Archive for February, 2010
OMG! Tiger Woods Press Conference, Y’all!
Posted by:
Tiger Woods will finally resurface in public Friday at a press conference scheduled to be held at 11:00 a.m. in the clubhouse of TPC Sawgrass. This will be the first time in three months since a minor car accident turned into…well, whatever the hell it is now. A kerfuffle?
“This is all about the next step,” Mark Steinberg, his agent, told The Associated Press. “He’s looking forward to it.”
Steinberg said he would speak to a “small group of friends, colleagues and close associates” about his past and what he plans next, along with apologizing for his behavior.
He said three wire services would be invited, and he was asking the Golf Writers Association of America to pick a small group of reporters to serve as a pool. Steinberg said there would be one pool camera, but it would be available live via satellite.
As far as apologies go, this one should be a doozy to say the least. What I wonder is if Tiger’s handlers are researching how other celebrities handled their public apologies to determine what way Woods should go about his. I would suggest the tearful “I have sinned” method perfectly orchestrated by televangelist Jimmy Swaggart after he was caught cavorting with whores. Alternatively, he could also go the Ashlee Simpson after the Saturday Night Live debacle route and blame all his hardcore sex romps on acid reflux disease. Hey, don’t go poo-pooing it. Have you ever had acid reflux? It’s friggin’ debilitating. It can make a man do crazy, crazy things.
Eh, I suppose it’s really up them. In the end, maybe Tiger should just stand there and flex his biceps. Can’t argue with that, man.
Tiger to hold news conference Friday [Yahoo!/AP]
You could say it would have been a shame to eat such a glorious testament to the magnificence and splendor of bacon, the tastiest (and most sensual) of all the cured meats. But I hope that in the end, so much delectable tastiness didn’t go to waste.
Behold, the Baconized Lombardi Trophy, created by Ben “Sweet Lou” Krout and was submitted to the website BBQ Addicts. It was created for, of course, a Super Bowl party where I am sure this bacon trophy was a hit.
Kudos to Sweet Lou on his culinary ingenuity, but I would like to see other aspiring food artists try to top this trophy with a creation of their own. First up, someone – and I suppose it should be a Canadian – should create a Stanley Cup made entirely out of the ingredients used for poutine. I reckon one could construct the Cup out of fries, using the cheese curds as a glue of sorts and fill the cup itself with the delicious gravy.
Mmmm…gravy.
A LOMBARDI TROPHY YOU CAN EAT [With Leather]
The Bacon Lombardi Trophy is God-Like [Intentional Foul]
Super Bowl Greatness: Bacon Lombardi Trophy [BBQ Addicts]
What can you say? Kige Ramsey has got the moves and he ain’t afraid to show them. Some people believe the appeal of online dynamo and YouTube Sports head honcho that is Kige Ramsey is far overblown. I wholeheartedly disagree. The guy is a gift, a dynamo, a treasure trove of down-home, low-bred, country-fried goodness that should be cherished and revered.
I understand I am incredibly late on this phenomenon, but evidently, this John Wall Dance thing has gone from gimmick to cultural craze to causing mass hysteria to ending up totally played out completely without my knowledge. And who better to demonstrate the dance than Kige Ramsey, Kentucky’s native son? Wall, the freshman point guard phenom for Kentucky, apparently does some little dance that I guess has taken the country by storm. Man, I can only imagine what else I have missed while watching only Food Network shows and reruns of My Sister Sam and Kate & Allie.
So, I guess you could say that the John Wall dance has effectively jumped the shark and Wall should stop doing it immediately. Not because the GameDay crew did it, hunters are doing it and it made an appearance on some show called Cougar Town – which is no Thirtysomething, I’ll have you know – but simply because once Kige Ramsey does something, no one else should even bother going any further with it – it’s reached its apex of excellence and there is no going back.
After the jump, Kige Ramsey doing the John Wall Dance. Buckle up, buttercup.
AAUGH! indeed.
Instead of using these Olympic Games to exorcise the demons that have haunted her since her failure in Turin in 2006, when showboating cost her a gold medal, U.S. snowboardcross rider Lindsey Jacobellis blew it once again, spinning out and going off-course during her semifinal run, an automatic disqualification. And so it ended.
It seems, much like it does with her cartooned alter-ego, if something can go wrong for Jacobellis, it will.
Either displaying a morbid sense of humor or a case of outright obliviousness to what had just occurred, Jacobellis, in a bizarre acknowledgment to her colossal screw-up in Turin, did a truck-driver grab on her last jump, long after she was disqualified.
“I was just having fun,” she said. “Since everyone was waiting for me to come down, they’d be watching, so I figured I’d have some fun and show them I still have a deep passion for the sport.
“It’s unfortunate the rest of the world only sees this race and four years ago. So I don’t have a great track record for the general public.”
To say she doesn’t have a great track record is the understatement of these Olympics. Her nonchalance regarding her failures on the world stage are at the same time maddening and profoundly disappointing. She doesn’t seem to get it, and it is hard to tell whether it is ignorance or simply the fact that she doesn’t take the opportunity she was given seriously enough.
At least in Charlie Brown’s case, no matter what terrible hardship fell upon him, you always felt he was an innocent participant in the farce, that no matter what he did, he would always be the unwitting victim, through no fault of his own. And you pitied the beloved comic strip “hero” for that.
That is not the case with one Miss Lindsey Jacobellis. Despite their similarities, she is no hard-luck Charlie Brown. Although if some Little Red-Haired Girl had happened to approach Jacobellis after the race and kicked her in the crotch, I wouldn’t have been surprised. That was the Little Red-Haired Girl’s bit in Peanuts, right? She would walk up and kick Charlie Brown in the nuts? No? Huh. I wonder what I am thinking of, then. Oh well.
Jacobellis’ shot at redemption ends in sorrow [Yahoo!]
Shaun White Headline Fail By The Denver Post
Posted by:
Ugh.
Snow’s White? Really? Come on, headline writers, we don’t expect much, but this is total weaksauce. Even I would be embarrassed of this one and I have no shame whatsoever.
To the headline writers at The Denver Post: I understand it is too late to rectify the epic fail of this headline, but if the opportunity ever presents itself again, I implore you to be a little more creative.
How about, just off the top of my head, this one: Get Ready for a Heavy Dose of White Power
Now that is a headline. That will draw readers into the story. You know, I just may have missed my calling in life, but I guess for now I’ll stick with my day job: the Midwest’s premier exotic dancer exclusively working the retirement community circuit. The pay isn’t that great, but you should how many hand-knitted potholders I have.
A different side of snow’s White [The Denver Post]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. You know, for kids! Send tips, ideas and suggestions here, whippersnappers.
• Whaaaa? Genius researchers have learned that condoms that don’t fit correctly may break and decrease the sexual pleasure experienced by both partners. Ya think? Thank goodness for science! [Yahoo!/Reuters]
• Nuggets coach George Karl has treatable throat cancer, plans to continue coaching. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Sweet: woman gets pulled over, still sticky from Jell-O wrestling, gets busted for DUI. [Busted Coverage]
• The Top 10 comments never heard on a sports blog. My favorite: “I I started to take offense at what you wrote, but then I realized I was taking life too seriously.” [Five Tool Tool]
• Human trampoline torpedo .gif. [Total Pro Sports]
• Canadian Golden Olympic Hottie of the Day! [Four Habs Fans]
• When these two get together, crazy stuff is bound to happen: Craig Sager interviews Steve Nash. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Pretty soon, you will be able to be bored to death by NBA action in 3-D! [Fanhouse]
• Joe Mauer talks about MLB 10: The Show. [Big League Stew]
• Just in case you are curious about what Conan O’Brien has been up to lately. [TV Squad]
• Sunglasses Dog is the newest fad coming out of Japan. [Warming Glow]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: “Video-Game Character Wondering Why Heartless God Always Chooses ‘Continue” [The Onion]
• Here’s a link to that mock welcome video from Canadian hockey that you have been hearing about. [The Sporting Blog]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (February 16th)
Posted by:
• In light of Bob Costas and Al Michaels being reunited for the Winter Olympics on NBC, Punte points out the last time they shared the screen together was in the movie BASEketball. Awesome. [With Leather]
• The bozos at the I.O.C. are asking goalies to remove specific phrases from their masks before Olympic competition. [The Sporting Blog]
• If there is one thing I like better than football news, it’s drunken football news. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Kobe Bryant did G.Q. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Speaking of Kobe, there are over 10,000 children in the United States named after him. Yowsers. [Out of Bounds]
• Good question: why don’t we play baseball in the Winter Olympics? [Walkoff Walk]
• Several examples of epic Super Bowl cake fails. Woodheads. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Fred Couples is probably going to dominate the Champions Tour. [Waggle Room]
• Darrell Green at 50: still fast. I mean, still real, real fast. [Shutdown Corner]
• If you want to look like you actually might know a thing or two about Olympic hockey, take a gander at the Puck Daddy staff’s picks for medals. [Puck Daddy]
• FHF gives you their Canadian Olympic Hottie of the Day. Well done, gents. [Four Habs Fans]
• Happy birthday, John McEnroe. [Game On!]
Oh, the irony of it all! Due to the state of Michigan – much like most states I have visited recently – enacting a tough, no-nonsense smoking ban, Detroit Tigers manager Jim Leyland will not be able to enjoy a couple heaters – or twenty – during games played at Comerica Park.
On an appearance during a guest-hosted edition of “The Jim Rome Show” (rack ‘em – ugh) on Monday, Leyland was informed of this new infringement upon his personal rights.
“Is it banned all over? Leyland asked.
When told that Comerica Park certainly would qualify as a public place, Leyland admitted it might create a dilemma.
“Really … then I’ve got a problem,” he laughed. “Houston, we’ve got a problem.”
Leyland did say he would comply with the law.
“I’m not saying that I won’t cheat once in awhile,” he said. “I’m not going to lie.”
He then proceeded into an uncontrollable coughing fit which was only finally brought under control by lighting up another cowboy killer.
As a smoker myself, I have no problems whatsoever with smoking bans – to a certain extent. I realize no one gives two shits about my personal political views – or lack thereof – but it’s an outdoor space, for crissakes. The smoke isn’t being held up inside a closed space. For example, it didn’t bother me one bit when bars here in Minnesota were forced to adhere to a smoking ban. It’s not that big of deal to sneak outside to burn one, but there is nothing more irritating than when we smokers, the pariahs of society, are already corralled into our condemned designated areas to engage in our filthy habit and someone walks by and makes a “coughing” or “choking” noise.
To which I respond, “Hey fuckface, where do you want me to go?” Actually, I don’t really stay that because I’m a gutless coward, but until the actual act of smoking is made illegal, as smokers, it’s our right to smoke, even if we have to adhere to your absurd, prohibitive laws.
Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, Jim Leyland. Come on, people. Give the guy a break. He doesn’t have much time left!
You know, because of the smoking. Speaking of which, God I could use one right now.
Jim Leyland May or May Not Comply With Michigan’s New No-Smoking Laws at Comerica Park [Detroit4Lyfe]
Tigers’ Jim Leyland faces challenge with new no-smoking law [Detroit Free Press]
Who knew, huh?
Above is video of a bench-clearing brawl that occurred at the end of the first quarter during a matchup between the Minnesota Swarm and Washington Stealth, two indoor lacrosse teams competing in the National Lacrosse League – the NLL for insiders like me.
At the end of the first quarter, the game’s intensity turned up. Stealth goalie Tyler Richards and Swarm forward Sean Pollock dropped their gloves and started a brawl that cleared both benches.
Pollock was penalized for game misconduct, fighting and roughing infractions and was ejected. Stealth defender Mike Grimes was ejected as well for the bench clearing brawl.
Apparently, fighting is against the rules in the NLL, which kind of stinks but I guess rules are rules. The Swarm went on to beat the Stealth by a score of 16-12, handing Washington their first loss of the season.
Most of you out there probably had no idea there were professional indoor lacrosse leagues to begin with, let alone the fact that in some markets, it is a huge draw. In the case of the Swarm, they play at Xcel Energy Center – the Minnesota Wild’s home arena – and it is not uncommon for games to draw pretty good attendance figures. For instance, Saturday night’s game brought 8,952 fans into the X. I have never been to a Swarm game myself, but from what I’ve heard from folks I’ve spoken with who have attended a game or two, it’s a pretty entertaining evening of athletic competition at a reasonable price.
I do have to admit that the brawl itself left a little to be desired, but what can you expect out of a sport and a league that doesn’t allow fighting? Namby-pambys. LET THEM FIGHT! LET THEM FIGHT! LET THEM…ah, you get it.
Video: Minnesota Swarm lacrosse brawl [Star Tribune]
PERFECT NO MORE AS SWARM SLIP PAST STEALTH [NLL.com]
Despite Tiger’s many, many personal struggles, the one company that has steadfastly stood by him is EA Sports, which makes sense considering that without the Woods name right on the box, they would have virtually no chance of marketing the extremely successful golf video game series.
And if you plan to purchase Tiger Woods PGA Tour 11 for the Nintendo Wii when it is released in June, you will be able to create a more realistic gaming experience with the availability of custom sports accessories for the golf simulation, including a Wii Club that can be lengthened up to 36 inches long. Does it come with a mouthguard?
For those of you who do not intend to purchase the updated version of the game, it appears that the club and other accessories were retrofitted to work with Tiger Woods PGA Tour 10.
I know, I know. The teeth getting knocked out bit is about as low hanging as comedic fruit can come, but even sophisticated British websites with stately names like Electricpig appear to also relish getting in on the tomfoolery.
The Wii clubs for Tiger Woods PGA Tour will stretch to 36”, so you’ll need to be quite careful when you start swinging them around in your living room or your TV screen will end up like the back window of an SUV.
Zing! Not bad. Well played, Electricpig.
All kidding aside, the club in particular sounds pretty cool, but I wonder what other kinds of accessories there will be for the game. At this point, there has been no word on whether or not one of them will be an Ambien dispenser just in case you need to a little extra boost for one of those all-night “crazy Ambien play” experiences.
EA planning realistic Tiger Woods clubs for Nintendo Wii [Electricpig]
Students at the University of Washington, ESPN’s Rece Davis has thrown down the gauntlet, so you better bring it on Saturday when GameDay broadcasts live from Seattle in anticipation of the huge Pac-10 matchup between the Huskies and the Bruins. In fact, he issued “Purple Nation” a challenge:
Davis said “Gonzaga has been great every time we were there. Cal was a trip last year that we will never forget. What do you have for us Purple Nation of U-Dub?”
The Husky Men’s Basketball Blog on The Seattle Times‘ website speculates that this desperate plea by Davis is indication that ESPN has East Coast bias and isn’t too excited about having to make the trek all the way out to the West Coast since no one except the poor souls who are forced to live out there could give a rat’s ass about Pac-10 basketball. What’s the point, right?
Davis also states that everywhere the GameDay show has been this year, they have “seen something unique.” He also mentions the weekend when “Digger got hit in the head by a basketball, and I think we all enjoyed that.”
So there you have it, fans. Rece Davis would like you to brutally attack Digger Phelps. I don’t think he could be any more clear on the subject. Basketballs, water balloons filled with urine, you name it. Just make sure you do it before Digger starts dancing. Again. Please. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your country.
ESPN’s Rece Davis challenges UW’s “Purple Nation” [Husky Men's Basketball Blog]
Worst. Poll. Ever.
Posted by:
The Fabulous Forum, the sports blog of the Los Angeles Times, is currently conducting several polls in an attempt to ascertain the best sports movie of the past 35 years, at least according to their readers. According to the results of the polls, they have informally determined the best football movie (Remember The Titans), the best baseball movie (Bull Durham), the best basketball movie (Hoosiers) and the best hockey movie (Slap Shot). Although arguments can be made one way or the other with the top baseball movie and football movie, there are far better films in both genres – for instance, Brian’s Song, even though it came out in 1971 and doesn’t fall within the designated time frame, should be number one simply on principle. All that aside, the most recent poll left me initially scratching my head:
The two best soccer movies of the past 35 years.
Huh? How many mainstream soccer movies have even been made? I can only think of three: Bend It Like Beckham, Kicking and Screaming and the Rodney Dangerfield “classic,” Ladybugs. And these films – other than Bend It Like Beckham - should never be considered the “best” of anything. And if they are selecting two films, that means Ladybugs or Kicking And Screaming are moving on. That’s wrong.
But then I looked at the movies one could vote for and they have eleven soccer-themed movies listed. Obviously, I have never heard of eight of them. Who knew there were so many soccer movies? At the same time, I sincerely doubt they will ever make it into my Netflix queue.
My question is: after soccer, is it their intention to conduct polls for movies about other sports? Because I will tell you this, if Side Out doesn’t get voted as the best beach volleyball movie ever, I’m going to be pissed. What’s not to like about a film starring Peter Horton and C. Thomas Howell?
Poll: What are the two best soccer movies of the last 35 years? [The Fabulous Forum]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It likes to kick it old school, or whatever the damn kids are saying these days. Send tips and whatnot here, if you know what’s good for ya, punk.
• Leading up to Valentine’s Day, British men were stocking up on anatomy-boosting underwear, which work like a Wonderbra by having a lift and hold feature on the front. “The briefs mean that no man ever needs to feel inadequate again on the most passionate day of the social calendar,” said Rob Faucherand, head of men’s accessories buying at Debenhams. “However we can’t be held responsible for what happens once the pants come off,” he added. Indeed. Like utter disappointment by the woman. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
• ESPN sideline reporter Jenn Brown has some new bikini pics. OOH SEXY GIRLFRIEND!! [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Heh. Andy Rooney is old. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The new Minnesota Twins commercial featuring the old-time Twins logo at Target Field is awesome. [Big League Stew]
• The Pittsburgh Steelers are going on the cheap next season. [With Leather]
• Red-headed Texas Longhorns fan asscrack! [Busted Coverage]
• The Rubik’s Cube turns 30 this year. Jesus, I’m old. [Pop Candy]
• More on those Canadian hippie college students that broke the world record for participants in a dodgeball game. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Video of the trailer for MLB 10: The Show. [First Cuts]
• Happy belated birthday, Matt Groening. [Game On!]
• Here are the Top 10 reasons this blogger is still not watching the Winter Olympics. [Five Tool Tool]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: “Rise In Teen Pregnancy Proves Teens Still Got It” [The Onion]
It’s going to take more than a “car accident” to take out a tough old broad like Peggy Fleming, fools.
Fleming, the figure skating legend who won Olympic gold in 1968, sustained minor injuries when a van she was riding in as part of Vice President Joe Biden’s motorcade was involved in an accident. Former U.S. bobsledder Vonetta Flowers was also in the vehicle at the time of the crash.
The women were traveling between Olympic events in Biden’s motorcade when their van was rear-ended, officials said.
Biden’s car was not involved.
Fleming and Flowers were taken to a hospital for evaluation and released. They later attended the figure-skating competition, sitting in the row in front of Biden.
Hmmm, interesting. But who would want Peggy Fleming dead? And why? What does she know and why is that information so dangerous? And how far up does this conspiracy go? The questions only create more questions and the answers to those questions that are questioned only leave me questioning the answers, if they are in fact answers. This case is like peeling an onion, layer by layer. There is no telling what might be uncovered if someone decides to poke around and ask tough questions.
But that person, thankfully, will not be me. I was previously assigned to another Olympics mystery before this story broke that is leaving me far too busy to concern myself with a botched assassination attempt. An enigma so heinous that if I told you anything about it, I would have to kill you. Or, at the very least, politely ask you not to tell anyone.
Figure skater Peggy Fleming injured in car crash in Vancouver while attending 2010 Winter Olympics [New York Daily News]
