Archive for February, 2010
Curling On The Wii? That Is Also Sexual
Posted by:A debt of gratitude goes out to Busted Coverage for unearthing this piece of hilarity from Down Under. Above is a video of Karl Stefanovic and Lisa Wilkinson from Australia’s version of the Today show demonstrating for viewers how fun (and borderline erotic – at least in appearance) playing curling on the Wii can be.
This just might be the most unintentionally hilarious video we see all year. “Here it comes…here it comes!”
Also, I wanted to congratulate Busted Coverage on their good fortune: TMZ credited their fine site when the smut peddlers posted this video themselves. That’s big time baby!
Australia’s Channel 9 Hosts Karl Stefanovic And Lisa Wilkinson Turn Wii Olympic Curling Into “Pounding It” Video [Busted Coverage]
Australian TV Hosts — Wii Demo Gets Whacky [TMZ]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (February 26th)
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• What’s this? A video of Chuck Liddell working out naked? Now this I gotta see! Wait, that came out wrong. [Larry Brown Sports]
• According to LeNoceur, NSFWednesday was on tape delay, so you can read it today. I don’t care, as long as it eventually is published. [Melt Your Face Off]
• An absolutely brilliant breakdown on what comments will and what comments won’t get you suspended by ESPN. [You Been Blinded]
• Super Bowl XLVIII might be in New Jersey? Lame. [With Leather]
• Do we now finally have evidence of John Clayton’s ponytail? [Deadspin]
• Shockingly, PETA has backed down from their brilliant Tiger Woods billboard stunt. [Out of Bounds]
• Natalie Gulbis is a dangerous woman. Damn right she is – a danger to erectile dysfunction everywhere if you know what I mean, right? Right? [Waggle Room]
• An FCL Olympic Update: Joannie Rochette. [Food Court Lunch]
• An FCL Olympic Update, Part Deux: The Objectification Edition. [Food Court Lunch]
• Fix yourself a snack, sit back and enjoy the 10 strangest workout videos you will ever see. [Guyism]
• A great gallery of fan photos from the Olympics. [Uncoached]
• KSK’s “Better Know A Draft Pick” feature is back. Today: Ndamukong Suh. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part Deux: Bar Thinks They Have Curling Figured Out
Please send tips and your grandmother’s recipe for snickerdoodles to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. Thankee.
This is it? This is all we get? What’s the deal with that?
Trust me, I was patient. When I noticed that the new Cheerleader of the Week post was up at Extra Mustard, I of course went to see what lovely lass was profiled this week. On young Miss Kristina Marie Anderson’s profile, who is a senior at the University of Illinois, as is the case with every Cheerleader of the Week profile, there was the following message:
Click here to see a photo gallery of Kristina in action.
One problem: there was no link! Just that sentence, mocking me, ridiculing my need to see more of this young lady. As I said, I was patient. I checked again a couple of hours later. Then I checked again this morning. No luck. Finally, I checked just a few minutes ago. No link to her photo gallery! What gives?
And to make matters worse, according to her responses to the stock questions they ask every Cheerleader of the Week, this little lady appears to be somewhat of a firecracker. To wit:
Alright, the title of this post is a bit of a stretch, both in pronunciation and meaning, but it’s Friday, so I went with it.
Courtesy of the All-Tiger-Woods-All-The-Time blog Trailing Tiger, above is the latest – ahem – entry in the Tiger Woods-themed porno from Adam & Eve: Tyler’s Wood.
The title of the movie was originally going to be Tiger’s Wood, but someone in the legal department for Adam & Eve, the adult film and sex toy company, thought better of it (by the way, don’t ever “accidentally” get on Adam & Eve’s mailing list – your postal carrier will never look at you the same again):
“I think our legal department did that [changed the title] on their own,” said Katy Zvolerin of Adam & Eve on Thursday. “Tiger has a lot of clout, and while we are a big company, I don’t think that we’d want to go up against that.”
Good call. So for those of you prospective purchasers of Tigerporn, below is the plot for Tyler’s Wood, because we all know that without a solid plot..nevermind.
Not only is golfer Anna Rawson drop-dead gorgeous and an absolute delight to stare at, she is also an Australian, which means if her looks don’t take your breath away, listening to her speak in that delicious accent is sure to evoke some kind of physiological response. Probably a good one, too.
A bit of a backstory first: according to our friend at Waggle Room, there is some event coming up called the Mojo 6, which is scheduled to take place May 1st and 2nd at the Cinnamon Hill Golf Course at Rose Hall in Jamaica. The tournament, featuring 16 LPGA players, will be played in a “Raceway Golf” (explained here).
Very interesting, but infinitely more interesting is the fact that fans are able to vote which player will snag the 16th and final spot in the tournament. And wouldn’t you know it, Miss Rawson has posted a campaign video on her site where she says that if she is voted in to play and wins the tournament, she will donate the $1 million prize to charity.
Let’s take a gander at that video, shall we?
Rams GM Billy Devaney Called The S**t ‘Poop’
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The position of general manager for the St. Louis Rams has to be one of the more unenviable management positions in the NFL. Sure, it’s a better gig than being the, well…holding any position affiliated with the Oakland Raiders, but to be forced to get up day after day realizing that despite your best efforts over the past two years, the team you are running is still one of the worst in the league must be disheartening. So disheartening, in fact, that some days, a person might just want to let loose a string of profanities while imploring the Fates as to why they have put you in such a tenuous and seemingly hopeless position.
But not Billy Delaney, gosh darnit. No amount of frustration is going to make him cuss up and down, dagnabit. Speaking at the combine and explaining what he thinks the Rams need in order to make the next step, Delaney – cleanly, mind you – had this to say:
“We need more players like Steven Jackson,” Devaney said. “We can’t be poop-canning them out of the building.”
Poop-canning? What the hell? Who says something like that? The only occasion one should use the term “poop-canning” is if a person happens to work at the plant which makes Hormel Chili and another person asks them what they do for a living.
Person A: So, where do you work?
Person B: Hormel plant.
Person A: Oh yeah? What do you do there?
Person B: Shit-canning.
In any other situation, either come up with a different term to describe it or go with ‘shit-canning’ for Christ’s sake.
Delaney now has two strikes against him, as far as I’m concerned:
- He called the shit “poop” and
- He is a grown man still going by the name Billy.
This is the best night of my life.
Poop cans: NFL scouting combine discourse [Seahawks Blog]
As I mentioned previously, Ozzie Guillen may well be the the very reason that Twitter was invented. Either that or he will eventually be the cause of its ultimate destruction. At the same time, I suppose he could possibly end up being be both.
The Ozzman has been very busy over the last 24 hours. Let’s take a look and see what he’s been up to, other than pissing off White Sox GM Kenny Williams, of course.
Hoo boy, when a bench-clearing brawl breaks out in Greenville, South Carolina, the participants go all out. Players taking swings at each other, people from the crowd storming the court and taking part in the melee, the whole nine yards. Complete and utter ultraviolence, man.
After Southside High School beat the previously undefeated Abbeville High 61-55 on Wednesday night in a third round playoff game, a fight broke out between players when the teams lined up to shake hands afterward, once again proving the theory that sportsmanship is for suckers. Once the players started tangling, the bipartisan crowd of 1,500 at Southside (300 fans from Abbeville purchased tickets prior to game time and many more showed up early to secure their spot in the crowd) couldn’t contain their bloodlust and joined the fracas.
Video and photo gallery after the jump.
What an “odd” duck this guy is! Crazy Norwegians, always cracking wise, acting the fool.
Odd-Bjorn Hjelmeset, as you are of course all aware of, is a Norwegian cross-country skier who competed in the 4 x 10km cross-country relay. But even with the worldwide fame that goes with being a cross-country skier (which is immense, by the way), Hjelmeset may end up becoming much more well known across the internets for the following bizarre, yet glorious, quote:
My name is Odd-Bjoern Hjelmeset. I skied the second lap and I fucked up today. I think I have seen too much porn in the last 14 days. I have the room next to Petter Northhug and every day there is noise in there. So I think that is the reason I fucked up. By the way, Tiger Woods is a really good man.
Gold, baby. Alluding to watching too much porn, fucking up and bringing up some guy named Petter is stupefying. And then the mention of Tiger Woods at the end for no apparent reason really ties it all together quite nicely. Always leave ‘em wanting more, they say, and I think Odd-Bjoern exemplified that philosophy brilliantly.
Daily Briefing, Feb. 25 [SI (via Mouthpiece Blog)]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. We enjoy an occasional 40 oz. of smooth malt liquor ourselves. Send tips and suggestions to what other cheap-ass liquor we can drink to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com. Please do not suggest Boone’s Farm. Thanks.
• 40 Oz Malt Liquor Beverage + Angry Mom = Running Through Kid’s School With Sword. Police in Memphis arrested an inebriated 32-year-old woman Riverview Elementary School after she was caught running through the school with armed with a sword. She was allegedly at the school to settle a dispute with a parent of another child. She was charged with aggravated assault and for possibly being the worst ninja assassin ever. Step it up, woman! [MSNBC/AP]
• Jose Canseco owes over $320,000 in taxes. [Out of Bounds]
• The 15 best sports-themed episodes in television history. [KoldKastTV (via Hot Clicks)]
• An example from the Olympics as to why you should never turn your cell phone off. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Do you know those “Visit British Columbia” commercials that have been airing during the Olympics featuring the likes of Steve Nash and Sarah McLachlan? Here are some examples of endorsements that didn’t make the cut. [Daddy's Sugar Ball]
• Sad: today will be the last time Al Roker warms his neck rolls with his Parisian Knot Scarf. [Busted Coverage]
• The Top 10 reasons Nike is standing by Tiger Woods. [Five Tool Tool]
• Hey, Caron Butler! You can’t chew on straws anymore courtside. It’s dangerous. [That NBA Lottery Pick]
• Lame. Magic Johnson did the John Wall Dance at Kentucky. Enough with it already. [The Dagger]
• Pau Gasol’s girlfriend is attractive. [Hotties in Cleats]
• If you want to know what makes renowned internet funnyman Gourmet Spud laugh, find out here. [Food Court Lunch]
• Here’s this week’s KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag post. Introductory topic: nobody can get their penis hard anymore. Interesting. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Sports Hernia Blog is having their first contest ever and it is sponsored by Dick Towel. If you don’t know what a dick towel is, shame on you. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• Have you ever wanted to know what porn starlets look like dressed normally and not covered in jizz? Here’s your chance. [Uncoached]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Taco Bell Launches New “Morning After” Burrito
First Van Pelt gets hosed by Captain Janks in an epic prank call heard live on air where the prankster pretended to be former Philadelphia Eagles running back Brian Westbrook, now a hot mic catches the SportsCenter anchor dropping an f-bomb as the show was going to commercial. It’s not an overt, loud f-bomb, like it is when I use it after the lady at Burger King screws up my order (no pickles!), but you can definitely hear him uttering the bad, bad word.
After the jump is video of Van Pelt’s on-air apology that he made when the show returned from commercial. Poor bastard.
While you people out in Internetland waste your time reading drivel like the crap you routinely find on this here blog, those who write the blogs that make the whole world cringe are busy occupying themselves by engaging in a brutal, no-holds-barred, may-the-best-man-win underground slugfest that tests the nerves, mettle and intestinal fortitude of even the most composed and tough-minded bloggers.
Because do you know what’s better than a bunch of bloggers just sitting around, wasting the day away? A bunch of bloggers participating in the manliest of manly pursuits.
That’s right. I am of course referring to online curling tournaments.
As a favor to a few good friends of mine, I have agreed to post their photo above as well as provide them a forum to spew their propaganda. Read on:
GODS OF CURLING LIVE ON NBC
The action will be fast and furious tonight as the Gods of Curling attempt to vanquish their foes from the cutthroat world of online curling, which can be found at playcurling.com. You can follow the smack talk at #blogswithstones on Twitter. But be forewarned, it could get ugly.
Case in point: here is the rebuttal from one of the enemies of the Gods of Curling:
Frightening stuff.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (February 25th)
Posted by:• The ESPN Bandit is on the loose and robbing banks with a quickness. [Busted Coverage]
• NBC hockey analyst Mike Milbury proves how much of a douche he is by calling the Russian game “Euro-trash.” [With Leather]
• This guy must have been thrilled with the dominance displayed by the Canadians over the lowly Russians. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• If you are employed by ESPN, you might not want to criticize Bud Selig. Actually, it’s probably best if you don’t criticize anything or anybody. [The Big Lead]
• Kicker Jeff Reed has been designated the franchise player by the Pittsburgh Steelers. Look for some celebratory dong photos from him in the near future. [Mondesi's House]
• Do you need a life-sized soccer statue? Of course you do. Scares away referees. [FirstCuts]
• Think about it. No really, think about it. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• It looks like somebody has a crush on Derek Jeter!! [Walkoff Walk]
• I agree, the new Ludacris rap really does put the whole Tiger Woods thing in perspective. [Out of Bounds]
• The Winter Olympics Pic of the Day is hairy, Olympic ring-y. [Guyism]
• Strange things are afoot in Deadspinland. [Deadspin]
• Holy moly, Ana Lorak is one sexy, sexy Russian pop singer. Muy caliente – or however you would say “muy caliente” in Russian. Nice. [Uncoached]
This story is a few weeks old and deals with an incident that occurred almost a year ago, but it was new to me, so I’m going with it.
Now, we could sit here and debate the meritorious argument that The Office just isn’t as good as it used to be or instead we could simply enjoy the fact that some wisenheimer kid named Dalton Duncan received a detention slip for going with the played-out “That’s what she said” line during class.
From the slip above, in case you are blind. But I guess if you were blind, you couldn’t read this either. Huh.
Reason for Detention: another student made the comment “you need to push it in further” (innocent comment) and Dalton added “that’s what she said.”
Gold.
I don’t care which side of the fence you find yourself on concerning the quality of the show, that’s brilliant. Further, as you can see from the slip, this was way back in May of 2009, so young Dalton Duncan deserves a smidgen more credit.
Awesome Kid Gets Detention For Being Hilarious (PICTURE) [The Huffington Post (via TV Squad)]
I suppose it is not so much of a competition as it is people with a little too much time on their hands openly willing to embarrass themselves by writing and performing odes to their favorite Gunslinger. I also suppose by definition any song written about Brett Favre is terrible by definition, but on both counts, I digress.
You have heard the soothing sounds of Cuevas family’s dedication to Brett, “The Ballad of Brett Favre,” now get ready to rock out to John and Kollette Lind’s “We Want You Back #4.”
Via RandBall:
My name is Kolette Lind, and I live in Pine City, MN. I wanted to share with you a You Tube link of a song that my husband, John, and I wrote and recorded about Brett Favre called “We Want You Back #4″. We are HUGE Vikings fans, and even bigger Brett Favre fans! We were so impressed with the fans who were putting their money in to buy billboards with messages for Brett Favre that we wanted to do something special as well… so we wrote an original song and put it up on You Tube! This song was written for all the fans who hope that he will come back for another season! This past Vikings season was one that we will never forget, and we hope to continue the greatness into the 2010-11 season!
I read your article online today about the Vikings fan who took out an ad in the Hattiesburg paper with a message to Favre, and I thought that I should send you our link. Please feel free to share this link with others. We hope you like it!
Yowsers. It starts off decent enough with a catchy little guitar riff but once the Martha Davis from The Motels-ey vocals kick in, it kind of loses its steam pretty quickly. I’m not saying Mrs. Lind doesn’t have a decent voice, but maybe a singer more in the mold of a Patti Smith may have brought a more rockin’ vibe to it. BANG BANG!
Between ballads, billboards in Hattiesburg and appearances on Leno, we’re only getting started with stuff like this people. Buckle up, folks, because as I’ve mentioned before, the state of Minnesota is chock full of damn rubes.
Thursday (Favre tributes, including new song) edition: Wha’ Happened? [RandBall]
At Long Last – The Ballad of Brett Favre [Deadspin]
