Archive for January, 2010
Pittsburgh Penguins veteran defenseman Sergei Gonchar allowed Minnesota Wild pest Cal Clutterbuck get under his skin last night during the third period of Minnesota’s 4-3 win over Pittsburgh that was broadcast nationally on VERSUS. No, really, it was – you could have watched it – if you are one of the 500 people that actually realize they get the cable juggernaut.
You can plainly see above in the Worst.Screencap.Ever. that Gonchar clearly left his feet to deliver a vicious elbow to Clutterbuck’s mug. Gonchar was assessed a five minute major for elbowing for the reckless and retaliatory move.
Clutterbuck is becoming well-known to opposing players for his, ahem, more irritating qualities – he leads the NHL in hits with 177 – and he always seems to be chirping and making a concerted effort at being an overall pain in the ass.
It appears that Gonchar is retaliating for a hit that Clutterbuck laid on him earlier in the shift, and to paraphrase noted hockey enthusiast Popeye, it was all he could stands and he couldn’t stands no more Video follows.
Olivia Namath Enjoys Dope Routes
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Allow me to reveal to you to the new face for the subset of jet-setting, privileged youth who feel they are allowed to do whatever they want because their mommy or daddy is famous. Or alternatively, the face of someone who simply enjoys getting her drink on (like her papa) and smoke on (no word on whether or not Broadway Joe ever toked on the herb, but I’m guessing he did).
The photo above is the mugshot of one Olivia Namath, the 19-year-old daughter of Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Namath. The young lady, traveling with two men, was arrested early Sunday morning after being pulled over in her silver Mercedes for speeding in Palm Beach County. After smelling the sweet, intoxicating odor of marijuana, police discovered an open bottle of Captain Morgan, 11 bottles of Miller Lite and a bag of grass on the driver’s side floorboard. A subsequent search of the vehicle turned up the mother lode: 200 grams of buds – in baggies- stashed in the trunk.
Below are the charges filed against Ms. Namath, according the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office:
Wake N’ Blog will now be the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It is chock full of linky, nuggy goodness.
• Via the AP: “A Washington state blood center is offering donors a deal: Give a pint of blood, get a pint of beer. Cascade Regional Blood Services in Tacoma says its “Give blood, get beer” promotion has worked so well that it’s being expanded.” People are willing to do shit for free beer? Color me shocked. [MSNBC/AP]
• Former UNLV head basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian called the NCAA “the crookedest organization in our society.” Strangely, coming in a close second, according to Tark: The Salvation Army. [SI/AP]
• Kevin Harlan is one of the best announcers in the business. When he called Timberwolves games back in the day with Kevin McHale, it was the only reason to tune in. Here’s Harlan’s radio call of Ray Rice’s touchdown for the Baltimore Ravens on Sunday. [Buster Sports via Hot Clicks]
Tom Brady: Master Of The Obvious
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In the wake of his dreadful performance (3 interceptions, 1 lost fumble) in New England’s 33-14 loss to Baltimore on Sunday, Tom Brady, instead of going into hiding, faced the critics and owned up to his contributing role in the Debacle at Gillette Stadium during an interview today on WEEI in Boston.
Here’s Brady on how the Patriots played:
“It’s just one of those days where we didn’t put our best out there. If you’re going to beat the good teams, you’ve got to play well. We just didn’t.”
Now hold on a second here. Now is he saying that in order to beat a good team, you have to play well?
I’m sorry, but that is brilliant!
In light of Brady’s firm grasp on reality, here on some other nuggets of complete obviousisity (if it were an actual word) we could have expected from Brady during his interview, if only he had been prompted:
- It’s cold in January in Foxborough
- Ray Lewis is an intense football player
- Gisele is an attractive woman
- You need to outscore your opponent if you want any chance to win the game
- Randy Moss always gives 100% effort – when he feels like it
- White wide receivers are gritty competitors
- Goats are a great accessory for a photo shoot
- Ravens are birds
- The below photo of him golfing is friggin’ hilarious
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (January 11th)
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Note: as mentioned last week, some features on SOB have been axed. Fortunately, the link dump “It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?” has been mercifully spared. Further, consider the format here on the Sportress in the coming weeks to be a “work in progress.” For instance, “Wake N’ Blog” will more than likely return in the coming days, only with a slightly different format. Stay tuned. – Weed
• Mark McGwire finally admits to steroid use during his playing days. Wait – Mark McGwire used steroids? Who woulda thunk it? [Big League Stew]
• One of my all-time favorite blog features: “Food Court Lunch Finishes The Headline.” [Food Court Lunch]
• So, have you heard all about those Tiger Woods Gatorade bottles that have been popping up that read “Unfaithful” on one side? No? Well, it was all a hoax anyway. [Out of Bounds]
• Big news: the legendary video game NBA JAM is coming back, baby! Commence celebrating. [FirstCuts]
• If you happened to be contributing to the demise of Western society and found yourself at the Wal-Mart in Tuscaloosa, Alabama over the weekend, you could have had yourself photographed with the BCS Trophy. It makes perfect sense, because when I think of the best of the best, I think of Wal-Mart. [Busted Coverage]
• You know, if I have learned one thing in life, it’s this: messages on t-shirts are never wrong. Therefore, Ray Lewis really is the Best Dad. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Even if Tiger Woods doesn’t play at all on the Tour, he’ll retain his Number One ranking until June, maybe July. [Devil Ball Golf]
If you are anything like me – and I’m sure you are – the first thing that crossed your mind was, “Who in the bloody hell are Lewis Hamilton and Nicole Scherzinger?”
Fear not, for I am here to inform you of tedious bits of information such as these. Lewis Hamilton is an English Formula One driver of some renown, and is currently racing for the McLaren Mercedes team.
Nicole Scherzinger, on the other hand, is a “singer,” “songwriter,” and “actress” of little renown, but perhaps is best known for her ass-shaking performances while heading up the “musical act” Pussycat Dolls.
The 25-year-old McLaren driver and 31-year-old American said in a joint statement Monday that they wanted to concentrate on their careers.
They had been an item since meeting at the MTV Europe Awards in Munich in November 2007.
Yep, it would be a shrewd move by Scherzinger to spend a little more time focusing on her career. With a little more devotion to her craft, she’ll be starring in direct-to-Cinemax erotic thrillers in no time, which isn’t the best, but it is something to hang your whore hat on.
MCLAREN’S HAMILTON AND PUSSYCAT DOLLS’ SCHERZINGER SPLIT [The Canadian Press]
American downhill skiing sensation Lindsey Vonn, fresh off becoming the first American skier ever to win races on three straight days (it was last accomplished by a female skier in 1997), had some harsh words for the coaches of the Austrian ski team, who reportedly stated that Vonn is a little thick in the britches, to put it in the parlance of our times.
In a special column for The Denver Post, Vonn fired back at the Austrian coaches after comments attributed to them were reported in newspapers regarding how her size gives her an unfair advantage.
It started with Herbert Mandl, the Austrian women’s head coach, comparing me to his girls. They’re all like 5-foot-4, 5-foot-6, really small girls. I’m 5-10. I think journalists might have sensationalized his comments, but at the same time the comparison was made that I’m a bigger, heavier girl and that’s why they’re not succeeding.
‘Smell The Glove’
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As the old adage goes, “a picture is worth a thousand words.” And while that may be true in most cases, the above photo of Arizona Cardinals cornerback Michael Adams getting up close and personal with Aaron Rodgers’ face, I believe only three words are necessary:
"I just threw up in my mouth a little bit"
For those of you who have ever taken a freshman psychology course in college, you are undoubtedly familiar with something called the Kübler-Ross model. Laid out by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969 in her groundbreaking book, On Death and Dying, the theory details how people deal with grief by segmenting the process into five distinct stages.
Given the putrid performance of the New England Patriots yesterday in their 33-14 loss to the Baltimore Ravens, many are speculating that the Patriots’ remarkable run over the past decade when they won three Super Bowls (2001, 2003 and 2004) and remained remarkably competitive every season may in fact be over. We may have just witnessed the final death throes of the Patriots Dynasty, and whether your dislike for the Pats ranges from mild dislike to rabid hatred – because does anyone really like the Patriots other than their fans? – the outcome should at the very least come as a welcome development. The smug nature in which the Patriots went about their business over the past decade was unpleasant at best.
And no one personified that arrogance, the holier than thou attitude and the apparent lack of respect for their opponents (both on and off the field) that the Patriots demonstrated over the years more so than Bill Belichick, which made it a delight to watch Belichick’s demeanor throughout the game yesterday. He had all the appearances of a man that despite being cognizant of what was occurring around him was powerless to do anything about it. Belichick was witnessing first-hand the crumbling of his once-great empire and could be seen visibly grieving for his loss.
Which brings us to the Kübler-Ross model. As you can plainly see by the below photos, Belichick managed to get through all five stages in the span of four quarters of football.
Yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers.
And here you thought you were rid of me. I suppose that is what you get for thinking – never a good idea.
You see, Ol’ Weed is just about finished with his self-imposed sabbatical (that being a few weeks primarily consisting of laying around, eating nachos and watching episodes of Spenser: For Hire and Hardcastle & McCormick on videocassette – I still would like to know what somebody did with my Cagney & Lacey tapes). And let me tell me you, I am a better man for it. Relaxed, refreshed – a bit smelly and in need of a shower – but overall, ready to get back into the blogging game. And I believe we can all agree the blogosphere will be the better for it. Right?
By the way, a little trivia nugget: the Mark Twain quote in the title is the historically accurate version. There are many known variations of it, but this one is the Real Deal Holyfield. And of course, “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers” line will always be remembered as a witty one-liner uttered by John McClane in the film, Die Hard; most people are not aware of the fact that the phrase was ripped off and can be originally found in a famous letter Mark Twain wrote to friend Henry H. Rogers. Who knew they spoke like that back then?
Moving on…
