Archive for February, 2010
Tim Tebow: ‘I Choose Not To Throw!’
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Once again, Tim Tebow has demonstrated his belief that he should be able to dictate how things related to his quest to become an NFL quarterback should go. Tebow, as reported by NFL Network’s Michael Lombardi, has stated that he will not throw at the NFL Scouting Combine this week in Indianapolis. The Great Tebow claims he is working on altering his delivery, which he will debut March 17th at the Florida’s pro day.
“I think I’m definitely open to improving my fundamentals,” Tebow said then. “I think I definitely showed that by being here. If you just watched the way I played, you could see there is room for improvement and what I need to work on.”
It must have been so hard – so very, very difficult – for Mr. Perfect to be forced to admit that currently, he is not God’s gift to the NFL quarterback position. The fact that he waited this long to realize it only confirms Tebow’s overinflated sense of just where his preparedness for the next level was really at. Further, his unwillingness – up until this point – to listen to the many people who advised him that without changing his delivery and working at taking the snap from center, his chances to succeed in the NFL would be slim to none.
Stubborn fella, that Tebow. Not very Christian of him, is it?
Wait, stubbornness is one of the Seven Deadly Sins, right? Isn’t that the reason why mules are called asses? And since stubbornness was the seventh of the Seven Deadly Sins, that was the reason why Mad Jack the Mountain Man’s mule was named Number Seven on Grizzly Adams, correct?
Or am I just really confused here? Somebody answer me.
Tebow will not throw at combine while he’s changing his delivery [NFL.com]
It’s been a long, strange trip, true believers, but I am pleased to announce that the Sportress of Blogitude, my little sports blog, has finally made the big time.
One of the more enjoyable little benefits of having your very own blog is looking at what search terms are being used by people to find your site. What is even better is when you notice a certain site is actually linking to your work.
Usually, the links you are most proud of and those that garner the most hits are the times when you are linked by one of the big boys (i.e. Deadspin, With Leather, Hot Clicks, etc.). But today, my good friends and dear readers, the Sportress has reached another significant milestone:
That’s right, folks. Believe it or not, but I am now getting referrers from the site, RightHealth.com. Specifically, I am getting hits from their page devoted to image searches of an extraordinarily uncomfortable and cringe-inducing topic, “Bleeding Testicles” (NSFW). (Also, not safe for those of you who don’t enjoy looking at images related to bleeding testicles, which should be ever single one of you.)
Although I am very proud of this accomplishment, I have to admit, finding out about it was just nuts, man.
Blasphemy! Do these look like the kind of people who cannot handle their liquor? For crying out loud, they are performing a group sobriety test! Do you know how hard that is to do and pass? Well, do you?
Via The Philadelphia Inquirer:
With a crowd anticipated at perhaps 200,000 roaming the city’s streets, some of them fans of the archrival Americans, officials here ordered downtown beer and liquor stores to close early.
They had done the same on Saturday night when the hordes drawn here by the Olympics and the unseasonably warm weather made passage impossible on some sidewalks and clogged most available transportation options.
“Due to an unprecedented number of intoxicated people, we must do what we can to ensure the Games are safe for everyone,” said a statement from British Columbia’s liquor-licensing agency. “We’re taking a measured approach.”
Measured approach my ass! This so-called liquor licensing agency can just step in and impose its will on the good people of Vancouver without some sort of revolt?
What happened to you, Canada? You used to be cool. You used to stand for something, man.
You know what? I can’t even bring myself to write about this sad story.
Shame on you, Canada. You broke my heart. You broke my heart.
Beer sales stopped in Vancouver [The Philadelphia Inquirer]
And he’s got the zingers to prove it! Submitted for your approval is the column, “Are the Olympics over yet?” penned by none other than Norman Chad (pictured above, sideways for some reason) who many of you may know from his nationally-syndicated column The Couch Slouch as well as his commentating work on ESPN’s coverage of the World Series of Poker.
Well, to put it bluntly, Mr. Chad is sick and tired of the Winter Olympics. In fact, he’s had all he can stands and he can’t stands no more! And let me tell you, after reading this brilliant column, I would suggest he take this material on the road and open up for Dane Cook or Paula Poundstone or Gallagher or whoever the devil it is you kids are packing the comedy clubs to see these days.
Werth can try all he wants to take that moniker, unfortunately, there is only one Epic Beard Man. And I wouldn’t suggest fighting him for it, either. The guy is a goddamn Vietnam veteran, for crisssakes. One thing Werth does have going for him is the t-shirt he is wearing underneath his jersey says, “I Am A Motherfucker.”
Good lord, that is one impressive beard. He looks like a roadie from .38 Special’s “Wild-Eyed Southern Boys” tour in 1982. Just hold on loosely, ladies, but don’t let go.
According to The700Level, teammate Brad Lidge said Werth looks like “[a] cross between Jesus Christ and the Geico caveman.”
Yeah, I can see that.
Lidge throws… plus Werth’s beard [The700Level]
A woman has died after being struck by debris when a crashing dragster’s wheel flew off the car, setting off a violent crash at the NHRA Arizona Nationals on Sunday.
The woman was watching a first-round Top Fuel run at Firebird International Raceway when Antron Brown’s Matco Tools/U.S. Army dragster went out of control on the strip and its left rear wheel came off.
Alia Maisonet, a spokeswoman for the Gila River Indian Community, said the woman was airlifted to a Phoenix-area hospital for treatment and later died. Gila River emergency responders were among the first to respond to the scene.
Maisonet said she didn’t know the victim’s name or hometown.
“The entire NHRA community is deeply saddened by today’s incident and sends its thoughts and prayers to the woman’s family and friends,” the National Hot Rod Association said in an e-mailed statement.
Video after the jump.
Geez, talk about an epic example of being a day late and a dollar short on something. Multiplied by four or five.
Dan Shaughnessy, in his red-headed, Johnny-Come-Lately wisdom, decided it was high-time for somebody – anybody – to finally call out Lindsey Jacobellis for her lackadaisical, nonchalant attitude regarding the sanctity of the Olympic Games and the respect for which she has casually disregarded. No sir, Miss Jacobellis – who Shaughnessy dubs “the poster-girl of young fans and athletes who love X-treme sports” – ain’t getting away with it – not on Shaughnessy’s watch – in his mind, if no one else has the guts to say it, by God, he’ll do it. Enough with this “new generation of daredevil athletes, free birds who value image and fun over conventional standards of success.”
Free bird? Play some Skynyrd then!
Too bad he missed the boat by about five days and several other old school media members have already had their say, including one of Shaughnessy’s more moronic colleagues, Bill Plaschke, trying, yet failing miserably, to get medieval all over Jacobellis’ ass – last Wednesday. But we appreciate the effort, Dan. We really, really do.
More Like ‘Basketbrawl’, Amirite? (Video)
Posted by:Eleven players from both teams have been suspended for one game as a result of a fight that ensued in a game between NAIA powerhouses Berea College and Indiana University Southeast last Thursday. I have no idea whether or not either of these colleges are technically powerhouses, but it sounds a lot sexier that way.
Every player on both teams were ejected. Apparently, with 8:52 remaining in the first half, a hard pick set-off the bench-clearing brawl.
Boy, I haven’t seen a hard pick cause this much of a ruckus since the person sitting next to me on the bus caught me with my index finger shoved up into my nostril mid-knuckle. ZING!
For Berea College, the five suspended players will miss their first-round game in the Kentucky Intercollegiate Athletic Conference tournament.
According to the KIAC, the game will not count toward either team’s record and none of the statistics will count toward season totals.
As The (Louisville) Courier-Journal reports, Indiana University Southeast picked up seven walk-on players so that it wouldn’t have to forfeit Saturday’s regular-season finale at Indiana University East.
I’m sorry, but such a despicable display of poor sportsmanship needs to be condemned with much harsher penalties than a measly one-game suspension. This is completely unacceptable and cannot not be tolerated, because if behavior like this keeps up in Division II basketball, who is going to bother watching the big boys anymore? This is far more entertaining than watching Big Ten basketball, although that’s not really saying much. And that, my friends, cannot stand. What would become of our March Madness office pools?
Video: Brawl breaks out, forces NAIA game to be called off in first half [USA Today]
Man, you have to give the I.O.C. credit for how quickly they are able get video of Olympic events taken down off YouTube and other media sites. They are damn near as efficient and stealthy at extinguishing any potential uprising or questioning of their supreme authority as the Gestapo.
Obviously, I would have loved to have embedded the video of Alexander Ovechkin absolutely destroying Jaromir Jagr during Russia’s 4-2 dispatching of the the Czech Republic yesterday. It was easily one of the highlights of the Olympics thus far and Ovie hit Jagr so hard any future offspring of Jaromir’s are going to be born dizzy. Further, it was a huge moment in the game itself, as the hit was the catalyst to Evegeni Malkin’s second goal of the game only 1:49 into the third period which gave the Russians a commanding 3-1 lead.
Of course, you can see video of the hit here. But do you know what the IOC Secret Police In Charge Of Copyright Enforcement and Protection)(SPICOCEP, for short) cannot do? At least at this point, they cannot prevent animated .gifs like the one below from seeing the light of the day.
Sure, it’s not perfect or incredibly clear, I think this qualifies as scoring one for the little guy. ¡Viva la Revolucion!
Malkin Scores 2, Russia Reaches Hockey Quarters [ABC News]
Ovechkin earns gold for open-ice Jagr destruction; was it legal? [Puck Daddy]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. ’round these here parts, we prefer Bisquick to Aunt Jemima pancake mix. We find the pancakes turn out fluffier. Speaking of fluff, how about sending me some tips? That would be nice.
• A new product that mimics the effects of marijuana on the brain is currently being sold in the U.S. Called K2, and is sold in head shops as incense. Made in “China and Korea, the mixture of herbs and spices is sprayed with a synthetic compound chemically similar to THC, the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana. Users roll it up in joints or inhale it from pipes, just like the real thing.” The key ingredients are not currently banned in the U.S. but lawmakers in Missouri and Kansas are considering introducing legislation to criminalize the substances. Spoiled sports. [MSNBC/AP]
• The gals at Babes Love Baseball got Minnesota Twins reliever/celebrity blogger Pat Neshek to agree to an interview. Well done, ladies. [Babes Love Baseball]
• Nice. Bill Simmons manged to sneak a Rick Reilly rip into a recent column. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• A lot of people watched the Tiger Woods thingy. [Sports Media Watch]
• Holy moly, is the shit hitting the fan at Oregon or what? Now, one football player is in hot water because of comments he made on Facebook. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Randy Moss says next season will be his last in New England for no reason whatsoever. [Shutdown Corner]
• Collin Balester has a terrific mustache. No seriously, take a look. It’s epic. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• Warriors head coach Don Nelson took some players out to the bar. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• ESPN’s Steve Lavin knows that they bloggers are out there – lurking, waiting to strike. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Fantastic photo: this little kid is living large. [Uncoached]
• Hitler is back and he is none too pleased about the outcome of the U.S.-Canada hockey game. [You Been Blinded]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: CIA Forced To Complete All Scheduled Torture In One Hectic Weekend [The Onion]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (February 19th)
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• Drew appeared on the show Washington Post Live last night. Video was uploaded to KSK, fat jokes by the commentariat ensued. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Johnny Weir was robbed! Robbed, I tells ya! [With Leather]
• Tony Kornheiser has formally apologized for his critical comments regarding Hannah Storm’s sexy wardrobe. [The Big Lead]
• Thanks SportsCenter, for giving air time to an Us Weekly talking head to discuss Tiger Woods. That was helpful [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• My favorite: FCL finishes the headline. Tons of good stuff in this edition. [Food Court Lunch]
• Dorky guy lands a former UFC ring girl and Maxim model as his prom date by uploading videos to YouTube. Nice. [Deuce of Davenport]
• The Twittersphere reacts to Tiger Woods’ speech. [Out of Bounds]
• The LPGA is feeling optimistic about the upcoming golf season. The main reason? None of its star players has been revealed as a sex-crazed horndogger. Yet. I guess what I am implying is Michelle Wie should get in contact with me. [Devil Ball Golf]
• The game of hockey introduces itself to the world, with the assistance of the Vanouver2010 website. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Ben Afflect set to direct film about the true story of when two Yankees swapped wives in the ’70s. [Big League Stew]
• Dog tries to pee on Natalie Portman, causes Weed Against Speed to be jealous of said dog. Come on, like you wouldn’t. [Uncoached]
• Video of Stephen Colbert taking on the Russians in table hockey. [Total Pro Sports]
A piece of advice for any of the judge’s who presided over the men’s figure skating program last night in Vancouver:
RUN FOR YOUR GODDAMN LIVES!!
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin ain’t too pleased with the results of last night, when Evgeny Plushenko’s amazing career comeback bid fell just short of perfection, as he bitterly accepted the silver medal after losing out on gold to American Evan Lysacek. Said Putin in a telegram addressed to Plushenko:
“I would like to sincerely congratulate you on the wonderful Olympic performance — your silver is worth gold.”
“You were able to overcome all the obstacles in your brave comeback and performed the most accomplished program on the Vancouver ice.”
“All Russian figure skating fans admire your brilliance, true fighting spirit, courage and the will to win. Well done!”
Sweet sassy molassey, that ain’t right. In light of what should be for completely “smack-yourself-on-the-forehead-I-coulda-had-a-V8-obviousness” reasons, this was probably not the wisest move by The Globe & Mail‘s advertising staff.
To make matters infinitely worse on the Bad Idea Jeans spectrum, this debacle of an advertisement apparently ran on the page opposite to this article:
Wow. Clive Clemmons, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Woo woo woo.
Dept. Of Awful Timing: Unfortunate Luge Ad In Globe And Mail [MEDIAite]
Too soon for this Olympic Luge Advertisement? [Total Pro Sports]
Obligatory Tiger Woods Speech Post
Posted by:There are about a million other places where you can read various reactions to Tiger’s speech today – PEOPLE ARE ANGRY/DISAPPOINTED/APPALLED/COMFORTED/CONFUSED/OUTRAGED/VERCLEMPT/LEFT WITH QUESTIONS/LOOKING INTO BUDDHISM/COULDN’T CARE LESS ABOUT THE ENTIRE THING, DON’TCHA KNOW? - so I won’t waste your time with mine.
You’re welcome.
But if you want all-Tiger, all-the-time action, Waggle Room has brought to our attention a brand-spanking new blog, Trailing Tiger, a site dedicated to 24/7 coverage of the world’s most famous athlete/recently reformed indiscriminate banger of skanks.
Enjoy.
I have no idea what The Big O possibly could have done during her interview of Shaun White airing today on her show that could top her embarrassing performance when she ignorantly attempted to wipe the birthmark off of Drew Brees’ face. I don’t know, perhaps because of his red hair, mistakenly believe his head was on fire and try to put it out with a fire extinguisher? Ask him if the curtains match the drapes? Possibly mention how much she enjoys his unique and hilarious brand of prop comedy? Something vajayjay-related? Who knows?
Unfortunately for us, although I haven’t seen the show to confirm this, Oprah didn’t appear to make any blunders during her interview with the Olympic gold medal winner. About the only thing interesting coming out of the show is that White has not ruled out competing in the 2014 Winter Olympics in Russia.
He said: “Why would I not want to experience this again?”
I see no reason why he couldn’t compete again on the biggest stage four years from now. He’ll only be 27 and despite snowboarding having all the appearances of a young person’s sport, 27 isn’t that old, right? Right? Just nod your head and play along, would ya?
Damn whippersnappers.
White not ruling out 2014 Games [SI/AP]
