Archive for March, 2010
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (March 26th)
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• If you saw the halftime speech last night by Kansas State’s head coach Frank Martin, you too are now terrified of him. [The Dagger]
• The theme for today’s Sexy Friday post is marijuana. I’m sold. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Rob Iracane states that baseball and prostitution go together like Captain and Tennille. Given the two baseball and prostitution stories he discusses, I couldn’t agree more. Also, I love Captain & Tennille. [Walkoff Walk]
• Here’s an awesomely awkward phone interview of Tony Romo done by a student from Eastern Illinois, Romo’s alma mater. [With Leather]
• The upper deck of old Yankee Stadium is gone, man, IT’S GONE! DEAL WITH IT! [Big League Stew]
• If the U.S. trade embargo on Cuba is lifted, the Cubans plan to build an assload of golf courses for all of us gringos. [Waggle Room]
• A lovely pictorial of Oregon State’s Sarah Jean Underwood. If you don’t know who she is, that’s your fault. [Busted Coverage]
• Having to sit next to this rather obese person at a sporting event does not look comfortable. [Total Pro Sports]
• The 10 most underrated characters from sports movies. [The Big Lead]
• On this day in 1991, Charles Barkley spit on a fan. Awesome. [The700Level]
• Who wants a life-sized statue of Babe Ruth calling his shot? It’s only $6,500. What a steal. [FirstCuts]
• Upcoming reality television star Rex Ryan has dropped 40 pounds so he can look svelte on camera. Well, that would take more than 40 pounds, but he’s trying, right? [Shutdown Corner]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: NHL Holds Fan Attendance Night
Your grandma wants to know why you haven’t been sending me tips at weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. Don’t let Nana down, man.
We have to assume at this point that anything and everything that comes out of Ron Washington’s mouth these days is probably all about sweet, sweet cocaine. Once a person falls under the spell of nose candy, they become obsessed with it to such an extent that even when it seemingly appears they are talking about one thing, they are in fact so focused on scoring their next teener or 8-ball that even innocuous comments about a different topic entirely are actually providing a window into their tormented cokehead soul – and that, my friends, is a scientific fact.
Case in point. Below are Ron Washington’s observations made to a reporter for The Dallas Morning News regarding new Rangers pitcher Rich Harden, whom Washington is quite familiar with from their days together in Oakland:
“What I’ve seen from Rich Harden is what I remember seeing in Oakland,” Washington said. “He always got hit hard in spring. I’d like to see him step it up and give us something to hold onto. It’s not about velocity, it’s about placing the ball where you want to place it. But, I’ve seen Rich have some very bad springs and some very good seasons.”
How obvious, right? Could he be any more obsessed? Okay, allow me to break this quote down for the layperson.
When Washington mentions what he has seen from Harden up to this point is what he remembers seeing in Oakland, he is of course referring to the low quality shit Harden used to score from some tweaker in San Francisco – real powdery, heavily-cut shit. And when he alludes to Harden getting hit hard in spring, Washington recalls how Harden always had real bad allergies in the spring and his nose would be plugged up so bad that he had a lot of trouble snorting lines, hence harden had to “hit hard.”
What Washington would like Harden to do is “step up” and score some good yayo, and he would like the pitcher to utilize the contacts Harden met while in Chicago (where he spent the past two seasons) who were bigwigs in organized crime to score a large amount of blow, giving them “something to hold onto.”
Obviously, “it’s not all about velocity” as Washington insists – he’s got a stash to hold him over for a week max, but “placing the (8)-ball where you want to place it, as in right up their noses, maybe even freebasing some of the shit.
Of course, without letting on to Hamilton they’re holding – that guy is a total fucking mooch.
Finally, of course Washington is going to say that, despite Harden’s struggles, he has seen the pitcher go on to have “some very good seasons.” You’re never going to badmouth the guy who may be hooking you up with a boatload of blow, dude.
Now that I have spelled it all out for you, does it make more sense now? I mean, it couldn’t be any more clear that this Washington guy is cuckoo for cocaine, right?
Ron Washington on Rich Harden: “I’d like to see him step it up” [The Dallas Morning News]
PSYCHE!
All you suckers were sitting there thinking, “Yes, it is an odd time to sign Ben Roethlisberger to an extension…I must read more about this strange story.” But that was all a set-up, my friends.
You see, it was Charlie Batch who signed a two-year deal with the Steelers, not Big Ben. I’m so sneaky, aren’t I?
The 35-year-old Batch has been under contract with the Steelers for eight seasons, although he sat out 2004 and 2008 with injuries. He has thrown only two passes since 2007, and 135 overall during his time with Pittsburgh.
A former starter for the Detroit Lions, Batch is expected to compete with Dennis Dixon to be the backup quarterback. Dixon started one game when Ben Roethlisberger was hurt last season and became the No. 2 quarterback after Batch broke his left wrist Nov. 22 in Kansas City.
My favorite part is how the report insinuates that Batch will be competing with Dixon to back up Roethlisberger. To all of you Steelers fans out there, I’m very sorry for mentioning this (no I’m not), but my guess is that Charlie Batch is a much more likely candidate to be under center when the Steelers kick-off their 2010 season than Ben Roethlishumper. Although the way things are going for Big Ben, I wouldn’t feel so bad if I were him – if his life keeps going down the toilet in the manner it has over the past year or so, Roethlisberger can look forward to being under something as well at some point in the future, just maybe not a center, if you catch my drift.
Backup QB Batch re-signs with Steelers [SI/AP]
(HEAD ASPLODES)
I think that tweet pretty much speaks for itself. It’s the first time I have seen a tweet from John Daly regarding the first time he saw his show on The Golf Channel, Being John Daly, and it was definitely my favorite so far. I really laughed ALOT.
God bless you, John Daly.
[H/T Waggle Room]
Screw that Dos Equis guy. He ain’t got shit on Barkley. If there were a 24-hour Chuck TV channel on cable, I would watch it constantly.
Case in point: above is Barkley getting into the spirit of Bull’s “Noche Latina 2010″ event and below are some of the high points from last night’s TNT broadcast of the Heat-Bulls game. There are no actual highlights from the game itself, mind you – it was a one-sided Heat beatdown of the Bulls by a score of 103-74, but as Trey Kirby over at Ball Don’t Lie points out, it left plenty of time for Charles to do what Charles does best: entertain the masses with his perfect combination of wit, self-deprecation and, well, I don’t know any other way to describe it – his Charles Barkely-ness.
Right now, it’s Omar Samhan’s world, we’re just living in it.
Many have referred to Samhan as a breath of fresh air in this year’s NCAA Tournament. Not only is he been a dominant force in St. Mary’s first two tournament games, averaging 30.5 points and 9.5 rebounds, his interactions with the media have caused him to become one of the more potent quotables (to bastardize a category from Jeopardy) in recent tourney memory.
Oh, Bob Tebow, you Jesus-lovin’, mission-takin’, over-inflatin’ your son’s abilities-makin’ old coot.
Tim Tebow’s father, Bob (above right, in case you were confused) told Jacksonville radio station 1010XL last week that he sees no reason why his only begotten son won’t be taken in the first round in the NFL draft.
“If the Jaguars don’t take him at 10, he’ll be gone by 15. They don’t have a second round pick and if they think he’ll be around later, he won’t.”
You hear that, unbelievers? If you want Tim Tebow on your team next season, you better take him when you get your first crack at him, because he’ll be gone the next time around.
Of course, you can’t begrudge a father for being a little biased when it comes to his own son, but it is clear that the hubris frequently displayed by little Timmy was a trait passed down from his old man.
That and the creepy obsession with circumcisions, of course.
Tebow’s dad thinks son will go in top 15 picks [Pro Football Talk]
Is Tim coming here? [SamSportsLine]
Tim Tebow Has A Steady Hand, We Hope [Deadspin]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Come on in, have a look around. Could I interest you in a cold beverage, a hot sandwich, a slightly warmed-over Thai prostitute, perhaps? As you make yourself comfortable, take a moment and send some tips to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A New York City housing agency has begun receiving complaints due to a playground jungle gym that resembles a jail. Fake bars were removed as well as the word “Jail” from some Brooklyn playground equipment. One concerned parent stated that “it was like promoting kids to go to jail.” Seriously? How exactly are you promoting kids to go to jail with a jungle gym? Give them some crack and stand them on a street corner, that’s a real way of promoting kids “to go to jail.” Another thing, the playground has been this way since 2004 and the agency just started to receive complaints. Makes sense. Although it does remind me of a game we used to play in my neighborhood when I was a kid: Solitary Confinement. Poor Jimmy Tompkins was never the same after that week. Sigh. [MSNBC/AP]
• Charles Barkley wore a sombrero and a poncho for Latin Night. You gotta love that guy. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Best name of a hockey player called up from the minors ever: Jamie McBain. That is, until Ranier Wolfcastle makes his NHL debut. [From the Rink]
• Riot police and pepper spray: making soccer more interesting since 1945 or whenever pepper spray was invented. [Out of Bounds]
• Is Gus Johnson the greatest announcer ever or is Gus Johnson the GREATEST ANNOUNCER EVER?!? [The Dagger]
• Erin Andrews is one affectionate gal. I speak from experience. No I don’t. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• “Ex-Stripper Fiancees, Japanese Sex Worker Cohabitation, and Herpes: Why yes, Matt Leinart IS in the KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag!” Enough said. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Here is the video of the epic fight between hockey fans you have been hearing about. Awesome. [Busted Coverage]
• Don’t read this story if you have never had a hole-in-one. Actually read it and become more bitter. Bitterness is the new happy. [Devil Ball Golf]
• I agree: Cheech & Chong should have stayed in the ’70s. Harsh. [Uncoached]
• Because 49 would have been over-the-top: here’s 48 photos of UFC Ring Girl Arianny Celeste. Yamma hamma. [Total Pro Sports]
• Tina Fey impersonating Tracy Morgan? Yes please. [Warming Glow]
• One more reason not to watch TLC: Sarah Palin reality show. I wonder if she will be hunting that family from Little People, Big World from a helicopter. I might watch that. [TV Squad]
• If I may, allow me to take a moment and point out that the always-superb Bootlegger Sports has one of the best photos of Japanese girl underboob I have ever seen in their link dump this morning. [Bootlegger Sports]
• I’m not sure what exactly is going on here, but here is an amusing video, “My Pick NCAA Bracket Rap.” Weird stuff. [TAUNTR]
• Hey, it’s Sexy Ballgirl Time! [Outside the Boxscore]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Ghost of Anne Frank: ‘Stop Reading My Diary
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (March 25th)
Posted by:• Ladies and gentlemen, but mostly the guys, meet Meredith Markovits, ESPN 1050′s new hire to cover the New York Yankees. Yum. [Busted Coverage]
• Oops. Video surveillance footage from the Capital City club where Ben Roethlisberger’s alleged sexual assault took place was mysteriously overwritten. I smell conspiracy. Or is that freshly-baked cookies? Huh. [The Sporting Blog]
• The New York Rangers in 3D was reportedly a rousing success. [Puck Daddy]
• According to Forbes.com, the St. Louis Rams are making the residents of the city more miserable. [Joe Sports Fan]
• This is why Rolling Stone magazine should stick to music: writer ranks Kobe Bryant the third-best NBA player, behind LeBron and Kevin Durant. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Oh, Sandra Bullock – go ahead and taste the sweet, delicious irony of your comments regarding Tiger Woods. [Out of Bounds]
• As I have documented from time to time here on this fine blog, the Ozzie Guillen Twitter account is a constant source of amusement. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• Sweet Jesus, Butter Chicken has been writing like a madman lately. He’s the frickin’ epitome of prolificosity, if that were a word. [Food Court Lunch]
• Lingerie Football League players were punished for wearing too many clothes during a photo shoot. Goddamn right. [Guyism]
• NFL players swearing? Well I never! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Nobody loves John Daly anymore, don’t invite him to tournaments. [Devil Ball Golf]
• At least one hot little hussy is excited for Pittsburgh Pirates baseball! [P.S.A.M.P.]
• The curious case of the NHL’s obsession with marketing Crosby vs. Ovechkin. [From the Rink]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Report: $14 Trillion Spent Annually On Trying To Look Cool
Years from now, when a show is shut down after only three episodes, industry insiders will say the program got “Artie Langed.” And then they will laugh and laugh.
Nevertheless, we hardly knew ye, Joe Buck Live. Now dry those tears, friends. Some things are supposed to last forever and others are meant to burn white-hot but for a moment before fading away, leaving us with only memories of what could have been.
Sadly, for the Joe Buck Live show, at least according to the Buckman, the time for it to end is nigh.
And of course, Buck was at his arrogant, egotistical best when discussing the show’s likely demise with a St. Louis radio station. Via Sports Media Watch:
“I don’t know that HBO is too excited about having more talk shows,” Buck said, “I think there’s been kind of a shift in the philosophy there and where that show ends up in the wash, we’ll find out.”
Buck was seemingly nonchalant about the show’s uncertain future, noting that since there were only “nine more months on that contract,” it was not “that big of a deal either way.”
Buck added that he “won’t really miss” the show if it is indeed cancelled, as there was “a lot more effort and hassle than I ever expected.”
What a friggin’ douche. Do you know what I “won’t really miss” if it were to ever mercifully occur? Joe Buck’s smarmy face on my television screen half-assing his way through announcing NFL and MLB games. Buck acts partially interested in broadcasting the games at best most of the time and his little nonchalant shtick seems to illustrate he believes his main gig as Alpha Broadcaster on Fox is “a lot more effort and hassle” to him as well.
Here’s an idea for you, Joe Buck. Go die in a fire, you smug, gigantic-foreheaded fuckstick.
Joe Buck Live May Be Over; Buck Says He “Won’t Really Miss It” [Sports Media Watch]
Watch Artie Lange Crap All Over Joe Buck’s First Show [Deadspin]
Sure, the doctor says he’s got a bad back, but the complicated surgical procedure known as a backiotomy will not be necessary after Derrick Lee sustained a minor back injury when a chair he was sitting on in the clubhouse broke.
“He was eating before the game and the chair just collapsed on him,” manager Lou Piniella said. “That’s why we got him out of there after three innings.”
I imagine I do not need to tell you how many injuries are suffered each year in this country as a result of people dining with their plates in their laps. It’s an epidemic, trust me. That’s what TV trays are for people!
Seriously, only the Cubs, man.
Cubs’ Lee recovering from freak back injury [Chicago Tribune]
This video was uploaded to YouTube over a year ago, but it’s new to me and it’s awesome so there you go.
Where to begin with the awesomeness of this video? The man’s pitiful first attempt at sliding down over the bikini-clad Japanese ladies? The manner in which he reaches out blindly as he makes his way over each girl, perhaps secretly hoping for some groping goodness?
All I know is that I am insanely jealous of that Japanese man in the video as well as any other contestant who ever competed on this show. Although I’m pretty sure after my first attempt I would unfortunately have to slide down on my back the next time, lest I seriously injure myself and experience severe internal bleeding due to an unfortunate erection deflection.
[H/T TV Squad]
Joe Morgan Is A Terrible, Selfish Father
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Just when you thought there couldn’t be more reasons not to like ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball analyst Joe Morgan, the San Francisco Chronicle comes out with a story detailing his possessive, iron-fisted control over his daughters that at the very least deprived one of his daughters a chance at realizing her Olympic dream.
Both of Morgan’s twin daughters, Ashley (above) and Kelly, excel at sports, but Ashley in particular is an incredibly gifted athlete. She is currently attending Stanford University and competing at a high level on their gymnastics team. Ashley’s love for the sport developed at an early age and she had so much potential, an opportunity to compete in the Olympics was a distinct possibility. But unfortunately for Ashley, her mean old dad put the kibosh on that, stamping out her dreams in one heartless move.
From the time she was 8, Ashley was committed to gymnastics. But when she had a chance to get on the Olympic track and train full time in Houston, her parents shot down the idea.
“That wasn’t us,” Joe said. “Family is everything.” Plus, he didn’t want her to be home-schooled, as many Olympic hopefuls are. “I believe you learn social skills by mixing with people,” he said.
Jerk. Face it, as far as social skills were concerned, both of Morgan’s daughters were already at a distinct disadvantage to begin with, given the fact that Joe Morgan was their father – seriously, look at the guy – but does that mean he had to heartlessly crush Ashley’s dreams? I think not. What occurred here wasn’t as simple as the importance of family. No no no. You see, Joe Morgan, if he is anything, is a rabid egomaniac. There was no way he would have been able to share the spotlight by having one of his daughters in the Olympics. Crap, he’s probably pissed off she actually made it to Stanford.
Joe Morgan’s daughter stars as Stanford gymnast [San Francisco Chronicle (via The Big Lead)]
During an interview for Sporting News with Marc-Andre Fleury, a question posed by Craig Custance elicits this response from the Pittsburgh Penguins goaltender:
It’s always special to see Sid and Ovi going at it.
No sir, that ain’t right. I almost feel bad for taking said quote out of context simply due to the possibility of what frightening imagery could be conjured up from doing so. Not that we need to carry this out any further, but my guess is that with any occasion when Alexander Ovehckin is “going at it,” as it were, it would likely uncomfortably resemble a scene from Quest for Fire, only without a painted-up Rae Dawn Chong.
Mental bleach, anyone?
Penguins G Marc-Andre Fleury: ‘Always special to see Sid and Ovi going at it’ [Sporting News]
“You’re a very bad man, Jeremy Fowler. Very bad!” (wags finger)
Orlando Sentinel reporter Jeremy Fowler drew the ire from Florida Gators head coach Urban Meyer for, you know, reproducing a quote verbatim made by one of Meyer’s players in an article.
The face-to-face confrontation between reporter and coach all stems from an article by Fowler published on Monday where he quoted Gators wide receiver Deonte Thompson’s not-so-complimentary comments about Tim Tebow when discussing new Gators QB John Brantely:
You never know with Tim,” Thompson said. “You can bolt, you think he’s running but he’ll come up and pass it to you. You just have to be ready at all times. With Brantley, everything’s with rhythm, time. You know what I mean, a real quarterback.”
Thompson apparently is apparently embarrassed and regrets making the comment – which is his right, even though he has not claimed he was misquoted – but that wasn’t good enough for Meyer. Below is Fowler’s account of what transpires in the above video from an article published yesterday evening:
Players were not available after practice, but instead of coming to field questions about the workout, Meyer beelined toward me.
He was coming to defend Thompson.
He was coming to tell me I’m a “bad guy.”
“You’ll be out of practice — you understand that? — if you do that again,” said Meyer, while a couple of spectators still sat in the stands. “I told you five years ago: Don’t mess with our players. Don’t do it. You did it. You do it one more time and the Orlando Sentinel’s not welcome here ever again. Is that clear? It’s yes or no.” (finger pointing toward the face)
“Urban, come on. Don’t make any threats,” I said. “That’s fine. I’ll play by rules. But all I was doing is quoting the guy. I don’t think I was the only one.”
“You’re a bad guy, man,” Meyer said. “You’re a bad guy.”
After Meyer made the comment about what he would do if Thompson was his son and told me to “be very careful,” he located his daughter, Nicki, who was 20 yards away. Seconds later, they both turned in our direction and Meyer pointed toward me.
So there you have it. Urban Meyer thinks Jeremy Fowler is a very bad man for doing his job. That’ll learn ‘em.
But Coach Meyer should watch himself and his behavior more closely, with the stress-related heart trouble and all. I thought we would see a calmer, more composed Meyer after his health scare. You know, an “Urban Renewal,” if you will.
Jeremy Fowler: Why Urban Meyer says I’m a “bad guy” [Orlando Sentinel]
Florida Gators WR Deonte Thompson sounds happy to usher in post-Tebow era [Orlando Sentinel]
