Sportress of Blogitude

Minor League Baseball

Minor League Team Famous For 4,800 Calorie Burger Releases New Pants-Pooping Items

You may recall all the hullabaloo last year regarding the Fifth-Third Burger (above) that was available for purchase and subsequent three-week digestion period at Western Michigan Whitecaps games. For those of you who missed it, the Fifth-Third Burger consisted of “five one-third pound hamburger patties, chili, nacho cheese, Fritos, salsa, lettuce, tomato and sour cream on an 8-inch sesame seed bun.”

Mmmm…ravenous over-gorging…

Well, that testament to gastrointestinal gluttony was a great jumping-off point for the two new items that will be available from the Whitecaps beginning April 11th at Fifth Third Ballpark. The two new items were selected out of a possible ten gutbomb disasters after more than 23,000 votes were cast by folks who appear to be more than happy to go along with it while a minor league baseball team’s concession stands slowly kill them.

Behold, in first place with 6,984 votes, the Cudighi Yooper Sandwich:

Sweet mercy, look at that thing!

The tasty treat is a “spicy sausage patty smothered in cheese, pizza sauce, peppers and onions.” Ouch.

Moving on, coming in second place with 6,982 votes (talk about a close race – almost as close of a race as when two people who indulge on these items have to run to the nearest toilet while holding their buttcheeks) is the cleverly-named, Declaration of Indigestion.

Holy diarrhea, Batman! The Declaration of Indigestion is made with “a half-pound foot long hot dog covered in a Philly cheese steak (steak, cheese, peppers and onions) and served on a gigantic sub roll.”

Now, you get a complimentary roll of Rolaids with every purchase of one of these bad boys, right? It’s the least they could do. The Whitecaps should be offering angioplasties at the ballpark with that bad boy. Gut Rot City.

I literally have heartburn just by thinking about these items.

West Michigan Whitecaps unveil new menu items for Fifth Third Ballpark [MLive]
Media sink teeth into Whitecaps’ Fifth Third Burger [MLive]