Archive for March, 2010
Granted, I am not what one considers “learned” in the scientific method, but that is the only conclusion I can come to after Ivory Williams, an American sprinter withdrew from the IIAF Championships this weekend in Qatar after testing positive for marijuana. Williams was a favorite in the 60 meters and not only will he be able to compete this weekend, but his victory in the event at the U.S. Championships will also be taken away.
Ray Flynn, the sprinter’s manager, believes the positive result was from a test during the U.S. Championships.
“It is unfortunate,” Flynn said. “It was poor judgment and he acknowledges that and to my knowledge has accepted the A sample (as positive).”
Weed, huh? Interesting. I am all for getting rid of performance-enhancing drugs in athletic competition, but can marijuana technically be described as such? Not that every person that smokes grass fulfills the stereotype of the lazy dude sitting on the couch watching cartoons and eating Doritos, but I imagine after smoking a bowl, Williams probably wasn’t terribly pumped up to race – it is much more likely he would have preferred to just, um, sit on the couch, watch cartoons and eat Doritos.
Man, I wish I was home right now.
Williams tests positive for marijuana [Reuters]
Just when Chris Berman believed he owned every piece of apparel ever made by casual attire outfitters Tommy Bahama, the company goes and pulls a stunt like this…
And totally redeems itself!
That’s right, Tommy Bahama will release in April an exclusive line of limited-edition, Major League Baseball-endorsed camp shirts. Retailing at $250 a pop (what a steal!), Berman will be set back $2,000 (plus shipping and handling, of course) to order one shirt for each of the following eight ballclubs: Boston Red Sox, Chicago White Sox, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, Los Angeles Dodgers, New York Yankees, Philadelphia Phillies, Seattle Mariners, and St. Louis Cardinals. Sorry fans of the other 22 teams, Tommy Bahama ain’t making shirts for those teams.
More photos of Chris “You’re With Me, Tommy” Berman and the new shirts after the jump.
Get out of my dreams, get into my hearse?
Wow, that’s just horribly inappropriate. But you can’t fault me for lack of accuracy.
Anyhoo, in light of the gone-far-before-their-time demises of both Corey Haim and before him, Andrew Koenig (a/k/a Boner from Growing Pains) a few weeks ago, it’s been a tough month for teen stars who grew up in front of us in the ’80s. Not only that, when tragedies like these occur, it causes me – and people my age, I reckon – to realize how long ago those halcyon days of Generra shirts, friendship pins and Martha Quinn (can’t forget about Martha Quinn) are now and how much further back in the rear view mirror our youth is at this point, causing us to feel even older than we usually do – which is pretty goddamn old.
And yet, while we mourn the untimely passing of these two young men, it is perhaps relevant to point out that these celebrity deaths usually come in threes. I’m hesitant to ask – but I will anyway – who’s next?
If I had to guess, I’d put my money on Joey Lawrence. Which in a way would be alright. That guy is already dead on the inside.
Be forewarned, NFL sinners, Kurt Warner is likely to be coming to a television screen near you, preaching the Good Word of Jesus-friendly football analysis.
Which begs the question, given Warner’s predilection for Christian-themed pontificating, wouldn’t Warner be a better fit providing NFL analysis on a show more fitting with his belief system, say, The 700 Club on the Christian Broadcasting Network? You know, as opposed to slumming it with godless heathens like Berman, Bradshaw, or, God forbid, James Brown?
No, I’m serious. JB is a true-life, Pentagram-worshiping, baby-sacrificing Satanist. Don’t believe me? Look it up.
JB’s insatiable bloodlust for evil and depravity aside, Warner did address his potential future involvement with the NFL during an interview with USA Today.
“I don’t think there’s any question, I’ll probably be doing something in the fall (as an analyst) to some degree,” Warner said.
“It’s just a matter of right now trying to figure how extensive that’s going to be.”
As you may recall, Warner retired from football after this past season. He went with the tried-and-true reason of wanting to “spend more time with his family.” Not surprisingly, Warner has likely realized that the grass isn’t necessarily greener on the other side of the fence. This happens to these professional athletes all too frequently. They think how wonderful it is going to be to wake up every morning, fix the kids breakfast and drive them to school.
Reality begins to sink in after a couple of weeks or months, when dragging their sorry ass out of bed every morning, feeding the little bastards a Pop Tart (“No, you will eat them cold and you will like it”), scrambling around the house to get them ready so he can cart their ungrateful asses back and forth to school only to have to drive them to their “how many of these can one child be involved in?” activities isn’t quite as appealing as he thought. Before he knows it, the lure of being away from home 90% of the time doesn’t look quite so bad.
The surprising part is you wouldn’t expect this sort of spiteful attitude out of a God-fearing guy like Kurt Warner. But it happens. It happens.
Kurt Warner: No question he’ll be working as an NFL TV analyst this year [USA Today]
BAM!
Here is a delightfully painful-to-watch video of one poor woman’s experience of getting drilled in the head by the ball while trying to leg out an infield single during a co-ed league softball game.
Before all of you politically correct bozos out there get all up in arms about it, just so you know, the title of this post isn’t some dig about girls participating in sports. Allow me to explain: I did a little research on the individuals involved in the incident and I have learned that there was some bad blood between the shortstop who threw the ball and the girl who unfortunately got plunked. Apparently, while at a party – without permission, mind you – put in his Huey Lewis & The News CD. That’s what I meant by “play Sports.”
That sort of aggression cannot stand. Therefore, the retaliation was warranted. Sorry to say it, but she deserved it.
[H/T Busted Coverage]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. We here at the Sportress are not afraid of getting sued by Lindsay Lohan for $100 million, so we will continue to call her names – like jizzaholic, for instance – without fear of consequence. If you have any creative suggestions for derogatory ways to refer to that skank, or have some tips, shoot me an e-mail at weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• Chef Daniel Angerer has begun serving up a cheese made out of his wife’s breast milk at his New York City restaurant, Klee Brasserie. On his website, Angerer wrote, “We are fortunate to have plenty of pumped mommy’s milk on hand, and we even freeze a good amount of it. Our small freezer ran out of space. To throw it out would be like wasting gold.” This marks the second day in a row that the Wake N’ Blog bizarre story of the day was about human breast milk. I can’t wait for tomorrow. [MSNBC]
• Ichiro loves his Punch-Out! on the Wii. [First Cuts]
• Ochocinco went positively medieval on Colin Cowherd’s ass via Twitter yesterday. I like it – Cowherd is a Grade-A Douchetard. [Out of Bounds]
• Brett Favre isn’t as famous in Abu Dhabi as you would think. [You Been Blinded]
• In a poll, 55% of Jacksonville Jaguars 800 season ticket holders polled don’t want the team to draft Tim Tebow. Fifty-five percent, eh? If you extrapolate that out to the entire season ticket fan base, what is 55%? Like 600 people? [Shutdown Corner]
• Houston Rockets forward Shane Battier is not a highly-skilled karaoke singer. [Last Angry Fan]
• Good question: Why Does the USGA Have to Fall on a Sword for Ping? [Waggle Room]
• Oh dear. Mike Dunleavy has been fired by the Los Angeles Clippers. Again. [Guyism]
• The nation of South Africa needs one billion condoms for the upcoming World Cup. Yowsers. [No Guts, No Glory]
• Robert DeNiro will portray Vince Lombardi in an upcoming film produced by ESPN. [With Leather]
• Keanu Reeves has said a Bill & Ted’s sequel is a possibility. Well, you should always strike while the iron is hot, I guess. [FilmDrunk]
• The debate regarding whether the toilet seat should be left up or down is officially resolved. [Uncoached]
• Some totally awesome It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia animated gifs. [Warming Glow]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: National Organization For Women Turns 39 Again
Yes, it’s about that time once again for a bunch of bloggers with no lives to crowd into a virtual game room and engage in a curling tournament. Sounds exciting, doesn’t it?
Well, for those of you who do not find online curling tournaments engaging, here are some items to help you pass the time this evening. Enjoy.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (March 9th)
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• Uh-oh, Joe Buck and his wife are separating. I have been meaning to get to this story the past couple of days, but my douchetrometer has been malfunctioning, and we all know you can’t write a good Joe Buck story without a trusty douchetrometer. [With Leather]
• KSK has the digs on what really happened in that bathroom in Georgia. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Holy crap! Tiger and Elin were spotted kissing! Now she’s infected with horndogorrhea! [Out of Bounds]
• Twins closer Joe Nathan might be shut down for season for Tommy John surgery. I don’t wanna talk about it. [Big League Stew]
• Dan Levy chimes in on the Bill Simmons-Keith Olbermann kerfuffle. [The Sporting Blog]
• My favorite interweb feature: FCL finishes the headline. [Food Court Lunch]
• This is the saddest shoe commercial ever. The fact that Bill Walton is in it makes that fact even more perplexing. THROW IT DOWN, BIG MAN! THROW IT DOWN! [Ball Don't Lie]
• Awwww, how cute. “Bride” and “Groom” matching jerseys. Gag. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Brooklyn Decker looking sexy (as usual) in a Portuguese magazine? Yes please. [Busted Coverage]
• Here is some A-Rod-as-centaur-themed LSUfreek animated .gif goodness. [The Sporting Blog]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Uh-Oh, Annoying Coworker Going To Tell You Why IndyCar Racing Completely Different From NASCAR
C’mon, people! Send me some tips at weedagainstspeed@gmail.com- isn’t it abundantly obvious that I need the help?
Here we have a scene from the rom-com classic: When Gary Met Sidney. Frickin’….awesome.
Yep, it’s Round 2 of Puck Daddy’s “Sidney Crosby’s Golden Roar” photoshop contest and the submissions are getting better with each passing round.
Here are a few samples. Head on over to Puck Daddy for the complete gallery.
Sidney Crosby golden roar reader art contest, Gallery No. 2 [Puck Daddy]
(previously at the Sportress) Begun, The Sidney Crosby Photoshop War Has
Yeah, I have really come to appreciate Rodman’s work on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew as well. So emotional, yet so…understated.
Actually, Ron Artest is referring to Rodman’s time as an crazy-hairstyling, erratically-behaving basketball player, not The Worm’s most recent career choice of becoming a reality show buffoon. And yest, I believe “reality show buffoon” is now considered a legitimate entry on a person’s résumé. Only in America.
During an interview with ESPN 1000 in Chicago, Artest was asked if his most recent hairstyle was a tribute to Dennis Rodman:
Well, you can’t compare me to a man with five rings, first off. But I’ve never shied away from the Dennis Rodman question.
A lot of people say, “Yeah, I like Dennis Rodman,” but they don’t really mean that. I’m a big Dennis Rodman fan. I’ve been a Rodman fan since 1998 when he was in all his controversy, so that’s never going to change.
Don’t you tell me what I mean, Ron Artest! I liked Dennis Rodman even before he was all in his controversy, so there!
Speaking of Artest’s multilingual hairdo that he debuted on Sunday, here is how the Lakers oddball nonsensically explained his decision to go with the radical makeover:
“Yeah it’s definitely called a hair “don’t.” We was on ABC, I wanted to give the people something special, so I thought that would be the most coolest thing to do. I wanted to put the Lakers in my hair ‘cause I like to put the Lakers in my head, but this time why not just put defense. I usually just do Chinese, the time before I put Chinese and Korean, but my friend said why not put it in all the nationalities. We only had room for three, so we went with Japanese, Hindi on the back of my head, and Hebrew on the front and top of my head so to speak, so it was fun.”
“I wanted to put the Lakers in my hair ‘cause I like to put the Lakers in my head…”? What does that even mean? Oh yeah, that’s right – Artest had the Lakers logo literally shaved into his head. I don’t know how I could have forgotten about that.
Never A Dull Moment With Ron Artest [Sports Radio Interviews]
Ron Artest: Championship caliber haircut [Lakers Blog]
Hello, Na’vi.
You know, I have always dreamed of having Clark Kellogg in my living room, but not like this.
Great news for those of you who have already plunked down thousands of dollars to buy one of those newfangled 3D televisions – or intend to do so in next month – CBS has announced it will provide 3D coverage of this year’s Final Four games.
Wait…
(takes a moment to actually read the story)
What the shit? According to this report in the USA Today, they will not be broadcasting the games for home television viewing – the games will be shown in 3D at over 100 movie theaters across the country.
Sean McManus, who oversees the network’s sports and news divisions, says the 3D coverage will be a “separate production” from the regular TV coverage.
McManus says CBS’ first 3D coverage, which will be carried in the Cinedigm theater chain, will be “more of an experiment than anything else” and is the “only” sports event that CBS now has definite plans to cover in 3D.
Now who in their right mind would think it would be fun to go sit in a movie theater and watch the Final Four? That’s just stupid, even though watching the games in 3D would be pretty sweet, I can think of other much more preferable locations to take in the games than some measly movie theater – and those locations of course all serve sweet, sweet alcohol.
Unless this Cinedigm theater chain serves booze, I ain’t interested. It’s pretty much the same reason I don’t go to church. Sorry, a friggin’ Dixie cup of wine ain’t cutting it, Padre.
CBS to present Final Four in 3D at your local theater [USA Today]
Tonight, We Invade Canada
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If we were ever to invade the great country of Canada, take over and seize all of their precious natural resources, tonight is the night. The timing could not be better, as all six Canadian NHL teams are in action tonight. As we have all learned from a lifetime of xenophobia and from reading Rick Reilly’s moronic columns on the Winter Olympics, there is little else to do north of the border other than watch hockey. Therefore, as Canada’s residents are all glued to their television sets, we could move in with minimal resistance.
Of course, I’m not saying we should invade Canada, I’m just saying that if we ever were to invade Canada, we should do it this evening.
ALL SIX CANADIAN NHL TEAMS IN ACTION TONIGHT [TSN]
Who knew writing could result in such a impressive payoff? Not me, that’s for sure. Sigh.
Casey Rogers, an 11-year-old boy from Terrell, Texas, won an essay contest sponsored by Kraft Foods and now he gets to flip the switch on April 11th that will bring down Texas Stadium.
Casey, who “was kind of nervous because my dad told me 1,000 kids would be entering,” not only won because of the quality of his essay, but also because of “the great difference he’s made in his community,” according to Eileen Sharkey Rosenfeld, a brand manager for Kraft.
A former foster child who was adopted as an infant by Russell and Shelly Rogers, founded the charity Casey’s Heart after witnessing a homeless person asking for money during a trip to downtown Dallas with his father.
“I was just like, look how great y’all helped me,” Casey said. “Why don’t I help them?”
Sounds like a great kid. He’s already contributed more to society at the age of eleven than most people will in their entire lives. And best of all, he gets to blow some shit up.
“Oh man, I’m just excited,” the Terrell sixth-grader said. “Real excited.”
Damn right. Although I have to wonder how Casey would feel about the proposal presently being considered by civic leaders that all of the homeless should be rounded up and put inside Texas Stadium before the demolition.
Nah, just kidding, of course. But you just know Jerry Jones would be up for it.
Terrell boy wins right to implode Texas Stadium with essay about helping homeless [The Dallas Morning News]
Reebok is reporting that they have received some “potential information” courtesy of a tipline regarding the whereabouts of the missing hockey stick and glove that Sidney Crosby was wearing when he scored the gold medal-clinching goal in the Olympics. The company set up the tipline and have offered a $10,000 reward to help assist in the recovery of the missing equipment.
Wait. They set up a tipline for some missing hockey equipment? What in the hell is this world coming to when a goddamn stick and glove are treated as if they are missing children or in the hands of some lunatic fugitive? Has Reebok contacted John Walsh yet? Jesus.
Len Rhodes, vice president and general manager for Reebok Hockey CCM, says the tipline is producing everything from encouraging comments to claims of “potential information.”
Crosby used the stick – a Reebok 10K Sickick II model that retails for $249 – and glove to score the overtime goal that decided the Olympic men’s hockey final against the United States on Feb. 28 in Vancouver.
This whole situation is borderline ridiculous. Not that these aren’t items which hold some value – both monetary as well as sentimental – it’s just that Reebok is going about it all wrong. What they need is a psychic on the case. I would recommend Madame Ruby. She’s good – just don’t buy into her “the stick and gloves are in the basement of the Alamo” routine.
Reebok: progress made in search for Crosby gear [Sporting News/AP]
As the most recent Ben Roethlisberger scandal continues the process of shaking itself out, perhaps it would be wise to just wait and see what the police learn after another round of questioning of Big Ben is complete. Until we hear whether or not police have the goods to charge Roethlisberger with criminal sexual assault or until at least we learn more about what happened, it might be wise to withhold judgment.
Unfortunately for Roethlisberger, one of his big time sponsors is not in the position to take a wait-and-see approach. You see, they have product to move and that product is Big Ben’s Beef Jerky. No!
In an interview with Michael McCarthy of the USA Today (via Pro Football Talk), Ty Ballou, the president and chief executive officer of Pittsburgh-based PLB Sports, which makes Big Ben’s Beef Jerky, addressed the sticky situation Roethlisberger finds himself in and how that affects the company’s bottom line.
“It’s just very concerning. Ben is a single guy. He has every right to be out doing what he’s doing. But when you’re the quarterback of any team, especially the Steelers, you have to take extra measures.
“Obviously, this is very concerning for all parties. This is the second time this has come out.
“We’ll let due process take its course. … I’m not defending Ben, and I’m not going to cast judgment. It’s just unfortunate, extremely unfortunate. Obviously, football in Western Pennsylvania is more than just football. It’s a religion.”
A troubling situation indeed, but PLB Sports will continue its business relationship with the embattled Steelers quarterback – for now. But we have to understand the predicament the company finds itself it when dealing with this matter. The beef jerky trade is a cutthroat business and PLB Sports cannot stand idly by while the face of their product keeps getting himself into trouble. Like love, beef jerky doesn’t last forever – okay, maybe jerky does last forever – but the company still faces the prospect of having tons upon tons of delicious jerky that may be potentially unsellable because the visage of Roethlisberger is on the packaging.
But I wondered how Big Ben’s Beef Jerky measures up to other jerkys in the saturated dried and chewy meat market. Not being a jerky aficionado myself, I deferred judgment to an expert on these kind of matters: BestBeefJerky.org.
Yes, there is a blog dedicated solely to beef jerky reviews. Of course, if you are interested, go to the site and see for yourself the complete review of Big Ben’s Beef Jerky, but I found one quote to be especially enlightening about the product, especially in light of Roethlisberger’s most recent scandal. In detailing the taste of the product, this particular reviewer opened with this observation:
The first thing I taste from the surface of these pieces is a sweet flavor, with a smokiness mixed in. With some sucking I get some saltiness.
Gold.
Ben Roethlisberger’s image, off-field earning power at stake [USA Today]
Big Ben Beef Jerky could go bye-bye [Pro Football Talk]
Big Ben’s Beef Jerky – Original [Best Beef Jerky]
