Archive for December, 2009
Babineaux has been charged with possession of marijuana with an intent to distribute after an officer pulled over the Falcons defensive tackle for a routine traffic stop at approximately 10:45 p.m. last night in Gwinnett County, Georgia. The officer who pulled Babineaux over states that he smelled marijuana in Babineaux’s SUV during the stop and during a search of his vehicle three bags containing 40 oz. of grass were discovered.
Another passenger in the vehicle was also charged with a felony for possession with intent to distribute.
Essentially, Babineaux is getting nailed with felony possession because it appears he had three half-ounce bags of weed. He probably pinched a bud out of one of them to sample – hence the odor of grass – and now he’s fucked. Obviously, it is highly unlikely that Babineaux was selling weed to make a quick buck – the guy just signed a 5-year, $25 million contract extension last year – he more than likely just picked up a few half-ounces for personal use. So the question is: why didn’t he combine the bags into one? I’m not sure what the marijuana laws are in Georgia, but more than likely he would have just been busted for possession, which probably carries a lesser charge.
Oh, I know why he didn’t – because the guy is a friggin’ moron, that’ s why. How do I know that? Because it appears he was pulled over for expired tabs and having the windows in his Cadillac Escalade EXT tinted too darkly. Oh, he also was driving without a license. Jesus.
Falcons’ Jonathan Babineaux jailed on drug charges [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]
Vancouver police seized 106,000 ecstasy pills – some bearing imprinted Olympic rings on them – while responding to a 911 call regarding a possible home invasion. The street value of the seized ecstasy is estimated to be around $1 million Canadian. Also seized was a six-ounce brick of cocaine worth roughly $17,000 on the street. Now that sounds like a party! Apparently, Canadians know how to throw down.
The officers arrived to find the front door kicked in and during a search of the residence for possible victims saw what appeared to be ecstasy, police said in a press release Thursday. They locked down the house to wait for a search warrant and called the Drug Squad.
I imagine the Drug Squad is kind of like the Mod Squad crossed with the Police Squad, only that they have totally kick-ass parties with the seized substances that are “accidentally” misappropriated.
The aforementioned Drug Squad arrested two individuals during the subsequent raid – but get this – they were ultimately released, but on two conditions: they were not to have contact with each other and were forbidden to attend any raves. So let that be a lesson to them and to all Canadians planning on getting mixed up in the drug trade: if you happen to be in a house with over $1 million worth of X as well as a nice block of what must have been uncut cocaine, you’re not going to be able to hang out with your buddy or go to any parties where said drugs may be consumed. Hardcore, man.
Oh, Canada. Your liberal drug laws are an inspiration to all nations. Not to mention your open-minded attitudes towards those who dabble in the sex trade. Those aren’t half-bad either. It almost makes me wish I was Canuckistanian. Or at the very least, be in Vancouver during the Olympics.
Drugs stamped with Olympic rings seized by Vancouver police [The Vancouver Sun]
After getting the ACLU involved, Penbrook, Pennsylvania (which is considered Baltimore Ravens territory) homeowner Alissa Myers will now be allowed to hang her 2-foot by 8-foot “You’re In Steelers Country Now” banner on her house without having to pay a $40 permit fee. Officials were threatening to assess fines on Myers on a daily basis until she complied. The only other option for Myers would have been to only display the banner only on game days, but that wasn’t good enough for her, so she did what any sane person would do – she consulted the local chapter of the ACLU and they were more than happy to assist her on this affront to her constitutional rights.
The matter at hand is that hanging the sign is a violation of a Dauphin County ordinance, which:
…allows permanent commercial signs up to 20 square feet, and signs that identify businesses to be up to 100 square feet. But, Ms. Burch said, non-commercial messages — either political, religious or personal, are limited to 16 square feet, permitted only for brief time periods and allowed only if they “advertise political parties or candidates for election,” “nonprofit, charitable and similar events,” or qualify as “holiday decorations.”
• NFL. Cleveland Browns 13, Pittsburgh Steelers 6. Ben Roethlisberger was sacked eight times as Chris Jennings scored a touchdown and Phil Dawson kicked two 29-yard field goals for the Browns, who ended a 12-game losing streak against the Steelers. The defending Super Bowl champions have now lost five straight games. [Yahoo!/AP]
• NHL. Nashville Predators 4, Columbus Blue Jackets 3 (SO). Steve Sullivan scored the decisive goal in the fifth round of the shootout as Columbus lost for the 13th consecutive time in Nashville. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• NBA. Boston Celtics 104, Washington Wizards 102. Rajon Rondo broke a 98-98 tie on a dunk with 1:04 remaining in the game and Ray Allen became the 32nd player in NBA history to score 20,000 points in their career. [NBA.com Scoreboard]
• It would have been funny if the woman’s name had been Flo. Carolyn Brown, a 44-year-old woman in Boutte, Louisiana is facing second-degree battery charges after she allegedly poured a boiling hot pot of grits on her boyfriend while he was sleeping after the two had been arguing. In case you young whippersnappers don’t get the reference, “Kiss my grits” was the catchphrase of a waitress named Flo on the late 70s/early 80s sitcom Alice. It really wasn’t a very good show, but that Flo sure was a spitfire! [MSNBC/AP]
Well, if it isn’t, it should be.
As the wise folks over at Total Pro Sports perfectly articulate, “[t]his is a fail, plain and simple.” Oh, and that is putting it nicely. I don’t see a WNBA career in this gal’s future.
I have no idea what this girl was trying to accomplish here, but unless it was ramming her face into the base of the hoop, she screwed it up big time. Maybe if she didn’t run like she was trying to keep a turd in, she might have accomplished what she was setting out to do.
But then again, perhaps this is a piece of performance art that goes way over my head. You know, like a commentary on how Title IX really hasn’t benefited the advancement of participation in sports for young women. Because watching this gal face plant doesn’t really shine a friendly light on the athletic ability of the average female.
Girl Runs Smashes Face on Base of Baseketball Net (Video) [Total Pro Sports]
• NBA Basketball Doubleheader. I’m telling you, if there’s one thing that screams excitement, it’s an NBA doubleheader in December. Anyway, we have the Boston Celtics at Washington Wizards first (8:00 ET), then Orlando Magic at Utah Jazz (10:30 ET). At the same time, Charles Barkley will be in studio, which never hurts. [TNT]
• College Basketball. SEC/Big East Invitational: Florida vs. Syracuse. Does anybody know why Syracuse sports are called the Orangemen? What a strange name for a team. Why not Bluemen? [ESPN, 9:00 ET]
• Killer. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. “The Gang Reignites The Rivalry” “After a ten year ban, Paddy’s team is eligible to compete in Flipadelphia, a city wide flip cup tournament.” I am consistently amazed that this show continues to get better. Stay tuned for another new episode of The League. It’s funny. [FX, 10:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Holiday in Handcuffs. Hey, any Christmas-inspired bondage film is cool with me, but I’m not sure why it’s on this channel. Weird. [ABC Family, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (December 1oth)
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• Tiger’s colleagues on the Tour be talking smack. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Brendan Witt, NHL player, total badass. Allow him to explain. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Denny’s should really stop serving professional athletes. [Sports Crackle Pop!]
• Blue Menu on delightful moments in sportscasting. [Food Court Lunch]
• A wonderful retrospective of the last decade in sports. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• A German goalie took a piss behind the advertising signage – during the game! Those kooky Germans. [Out of Bounds]
• Sweet Fancy Moses: 52-year-old Slava Fetisov is returning to competitive hockey. [Guyism]
Uh, ‘/Dick Joke’?
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As many of you regular readers of the Sportress are most assuredly painfully aware of by now, I get a kick out of punny headlines. When they are intentional, I will hammer them mercilessly. On the other hand, if they are unintentional, I marvel at the accidental comedy that comes as a result from them.
More often than not, I’ll see a funny headline in my RSS Reader (as seen above), and click over to the article, do a screen cap and voila! An easy post that requires minimal effort.
Sometimes, the headline in the feed isn’t the exact headline of the article, so I unfortunately have to accept that my feeble attempt at lame, lazy humor has been thwarted. But this time, it was too good to pass up.
“Man City suffer new johnson blow”
Shaaaazaaaam! That’s hi-larious! Man City? Johnson blow? I’m sorry, but that’s some quality unintentional gay humor right there.
Oh, it isn’t? Well, maybe not to you but perhaps your sense of humor isn’t as sophistimicated as mine. You guys are lameoids, man.
Just seeing this rendering causes me to be even more pumped up than I already was for the 2010 Winter Classic at Fenway Park on January 1st, when the Boston Bruins face off against the Philadelphia Flyers. I’m sure all of you will be watching as well. It’s not like anything else is on television on New Year’s Day.
And if you haven’t seen the Winter Classic commercial yet, take a moment and have a peek. It’s pretty neat.
Did I just refer to something as “neat”? What a tool.
You know things are going really bad for your favorite NFL team when one of the few bright spots in another dreadful season is how well your punter is playing.
But that appears to be the case for the 1-11 St. Louis Rams and their punter, Donnie Jones, who last week pinned the Chicago Bears deep in their own territory four times during a 17-9 loss. Sure the Rams lost, but how about that punter?
In fact, first-year head coach Steve Spagnuolo couldn’t be happier. Let me rephrase that: he could be a lot happier with how the season is going, but at least he isn’t planning on hanging himself anytime soon because of his team’s punting.
“Every day I grow more and more in appreciation for having that particular kind of punter,” Spagnuolo said. “It helps you defensively, it helps the whole team.
“I think he’s done a terrific job the whole year.”
So, I guess you could say the Rams have a pretty good punter. And nothing takes the sting away of a losing season knowing that the punter – the person a fan hates seeing on the field more than any other player – is having an outstanding season.
Sweet.
Rams punter coming off big day against Bears [Sporting News/AP]
The Golfing Gods Are Angry, My Friends
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The tree during happier times (2006)
Why, Golfing Gods?? Why??
Just horrible, horrible news, people. Yet another legend of the golf world has fallen. The famous cypress tree located on the 6th hole at Torrey Pines was toppled by the terrible (and evil!) storm that it San Diego on Monday.
Remain calm, Weed…get your emotions in check. Don’t go crying on me!
The news has been particularly hard on City Golf Manager Jon Maddern.
“Very sickening,” Maddern said late yesterday afternoon. “That (No. 6) has always been the signature hole. In fact, my son summed it up best when he said that’s the best location you see out there between both courses. This is definitely heartbreaking.”
I think I know what’s going on here. The Golfing Gods are invoking Their wrath upon us for our incredibly harsh judgment and very public evisceration of the Chosen One.
Let this be a lesson to us. Please reconsider the way in which we have scorned Him before more trees are lost. Repent! Repent!
Torrey’s landmark tree lost to storm [The San Diego Union-Tribune]
At least if the number of unique visitors to their official websites are any indication.
From the very astute New York Times:
The scandal over Woods’s suspected misdeeds has elevated TigerWoods.com’s traffic drastically, although not into the Internet stratosphere. In the week ending Nov. 29 — the day he issued his statement about his car accident — the number of unique users soared to 488,000 visitors, according to Nielsen Online.
In that same period, it beat the 89,000 who visited BritneySpears.com.
I understand what they are trying to do here, but really, Britney Spears? Is that whose website this writer chose to compare Tiger’s as a means to illustrate its popularity? Isn’t Britney Spears dead or something? There had to be a better choice out there to illustrate the increase in traffic on Tiger’s site instead of juxtaposing TigerWoods.com to Britney’s site.
Further, who are the nearly 90,000 ham-fisted mongoloids who are visiting Britney Spears official website? I cannot believe these people haven’t somehow managed to inadvertently swallow their tongues and choke to death if they are spending time perusing the life and times of one Britney Spears.
Although one interesting thought came out this bit of news: are we headed for a Britney-esque meltdown by Tiger in the near future? Is Tiger’s next move to tongue kiss Kanye West? Will tabloid photos soon appear of Tiger shaving his head and looking to be 40 pounds overweight?
To be honest, I can see it happening.
Web Site for Woods Is Drawing Attention [The New York Times]
• People in their underwear were arrested! [Busted Coverage]
• The FOX NFL Robot: still annoying as all get-out after all these years. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• I’m a day late, but as always, still worth a read. Another NSFWednesday from LeNoceur. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Lou Holtz was once a coaching candidate for the Redskins? Yowsers! [D.C. Sports Bog]
• Would you trust Ochocinco with your children? [Second-String Fullback]
• Not many people showed up to watch Allen Iverson’s second game in Philly. [The Sporting Blog]
• A thorough and entertaining recap of the MLB Winter Meetings. [Big League Stew]
Ha ha ha. Get it? You know, because Bob Mould was in Hüsker Dü and Ndamukong is a Husker with the last name Suh, which is pronounced “soo”? The only difference is that in Suh’s case, the word “Husker” needs those little two dots over the “u”, then it would rhyme perfectly. What are those damn things called? Umlauts, you say? Nah, that’s doesn’t even sound like a word. Seriously, that makes no sense at all. I guess, in a way, it makes no difference at all.
That’s good stuff you won’t find on other sports blogs. Probably because those other sites have better things to do, but maybe it’s because I’m much, much more clever-er than those guys.
Holy crap on a cracker! Just when you think everything makes sense in this whacked-out, topsy-turvy world, the Fates throw you a curveball like this:
According to Jeff Borris, the esteemed agent of one Barry Bonds, the playing days of one of the most polarizing figures in the history of Major League Baseball are, for all intents and purposes, more than likely over.
WHA???
Bonds last played in a Major League game in 2007 and in 23 seasons, had 762 homers and 1,996 RBI. So what gives? Preach on, Mr. Borris.
“It’s two years since he played his last game, and if there was any chance he’d be back in a major league uniform, it would have happened by now,” Borris tells The Chronicle. “When 2008 came around, I couldn’t get him a job. When 2009 came around, I couldn’t get him a job. Now, 2010 … I’d say it’s nearly impossible. It’s an unfortunate ending to a storied career.”
