Archive for December, 2009
Oh, how the once mighty have horribly fallen. It appears that Dennis Miller is willing to prostitute himself and his brand out for just about anything – as long as he gets a paycheck – because the comic hosted something called “The Slammy Awards” on WWE Raw on Monday night.
I know! I cannot believe I missed it, too! Stupid DVR. Or something.
For those who do not rigorously follow the crazy-frenetic world of professional wrestling (including myself – I’m far too busy trying to get my home-based latch-hooking business off the ground), the “Slammy Awards” are the too-good-to-be-true awards gala where:
…awards, similar to the Academy and Grammy Awards, are given to professional wrestlers. There have been five editions of the concept, the first edition aired in 1986, with another airing in 1987, and after a nine year hiatus, the concept resumed in 1996 and 1997. The concept yet again endured another long hiatus, until a special edition aired in 2008. The recipient of the award receives a statuette that depicts one wrestler holding another over his head.
Dear God. What’s next? Awards shows for the best commercials of the year??? What? They do? Huh.
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The Tiger Woods Prom Photo Is Epic
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First off, that’s gold, Jerry. Gold. A big old hat tip to Sports Crackle Pop! for the find.
This story is never going to die as it seems any person from Tiger’s past is coming out of the woodwork to take their spin on the fame machine. I won’t be surprised when the nurse who gave him his first hernia screening in junior high is interviewed (“Nurse Dishes On Tiger’s Adolescent Pubes in an exclusive interview!”).
Anyhoo, the photo above was provided by the lovely young gal who went to prom with Tiger Woods and was his steady girlfriend for three years, Dina Gravell. Radar Online managed to track her down (or was it the other way around?), to talk about her first love and what it was like to date Tiger for those wonderful three years before Woods grew tired of her and moved on.
• NHL. Pittsburgh Penguins 6. Philadelphia Flyers 1. In a chippy game – three fights in 16 seconds – Jordan Staal scored two goals and Sidney Crosby added a goal and an assist in the rout for the Pens. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• NBA. Los Angeles Lakers 96, Chicago Bulls 87. Kobe Bryant scored a season-high 42 points, pacing the Lakers to their 12th win in their last 13 games. [NBA.com Scoreboard]
• College Football. Six Crimson Tide players, led by Heisman Trophy-winning running back Mark Ingram, made the Associated Press All-America team, the most for any school. [Associated Press]
• Book returned 99 years overdue. Stanley Dudek of New Bedford, Massachusetts returned the book, Facts I Ought to Know about the Government of My Country to the library a little bit late – the book was originally due on May 10, 1910. The book was originally borrowed from the library by his mother, and if Dudek had been asked to pay the late fees, at a penny a day, it would have come to $361.35. It would have been amusing if the book had been Tropic of Cancer, but unfortunately, Miller’s novel didn’t come out for another 50 years. [MSNBC/AP]
Wonders never cease, my friends. I cannot believe it, either. I may actually watch Last Call with Carson Daly tonight. Well, not actually stay up that late – I’m too old for that sort of nonsense – but I might record the show with the old trusty DVR, because tonight, burlesque model Dita Von Teese will be making an appearance. Via the Examiner:
Dita Von Teese fans should set their DVRs now because the burlesque queen will be featured next Tuesday on Last Call with Carson Daly.
From her Twitter: “Shooting Last Call with Carson [sic] Daily today. Airs Dec 15th late night.”
It is likely that she will be on air to promote her new book, Dita: Stripteese. The burlesque star is currently on book tour and lucky residents in the Los Angeles area can get their books signed this weekend.
How very interesting. But I am left with one question: who is Von Teese’s agent? I mean, Carson Daly? Come on.
• NHL Hockey. Philadelphia Flyers at Pittsburgh Penguins. The Battle of Pennsylvania, kids! Should be a doozy. [Versus, 7:00 ET]
• NBA Basketball. Los Angeles Lakers at Chicago Bulls. It’s on WGN! Listen to the Chicago homers try to act like their team isn’t going down the shitter. [WGN, 8:00 ET]
• I’d rather castrate myself with a rusty can opener. Homecoming with Rick Reilly: Dwyane Wade. I know it’s been a bit overdone, but seriously, screw this guy. And I’m not referring to Wade. [ESPN, 10:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Bad Santa. Yes. That is all. Even edited. This is by far Billy Bob Thorton’s best work except for that one comedy he was in, Sling Blade. Wait, that wasn’t a comedy? [SpikeTV, 10:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (December 15th)
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• Professors at the University of Texas are all in a tizzy about Mack Brown’s new contract. [Bootlegger Sports]
• How whipped do you have to be to get personalized his/her jerseys with your wife or ladyfriend? Sheesh. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Time for more LOLNFL. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Lingerie Football League is still going strong. [Busted Coverage]
• A female Olympic weightlifter, not aware that she was pregnant, gives birth while training. [Out of Bounds]
• Larry Fitzgerald and the Madden Curse. [Guyism]
• Why shouldn’t there be a bowl game in Mogadishu? [EDSBS]
Sometimes, even in bobsledding, despite a person’s drive to soldier on, to compete in one more event, it is a wise move to face facts and call it a career. As they say, all good things come to an end. Especially when bleeding on the brain is involved.
That is just the conclusion that U.S. Olympic bobsledder Todd Hays has had to come to terms with this week, as he announced his retirement from bobsledding after being diagnosed with intraparenchymal hematoma, which is characterized by the bleeding of the brain tissue. Seems like a smart move.
Originally thought to be only a concussion, Hays injured himself during a training run in Germany last Wednesday. Obviously, the 40-year-old Hays, who was trying to qualify for his fourth Olympic team, is profoundly disappointed by the turn of events. Heh. Turn.
“This isn’t how I wanted to end my career, and I’m devastated because I feel like I’m letting my team down,” Hays said Monday night in a statement released by the U.S. Bobsled and Skeleton Federation. “There are three guys in my sled that were counting on me to give them an Olympic ticket. Now I can’t do that.”
As devastated as Hays may be, it’s a wise move to not put himself (and his brain) in any further jeopardy. Doctors have advised Hays that “additional trauma to a healing brain … may cause irreversible damage.”
So now we have to add bobsledding to the list of sports where serious brain injuries can occur. What’s next? Is the world of Competitive Whippit Inhaling going to get rocked with a brain injury controversy next? Please say it isn’t so. I was just about to turn pro.
Bobsledder Hays retires after tests find bleeding in brain [USA Today/AP]
This Time, ESPN Has Gone Too Far
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Sweet Christ, ESPN insists on having its greasy little paws in just about everything these days, but did they really have to go this far and try to ruin everyone’s Christmas?
Behold, nonbelievers: ESPN: The Ornament.
The Boston Herald had a story over the weekend about the ornament (via Awful Announcing):
Who knew Santa had time during his busy night to bring us the top 10 video highlights from the world of sports?
With the SportsCenter theme just a button push away, Santa sits at the SportsCenter anchor desk with a script ready and coffee in an ESPN mug nearby in a new holiday ornament from Hallmark Keepsake. ($16.50) When the audio button at the base of the ornament is pressed, the show’s theme music plays and Santa says snippets of his sports report.
You have got to be shitting me. Who in their right mind would want one of these? Better yet, who would be willing to humiliate themselves and walk into a Hallmark or Kohl’s store and purchase one of them? I don’t care if for some reason or another you find yourself with a half-witted, mouth-breathing, ham-fisted mongoloid on your holiday shopping list that would actually want one of these abominations, don’t go and buy one. This will not stand. This affront to Christmas will not stand, man.
Really, I could go on and mock and ridicule this product further, but I just don’t have the energy. I will only add this: just make it stop. If there is a God above, please make it stop.
ESPN “The Ornament” [Awful Announcing]
Santa the highlight of new ornaments from EPSN and Hallmark [Boston Herald]
Niki Popyer, a 16-year-old girl who sustained 11 concussions while playing basketball and was subsequently forced to give up the game because of them appeared at a press conference at Capitol Hill today to help implore Congress to enact laws that would help prevent other young athletes from having to experience a similar ordeal like she did.
Niki Popyer of Marlboro teamed up with two former NFL players in backing legislation calling on the federal government to develop concussion management guidelines. The bill would also establish a grant program to states to come up with ways to prevent, diagnose and treat sports-related concussions in schools.
She was joined at a Capitol Hill news conference by 13-year-old Abby Cahalan of Baltimore, who was forced to give up soccer after sustaining a concussion last year.
To be honest, I had no idea that concussions were such a problem in sports like soccer and basketball, since they are not typically considered “contact sports.” I was also unaware that concussions have become an issue in girls’ sports, so a big thanks goes out to young Niki Popyer for having the courage to share her story and raise awareness. What a thrill it must have been for her to spend the day in Washington, D.C. – too bad she probably won’t remember it later.
What? No, I’m not a jerk, I’m being honest here. Everyone knows that the C.I.A. will likely erase all traces of today’s events from her memory. It’s what they do, people.
The truth is out there.
Girl who sustained 11 concussions seeks new law [The Associated Press]
• One’s grizzled, one’s gay! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Redskins are reportedly interested in Charlie Weis. Of course they are. [Mr. Irrelevant]
• EPIC WIN: PD counts down the 10 best hockey fights of the past decade. [Puck Daddy]
• What a bloody joke: the UK will host two NFL games in 2010. [Guyism]
• Awesome: 25 great sports moments on The Simpsons. [Total Pro Sports]
• SP is back, baby! [Style Points]
Michael Irvin, three-time Super Bowl champion, Hall of Famer and current NFL Network talking head, recently stated on a conference call promoting NFL Network’s “Undefeated Week” that he would stand by his comments during an NFL Network studio show on Sunday that he would gladly trade his Super Bowl rings and Hall of Fame bust for an undefeated season.
Say what? Is Irvin back on the rock?
Via Barry Horn’s Sports Media Blog:
So I asked Irvin which of his two Super Bowl rings he would return, figuring that an undefeated season meant the playoffs and a Super Bowl championship as well. But no. Irvin apparently would take 16-0 and a first-round playoff elimination.
“I’d give them all back for perfection,” Irvin said. “Being the best for a season (Super Bowl champ) is great but being one of the greatest of all-time is something else.”
Look out, kids, the Big Ten might be adding yet another team that can go out and underachieve on the national stage. According to a report in the Chicago Tribune, the Big Ten might be making an an announcement sometime today announcing its intention to once-again begin a search for a 12th member to add to the already inaccurately-named “power” conference.
The first sign of change came from former Wisconsin coach Barry Alvarez, who told Wisconsin’s athletic board on Friday that Delany “is going to take this year to really be more aggressive about it. I just think everybody feels [expansion] is the direction to go, coaches and administrators.”
A league source on Monday cited a “growing groundswell” of support among athletic directors for expansion.
Big Ten commissioner Jim Delaney has frequently poo-pooed talk of expanding the conference in the past, but it appears that he will be unable to hold back the movement any longer.
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Usually, when a wee lad goes and visits Santa Claus, they get a candy cane or some other Christmas-inspired confectionery treat. When said Santa Claus is Chris ‘Birdman’ Andersen, I believe the Hepatitis test afterward is complimentary.
Via the esteemed J.E. Skeets over at Ball Don’t Lie come photos of the Denver Nuggets forward appearing at a charity function on Sunday.
The Birdman, decked out in red, handed out signatures and took pictures with all of his young fans (and a Jesse James look-a-like). Tickets for the event were $10 per person, and all of the proceeds where given to a charity the Birdman supports called ACE — Alliance for Choice in Education.
As you may recall, the Birdman is one of the NBA’s feelgood stories. Once suspended for two years for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, Andersen seems to have put the past behind him and is now performing good works by dressing up as Santa Claus to terrify unsuspecting children. That’s nice.
* Note: more photos and a link to video can be found at Ball Don’t Lie
Photo Gallery: Chris ‘Birdman’ Andersen plays Santa [Ball Don't Lie]
• NFL. San Francisco 49ers 24, Arizona Cardinals 9. The Cardinals committed 7 turnovers and Alex Smith threw two touchdowns passes as the Cardinals failed to clinch their second consecutive NFC West title. [Yahoo!/AP]
• NHL. Buffalo Sabres 4, Montreal Canadiens 3. Ryan Miller made 21 saves as the Sabres extended their winning streak to four games. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• NBA. Philadelphia 76ers 117, Golden State Warriors 101. Allen Iverson’s 20 points helped the 76ers snap their 12-game losing streak. [NBA.com Scoreboard]
• But does it like NASCAR? The veined octopus uses coconut shells to construct a mobile home of sorts that it uses as a protective armor and then moves it across the ocean floor. The scientific name for the veined octopus is currently Amphioctopus marginatus, but I would suggest updating the name – given its new lifestyle – to Lynyrdus Skynrydicus. [MSNBC]
•Monday Night Football. Arizona Cardinals at San Francisco 49ers. Man, what a piss-poor matchup. But apparently I heard Jon Gruden say that these are two football teams that are going to play some football, so that’s good, I guess. [ESPN, 8:30 ET]
• NHL. Buffalo Sabres at Montreal Canadiens. Enjoy the game with some poutine, if you got it. [Versus, 7:30 ET]
• Let’s Go Bowling! Bowl Mania Special. “An extensive breakdown and preview of all 34 Bowl game matchups, including the BCS Bowls.” 34 friggin’ bowl games. Why don’t they just give out a trophy to everyone? [ESPN2, 7:00 ET]
• The Old Stanby. Six episodes of Family Guy. Yeah, it’s not the best, but it could be worse. [TBS, 8:00 ET]
