Archive for January, 2010
Wake N’ Blog is now the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It was pretty lonely here at SOB yesterday, since the blog’s writer never got back to his office.
• 78-year-old grandmother Gabrielle Shaink of Florida was arrested for driving with a suspended or revoked license in November and spent 15 days in the slammer before prosecutors figured out her whereabouts after she failed to show up for court appearances. She was ultimately released and charges were dropped. [MSNBC]
• Troy Polamalu dressed up as green man. But I have to disagree with this post’s assertion, Charlie Kelly’s version was way better. [P.S.A.M.P.]
• Get well soon, Rue McClanahan. [TV Guide]
Wake N’ Blog is now the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. It is recommended by four out of five dentists with a crippling nitrous oxide addiction.
• I wonder what the tax code is like on Whore Island? Well, that’s a mystery for another day, but I can assure you that in Poland, they don’t mess around with the prostitutes. Well, they do, but then they don’t, I guess. Via Reuters: “Poland’s tax office has levied a fine of 2.3 million zlotys ($820,000) on an unemployed woman for failing to pay tax on income worth at least 13.7 million zlotys she said she had earned as a prostitute.” Ah, Poland – your fine people are always such a source of entertainment. Which reminds me of a joke: how do you get a one-armed Polish hooker out of a tree? You give her a glass of water with a booger in it. I think I messed that one up. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
I’m pretty confident I don’t have to justify with any explanations or make any qualifications as to why Charles Barkley is the man. It’s been gone over a million times already. The man says what he thinks and doesn’t give a damn what anyone else has to say about it. That’s why it was refreshing to hear that Sir Chuck appeared on Dan LeBatard’s radio show on 790 The Ticket in Miami today.
Among the topics discussed: how Gilbert Arenas is, while a jokester, still stupid and made incredibly bad decisions but that shouldn’t mean he should lose $90 million by having his contract voided. He also discussed his appearance on SNL and how he compares it to being on the Dream Team. But Chuck really hits his stride when addressing the shitstorm engulfing Mark McGwire at the present moment.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (January 13th)
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• It’s a shame there are only a few of these left this season: KSK’s LOLNFL. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• LaDainian Tomlinson finally addresses his awkwardly hilarious “Electric Glide” video. [Sport Radio Interviews via Hot Clicks]
• MYFO provides a wonderful public service at the end of the NFL season and welcomes back football fans to their hometown NHL teams. Today: the Southeast Division. [Melt Your Face Off]
• LSUFreek + The Beverly Hillbillies + Lane Kiffin = Gold. [The Sporting Blog]
If you thought for even one second that the absence of Tiger Woods from the Tour would make for a boring and uneventful start of the PGA season, you better think again. There are still plenty of golfers on Tour that know how to have a devilish good time away from the course while still accomplishing incredible feats inside the ropes to the delight of the dwindling galleries. At least that is most likely the case if the stories regarding the sort of outlandish shenanigans and senseless debauchery the Tour players are engaging in as they prepare for this weekend’s Honda Classic in Maui is any indication.
No, it’s not strippers and coke-fueled parties. That’s just silly. Gambling? So played.
You will never guess what those guys are up to over there in Maui. Prepare to get your socks knocked off.
Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse for Tiger Woods, here comes this bit of terrible news: General Motors has pulled the plug on the cushy gig Woods had with automaker where they would provide him with new vehicles.
USA Today reports the automaker ended its arrangement with Woods in which he received free vehicles. GM spokeswoman tells the newspaper the agreement expired Dec. 31, more than a month after Woods crashed a Cadillac Escalade SUV outside his Florida home.
Mark Sanchez, fresh off an adequate performance – okay it was better than adequate, just not as spectacular as the media is making it out to be – in a the Jets’ 24-14 wild card round victory over the Cincinnati Bengals on Saturday, sat down with Bill Eichenberger of the Sporting News for a little Q&A session, where he discussed the differences between his coach at USC, Pete Carroll and his current coach, Rex Ryan; how he prepares for games and his superstitions regarding his facial hair.
As any competent interviewer does, Eichenberger lobbed a floater at Sanchez to set the young quarterback at ease. But if you ask me, Eichenberger cut to the chase and dealt with the most pressing issue currently surrounding the Jets signal caller – what’s up with the beard, dude?
Q: How long have you had the beard?
A: How long have I had it? Good question. I haven’t shaved, and I think my parents hate it. But we’ve been winning, so I don’t want to change anything up.
Nice. Who knew Sanchez was such a rebel? “I’m never going to be like you, Dad!”
DALLAS STARS WIN FOR TEAM! FOR TEAM!
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DRAAAAAAGOOOOOOOOO!
Oh wait. Wrong Rocky film.
Marc Crawford, the head coach of the Dallas Stars, clearly fresh out of ideas, attempted a somewhat unorthodox method of motivation the other day in an effort to get his struggling team (1-7-3 in its last 11 road games) back on track. In Philadelphia a day before the Stars were set to take the ice against the Philadelphia Flyers on Tuesday night, Crawford stopped the team bus on the way to a practice Monday in front of the Philadelphia Museum of Art so his team could take a gander at the spot Rocky Balboa famously ran up the steps.
You know, because Phil Jackson and Ozzy Osbourne are obviously kindred spirits, right?
Nah, probably not, but thankfully, Lakers head coach Phil Jackson answered a rather innocuous question about the city of San Antonio before the Pau Gasol-less Los Angeles Lakers stunk up the joint in a 105-85 loss to the Spurs in San Antonio, because I imagine Jackson’s response would have been drenched with even more sarcasm.
Prior to the game on Tuesday, a reporter asked the coach whether he ran out of things to do during his latest trip to San Antonio. Jackson, who, according to this article in the Los Angeles Times, has previously made it well-known his distaste for the Alamo City, had this to say:
“I took a walk on the beautiful River Walk last night. There’s just some puddles here and there,” Jackson said. “This morning, the ducks were still out playing in the puddles, so it was kind of quaint. I understand they clean it up this time of the year, get in there and dredge it a little bit. There wasn’t much beauty in San Antonio this trip.”
In the grand scheme of things, Jackson’s playful dig at San Antonio can’t be considered terribly offensive, but if you imagine him saying it in that smug tone he often employs with that self-satisfied smirk on his face, I can see how his semi-sarcastic statement could get underneath the skin of some sensitive San Antonians.
But hey, what should anyone care what Phil Jackson has to say about San Antonio anyway? That town is a friggin’ shithole.
Lakers’ Phil Jackson takes another shot at city of San Antonio [The Fabulous Forum]
Wake N’ Blog will now serve as the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. And today, 100% free of Lane Kiffin stories! Is anyone else completely bored with this story already? It’s only been 12 hours and I cannot bear hearing about it anymore. Screw that guy. Anyway, enjoy the links, but not too much. Everything in moderation, folks.
• Via the AP: “A woman has been charged with trashing a McDonald’s restaurant in Missouri because she was unhappy with her cheeseburger. Police said they received many tips after releasing video of the Dec. 27 incident.” Jeez lady. Calm down. And if she had half a brain, she should have known to go to Burger King. Even a grown man-baby born yesterday knows that BK cheeseburgers are meatier and fire-grilled – especially the doubles. In case you haven’t seen it yet, the video follows.
Konichiwa, bitches! Guess who’s back?
No. It’s me. Weed. You know, the guy who writes half-assed dickjokery that you will occasionally read if you have nothing better to do? Ringing a bell at all? Oh well.
Anyhoo, as I tend to do for these Last Call posts, here is another tale of a last call gone awry. Poor, poor Joshua Rock, a 22-year-old mouthbreather who, when denied last call at the Island Bar in Butler, Pennsylvania on Saturday, January 2nd, shot 29-year-old bartender Adam Christy twice in the stomach. Christy ended up in critical condition and Rock wound up at Butler County Prison charged with attempted homicide and aggravated assault. Man, no drink is worth that – unless it was the world’s biggest Long Island Iced Tea. Those are yummy.
Alrighty, on to the usual routine.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (January 12th)
Posted by:• John Clayton mysteriously disappeared during a SportsCenter broadcast. Creepy. [Awful Announcing]
• The fine fellas over at KSK give you ample reasons to hate my favorite team, the Minnesota Vikings. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Rick Chandler is no fan of the Pizza Whisperer. Click through for the backstory. [Out of Bounds]
• Here are nine reasons the Hayden Panettiere-Wladmir Klitschko relationship will never work out. Reason No. 10: she’s secretly in love with me. [Sharapova's Thigh]
Maria Sharapova has signed on with Nike to pimp their products to the tune of $70 million, the most lucrative contract ever signed by a female athlete. The eight-year deal with Nike, originally reported by Bloomberg News, surpasses – nay, blows the hell out of the water – the previous record, a five-year, $45 million contract signed by Venus Williams.
In light of the Tiger Woods controversy and the current frigid economic climate, it is indeed surprising that Nike offered her such a long and lucrative contract. Also, her age – in tennis years, that is – she’s only 22 for Christ’s sake – is perhaps an additional concern for the company.
What makes the deal even more remarkable is that Sharapova will be 30 by the time the contract is up. Given that she won Wimbledon as a 17-year-old and has had more than her fair share of injuries, there has to be a good chance that she will no longer be playing on the tour by then. The Russian had surgery on her right shoulder in October 2008 and only returned to the tour in May of last year.
Sexy, athletic – and a Russian, no less – not to mention supremely talented and now insanely rich? Man, I should have held onto that gal when I had the chance. Whaddya mean I’m full of shit? My spanish is a little rusty, but I believe the above quote in the photo from a December 2008 Spanish Vogue article translates as: “I love the man you know as Weed Against Speed. His sense of humor and rugged good looks make me want to jump out of my high-heel shoes.”
Sure, that’s not how Babel Fish would translate it, but you can trust me on this one.
Maria Sharapova signs £43m deal with Nike [The Guardian]
Every year, in order to ensure that I am adequately informed as Oscar season heats up, I take a gander at the list of award-winning and critically-acclaimed documentaries that are safe bets to be Academy Award contenders, and every year, I am left disappointed, even generally embarrassed that none of them particularly capture my fancy. Sure, Anvil: The Story of Anvil looks to be a pretty interesting flick with a compelling story, kind of a real-life This Is Spinal Tap, if you will, but come on – a documentary about the slaughtering of dolphins by Japanese fisherman? Depressing. A film about how the food we eat and the method in which it is produced is completely controlled by only a few money-hungry, power-grabbing multinational corporations? Depressing again.
Let’s face it. Documentaries are by and large a depressing lot. If I wanted to be bummed out by watching a movie, I would go see Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel.
But enough about how my entire family was slaughtered by a bloodthirsty band of anthropomorphic rodents. There is good news to be had on the documentary front, as Darren Rovell is reporting on his Sports Biz blog that CNBC will be airing a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue documentary next month.
♪♪ Sunday, Monday, Happy Days, Tuesday, Wednesday Happy Days ♪♪
Cleverest Headline Ever
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Brilliant!
I have to give an imaginary gold star to the writer of this headline I discovered today on Reuters, because it satisfies three of my requirements for a solid, punny headline.
- A great pop culture reference;
- Informative; and most importantly
- Obvious incorporation of marijuana lingo.
Unbeknownst to yours truly, “Pineapple Express” is not only the name of the Peabody Award recipient and Newberry Medal-winning film starring Seth Rogen and James Franco, as well as a mythological strain of primo nugs which are given MacGuffin-like status in the movie; Pineapple Express is also some sort of actual meteorological phenomenon. Via Wikipedia:
“[Pineapple Express] is characterized by a strong and persistent flow of atmospheric moisture and associated heavy rainfall from the waters adjacent to the Hawaiian Islands and extending to any location along the Pacific coast of North America.”
