Archive for November, 2009
Dallas police are going to have to deal with a whole bunch of hookers invading their town in the coming months due to the NBA All-Star Game in February and when Super Bowl XLV is played in the fine Texas city in 2011. Why? Because whores are a transient population and often drag their skanky asses to wherever the gettin’s good. Duh.
At the National Prostitute Diversion Conference today, Sgt. Louis Felini said between 50,000 and 100,000 prostitutes could be in the metroplex for the Super Bowl. Felini noted that there is no way to truly predict the number of women who will come to the area for the purpose of prostitution.
You need to hold a friggin’ conference to come to that conclusion?
• Some yahoo in an AP story believes that champagne goggles ruin the spontaneity of clubhouse celebrations. Retard. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Are displays of passive aggression even worth it? The Kansas City Chiefs seem to think so. [Style Points]
• Yankees fan Rob Iracane discusses the Yankees win. Congrats, Rob. And a bang-up job over there at WoW as well. [Walkoff Walk]
• Mmmmmm! City of Champions cereal! Tastes like victory! [PSAMP]
• Pro Football Talk engages in rumor-mongering. Blogger is irritated. [I Dislike Your Favorite Team]
• The Top 12 consolations for Phillies fans. [Five Tool Tool]
• Wysh ranks the five best and five worst NHL jerseys of the last decade. Of course, the Minnesota Wild’s red jersey are number one on the list. Why, because their jersey is the best, Jerry. The best. [Puck Daddy]
I imagine that if Ray Lewis was leading a workout, it would be difficult not to be incredibly motivated. 1) The man is nothing if not an inspiring personality, and 2) you are in constant fear of getting beaten and/or stabbed if you let him down.
The best part of the video is towards the end when Lewis is putting one portly police officer through some drills. You can tell by the look on the exhausted cop’s flushed-red face that he would love to exact revenge on legendary Ravens linebacker by one day planting a some crack and a pipe in Lewis’ car.
People still smoke crack, right?
Ray Lewis helps Baltimore police get fit [The Toy Department]
Well played, LSUfreek. Well played.
One question: does that make Pedro Martinez Godzilla’s mortal enemy Mothra? On second thought, Destoroyah might be the more accurate comparison.
On the other hand, Godzilla’s most sinister enemy of all-time was probably Tri-Star Pictures. Go to hell, Matthew Broderick.
Offsides: Hideki Matsui Terrorizes Pedro, Phillies [The Sporting Blog]
NASCAR spokesman took ABC/ESPN to task in a blog post on nascar.com regarding its lackadaisical coverage of the Sprint Cup race at Talladega on Sunday. Poston claims that the announcers didn’t hesitate to make their opinions known that they believed the race was boring.
Usually, TV sports analysts go to great pains to avoid even hinting what they’re showing is boring. But Poston suggested ESPN/ABC analysts, including Dale Jarrett, “certainly weren’t happy with the race and felt compelled to remind viewers of that virtually every lap. … And along the way, ABC missed a lot of very good racing.”
So, in NASCAR’s opinion – at least its spokesman – hyperbolic, innaccurate coverage is preferred to accurate, honest analysis of what’s going on in the race? Are the announcers supposed to act like what is happening is compelling when it is not? Not that I saw the race and could tell an interesting race from a boring one, to me, that seems back-asswards. If you’re trying to draw new viewers in and they are watching going “this sucks” but the announcers are implying the event is the most exciting event ever, wouldn’t that turn people off?
If overexcited, intense and energizing coverage is what NASCAR wants, I suggest they hire Gus Johnson to do the broadcasts. I’m sure he could sneak in a “Tony Stewart is really pushing his car to getting away from the cops speed” every once in a while.
Ultimately, I don’t see what NASCAR is worried about – it’s not like most NASCAR fans are listening to the race anyway. Either the Lynyrd Skynyrd is blasted too loud or they can’t adjust the volume on their television ever since Jimmy Bob tore off the volume knob so he could use it to plug the hole in the leaky tub in the yard.
NASCAR takes ABC to task for ‘boring’ race [USA Today]
Before I begin my rant, I would like to congratulate the New York Yankees on winning their 27th World Series title. They were the best team throughout the regular season and the playoffs and I reluctantly admit that they deserved to win. But the one thing I cannot tolerate is how that egotistical prick, Mike Lupica, can gleefully rub everyone’s noses in it. Lupica’s smug sense of entitlement that he feels every Yankees fan should share with him is too much to bear. From today’s column:
Rivera had gotten the last out of another Series, and now players from one of the great Yankee teams, which is exactly what this one became in the end, seemed to come running from everywhere, maybe even from across the street, on the night when the Yankees were finally back to being the Yankees again.
Old times at the new Stadium a few minutes before midnight, flashes of light everywhere. Felt like old times and sounded that way and felt that way.
Fuck. Off.
Obviously, I have to concede that Lupica has every right to pen odes to his beloved Yankees – he writes for a New York paper – but it just makes my blood boil to know that somewhere, that little man with the Napoleon Complex is smiling, feeling that finally, all is right with the world.
Nothing would have made me feel more certain that all is right with the world than the knowledge that the mousey, sanctimonious, sniveling prick had to suffer the indignity of the Yankees losing another World Series.
But alas, it was not to be. So, to the New York Yankees: enjoy your World Series title – if possible, could someone figure out a way to have Lupica get trampled by a police horse at the parade on Friday?
I think it’s a fair trade-off.
In new Yankee Stadium, World Series title seems right at home as Bombers win 27th title [New York Daily News]
• World Series. New York Yankees 7, Philadelphia Phillies 3. Hideki Matsui tied a World Series record with six RBI, including a two-run homer and a two-run single in his first two at-bats and the Yankees never looked back. The Yankees won their 27th title, Matsui became the first-ever Japanese born player to win MVP of the World Series, and apparently, all is right with the world. Woo. [MLB.com]
• NHL. Buffalo Sabres 3, New York Islanders 0. Ryan Miller made 24 saves for his second shutout of the season and Thomas Vanek scored a goal and added an assist at Buffalo went to 9-2-1 on the season. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• NBA. Orlando Magic 122, Phoenix Suns. 100. Dwight Howard scored 25, Ryan Anderson added 20 points and 10 rebounds as the shorthanded Magic handed the Suns their first loss of the season. [NBA.com Scoreboard]
• Sure, this is cool, but when is Motel 6 going to build a hotel in space? Architects from Barcelona have announced plans to build a hotel in space and intends to have it open in 2012. To spend a three-night stay at the Galactic Suite Space Resort, it will cost you approximately $4 million which includes an eight-week training course on a tropical island. I imagine the trip to the hotel would be a lot like that scene in 2001: A Space Odyssey, right down to the hip looking space flight attendants. Cool. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
• World Series. Game Six, Phillies at Yankees. Let the soothing sounds of Buck & McCarver guide you through the game. They’re like the Seals & Crofts of shitty sports broadcasters. [FOX, 7:30 ET]
• NBA Basketball Doubleheader. Miami Heat at Washington Wizards at 7:00 followed by Dallas Mavericks at New Orleans Hornets at 9:30 ET. Who knows what Dirk Nowitzki is going to do to follow up last night’s epic performance. Maybe he’ll bang the ugliest girl in the crowd. It wouldn’t be a leap, now would it? [ESPN]
• UFL Football? They have got to be shitting me, right? No? It’s an epic matchup between two heated rivals: Las Vegas Locomotives at New York Sentinels. I don’t have to tell that these two teams don’t like each other. [Versus, 7:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. The Girl Next Door starring Elisha Cuthbert. Yum. The only problem is, every time I wash watch this movie, I have to do a load of whites because I’m out of socks. Does that make sense? [FX, 7:30 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (November 4th)
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• Wysh is right, the NHL isn’t worth getting stabbed in the neck over. [Puck Daddy]
• Syracuse coach freestyle raps, team loses horribly. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Lance Briggs of the Chicago Bears is a comic book guy [Mouthpiece Blog]
• Kick returner/wide receiver David Anderson of the Houston Texans does a pretty mean Ron Jaworski impression. [Awful Announcing]
• Gus Johnson is sorry for his “getting away from the cops speed” comment. [With Leather]
• The NFL has announced Football Cancer Awareness Month. It’s about time. [Style Points]
What in the holy hell is going on in this fucked-up world? Jesus.
Here’s the feel-good story of the day: Robert Bopp, the former hockey coach for Gross Pointe South High School in Michigan (he resigned after being charged in June), is expected to plead guilty to sexual assault on a teenage boy and will likely be sentenced to more than 17 years on prison, according to the prosecutor in the case. Good luck with that prison term, Bopp, you sick, twisted fuck.
It’s probably just some sort of formatting error, but maybe, just maybe, the guy in charge of writing headlines for The Philadlephia Inquirer has been let down by South Jersey girls when he took them out on dates one too many times. Further, the girls are in high school, headline writer guy – what you’re doing is against the law, man.
South Jersey Girls’ Soccer Standings Through NO HEAD SPECIFIED [The Philadelphia Inquirer]
+1, Photoshopping Phillies Fan
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After the well-respected New York Post put the above photoshop of Pedro Martinez depicted as a baby in a diaper in the paper, a Phillies fan, in response, has utilized his considerable Photoshop skills to show the Post that they can bring it just as well in Philadelphia:
Rodell Vereen, 50, of South Carolina, has been convicted of something called buggery, which I guess is just a fancy name for horse-fucking, and been sentenced to three years in prison. The best (or worst) part? He was caught having sex with the same horse last year. Googly-moogly.
Authorities charged Vereen, 50, after a woman set up a surveillance camera and caught him on tape having sex with her horse in July. Horse owner Barbara Kenley said she had noticed her 21-year-old horse Sugar was acting strangely. She also noticed things had been moved around near the horse’s stall at her stables in Longs, about 20 miles northeast of Myrtle Beach.
• Andy Reid’s O-Face and Photoshop. The horror…the horror. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Wes Welker discusses what he did on his bye week. [Style Points]
• Stacy Kieber is selling seashells by the seashore. Wait, I mean “used” bikinis on eBay. [Busted Coverage]
• Maria Sharapova is dating some backup Lakers douchebag. Fucker. [With Leather]
• Bob Sugar helps Alexander Ovechkin deal with his upper body injury. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Kim Kardashian took part in a celebrity boxing match. She did not get her ass kicked. [Epic Carnival]
Argh, trouble beset the scallywags that make up the crew of the BMW Oracle during the testing of the ship’s seafaring ability in the Ocean of the Pacific, it did. Thar $10 million carbon fiber mast came apart like the crew during a ship’s mutiny, aye. Batten down the hatches, mates! Must’ve been no old salts among ‘em!
Jane Eagleson, a spokeswoman for the syndicate, said no crew members were injured when the mast came down late Tuesday morning. She had no other details of the incident.
Support crews were trying to salvage the rigging. The spar is big enough to support a 6,800-square-foot mainsail and a 6,700-square-foot genoa sail.
Ten million dollars, they say? ARRGHHH!! Whoever designed the dreaded mast should be hung from the yardarm, the scurvy dog that he is!
Now, if you’ll excuse me, gents, it is time for this old seadog to weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen! Mainly because I’m out of pirate phrases.
Argh! Ye all can walk the plank and sink to Davy Jones’ Locker, ye sons of biscuit eaters! Shiver me timbers!
$10 Million Mast Breaks in Test Run [The New York Times]
