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For 81-Year-Old Marathoner, Crapping Pants Is Probably The Least Of His Worries

runner-poop-pants

Every once in a while, you read a story about a marathon runner, exactly like the pour soul depicted in the above photo, who experiences the unfortunate experience of losing control of his or her bowels during a race. I suspect for one particular marathoner, pooping himself would be a welcome experience.

That particular marathoner would be Gene Brock, an 81-year-old running enthusiast from Arlington, Texas. Brock, after some technical difficulties due to having to register for the race online (no good, gosh-darned computers, daggummit!) is planning to run in the White Rock Marathon in Dallas for the 40th time, which will make him the oldest person ever to run in the race.

“It’s a dubious honor,” said Brock, who turns 82 on Dec. 18. “It’s a challenge. Since I find myself the oldest one, I wonder: ‘How long can I keep this up?’ It’s a mental goal. It’s a macho thing.”

Macho? Somewhat, although Jack LaLanne is pretty confident that he could kick this guy’s ass.

How about kooky? Even his wife of 42 years, Edna, is not pleased with the fact that he won’t settle down a bit and instead of running in marathons, choose a pastime that befits his 80+ years on the planet – like unwittingly making racist statements in front of children, for instance.

“Of course, I’ve discouraged this,” she said of his endurance running. “It hasn’t done me any good. I worry about him. I have all these years.”

It hasn’t done Edna any good? I find that hard to believe. How about the fact that his training probably keeps him out of the house a good chunk of the day? From the time he wakes up at 3:00 in the morning until the time he retires to bed at 4:30 in the afternoon, I willing to bet much of that time is spent running in preparation for the marathon.

So, here’s to one Gene Brock. Another man more than twice my age that makes me look like a lazy, out-of-shape piece of shit. Thanks, Old Man River.

For octogenarian runner, White Rock Marathon is ‘a macho thing’ [Dallas Morning News]