Archive for December, 2009
I know, I know. I originally stated that the Sportress would be shut down on only Monday. But some unforeseen circumstances have prevented me from writing today. Apologies.
Further, the Sportress will be closed for the rest of the week. Come on now, please dry those crying eyes. You see, tomorrow I will be handling early holiday posting duties over at With Leather and due to family and personal commitments on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I will be unable to write on Thursday and Friday.
Happy holidays, everyone. Be safe and enjoy. Even you pagans and devil worshipers.
See you next Monday. Stop by With Leather tomorrow and say hello if you like.
- Weed
Get it? Spray? Flomax?
Fine. You know what? Sometimes, you guys and your highbrow, sophistimicated senses of humor really piss me off.
[H/T to the always-superb Tirico Suave]
Site Note: the Sportress will be closed on Monday. Old Weed will be out of town. Take the time you would have wasted here and try and do something productive with your life for a change. Sorry to be so gruff, but your mom asked me to tell you. Have a nice weekend.
• NBA Basketball Doubleheader. Milwaukee Bucks at Cleveland Cavaliers (8:00 ET) and Washington Wizards at Golden State Warriors (10:30 ET). Meh. I suppose I might leave this on. It might be entertaining while I’m rocking out to Boz Scaggs. Just keep that bit of information on the Lowdown, will ya? [ESPN]
• College Football. NCAA Division I Championship. Montana at Villanova. May the best team win. Or the team that scores more points than the other team. [ESPN2, 8:00 ET]
• NHL Hockey. Boston Bruins at Chicago Blackhawks. Killer. Hockey. [NHL Network, 8:30 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Be sure to watch it. It’s only seems to be on an endless loop lately. [AMC, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (December 18th)
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• Elena Gómez is one sexy Spanish gymnast. [Sports Crackle Pop]
• 2K Sports is stopping production of their NHL video game. Viva la EA Sports! [Puck Daddy]
• A word to the wise: don’t film pornos at golf courses. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Check out the kick-ass Dennis Rodman doll. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Bob Knight on John Calipari. Here’s a hint: he’s not a big fan. [The Dagger]
• A Denver Nuggets Christmas song that is most assuredly nightmare fuel. [Out of Bounds]
Let’s hear it for the Dallas Academy girls basketball team! On Thursday, the Dallas Academy Bulldogs beat Johnson County 34-33, their first win in eight years.
As you may recall, there was much hullabaloo and gnashing of teeth earlier this year, when in January, Dallas Academy – which should be pointed out is a school for students with learning disabilities – played in a game against the girls from Christian school Covenant, a team far beyond Dallas Academy’s skill level, and lost by the horribly embarrassing score of 100-0.
Best Bar Signage Ever
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One word: win.
Please do head over to Busted Coverage for the details on this brilliant display of displayage. Or whatever. And because they are awesome.
From The Couch: The Bar With More Taps Than Tiger Woods [Busted Coverage]
• A-Rod is doing his best to move on after his split with Kate Hudson, but it appears the guy has no skills. [Guyism]
• Yesterday’s KSK Sex Advice/Fantasy mailbag was excellent, as usual. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Who wants to buy Michael Jordan’s putter? [Mouthpiece Blog]
• Tiger Woods is rumored to be heading down Arizona way to get treated for sex addiction? Why would he think that was necessary? [Out of Bounds]
• It’ FOOTBALLDAY again already? Awesome. [Second-String Fullback]
• LSUfreek, as usual, brilliantly illustrates the fact that the 1972 Miami Dolphins may be getting a bit nervous. [The Sporting Blog]
Much maligned Dallas Cowboys head coach Wade Phillips is a guy you love to laugh it. Portly? Check. Seems to be of low breeding? Absolutely. Doesn’t appear to know what he’s talking about most of the time? Indeed.
Phillips, deftly coaching his Cowboys through another December slide, said something in an interview after practice Thursday something which made little sense – not shocking in the least – but this little nugget of Wadeism is amusing in that you can almost picture what was going through his head when he said it. To wit:
“We have confidence in our football team. We’re not going to cow down to these guys. We think we can win. Every game we’ve been in so far, we thought we could win. I believe we feel the same way going into this one.”
First off, I have to reluctantly give the Green Bay Packers their due credit. Most people left the team for dead after Brett Favre and the Vikings completed the season sweep by beating the Pack 38-26 on November 1st at Lambeau Field. Green Bay was meandering along, sitting at 4-3, only to suffer the ultimate indignity of losing 38-28 to the previously winless Tampa Bay Buccaneers the following week. Quarterback Aaron Rodgers was getting regularly mauled behind an injury-ravaged offensive line (he still has been sacked a league-leading 48 times this season), and there seemed to be no hope of turning the season around.
But to their credit, the Packers have rebounded. Green Bay has been on a tear recently, winning five straight games after the Tampa Bay debacle, and sitting at 9-4, the Packers should be considered one of the dark horses to ruin the seasons of one of the front-runners in the NFC playoffs.
So how is head coach Mike McCarthy keeping his squad motivated? Simple. A pizza party!
With the Indianapolis Colts getting to 14-0 after last night’s victory over the Jaguars and the New Orleans Saints sitting at 13-0 heading into their game against the typically-struggling-in-December Dallas Cowboys, it is now time for one of the more irritating aspects of occasions when NFL teams are within arm’s reach of a perfect regular season to rear its ugly head:
Far too many sightings of former Dolphins running back Mercury Morris running his mouth. Only this time, he’s turning to the written word to articulate his unhappiness with how certain media members are not giving his beloved Dolphins team the respect they deserve.
For the uninitiated, Mercury Morris was a member of the 1972 Miami Dolphins team that went 17-0 en route to a 17-14 victory over the Washington Redskins in Super Bowl VII, the only team to finish an NFL season with an unblemished record. And he will let you know that, over and over and over again.
The guy will be everywhere and anywhere in the coming weeks. Nick Buoniconti, Morris’ old teammate, insists that not only is Morris happy to talk anyone who is willing to listen and arrogantly detail why the undefeated ’72 Miami Dolphins team is far superior to any team that may accomplish the same feat now, Buoniconti claims that Morris “…revels in it. That’s Merc’s existence.”
• NFL. Indianapolis Colts 35, Jacksonville 31. Peyton Manning threw four touchdown passes as the Colts became the third 14-0 team in NFL history and extended their regular season winning streak to another NFL-record 23 games. [Yahoo!/AP]
• NHL. Detroit Red Wings 3, Tampa Bay Lightning 0. Jimmy Howard stopped all 30 shots he faced to record his first career shutout. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• NBA. Miami Heat 104, Orlando Magic 86. Michael Beasley scored 22 points and Dwyane Wade added 25 points and 7 assists as Miami won their second straight game. [NBA.com Scoreboard]
• Mothers of Invention! That’s crazy! A bust of the groundbreaking musician and free speech activist Frank Zappa that was originally given to the city of Baltimore (Zappa’s hometown) by his fans in Lithuania – although he never visited the country – now has a final resting place: in front of a library in Highlandtown, a working-class district of the city. Ironically, Frank’s son Dweezil is the assistant custodian at the very same library. That’s nice. [MSNBC/AP]
Who woulda thunk it? Richard Gasquet, the 52nd ranked tennis player in the world, has been exonerated of any wrongdoing in connection to a drug test he failed last May that showed traces of benzoylecgonine, a metabolite of cocaine. Gasquet argued that he had not used cocaine and the positive test was a result of kissing some floozy in a nightclub.
The Court of Arbitration for Sport rejected an appeal from the International Tennis Federation (IFT) and World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA). Both organizations were requesting at least a one-year ban for Gasquet.
“On a balance of probability, the CAS panel concluded that it was more likely than not that the player’s contamination with cocaine resulted, as Gasquet always asserted, from kissing a woman in a nightclub in Miami on the day before the anti-doping test and that the player had met the required standards of proof with respect to the way of ingestion.”
Brilliant!
• NBA Basketball Doubleheader. Orlando Magic at Miami Heat first, Phoenix Suns at Portland Trail Blazers next. Yippee. [TNT, 8:00 ET]
• Women’s College Volleyball. Final Four. Minnesota vs. Texas (Go Gophers!) get you warmed up and Hawaii vs. Penn State wraps up the action. [ESPN2, 7:00 ET]
• High School Basketball. Ames Senior (Iowa) vs. Waukegan (Ill.). That’s what I like about high school basketball games…yadda yadda yadda. [ESPN, 9:00 ET]
• No It’s Always Sunny? This is bullshit, man. Screw this.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (December 17th)
Posted by:• Forget about these newfangled outdoor games. The NHL is set to announce plans to return to their roots and host the Honda Indoor Classic in 2011. [Melt Your Face Off]
• The word on the street is that Tiger spends most of his days alone, eating cereal and watching cartoons. I guess we’re kindred spirits in that way. [Out of Bounds]
• The South Carolina Gamecocks basketball team would like to awkwardly wish you happy holidays. [Guyism]
• Yikes! Here comes Santa Kruk! Don’t let him eat you! [Awful Announcing]
• PD has a great rundown of the most lopsided trades of the last decade. [Puck Daddy]
• The Brits would like you to put a little money down on how much you think Elin will get out of Tiger in the divorce. [Bootlegger Sports]
We Can All Stop Drinking Pepsi Now
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It’s the end of an era, folks. After twenty-three years, Pepsi will not be advertising during the Super Bowl. That’s right, no Cindy Crawford, you can forget about Britney Spears (if you haven’t done so already), no Justin Timberlake. Super Bowl XLIV will be sans Pepsi commercials. It will be the first time that has occurred since 1987. So, if you happen to be holding on to any PepsiCo stock, I’d advise you to dump it – immediately. In fact, I would be willing to take it off your hands – for a discount, of course.
