Archive for March, 2010
Who says cool things can’t ever happen to lowly sports bloggers?
A couple of days ago, I (with my tongue firmly planted in cheek, of course) took all the credit for the lovely Beatriz Recari qualifying for the Mojo 6 golf tournament after she won the online vote which gave her the coveted 16th and final spot.
Obviously, I didn’t expect anything in return for my efforts, which at its core was simply a case of creepy internet pseudo-stalking. As I’m sure you agree, Beatriz is a gorgeous and talented golfer and I was only doing my part to increase her profile.
But guess what just happened to land in my inbox this morning? An e-mail from Bea’s agent with a link to a video Bea prepared specifically for little old me thanking me for my support. How awesome is that? It certainly made me smile.
Video follows.
Hello, everyone. I conveniently scheduled some plumbing repairs (new kitchen sink installation, garbage disposal, etc.) for today so that I could take the day off and watch my Gophers half-ass their way through a loss to Xavier (bastards), thinking I could write from home.
Unfortunately, my modem from the cable company finally fried but I was unable to go to Best Buy to purchase a new modem until the plumber was finished with the work – by the way, the plumber was a great guy and very skilled, but thankfully, no plumber butt was seen in my home today but I can say with complete confidence that it wouldn’t have looked as good as how it is depicted in the above photo. He must have purchased his work clothes at the Duluth Trading Company.
So, once the sink and garbage disposal had been installed, I went to Best Buy and purchased a new modem and wireless router. After dropping two hundred and seventy-nine friggin’ bucks between the two (I can’t help myself – there I am, staring blankly at the different router options, going, “Oooh. Dual-Bank Wireless N! That sounds pretty high tech. Although this one for $79 over here would do the trick, how much better is a router with dual band going to be? That’s two bands, whatever that means. Plus it’s $169.00 – it will work $90 better! It’s a no-brainer, really), here I am, up and running again.
At this point, it would be foolish to begin writing for the day, so I am shutting down the Sportress for the day. Which makes a lot of sense considering the day is pretty much a lost cause at this point anyway. I might have a special treat for y’all later in the day, but who knows? I’m lazy and already on my third screwdriver. Nice.
But do not fret. I still haven’t been fired by NBC Sports – I know, shocking – so you can catch my tired shtick over at Out of Bounds this weekend.
Have a great weekend, folks. Enjoy the games. See you on the flipside.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (March 18th)
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• This is three minutes and thirty-one seconds of pure awesome. “The 75 Most Amazing Amateur Basketball Trick Shots Caught on Video” [GawkerTV]
• Six “Boss Buttons” that would most certainly get you fired. [Guyism]
• For $295, you could buy these ginormous baseball bats. [FirstCuts]
• Time for another KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag. Today, Flo from the Progressive commercials. Is she hot? I say: kind of. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• How much would a collector be willing to throw down for Sidney Crosby’s “Golden Puck”? [Puck Daddy]
• I meant to publish this link this morning, but I was still probably blowing a .20, so here it is now: the 10 ways to pick an NCAA bracket for the sports challenged. Timely, huh? You’re welcome. [Ranker]
• Ben Roethlisberger got a dose of comeuppance on last night’s episode of South Park as well. [Shutdown Corner]
• Mascot Madness: a tradition like no other. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• People from Georgia are a bunch of goddamn litterers. [EDSBS]
• Here are the likely reasons why you fucked up your bracket already. [Out of Bounds]
• Ladies and gentlemen, The Booby fishing lure. [Total Pro Sports]
• It’s time once again for a little cashblowing. Today, Patrick O’Sullivan. [Melt Your Face Off]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Of Course Hair Stylist Remembers Gina
You know, just the other day I was thinking, “Say, I wonder whatever happened to Raghib Ismail,” and wouldn’t you know it, this bit of news comes my way.
After a stellar college football career at Notre Dame (he was named the 75th best college football player ever by College Football News, by the way), “The Rocket” had a middling career in professional football, never quite living up to his potential during stints with the CFL’s Toronto Argonauts before spending nine seasons in the NFL, splitting time between the Raiders, Panthers and Cowboys. After getting released by the ‘Boys after the 2001 season, Ismail essentially faded into obscurity.
Not anymore, Ismail is living the dream, baby, landing a gig as a bull riding correspondent for Versus. Giggity.
[Ismail] will serve as a correspondent for some of the Professional Bull Riders telecasts on cable channel Versus. He became interested in the sport when he took part in “Ty Murray’s Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge” on CMT.
Ismail will interview riders about their lives outside of competition, making his debut during Saturday’s broadcast from Fresno, Calif.
Awesome. Who says there isn’t such a thing as a great life after football? Well, I suppose Mike Utley, maybe. Nah, just kidding. To that guy, every day is a gift. God bless him.
EX-CFL, NFLER ISMAIL GETS NEW JOB AS BULL RIDING ANNOUNCER [TSN]
Now this is the kind of savvy business move Jim Cramer can get behind!
Lenny Dykstra, whose business acumen ranks well below what one would consider exemplary, is probably much more accustomed to being named as a defendant in a lawsuit. Nevertheless, the former ballplayer is suing Washington Mutual (now JPMorgan Chase) for their “predatory lending” practices. That even sounds scary.
The gist, via Yahoo!
Specifically, the man once known as Nails is saying defunct bank Washington Mutual was all set to lend him $17.5 million so he could buy Wayne Gretzky’s old place in California. But just before the deal commenced, Washington Mutual suddenly decided to only lend him $12 million. Dykstra says his loan officer then hooked him up with a guy who could make up the difference with a one-year, interest-only loan of $8.5 million that Dykstra couldn’t really afford, but Washington Mutual supposedly said OK to. Dykstra says he let the whole thing go through because he thought Washington Mutual was going to refinance the deal within two months and make it affordable but that didn’t happen and Dykstra was left to sell other assets at a loss in order to make the payments.
Poor bastard. The nerve of these people to lend Dykstra money and expect him to pay it back according to the terms of a contract he signed! It’s crazy!
But I think we all know who the real victims are: millionaire athletes who don’t know how to properly invest their money. Dysktra’s now-defunct magazine, Players Club, was the shit, people.
Dykstra: Banks preyed on me [Yahoo!]
Dykstra’s business: a bed of ‘Nails’ [ESPN]
Remember, Jim Cramer Also Picked Lenny Dykstra [CBS MoneyWatch]
DYKSTRA DROPS THE BALL [New York Post]
Hoo boy. Forget how focused Tiger Woods can be on the golf course. Because apparently, when this guy gets anything with a QWERTY keyboard in his hands, he goes all out.
Joslyn James must have grown tired of the fact that people were not paying enough attention to her anymore. So the jizz-catcher set up the website Sexting Joslyn James where she has published naughty text messages that Tiger allegedly sent to her (not her texts, though).
All the nastiness after the jump.
Damn you, Guinness, you deliciously toxic beverage. My mouth feels like a hobo used it for a toilet. Not that I would know how that would taste, but…ahhh, fuck it.
Ugh. In case you missed it – I kind of remember watching it – here’s the gang playing the new Tiger Woods video game.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Holy crap! I have to fill out my brackets! I better crank this sucker out. Send tips to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com, would you?
• Here’s one more example why you shouldn’t get involved with transsexual prostitutes, if you need another reason other than the hooker has a penis. A Swiss man was hospitalized for burns after an apartment building notorious for transsexual prostitutes went up in flames. Worse yet, he was photographed naked standing on a ledge of the building – a photo that was published in a daily Swiss newspaper. Here’s the photo in all its butt crack glory. Yowsers. [MSNBC/AP]
• More LSUfreek animated gif wizardry. Sandra Bullock and a hockey player, dude. [The Sporting Blog]
• Sad news: the “Manny Pacquiao Live In Hawaii Concert Celebration” has been canceled after only 603 tickets were sold. People don’t know good music, man. [Out of Bounds]
• Lane Kiffin now has a 12,000 vote lead over Natalie Gulbis in Esquire‘s “Sexiest Woman Alive” tournament. Awesome. [Busted Coverage]
• This is seriously a heartwarming story. A man with cerebral palsy who loves the video game MLB: The Show because it’s the closest he’s ever been to playing real baseball has been added to the game by the creators. [With Leather]
• Rick Fox is a master thespian. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Shockingly, other PGA events now want Tiger to show up at their tournaments, too. [Trailing Tiger]
• My favorite: FCL finishes the headline. [Food Court Lunch]
• Some hilarious LOLMLBs from WoW. [Walkoff Walk]
• Here’s an update on the 2010 Beer Matrix. It ‘s about beer. [Puck Daddy]
• The Sex Cannon is coming to D.C.! [Mr. Irrelevant]
• Saved By The Bell + Pointer Sisters = Weird. [Warming Glow]
• Who woulda thunk it? PETA doesn’t approve of Mike Tyson’s new bird show. [TV Squad]
• 15 examples of irony. Yeah I really do think. That makes no sense what I just wrote. Roll with it. [Uncoached]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Musher Claims Free Agency Destroyed Chemistry Of Sled-Dog Team
Much like the fine folks over at Mr. Irrelevant, I really don’t have much to add to this amazing photo.
Except one thing: this photo of Alexander Ovechkin (a/k/a Unfrozen Caveman Hockey Player) doing God-knows-what is beyond awesome. Shit like this is the reason cavemen painted out walls. Or something.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, kids. Have fun.
[H/T Mr. Irrelevant]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (March 17th)
Posted by:• The best St. Patrick’s Day fight video in the history of the internets. [Busted Coverage]
• Lacrosse players at private colleges in the Northeast are straight gangstas, fools. [Deadspin]
• A teddy bear announces Tiger Woods return to The Masters. [Trailing Tiger]
• Dirk Nowitzki…”mathematicsized”! Even if you don’t know what that means, go check it out. [Ball Don't Lie]
• No matter how determined they are, hecklers are going to have a rough go of it at Augusta National. [Out of Bounds]
• By now you have heard about and/or seen the video of that Seton Hall player’s affinity for nut punching. You can find the video with this link, but there’s more: now the coach has been fired. Not good. [The Dagger]
• JaMarcus Russell has lost some weight during the offseason. O AN HE SEXY! [Second-String Fullback]
• Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington likes the nose candy. But who doesn’t, right? [With Leather]
• Curt Schilling: “I Despise Barry [Bonds].” Tell us how you really feel, Curt. [The Big Lead]
• Rex Ryan does his best to motivate the troops at Arkansas-Pine Bluff before their first round matchup with Duke in the NCAA Tournament. Gold. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• A gallery of honest movie posters for Oscar winners. [FilmDrunk]
• Funny notes regarding meals from wives. [Uncoached]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Man Who’s 1/16th Irish Proud Of His Irish Heritage
No, I didn’t get the title of this post wrong. Let’s be honest here, I think we all know who wears the crotchless pants in that marriage.
Be that as it may, Kris Benson, who missed the entire 2007 season after rotator cup surgery, played Triple-A ball for the Phillies in 2008 and only appeared in eight games for the Rangers last season, agreed Wednesday to a minor league deal with the Arizona Diamondbacks.
Yeah, who cares, right? This guy wouldn’t even be on the radar if it wasn’t his skanky-ass wife nor would this post have been written. I mean look at that thing. Now I ain’t saying I wouldn’t hit it, but my guess is she probably leaves snail tracks everywhere she goes. Messy.
And since she hasn’t been whoring herself out much lately, for nostalgia’s sake, here are a few more photos of Anna at her best. Or worse, depending on your point of view. And since it’s late afternoon on St. Patrick’s Day, you are likely seeing double vision at this point anyway. At least you should be, Sally.
Kris Benson agrees to minor league deal with D’backs [USA Today]
Since we are dealing with an exclusive, BREAKING NEWS Chris Mortensen report, we should probably take it with a grain of salt. That guy couldn’t break a story if it were inside an egg, whatever that means. I just made it up.
Anyhoo, apparently Tim Tebow’s pro day was apparently such a resounding success that the NFL has invited him to the draft in New York City.
Longest. And. Most. Awkward. Green. Room. Wait. Ever.
Tebow, who unveiled his new throwing motion for scouts, coaches and general managers in his workout, has accepted the invitation from the league, according to an official. Two NFL personnel men told ESPN that Tebow’s workout on Wednesday boded well for the Gators quarterback, especially with those teams that were considering him as a high draft prospect.
Bullshit. If a team is stupid enough to draft Tebow early in the second round, let alone late in the first, they should be kicked out of the league and forced to join the UFL or whatever the devil their calling that league.
I’m not kidding, if you thought it was awkward watching Brady Quinn sweat his way through the first twenty-two picks before mercifully getting selected by the Browns, you ain’t seen nothing yet. With the first two rounds now split over a Thursday and a Friday, followed by the final four rounds on Saturday, it could very well mean that Tebow is in for a long, long weekend in New York City. Maybe with all the spare time, he can take a moment and utilize his divine powers to wash all the scum and sin off the streets.
It could happen. But seriously, one piece of advice, Tebowner. Do us all a favor a bring along some eye candy.
Tebow unveils new throwing motion [ESPN]
In time, Quinn’s painful draft won’t matter [USA Today]
No shit, Sherlock. You think?
I, for one, am eagerly awaiting his follow-up columns to this piece, beginning with “Trading Herschel Walker to the Vikings for a buttload of draft picks was great call by Cowboys” followed up by, “In retrospect, purchasing the Dallas Cowboys was a sound investment by Jerry Jones.”
Banking on Tony Romo, not Brady Quinn, was great call by Cowboys [The Dallas Morning News]
You’re Welcome, Beatriz Recari
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Great news! Thanks to a groundswell of support on the ‘tubes – for which I am taking complete credit – the beautiful Beatriz Recari edged out Australian beauty Anna Rawson in online voting and qualified for the Mojo 6 golf tournament in Jamaica.
Via the Mojo 6 Official Site:
Recari, only 22 years old and a rookie this season, heats things up on and off the course as she is as talented as she is beautiful and is recognized as one of Spain’s top golfers. Recari will be joining world renowned female golfers, Cristie Kerr, Anna Nordqvist, Suzann Pettersen, Song Hee Kim, Paula Creamer and Yani Tseng, fellow LPGA players Amanda Blumenherst, Na Yeon Choi, Christina Kim, Brittany Lang, Brittany Lincicome, Kristy McPherson, Morgan Pressel and Angela Stanford, as well as 15-year-old golfing phenom, Mariah Stackhouse at The Mojo 6. These golfers will also be the first to play Raceway Golf ™, a new, innovative golf format introduced by Mojo Marketing & Media. Raceway Golf is designed to showcase the intense competition and rivalries in golf and take the sport to a new level.
“Thank you to my fans for selecting me to play in The Mojo 6 in Jamaica,” noted Recari. “We did it! I’m so happy to be a part of such an innovative event and to be one of the first golfers to play Raceway Golf which I think will not only be exciting for us golfers, but also for the fans to watch.”
Recari also added a personal message to her fans on her Facebook page:
EVERYONE!!!!!!!! I GOT IN THE MOJO 6!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU SO INCREDIBLY MUCH! YOU GUYS ROCK IT!!! SO PROUD TO HAVE YOU ALL AS FANS!! BEA
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! indeed, Bea. May I call you Bea? Cool. And yes, count me among those who “rock it.” You could say I am a regular Herbie Hancock in that way.
As I mentioned above, I am taking total credit for the outcome of the online voting. As you may recall, I was one of the first supporters of Miss Recari when her candidacy was announced. In fact, I have been a fan of Miss Recari’s from the get go, dating all the way back to last August. Sure, my little piddly site wouldn’t have accomplished much without the assistance of the esteemed Jimmy Traina of Extra Mustard from taking notice and including a link to the Sportress (and some lovely photos of the Spanish lass), and I am certain that his link to my post alone put Bea over the top, considering the obscene amount of traffic his always superb Hot Clicks posts generate. But Mr. Traina would not have seen my post without my tendency to insistently and frequently whoring of this here sports blog.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Top o’ the mornin’ to ya! Please allow your half-Irish friend here at the Sportress be one of the first to graciously wish you a very happy St. Patrick’s Day. Are ya drunk yet? No? Pussy. Please send your inebriated ramblings (or tips) to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• No really, they were in the back of a Volkswagen when they perished during an act of car carnality. Their mistake? If you are going to have sex in your car while it is running in a garage, be sure to open the garage door. A Russian couple were not aware of this little nugget of knowledge when they decided to get it on in their garage and started the car to keep warm. Darwinism, folks. [MSNBC/Reuters]
• Augusta may be a great fit for Tiger, but Tiger isn’t a great fit for Augusta. [Devil Ball Golf]
• The tabloids are likely to go all Mission: Impossible and shit to get video footage of Tiger at The Masters. [Out of Bounds]
• It must have taken a yeoman’s effort to compile photos of the cheerleaders for all 65 NCAA Tournament teams. Well done. [Guyism]
• Michael Jordan and Ben Roethlisberger will also be making an appearance along with Tiger Woods in the season premiere of South Park tonight. [You Been Blinded]
• Here’s a look at some Saint Paddy’s Day-themed sports attire. [Simon on Sports]
• Screen shots of the MMA video game from EA Sports. [FirstCuts]
• The Green Bay Packers signed an Australian Rules Football player to a three-year contract. [Second-String Fullback]
• Oh my God! The time has come. So let it be written, so let it be done. Tim Tebow will actually throw a football with people watching tomorrow. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• Chris Paul parodied Paranormal Activity. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• A collection of amusing Sumo wrestling photoshops. [Uncoached]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Marijuana Use Triples Among Gary
Site News: Surprisingly, I have an assload of “real work” to do at my “real job” today, so expect content to be a bit light today. There is no way I’m not getting out of this hellhole early to continue – I mean begin – St. Patrick’s Day-related activities. Yeah, I’m already half-in-the-bag. Sue. me.
