Archive for March, 2010
I am sure you all remember the tragically comical case of poor, poor Susan Finkelstein, the sad sack of a woman who is now on trial for charges that she was desperate enough for World Series tickets last season to see her beloved Phillies take on the Yankees that she was allegedly willing to prostitute herself out in exchange. After setting up a Craigslist ad – DESPERATE BLONDE NEEDS WS TIX – which indicated that she was a “[d]iehard Phillies fan – gorgeous tall buxom blonde – in desperate need of two World Series tickets. Price negotiable – I’m the creative type! Maybe we can help each other!”
Unfortunately for Finkelstein, the man who responded to the ad was an undercover cop. And the rest, as they say, is hilarious history. Thankfully, the culmination of this crazy case in court did not disappoint when it comes to awkwardness, zingers and witty repartee.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It is 100% self-funded, so donations are welcome. As you are well aware, there is a lack of quality blogging on the interwebs, but we cannot bring you wonderful programming like “Nightmare Fuel”, “It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?” and “Chicks, Man” without your support. With every donation, you will receive a stylish S.O.B. tote bag as a gift. In the interim, tips are welcome and encouraged. Please send to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Dried fish, vegetables and spices — the ingredients for the soup “ugu” – led to a Nigerian-born U.S. citizen’s being detained for two days in a Tijuana jail after Mexican authorities suspected the ingredients were actually khat, an illegal drug. I guess you could say the Mexican security really ugu-oofed on this one! But you don’t have to. [MSBC/AP]
• Sharpen your pencils and take your hand out of your pants for crying out loud: the Name of the Year bracket is out! [Out of Bounds]
• In NCAA Tournament news, here is the Sweet Sixteen announcing schedule. [Awful Announcing]
• Video of somebody’s grandma doing a keg stand. [Busted Coverage]
• An outfielder for the Baltimore Orioles was attacked by a flock of seagulls. [Big League Stew]
• Larry Brown Sports now has their very own “Boss Button.” [Larry Brown Sports]
• This is why you never attempt a dunk without a basketball. [With Leather]
• This animated gif of Michelle Beadle from ESPN’s SportsNation eating a hot dog might be sexier than it should be – or is it just the right amount of sexy? You decide. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Selecting the New York Jets as the team to appear on HBO’s Hard Knocks may be one of the greatest ideas ever. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• Poor bastards. The Inside the NBA studio crew appeared on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• A brilliant selection of unintentionally hilarious commercials for useless products. [Uncoached]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Man From Future Can’t Stop Living In The Less-Far-Into-The-Future
Best. Bathroom. Graffiti. Ever.
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Seabass approves.
He who has not considered trading extreme anal violation for a ticket to a MLB game make the first fist. Or something.
The funniest part (which I suppose may have been the intent behind – heh, behind) about this wondrous display of Extreme II: Pornograffiti is that it is not really that difficult to procure tickets for Marlins games, considering the Marlins were 29th out of 30 MLB teams in attendance last season.
Now, if you’ll excuse, I suddenly feel the urge to listen to my Tool Ænima album. For obvious reasons*.
* Yes, I am aware that the act suggested in the above photo is not really what the song is about, thank you very much.
[H/T Deadspin]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (March 24th)
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• Steve Williams will be on the bag for Tiger at the Masters, but for how much longer after that? [Trailing Tiger]
• Speaking of which, here’s some speculation regarding the possibility of the impending purge of Team Tiger, which just might occur immediately after the Masters. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• This aggression against NHL mascots by the league’s website cannot stand, man. [Puck Daddy]
• Dexter Manley once had a coat made out of German Shepherd? [D.C. Sports Bog]
• That story about the autistic kid who supposedly has a perfect NCAA bracket? There might be some holes in his story. [With Leather]
• An Italian baseball team has named themselves after Dodgers legend Tommy Lasorda. SlimFast for everyone! [Out of Bounds]
• Here’s a look at 5 players competing in the Sweet 16 you should be paying attention to. [Unathletic Mag]
• So, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers cheerleading auditions? Yeah, they went well. [Guyism]
• Who wouldn’t want a Superman vs. Muhammad Ali punching bag? Wait. Twenty thousand bucks!?!? [FirstCuts]
• Samer isn’t very impressed with the NFL right about now. [Second-String Fullback]
• It’s time for another exciting edition of Cinema Varitek. Today, Pete Rose on WWE Raw. [Walkoff Walk]
• I have no idea what the guys at FHF are trying to articulate with this photoshop, but I like it. I like it. [Four Habs Fans]
• My pals Hex and LeNoc roll out a new feature at MYFO: Really?!? And not surprisingly, it’s great stuff. [Melt Your Face Off]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Study: Announcers Increasingly Able To Believe What They’re Seeing
Hey! Don’t be a freeloader! Send some tips to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com, you thankless ingrate.
The news that Dwight Gooden has been charged with driving under the influence of drugs endangering the welfare of a child, leaving the scene, reckless driving and DWI with a child passenger stemming from Gooden’s involvement in a two-car, hit-and-run accident in a New Jersey suburb this morning is disappointing, to put it mildly.
Add to it the fact that his five-year-old son, Dylan, was in the car at the time only compounds the already horrible mistake the troubled former ballplayer made by driving all messed up. But before we all get whipped up into a complete frenzy regarding Gooden for his irresponsible actions, perhaps we should take a step back and look at the entire situation with some much-needed perspective.
First of all, thankfully, no one was seriously hurt. That is no small consolation considering what could have happened.
Secondly, it was Gooden’s son in the car, not some random kid. Could you have imagined the outrage if Gooden, in a drug-induced stupor, mistakenly put another child in harm’s way believing it was his son?
Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, Gooden’s arrest has provided the police force as well as the townspeople of the posh Franklin Lakes community a little legitimacy and an opportunity to display some civic pride. As Det. Lt. John Bakelaar said, the little town deserves a little credit, even if it isn’t New York City.
“It’s a small town but we do get excitment sometimes,” Det. Lt. John Bakelaar said. “It’s not like it happened in New York City. But we have three of those ‘Housewives’ living here and we have a lot of big name athletes.”
Best. Statement. Ever.
Franklin Lakes! Franklin Lakes! Franklin Lakes!
“Hey now, we’re not some big city like New York, but stuff sometimes happens around here, on occasion. Every once in a while, that is. I mean, we got reality stars living here and stuff.”
I am picturing this Detective John Bakelaar fellow to be a carbon copy of Sylvester Stallone’s character in Cop Land. Which I think is a compliment. It was Sly’s last juicy role and all.
Former Mets, Yankees star Dwight Gooden arrested for DWI after rush hour accident [New York Daily News]
She sure as hell looks like a female gym teacher: unkempt, rough (to put it nicely), with a tinge of unconcealed masculinity. Because if she is (or was), that makes this story just tangentially-related enough to sports to warrant a post. If she isn’t – and a quick check of the website for Toro Canyon Middle School where she was teaching when she was arrested for teaching while drunk does not have her listed among the faculty in any department, so I could not confirm. Well, too late now – I guess going with it.
Above is 47-year-old Tonya Neff, who has been charged with felony child endangerment after she allegedly showed up at school to teach her 7th grade students drunk as a skunk.
Via The Smoking Gun:
Neff, 47, was taken to the nurses’s [sic] office by school staff while administrators called cops who seized a container of alcohol from the seventh grade teacher. She was then taken to a hospital for treatment before being booked into jail where she remains pending the posting of $345,000 bail.
Now, running with the theory that she was a gym teacher, is this really that big of a deal? How hard is to supervise a bunch of kids playing dodgeball while tying one on?
Further, have you ever spent an extended period of time with a room full of seventh graders? They should dispense Valium and flasks of whiskey in the teacher’s lounge. I’m surprised more teachers do not depend on the mood-altering, restorative powers of alcohol just to make it through the day.
Cops: Woman had alcohol in container at California middle school [The Smoking Gun]
SoCal teacher arrested in alleged drunken teaching [The Associated Press]
Seriously though, what’s love got to do, got to do with it?
Orlando Magic forward Rashard Lewis, on his official blog on Yardbarker, details in an entry published today how he has broken out of his slump in recent games. In the Magic’s last three games, the 12-year veteran is averaging 22.7 points per game while shooting at a 59% clip from the field and an amazing 52.4% from three-point range.
How? Like Stella, Rashard is getting his groove back, of course.
I’ve kinda gotten my groove back these last three games against San Antonio, Miami and Philly. I went through a little rough stretch there where I wasn’t getting the ball much but I’ve tried to mix things up and be more aggressive of late. Rather than sitting back and waiting I’m out there aggressively seeking out shots. I’m driving more, I’m getting to the foul line a little more and I’m posting up harder. And of course, my 3-ball is still there plenty in games.
With the Magic sitting in first place in the Southeast and the division rival (and second place) Atlanta Hawks on the schedule tonight, how Lewis got is groove back is immaterial, it’s simply a good thing that he did. I suppose we should expect more of the same from him tonight, but at the same time, I will not be Waiting to Exhale, if you catch my drift.
Getting back in my shooting groove [Official Rashard Lewis - Yardbarker]
Keep Shooting, Rashard Lewis [Howard the Dunk]
But who really does, amirite?
Saints head coach Sean Payton has been one of the more vocal critics of the recent change to the NFL’s overtime rules and has also questioned the underhanded manner in which the vote was carried out on Tuesday. The vote – which ended up getting endorsed by a tally of 28-4 by the owners – occurred while many NFL coaches were at a golf outing. Sneaky, eh?
Payton argues that the vote was “slipped in the back door.” Dry.
“It was just surprising because I think I was under the impression the overtime rule was going to be voted on today so it was kind of one of those back-door deals. I guess nothing surprises me anymore. I guess disappointing.
“The debate and argument over a new rule is healthy and oftentimes one will pass and one won’t pass. But the way this was slipped in shows me there was some concern it wouldn’t have gone in the normal way and that’s what concerns me.”
I don’t have to tell you how frustrating and embarrassing one of these “back door deals” can be. One minute you’re thinking that the carpet cleaners in your house seem quite strange and the chemicals they’re using are pretty strong and the next you’re regaining consciousness chained to your toilet tank in extreme pain and discomfort. And the shame. Oh, the shame.
Just me? Huh.
Angry Sean Payton: NFL slipped overtime rule change ‘in the back door’ [The Huddle]
Time to turn the page, people. We have to move forward and try to create a more tolerable, open-minded society. It is time for us, as basketball fans, to condemn what is presently being experienced by the white players participating in the NCAA tournament. It is time for us to say “no more” and not allow people to refer to teams comprised mainly of white players as “scrappy” or “gutty” or even worse, “non-athletic.”
Mike Freeman of CBS Sports has had just about enough of it, and he has shined a light on the deplorable way white basketball players are judged by the color of their skin.
If I were a white college basketball player right now, especially if my team made the Sweet 16, I’d be angry at some of the comments I’ve heard in the media. I’d be looking for someone to punch. I’d be furious.
Because it’s starting again. White = overachiever. White = non-athletic.
The rhetoric that white basketball players are all smart and non-athletic was supposed to die in the 21st century. But now … it’s baaaaacckk.
As mostly white teams like Saint Mary’s, Northern Iowa, Cornell and even Duke have advanced, a certain type of rhetoric has returned with tornadic vengeance. It’s all over the media, blogs and even spoken during some of the televised broadcasts of the games.
And that’s just wrong. One of the darlings of the tournament thus far is Saint Mary’s Omar Samhan, who is frankly sick and tired of it. Commenting on how Villanova only had one man guarding him and never went to the double team, Samhan stated:
“I get it,” Samhan said. “I’m a slow white guy, and I’m overweight. So maybe you don’t respect me because I have good numbers. But after I kill you the first half, what are you waiting for? I don’t know what he wanted. Did he want me to have 40?”
“Some people still see a white team or white players and think we can’t play,” Samhan explained. “It’s offensive sometimes. It still goes on. That perception is wrong. It makes no sense. We’re all good athletes. White, black, red, whatever.”
Enough is enough, people. This is a new generation, a new era. No more will we stand idly by while the Wes Welkers of the world are admired simply because of his “heart” or the fact that he is an “overachiever.” No longer will we tolerate the dazzling performances on the court by the Tyler Hansbroughs of the world being described only as “gritty” or that they are “hard-working” or “tough” or “gutsy.”
The time is now, my friends. It is time for change.
Underdogs bring to light: Time to fight trite, white stereotypes [CBS Sports]
Everyone At Hospital Already Hates Wes Welker [The Onion]
If playing with your balls is what you consider time well spent, you just might be a perfect candidate for a job at the USGA headquarters in Far Hills, New Jersey. The folks there spend all day knocking their balls around, trying to ascertain how to get the best performance out of them on a consistent basis.
One man in particular has turned his love for playing with balls into a lucrative career. Meet Dick Rugge (heh), the senior technical director of the USGA. This guy has been playing with his balls so long, he can practically do it blindfolded and still get a good feel for them.
Saying that the “primary function” of what they do at the facility is “equipment evaluation that determines performance,” Rugge knows that you are only as good as the equipment in your hands.
Although a shy and private person in many aspects of his life, Rugge finds himself recharged and full of confidence by working with other people while trying to get the most out of his balls.
“I like to have people working who are smarter than me,” he says. “I understand what they’re doing, but they can run rings around me.”
Perhaps that may simply be a consequence of his advancing age, but don’t believe for a second that Rugge still doesn’t have a passion for balls. He loves his work and likes to put his hard work with balls to the test with other people, stating that he has “gotten great satisfaction from every job [he's] had.”
Further, Rugge knows not everybody has multiple balls to play with, so he has even begun experimenting with how men who, ahem, bring less to the table, so to speak – John Kruk and Lance Armstrong, for instance – can still maximize their performance and get the most out of their ball:
“The ball will perform differently depending on the conditions.”
Indeed, Dick. Indeed. Keep up the great work at the United States Gonads Association. Not to get nuts here, but this is one guy who appreciates all you put into your work.
Wait. What? It is the United States Gonads Association, right? Oh man, don’t I feel like a sad sack now.
USGA center puts 2,500 clubs, 1,000 balls to the test each year [USA Today]
Like a moth drawn to a flame, or better yet, a crack addict willing to perform unspeakable sex acts for a rock, Mariotti cannot help himself when it comes to spewing his hatred towards White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen for anyone who is willing to listen to him or read his work.
Their personal pissing match goes all the way back to when Mariotti was still working in “real journalism” at the Chicago Sun-Times, before the celebrity blogger now working in the “web site business” unceremoniously resigned from the paper in 2008 because sports journalism, in his eyes, had become, interestingly, “a web site business.”
Now, Mariotti has picked up where he left off since the last time he has used his bully pulpit to settle his personal scores in his current blog post at Fanhouse, “I’ll Say It Once More: Time to Fire Guillen.”
Of course, these two combatants have grown quite familiar with each other and have had their spats in the media many times before, including when Guillen called Mariotti a “fag” in 2006, after several Mariotti columns were hyper-critical of the way Guillen managed his team.
Referring to Guillen as a “monster” and “media megalomaniac” and asserting that White Sox general manager Ken Williams and owner Jerry Reinsdorf appear like “bumbling, petulant idiots” for the way they have “enabled [Guillen's] mindless, profane, manic and often dangerous dialogue because, well, his team happened to get lucky in 2005 and help the franchise win a World Series for the only time in 93 years,” Mariotti implores the organization to finally cut ties with the manager.
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It is 100% self-funded, so donations are welcome. As you are well aware, there is a lack of quality blogging on the interwebs, but we cannot bring you such wonderful features like “Fun With Headlines”, “It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?” and “Chicks, Man” without your support. With every sizable donation, you will receive a stylish S.O.B. tote bag. In the interim, tips are welcome and encouraged. Please send to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• No, no, no. You have let me down, my Irish brethren. According to the Drinks Industry Group of Ireland (I want a job with that organization as a Quality Control Agent), booze consumption is down by a whopping 9.6 percent in 2009, 21 percent below it’s all-time high in 2001. Ah yes, 2001, heady days, drunken days. Officials are blaming it on a deep recession and troubled economy, but isn’t that when you should drink more to forget your problems. Hey Ireland: you’re doing it wrong. Don’t make me come over there! [Yahoo!/Reuters]
• A fantastic gallery of 25 stadiums at night, all lit up and purty-looking. [Guyism]
• Blogger closes down shop for the week to go on a vacation to…Puerto Vallarta? You mean you can do that? I thought the only excuse for taking time off from blogging was in-patient treatment. [Mouthpiece Blog]
• Seventeen-year-old kid with autism has correctly picked every game in his NCAA bracket through two rounds, but didn’t enter his bracket in any of the big-money-winning contests. Poor kid. [Out of Bounds]
• Jose Canseco tweeted about his sense of dread regarding the FBI coming to his house. [Babes Love Baseball]
• Yet another porn star (who, according to the photo at BC has seen far better days – maybe in the ’70s) has stepped forward claiming that Tiger Woods wanted her to be his whore. [Busted Coverage]
• Nick Swisher refuses to sing “Sweet Caroline” in a new ESPN commercial, that rat bastard. [Outside the Boxscore]
• Hoo boy. Tim Tebow reportedly asked everyone in the room to join him in prayer before taking the Wunderlic Test. Lame. [Second-String Fullback]
• Top 10 reasons why the Nets CEO yelled at a person wearing a paper bag on his head. [Five Tool Tool]
• Time for Stark Realization Wednesday over at FCL! [Food Court Lunch]
• Here’s a Caddyshack remix vid to start the day off right. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Another example why Joakim Noah is awesome. [Tremendous Upside Potential]
• Twenty supermodels, then and now. [Uncoached]
• Paula Deen is getting sued, y’all! [TV Squad]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Good Night’s Sleep Changes Nothing
Last Call: APB Beta Testers Edition
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Unbeknownst to yours truly, there is some new multi-player online game in development called APB, and further, last week was last call for people to sign up to be a beta tester for it. Here is a brief description of the game, courtesy of G4:
Developed by David Jones, creator on the Grand Theft Autos eries, this APB is a massively multiplayer online game based in living, breathing cities replicated from famous locales all over the world. APB is a turf war involving two main factions — the Squads, whose goal is to uphold the law, and the Gangs, who seek to break the law at all costs. Players will be able to choose their side.
Sounds far out, but one question: who has the time to get involved in something like this? It seems far too involved for someone like me. I can scarcely scratch together enough time to play a couple games of Wii Bowling or better yet, an online curling tournament (hey Gally, it’s been two weeks. What’s the deal? Heard anything?) with my blogging buddies.
So there you go. Another cool thing with which to waste time is sadly passing me by. It sure does suck getting old.
On that happy note, on to the usual routine.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (March 23rd)
Posted by:• Dodgers owner Frank McCourt refers to Tiger’s troubles as “fantastic.” Say what? [Big League Stew]
• On this day in 1951, football analysis changed forever: Ron Jaworski was born. If we only had a time machine… [Joe Sports Fan]
• I can think of no finer way to start off a shootout in hockey than a goalie fight. [Puck Daddy]
• Wait, an MLS post? PUNTE, you are a brave man treading in those dangerous waters. [With Leather]
• Florida wide receiver rips Tim Tebow by saying he’s happy he now has a “real quarterback.” Zing. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Daunte Culpepper really wants to be the quarterback for the Buffalo Bills. [Shutdown Corner]
• Butter Chicken has been on a goddamn roll lately. Witness his genius. [Food Court Lunch]
• An NC State defensive lineman may have assaulted a 65-year-old shuttle bus driver. The bus driver probably had it coming. [The Big Lead]
• Tickets are still available for the Philadelphia Flyers’ “Gay Community Night” on Thursday! [Busted Coverage]
• Kelly Tilghman and the phenomena known as the “Tiger Rub.” [Waggle Room]
• Video of recently retired Kurt Warner dancing like a jackass. [The Sporting Blog]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: My Students Are Going About Making Fun Of That Tyler Kid All Wrong
Got a tip, suggestion or complaint? Shove it up your ass! Nah, just kidding. Send it to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. You know you want to.
Fantastic.
Instead of Clapton, I suppose I could have went with “Casey Jones” by the Dead for the lyrical cocaine reference du jour, but this fit so well I had to run with it.
[H/T Big League Stew]
