time, this is pretty much standard operating procedure for the St. Louis University Billikens head basketball coach. For example, there have been times he has been so happy he could eat, so thirsty he could eat, so tired he could eat and so full he could eat, so I suppose his ravenous hunger says little about his current mood.
Nevertheless, Majerus is pretty pissed off about the fact that his SLU squad was not selected to participate in the NIT. Whaaaa? Majerus realizes that the NIT is a second tier tournament, which barely rises above the prestige of playing in the College Invitational Tournament, right? SLU will begin play in tonight against Indiana State, but given his remarkable pedigree, Majerus should be ashamed that his team was gunning for a spot in the NIT and were let down when they were not selected.
But don’t tell that to Majerus. He says they was snubbed! Snubbed, I tells ya!
“I don’t want (not making the NIT) to diminish the great season the team had, and you can underscore ‘great,’” Majerus said Monday. “I’ve had many great seasons, and this is as good a season as I’ve had. What these kids did was nothing short of sensational. I feel bad for them.
“Nothing else matters. I don’t want to think about that tournament. Right now, I’m going every direction I can to tell the team, to get word out to the fans, we had a great year. A great year. It’s a shame. We were a little bit away. … No one can take away the great season we had. It’s just a shame. At one point, we’re being mentioned as a bubble team, and then we’re not an NIT team?
Poor, poor Rick Majerus. On the outside looking in is no place for the legend to be. He and his team should be in playing in the NIT, dammit, so people could ignore their accomplishments in that tourney. To be fair, Majerus does have a legitimate beef.
Mmmmmm…legitimized beef….
What? Oh yeah, it is interesting that two teams that finished below SLU (20-11) in the Atlantic 10 standings – Dayton and Rhode Island – were invited to the NIT. So what’s the deal? Majerus doesn’t know, saying, “We beat Dayton twice and split with Rhode Island. What did they do that we didn’t?”
Indeed Rick. Indeed. But it is what it is and I guess the only thing Majerus and his squad can do is go out and prove the NIT selection committee that they erred by going out and winning the HBI tournament.
What’s that? Oh, it’s called the CBI? My bad. All the beef talk earlier must have made me make that Hot Beef Injection reference. But not in that way, of course.
Majerus bothered NIT snub [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
Go ahead and yuck it up, classless internet people, but atomic warfare-related birth defects are no laughing matter. Maybe you should get the entire story before laughing at a person’s terrible affliction. Do you know the pain and turmoil this poor guy went through during his childhood? The stares, the pointing fingers, the sarcastic comments in the shower after gym class? Yeah, really classy, guys.
I don’t know, maybe I’m missing something here. Is it even possible for the Japanese to still be experiencing detrimental residual effects from what occurred on that fateful day in August of 1945?
After taking a closer look at the photo, I’m thinking it’s just the arm of they guy standing behind him. I’m surprised no one else has noticed that. Damn optical illusions or whatever the hell you call it.
[H/T Detroit4Lyfe]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. I slept in today and it was very nice, very nice. But now I am running dreadfully behind. And the worst part? I forgot to put on pants before I left the hosue. Oh well. How about making my life a little easier by sending some tips to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com? You’ll feel better if you do. Promise.
• In this trying economic times, Bigelow Aerospace, a company based out of Las Vegas, is doing their part to help. The company posted a listing on its website, but there’s one hitch – experience with space flight is required. Via a Reuters report: “Bigelow seeks staff for its planned orbital space complex, prototypes of which already are in orbit. The company plans a series of inflatable space habitats that can be used for research, tourism, manufacturing and other activities.” Once again, I’m underqualified. Sigh. I knew I should have went to Space Camp when I was kid! [Yahoo!/Reuters]
• Versus and DirecTV have finally come to an agreement. You know what that means: yet another channel people have no idea they have. [Puck Daddy]
• Bobby Knight hung out at the St. Louis Cardinals spring training. No chairs were thrown. [Big League Stew]
• There is a war on recess in this country and I don’t like it one bit. Recess coaches? No. [Out of Bounds]
• A couple of penguins discuss Jake Delhomme’s signing with the Cleveland Browns. They are not impressed. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Illinois is a number one seed in the N.I.T. but won’t be able to host a first round game because Cirque Du Soleil is using their arena. [Mouthpiece Sports]
• From being the head coach of an NFL team to working with a high school squad: the Jim Mora, Jr. Story. [With Leather]
• The Top 10 signs you are overthinking your fantasy baseball draft. [Five Tool Tool]
• The Pittsburgh media is beginning to turn on Big Ben. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Sam Wyche lurves Tim Tebow. [You Been Blinded]
• Ricky Gervais doesn’t like The Marriage Ref. Join the group, mate. [Warming Glow]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Pretentious Selection Committee Member Thinks Only 6 Teams Deserve Spots In NCAA Tournament
In Russia, Stick Slapshots You!
Posted by:Yes, I went there. Yakov Smirnoff would be proud, if he wasn’t so dead on the inside.
One thing you can say about the Russians, it’s that they are passionate about pretty much everything. Sometimes psychotically passionate, sure, but they care, and that’s what counts.
On March 14th, Avtomobilist Ekaterinburg was facing the visiting Salavat Yulaev Ufa in a KHL playoff game when a crazed (but passionate, remember) fan somehow got close enough to Salavat Yulaev Ufa’s backup goalie, Vitaly Kolesnik, to grab the stick out of his hands and hit the goaltender hard enough to bust his head open. Sheesh.
Kolesnik was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with a concussion, and backup goalie, who played for the Colorado Avalanche at one time, is relieved that was all he suffered, because according to doctors, it could have been much, much worse.
“I guess I was lucky.
“Doctors who treated me said if the hit was just a centimeter or two to the side, I could have been dead or left paralyzed.”
Scary stuff, man.
The KHL jumped to action – because they are first-class and well-run organization, of course – in Bizarro World – and fined Avtomobilist Ekaterinburg 1 million roubles ($34,000) for not providing adequate security. Yeah, that’ll learn ‘em. But what about the goofy bastard who attacked Kolesnik? Police said the man faces criminal charges, which in Russia I assume means a one-way train ticket to Siberia. The Russians still send people to Siberia, right? If they don’t, well, they should.
Video: Fan attacks KHL goalie with stick on team bench [Puck Daddy]
Fan grabs goaltender’s stick and hits him over head [Reuters]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (March 15th)
Posted by:• Ex-NBA player claims he used to have sex with 90 different a month. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Happy blog birthday, Mr. Irrelevant. Six years, man. That’s like an eternity in internet time. Kudos. [Mr. Irrelevant]
• I’m not sure, is what is going on in this photo racist? [Four Habs Fans]
• There is going to be a lot of drugs at the World Cup. And here I am with my passport revoked. Sigh. [Out of Bounds]
• Pau Gasol is a big boy now. He got his braces taken off. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Linda McMahon’s boat is named “Sexy Bitch.” Okay. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• MJD speculates as to what some prominent NFL personalities would have to say about the still-malfunctioning Toyota Prius. [Shutdown Corner]
• Here is an extended look at NBA Jam on the Wii. It looks awesome. [FirstCuts]
• The fellas at MYFO are a couple of master debaters, as evidenced by the way the effortlessly end a meaningless internet debate. [Melt Your Face Off]
• By now you have heard all about how Trey and Matt will be addressing the Tiger Woods Situation on the season premiere of South Park on Wednesday. Here’s a preview. [You Been Blinded]
• Speaking of Tiger, Steve Stricker is one guy who is not looking forward to the tournament when Tiger returns. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Peter King is still writing, so Drew is still lampooning. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Dumbest. Prom. Photo. Ever. [Uncoached]
• Some graphic designer dude wants to fight Jose Canseco. Get in line, son. [Tauntr]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: ‘What The Fuck Am I Going To Do With This?’ Obama Says While Holding Alabama Jersey
I have no idea who the ad wizards are at Esquire who came up with this or the reason behind it, because it sure is a head-scratcher, but Lane Kiffin is in the running for the magazine’s “Sexiest Woman Alive” tournament. Yep, Lane Kiffin will be competing against the likes of Tanith Belbin, Anna Kournikova, Erin Andrews, Lindsey Vonn and “Matt Stafford’s girlfriend” in the Sports Bracket of the competition. Sure, Kiffin is a 16 seed and is facing 1 seed Natalie Gulbis in the first round, but we have to make this happen, people. It does not matter that it makes little sense – it’s brilliant. We need to make sure Lane Kiffin wins the whole damn thing.
From Esquire:
A single-elimination battle royale: sixty-four women, seven rounds, one readers’-choice champion, and not a single Kardashian. The bracket hysteria begins below, with seeds unveiled all Selection Monday long….
Look for Tennessee fans to take out their snub in actual March Madness on their former football coach, sixteenth-seeded Lane Kiffin, who is not actually a woman. Talk about an upset special.
Awesome. You can vote in the Lane Kiffin-Natalie Gulbis matchup here. You have your orders. Vote now and vote often. Let your voice be heard, folks.
VOTE LANE KIFFIN FOR SEXIEST WOMAN ALIVE [EDSBS]
Vote for the Sexiest Woman Alive [Esquire]
Gilbert Arenas Is Into Some Kinky S**t
Posted by:
With all the other stuff going on in his life and the bad publicity his irresponsible actions have already garnered the troubled NBA star, you would think Gilbert Arenas wouldn’t disclose his bizarre fetishes and predispositions to twisted paraphilias so freely. But in an interview with Esquire, Arenas acknowledges that “he messed up” and only he knows what needs to be done to atone for his crimes:
With some good old fashioned masochism featuring some hardcore bondage and discipline, saying:
“I deserve to be punished.”
Wow, that’s some deviant and depraved stuff right there. I wonder what Arenas thinks will sufficient punishment for his misdeeds: flogging, having cigarettes extinguished on his chest? Who knows? I know I don’t know what flies with this sort of shit.
Alright, alright. The above quote was taken out of context just a tad – okay, a lot - but this story would have been hardly interesting with the full quote. So there.
Arenas: ‘I deserve to be punished’ for gun prank [Sporting News/AP]
