Archive for March, 2010
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, complaints, threats, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• A woman in custody for public intoxication has been accused of assaulting a female deputy by squirting breast milk in her face. Yep. [MSNBC/AP]
• Versus believes Steven Stamkos is Corey Perry, then spells his name wrong. Versus! [Puck Daddy]
• The Keith Olbermann-Bill Simmons war of words is getting out of hand, but remains awesome. [Deadspin]
• Jonah Hill is rumored to be the actor who will portray Paul DePodesta in Moneyball. [FirstCuts]
• Muhammad Ali dropped in on the Padres camp. [Big League Stew]
• BC is not a fan of Dan LeBatard. [Busted Coverage]
• Brooklyn Decker is too sexy to be on an airplane? [Hotties in Cleats]
• Fred Couples will likely end up as the greatest Champions Tour player ever. At least until I join it in 20 years. It could happen. [Devil Ball Golf]
• More on Mark Calcavecchia’s comments regarding Tiger’s cell phone number changes. [Out of Bounds]
• If you haven’t seen Jonas Gutierrez’s Spider-Man goal celebration yet, here it is. [Outside the Boxscore]
• A reference to Kakfa’s The Metamorphosis in a “Better Know A Draft Pick” post? Excellent. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Disabled Athlete Likes It When Opponents Go Easy On Him
Despite the presence of more regionally-fitting choices of ballpark fare (walleye-on-a-stick, anyone? yum!) that will be available at Target Field when the Twins open up their new stadium next month (only 35 days away – YAY!), perhaps no announcement will be greeted with more enthusiasm than the fact that there will be four separate hot dog offerings for sale at the new ballpark. There is no single food item that I can better equate with going to a baseball game than a good old-fashioned hot dog.
Unfortunately, the Dome Dogs, a fan favorite which were sold at the Metrodome will not be available at Target Field as they were produced by Hormel and the Twins have formed a partnership with rival Schweigert (who previously were the supplier of the hot dogs at the Twins’ original ballpark, Metropolitan Stadium) to provide the blended tongues-and-snouts (or lips-and-assholes, depending on the day at the slaughterhouse) encased items of deliciousness.
A look at the four varieties of hot dogs, via the Star Tribune:
Original Twins Dog: A traditional pork and beef hot dog, it will be made from the same recipe as the ones served in the team’s first ballpark – Metropolitan Stadium – and will be available at many of the park’s concession stands.
Twins Big Dog: The quarter-pound all-beef dog will officially replace the Dome Dog and will be served at portable grills and select concessions stands. As with the Dome Dog, chips are included.
Dugout Dog: An old-fashion pork and beef hot dog in a natural casing, it will be sold in the stands by retro-attired vendors. The dogs will be steamed in vending boxes and placed in a bun when ordered, not pre-wrapped.
Dinger Dog: This extra-long pork and beef dog will also be available at select Hennepin Grille locations at Target Field.
Mouth drooling. Stomach growling. Heart palpitating. Left arm…numbing. Uh oh.
Twins to sell Schweigert hot dogs at Target Field [Star Tribune]
Target Field to feature wide-ranging fare [Minnesota Twins Official Site]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (March 8th)
Posted by:
• The next-gen Tecmo Bowl is going to be awesome, but is it going to change the way in which video games are made and sold? [With Leather]
• How does Steve Williams still have a job after his critical comments about his boss, Tiger Woods? [Trailing Tiger]
• For $4,350, you – yes you – could own a chunk of wall from Yankee Stadium autographed by 62 Yankees. What a deal. [FirstCuts]
• What some NFLers might say if asked about Obama’s health care plan. [Shutdown Corner]
• Howard Stern’s Tiger Woods mistress beauty pageant is almost here! [Out of Bounds]
• Speaking of Tiger, is he promoting a new fragrance or something? [Devil Ball Golf]
• On this day in 1994, John Kruk had one of his testicles removed. (shifts uncomfortably in chair) [The700Level]
• General Tao wants you to know that Hollywood bigshots are so much better than you. [Food Court Lunch]
• Oh Peter King, you are such a moron. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Matt Lauer tried to interview American Olympic hero Ryan Miller on The Today Show this morning. [Puck Daddy]
• Holy crap, there is NFL content on Hulu now? [Pro Football Talk]
• Quite the mysterious photo from Seattle Mariners training camp. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
Wait, Tim Tebow Is Only 15 Years Old?
Posted by:
This must be some kind of mistake because I cannot see how the NFL would allow him to get drafted in the fifth round this spring if it were true.
According to the below quote from Tebow himself during an interview with WJXL in Jacksonville, Tebow wouldn’t mind playing for the team because he has been a fan of the Jacksonville Jaguars his “whole life”:
I would. It’s here at home and I would enjoy that. I have been a Jaguar fan my whole life. I have enjoyed being here in my hometown and watching the Jaguars play. Getting an opportunity to play for them would be a blessing for me and a privilege for me to be able to stay in my hometown and play here.
I notice he is sticking with “everything is a blessing” routine. That’s nice, but there is one problem with what Tebow said: since the Jaguars didn’t begin playing in the NFL until they joined the league as an expansion team in 1995, that alone means that either Tim Tebow is a liar or a very mature 15-year-old. Since I cannot fathom the thought that Tim Tebow would ever lie, that means he must be 15. Crazy stuff.
Oh, I know what you’re thinking: give the guy a break, Weed. Obviously, he didn’t mean his “whole life” literally. It’s just a manner of speaking. Okay then, smarty pants, how about this quote?
“My favorite team growing up was the Dallas Cowboys. I was a huge Emmitt Smith fan because he was a Gator and an awesome running back. So I was a huge Cowboy fan. After he left, it died down from there. I have only had three jerseys in my entire life: Emmitt Smith, Danny Wuerffel and Michael Jordan.”
I see how it is – he was a Jaguars fan his “entire life” but his favorite team was the Dallas Cowboys? So, which one is it, Tim? a lifelong Jaguars fan or a die-hard Cowboys fan? That’s an egregious display of double-dipping fandom if you ask me. Yep, Tebow is one of “those guys.” You know the kind.
Once again, I know you think I should just lay off Tebow. It’s just an interview, right?
And to that I have this reply: if I can’t overreact and rip on Tim Tebow for some innocuous remarks he made to a podunk radio station in Florida due to a couple of technicalities and some fallacious reasoning, what’s the point of having a sports blog in the first place?
And the answer to that question is: none. No reason whatsoever.
Thank you and good day.
Tim Tebow Wants to Play for Jacksonville; Thinks Urban Meyer will be Back for Spring [Sports Radio Interviews]
(previously at the Sportress: It’s A Blessing To Know That Tim Tebow Feels So Blessed)
Last week, as you may have seen here at the Sportress, Emmitt Smith laid a verbal beatdown on Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder during an interview with SLAM Magazine. Smith, when discussing his extreme dislike of the Washington Redskins and the joy he felt when the Cowboys beat them, told the magazine said joy was only increased after Snyder assumed ownership of the team. In a way only Emmitt Smith can said it, the former Cowboys running back blamed his feelings regarding Snyder on the pride wearing itself on the owner’s forehead:
“And he’s not a compassionate person, not a compassionate person at all from what I understand. And that makes me just want to pummel somebody. You know, you hate to see pride, wearing itself on his forehead and his chest. And to me, arrogance sticks out like a sore thumb when you talk about him. And the lack of compassion for others is a problem. Because it’s not that hard to be compassionate; you just choose to.”
BAM! Now that’s a nice rip right there. Snyder’s retort to Smith’s claim that he has a prideful forehead and chest (whatever that means) was not quite as good.
“I applaud Emmitt Smith’s induction into the NFL Hall of Fame and, from what I understand, he’s a heck of a dancer. I think we’ve only met once briefly at an NFL function in 2000. I will say, however, that I like to think of myself as being a compassionate person, except toward the Dallas Cowboys.”
Ugh. Lame. With that sort of comeback suckitude, these guys are never going to end up facing each other in a steel cage match as this rate. Man up, Snyder!
Emmitt Smith slams Redskins’ Dan Snyder in ‘SLAM’ … owner fires back [The Huddle]
(previously at the Sportress: Emmitt Smith Thinks Dan Snyder Is A Devourable, Disgreatful Person
lAt least that is what can be inferred from what the Yankees closer said after throwing his first round of live batting practice earlier today:
“I feel outstanding,” Rivera said after his 34-pitch session to minor-leaguers. “Delicious. Bueno.”
Mmmm-mmmmm! Yummy. Interestingly, do you want to know how I feel today? Aromatic. Like a fresh bulb of garlic, I tell ya.
Anyway, good for Rivera for feeling so great, despite his unique way of putting it. I bet if he could, Mariano would eat his liver with some fava beans and nice Chianti.
Yankees closer Mariano Rivera feeling ‘delicious’ after throwing first live batting practice session [New York Daily News]
Here you go.
To each their own, I say. Some people can get off to some crazy stuff. I have heard stories about guys who actually rub one out while looking at photos of Cindy Brunson playing backgammon, for crying out loud.
Not me, of course. I’m more of a “Cindy Brunson playing Parcheesi” kind of guy. Call me a little odd, but I find the “Royal Game of India” to be incredibly erotic.
Okay, ESPN female anchor masturbatory references aside, Miss Cohn had a wonderful time playing hockey at the Pond in Anaheim Sunday, as evidenced by her comments on Twitter:
What a blast! Good news I stopped 41 shots. Bad news we lost 9-1. Sending pix soon. Watch late Sportscenter tonight. Think I made Top plays!
Ooh, pics, you say? Kinky.
Linda Cohn is a custodian of the cord cottage [Game On!]
…an outlaw or a leader, and he’s thinking about power. The ways a man can use it or be destroyed by it, he slips on the floor and he’s pissing on himself.
Standing in the shower…thinking.
Yes, the fact that Portland Trail Blazers center Joel Przybilla, (who was already out for the season anyway), slipped in the shower in his home and ruptured his right patella tendon, while an amusing anecdote – at least for everyone not named Joel Przybilla – really isn’t that much of a story.
I guess what I’m implying here is that is very likely that most people could give a rat’s ass about Joel Przybilla, despite the somewhat ridiculous nature by which he re-injured his right patella tendon. Moreover, how do you slip in the shower? I figure there is some statistic out there that claims something like over 20,000 people are seriously injured in the shower in the United States every year or some such nonsense, but be honest: have you ever come into contact with one of these people in your life? Unless an individual is elderly or an infirm person, there is no justifiable explanation for them to ever slip and fall in the shower except for being a colossal klutz.
Be that as it may, I will tell you this: there was no way I was passing up the opportunity to make a Jane’s Addiction “Standing in the Shower…Thinking” reference. Sorry, that’s just the way it is, man.
Blazers center Przybilla ruptures tendon again [AP]
Here is a simple formula that illustrates how wrong it is that on Monday in New York City, Joe Morgan will present Bud Selig with an award during Jackie Robinson Foundation’s 2010 Robie Awards, which are hosted by Bill Cosby.
Nightmare Fuel = -(Bill Cosby’s senility) ±[(Bud Selig's smugness) x (Joe Morgan's essence)]
2a
* where “a” equals the amount of times I would rather punch myself in the face than attend this gala.
Sure, some of the variables in the above formula are not quantifiable in a mathematical sense, but I think you get the picture here.
Selig will be honored “for his commitment and contributions to baseball for more than 40 years.”
What is this? Bizarro World or something?
Selig to receive humanitarian award [Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel]
Robson Rocha Costa, a 23-year-old Brazilian futsal player, died from hemorrhagic shock Sunday in Sao Paolo after a piece of the wooden floor which futsal is played on broke off and struck him in the abdomen.
Witnesses say Costa was hurt after a sliding play near the end line. A small piece of the court apparently came off as he was sliding, initially hitting his thigh and then making it to his intestines.
Costa was immediately taken to a hospital and underwent surgery, but succumbed to his injuries.
Yeesh.
Futsal, according to the always-reliable Wikipedia, is a variation of indoor soccer where “the game is played on a hard court surface delimited by lines; walls or boards are not used. Futsal is also played with a smaller ball with less bounce than a regulation football.”
This is the first time I have ever heard of the game, but I’m not much of follower of soccer to begin with, so there you go. I guess you learn something new every day, and that particular nugget of knowledge is don’t ever play futsal in Brazil on a shoddy, dilapidated playing surface. I guess with that and discovering what fustal is, I have already learned two things today, and now I need a nap.
Brazilian futsal player killed when piece of court breaks off and pierces him [Sporting News/AP]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Bear with us, we have a major Oscars hangover. Yep, way too many reruns of The Odd Couple and Sesame Street. If you would like to share your favorite Oscar the Grouch stories, shoot me an e-mail at weedagainstspeed@gmail.com, or just send tips.
• It’s in the meat, people. A chili cook-off, a murder mystery show and free limo rides are among the activities planned by the Devanny-Condron Funeral Home in Pittsfield, Massachusetts to raise awareness that mortuaries can also be the setting of happier activities. Really? They can? [MSNBC/AP]
• Producers of the Oscars nixed Tiger Woods jokes from the broadcast. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Jimmy Kimmel doesn’t find Tony Romo handsome. Poor Tony Romo. [You Been Blinded]
• Here are the Top 10 reasons Sidney Crosby declined to appear on David Letterman. [Puck Daddy]
• It’s being reported that Tiger Woods changed his cell phone number five times last year. That’s it? [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Noted Cubs fan and Rage Against The Machine guitarist Tom Morello thinks Cubs fans are racist. [Tremendous Upside Potential]
• To get Tim Tebow’s autograph, you need $160 and four hours. Sorry, I have to watch some paint dry. [The Last Angry Fan]
• Top 10 destinations for Donovan McNabb. [Five Tool Tool]
• Dunkin Donuts coffee is worth more than Washington Wizards tickets. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• 15 great moments in brutal honesty. [Uncoached]
• The greatest boat name ever: Sex Panther. [Don Chavez]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Wrestling Fan’s Comments Alternate Between Admitting It’s Fake, Forgetting It’s Fake
(Updated: as of 7:00 eastern – the first time I could check since publishing this post – it is now a story in the sidebar on the main page of ESPN.com. Despite this development, the criticisms made by me in this post regarding tWWL dubious practices remain the same)
In another surprising decision – it has to be a conscious maneuver, right? – reminiscent of the gag order tWWL placed last summer when Roethlisberger got into a bit of trouble out in Nevada with the lady who came to “fix his cable,” ESPN (at last on their website) has refused to even address the reports that Ben Roethlisberger is now being accused of sexual assault in Georgia, even though every other news outlet (sports-related, blog or otherwise) believes it to be a newsworthy item.
ESPN is once again showing their true colors. They have made it a habit to only report on items they deem worthy of reporting on. Picking and choosing what is a desirable news story should never come into play. It is – for lack of a better way of putting it and regardless of whether the accusations will hold up to more intense scrutiny – a legitimate story and other reputable news organizations (CBS News, FoxSports, ProFootball Talk, The Baldwin Bulletin, among others) are at least putting it out there for their readers.
Further, I have no earthly idea why they have chosen to protect Roethlisberger again in this instance, but they have to realize that if people aren’t getting the news from them, they are getting it somewhere else, right? Or are they that arrogant?
Yeah, they are probably that arrogant. I am sure if Roethlisberger had been accused of sexually assaulting one of Craig James’ adult children (or the adult kid of another one of their many on-air personalities), ESPN would have been all over this story like stink on shit.
Source: ESPN issues “do not report” alert on Roethlisberger story [Pro Football Talk]
(previously at the Sportress: Under The Cover Of Darkness, ESPN Finally Addresses Ben Roethlisberger Story)
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (March 5th)
Posted by:• Hoo boy. Ben Roethlisberger accused of second sexual assault. [Deadspin]
• It was a banner edition of KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Tiger has summoned swing coach Hank Haney to Orlando. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• It truly is the End of Days: Bill Simmons and Rick Reilly did a podcast. [The Big Lead]
• Photo of a broad checking out Tim Tebow’s package. Sorry honey, he’s saving it for Jesus. I meant his virginity, or course. Wait, that doesn’t make that sound any more appropriate at all. [Busted Coverage]
• Here’s the inside scoop regarding the KSU assistant coach/porn star story. [Out of Bounds]
• NASCAR guy (I think) Darrel Waltrip thought Tim Tebow stole his car. [With Leather]
• Why yes, the monopoly Topps has over the baseball card industry is going quite splendidly, thanks for asking. [Walkoff Walk]
• Hey, golfer guy covered in cactus? You’re doing it wrong. [Total Pro Sports]
• Nightmare fuel involving a video of a women discussing “penis power” and “vagina power.” Yowsers. [Uncoached]
In an interview with SLAM magazine, Emmitt Smith did not hold back when discussing the joy he felt throughout his career when the Cowboys beat the Washington Redskins, in particular after Dan Snyder took ownership of the team.
Why? Because of Snyder’s prideful forehead, of course.
“And he’s not a compassionate person, not a compassionate person at all from what I understand. And that makes me just want to pummel somebody. You know, you hate to see pride, wearing itself on his forehead and his chest. And to me, arrogance sticks out like a sore thumb when you talk about him. And the lack of compassion for others is a problem. Because it’s not that hard to be compassionate; you just choose to.”
Wow, there’s quite a bit going on in that quote. We would need to hire several world-renowned experts in the field of linguistics to truly get to the bottom of exactly what Emmitt is trying to say here.
At the same time, preach on Emmitt – or whatever it is you are doing – because who doesn’t hate people that wear pride like it’s something to do?
Emmitt Smith slams Daniel Snyder [D.C. Sports Bog]
Shake your groove thing, Miss Erin! Shake it like there’s no tomorrow!
You know, I’m happy for Erin Andrews. I think her stint on Dancing With The Stars is just what the doctor ordered for her to move on with her life after the year she just went through. As you recall, the Sportress had news yesterday regarding what her partner, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, had to say about the way she walked – hopefully he has wised up a bit after working with her a little bit more.
Busted Coverage has even more photos of the sultry sideline siren practicing her moves, so shoot on over there and take them all in.
All I can say is that I know what I’ll be doing this evening now. Well, it looks like it’s you, me and a box of Kleenex tonight, bottle of Jergens®.
What?I have dry, cracked feet and a bit of a runny nose. God, you people are sick.
Erin Andrews Dancing With The Stars Photos [Busted Coverage]
(previously at the Sportress: ‘Dancing With The Stars’ Partner Thinks Erin Andrews Walks Like She Has A Penis
