Archive for November, 2009
Josh Sacco, the 4-year-old who became an internet sensation with his impassioned and spot-on performance of Herb Brooks’ speech (as done by Kurt Russell in the film Miracle) to the U.S. Olympic hockey team before they played the Russians in Lake Placid in 1980, has quickly carved out a cottage industry resulting from his video. Currently at over 1.8 million views on YouTube, the video has garnered Sacco attention from all over the interwebs and the world-at-large, including an article in USA Today as well as an appearance on Ellen DeGenerate’s show. Not only that, he has been invited to the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver.
That’s all small potatoes compared to what’s up next for the little rascal – on Friday, Sacco will lead the Team of 18,000 (as the Wild fans are affectionately referred to) at Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul in the traditional “Let’s Play Hockey!” chant prior to the drop of the puck before the Wild take on the New York Islanders.
Just in case you haven’t seen Sacco’s speech, here it is:
• Thierry Henry’s illegal handball allows France to beat Ireland and qualify for the World Cup. [With Leather]
• Business_Socks entertainingly makes broad generalizations about NFL quarterbacks. [Style Points]
• Scientific proof that Tiger Woods has the ability to psych-out other golfers. [Devil Ball Golf]
• San Diegoans (?) stage a Michael Vick protest. What? [Last Angry Fan]
• lowercase brings us another edition of Football on the Fringe. [The Phoenix Pub]
• You got $15 million? Well you might as well by a pair of A-Rod’s shoes. [Bugs & Cranks]
It’s a red letter day for all Canadians (as well as those Americans who follow Canadian Football – all four of you): Calgary native Elisha Cuthbert, girlfriend of Dion Phaneuf of the Calgary Flames (there’s your sports angle right there), has been named the Grand Marshal of the Safeway Grey Cup Festival Parade on Saturday, November 28th in Calgary. Man, if only my passport hadn’t been seized.
Malcolm Kirk, chairman of the 2009 Grey Cup Festival Committee, is thrilled.
“Elisha Cuthbert is a major international Hollywood star with roots rights here in Calgary, so we are delighted that she has accepted the position of Grand Marshal of the Safeway Grey Cup Festival Parade. Elisha has wide appeal to adults and families, and her participation will truly help revive the tradition of taking Canada’s biggest football celebration to the streets.”
Oh, she’s got “wide appeal” in spades, if you catch my drift! Because I don’t, and I’m the one who wrote it.
Miss Cuthbert, in her own right, is incredibly proud to have been chosen to take a central role in such a prestigious event.
“I’m so excited to be part of the Grey Cup Festival Parade. It’s an incredible Canadian tradition and I’m honored to play the role of Grand Marshal.”
Without knowing for certain, I can say with almost complete confidence that Miss Cuthbert is by far the sexiest Grand Marshal in the event’s history. Unless Anne Murray has done it, then all bets are off.
So, with that, a big Sportress congratulations goes out to Elisha. We’re all very proud of you. To commemorate the event, I have prepared a photo gallery in her honor.
In what will probably be the first of many announcements regarding the progeny of Shawn Kemp (at last count, rumor has it the elder Kemp has sired at least seven children – note: always trust what Wikipedia tell you), Shawn Kemp, Jr., a 6’9″, 235 pound center, has made a commitment to play basketball at Auburn.
Coach Jeff Lebo announced Wednesday that the Tigers signed 6-foot-10, 215-pound center Shawn Kemp Jr. He is a former Alabama signee who is now attending Hargrave Military Academy.
I’m sure Papa Kemp’s heart swelled with pride upon hearing the big news. You know, because the kid is about to go to college, which means he must be almost 18, or is 18 already.
You know what that means: no more child support checks for Junior! Whoo-hoo!
Auburn signs Shawn Kemp Jr. [SI/AP]
• NHL. Edmonton Oilers 6, Colorado Avalanche 4. Edmonton overcame a two-goal deficit as Ryan Potulny scored two goals and Patrick O’Sullivan added one in a three-goal third period. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• NBA. Atlanta Hawks 105, Miami Heat 90. Joe Johnson scored 30 as Atlanta won their sixth in a row as they claimed a share of the best record in the NBA. [NBA.com Scoreboard]
• NFL. Miami Dolphins running back Ronnie Brown is out for the season due to a right foot injury. [The Associated Press]
• See, not all men are stubborn when it comes to asking for help when they are lost. A trip to pick up a newspaper turned out to be much more of a journey than originally expected for 81-year-old Australian man Eric Steward, who ended up 400 miles away from his home after driving around nine hours before finally asking for directions. Crikey! [Yahoo!/Reuters]
The city of Providence, Rhode Island is abuzz with the news – as you can plainly see by the photo above taken earlier today – that the State Legislature has approved a measure that will allow bars in the city to remain open until 3:00 a.m. for a six month probationary period. Until now, closing time had been 2:00 a.m., but the city has experienced problems with a bunch of drunk asses all stumbling out of bars at the same time. How does keeping them open an additional hour help this problem?
During the trial period, bars and clubs will be allowed to remain open until 3 a.m. but will be prohibited from serving alcohol during the final hour and will also be prohibited from admitting any new patrons. Establishments that sell food will be able to sell food and non-alcoholic beverages during the final hour to late-leaving customers.
Wait. What? Why would I stay at a bar if I’m not allowed to drink? For food? Isn’t hungry, drunk people 90% of Denny’s business (the mentally retarded and anorexic make up the other 10%). This is a bad idea – a really, really bad idea.
Nevermind. I ain’t ever going to Providence. Screw them.
• College Football. Central Michigan at Ball State. I don’t know, I would have went with Outer Michigan against Scrotum State instead of this game, but that’s just me. [ESPN2, 8:00 ET]
• NBA Basketball. Cleveland Cavaliers at Washington Wizards followed up by San Antonio Spurs at Dallas Mavericks. It’s the Battle of Texas, pardners! Yeee-hawww! [ESPN, 7:00 ET]
• Awesome Stuff. WWII in HD Episode: Striking Distance. If you haven’t been watching this series, you are seriously missing out on some good shit. [History, 9:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Identity. Totally underrated movie. Good story, great cast. I saw this in the theaters in 2003 when it came out and I loved it. The ‘shrooms might have heightened the experience, but still. [Oxygen, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19(ish), You Gotta Minute?
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• According to TMZ, the attack on Hulk Hogan by Ric Flair was real. [With Leather]
• Another exciting edition of NSFWednesday! This time, Willa Ford and Mike Modano. [Melt Your Face Off]
• The money-hungry MLB would like you to have a Merry Christmas, but it’s going to cost you. [Walkoff Walk]
• More LSUfreek magic. [The Sporting Blog]
• Jerry Glanville wants to coach your football team, pardner. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Dennis Rodman is in trouble again. When isn’t he? [Deuce of Davenport]
Sporting News writer Vinnie Iyer must have drawn the shortest straw at a staff meeting because he had to suffer the indignity of having to interview former NFLer/Fox talking head/”actor”/Subway pitchman Michael Strahan and attempt to decipher the goofball’s thoughts on football and somehow miraculously transform them into an interesting article. Let’s just say Iyer made the most of it.
Most of Strahan’s thoughts are predictable, non-controversial and boring (he likes the Saints out of the NFC!), but when he gets the opportunity to expound on Belichick’s decision to go for it on 4th and 2 against the Colts on Sunday, hoo boy, you better watch out, because fur (and possibly some enamel) began flying:
I would have punted the ball, played it a little bit safe. His defense had been playing well for the most part. Have belief in them that you go out there and stop (Peyton Manning) on an 80-yard drive. Obviously he believed in (the defense) because if they didn’t get the first down, they could stop them on a 28-yard drive.
Controversial! Strahan really stuck his neck out with that one. That sort of insight is why he makes the big bucks, kids.
Here, I have an idea for Strahan: how about he goes far away, leaves us alone and we’ll forget about how his season sack record was a complete sham. What could he do? Anything but acting is all I’ll suggest – that Brothers show can’t still be on, can it? But what? I don’t know – maybe he could be a quality control consultant at a toothpick factory? If the toothpicks can fit lengthwise between the gap in his front teeth, they’re too short.
Hey, it’s an idea. At least I’m trying here. I wasn’t sent to some fancy university on old toothpick money, like the rest of you.
Michael Strahan: ‘I would have punted the ball’ [Sporting News]
Bad news, fans of female golfers – I’m sorry, I mean the LPGA Tour (the photos of Anna Rawson will always be findable). There are only 23 tournaments scheduled for next year on the LPGA Tour, down from 27 this year and 34 in 2008. Just so you know, that’s not a lot of tournaments. To stretch out 23 tournaments over a LPGA Tour season, there will be 17 off weeks. Of course, the poor economy was blamed, so said Golf Digest‘s LPGA writer Ron Sirak (via Devil Ball Golf):
“The 2010 schedule was put together under extremely trying circumstances: A mix of a bad economy and bad blood among tournament owners left over the the Carolyn Bivens commissionership. Many of the tournaments acting commissioner Marty Evans was able to lure back returned at lower purses.”
Well, isn’t that just sour grapes for Michelle Wie. She finally wins her first tournament on Tour and now they are drastically slashing opportunities to pad her growing resume.
But that’s fine with Michelle. 23 consecutive wins is still 23 consecutive wins, right?
LPGA’s 2010 schedule allows for, uh, plenty of downtime [Devil Ball Golf]
• I know, shocking, right? [Busted Coverage]
• Kordell Stewart is awkward as a sideline reporter for the UFL. [PSAMP]
• LOLNFL Week 10. Enough said. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Too soon for Bracketology talk on ESPN? Too soon. [I Dislike Your Favorite Team]
• Tony Gonzalez is a lying liar. [Style Points]
• Does he want some cheese with his wine? New York Giants owner isn’t happy about his team having to play on Thanksgiving. [Shutdown Corner]
• Congrats to Rask, my former comrade at MYFO, on his impending nuptials. Awesome. [Melt Your Face Off]
What we have here is 18-year-old Swede Henrik Andersen celebrating a nifty forehand-to-backhand-through-the-defenseman’s-legs goal for his Swedish Tier 2 team Leksand, the first of the season. Things didn’t go well or as planned when Anderson breaks through the glass by the endboards and winds up on his ass outside the rink.
Thankfully, according to Sean Leahy over at Puck Daddy, Andersen was not injured and his team went on to beat Bjorkloven 4-0.
Bjorkloven? Hey, I love the Icelandic singer-songwriter as much as the next guy – which is not at all – but there’s no way I’m naming my team after that nutjob.
His crash through the glass reminds me of Minnesota Wild enforcer – and one of my all-time favorite players – Derek BOOOOGAAARD!!, and how he went flying through the glass on a missed check during his time in minors. Video after the jump.
I have no idea what to make of this story. First of all, I had no idea that the lead singer of Jane’s Addiction and Godfather of Lollapalooza was even a football fan, let alone the defensive coordinator of the Buffalo Bills, but according to this article, that appears to be the case. Perry Fewell is now the interim head coach of the Buffalo Bills following the firing of Dick Jauron.
I’ll tell you this: I bet Perry Fewell will inject some much-needed humor and loosey-gooseyness to the locker room. I imagine hanging out with that guy is like letting a bewell of monkeys loose.
The only thing I’m concerned about is I wonder what Tewell Owens thinks about this. He strikes me as more of a Dewell Hall & John Oates kind of guy.
Bills turn to Perry Fewell after firing Dick Jauron [USA Today]
“Entertainer” Billy Crystal donned a Tony Romo jersey and joined several Dallas Cowboys players, including Jason Whitten and DeMarcus Ware, to help serve a Thanksgiving dinner to over 200 men and women at The Salvation Army’s homeless shelter in Dallas on Tuesday. A nice gesture, of course, and Crystal should be commended for his charitable works, but man, I can’t stand the insufferable hack. As far as I’m concerned, Billy Crystal hasn’t done anything remotely amusing since “Fernando’s Hideaway” on Saturday Night Live and even that skit was a played out.
Crystal is in town to perform in his Broadway show 700 Sundays, whose title illustrates the length of time I would rather be brutally tortured before I would ever go see a Broadway show starring Billy Crystal.
Nah, just kidding. I’m sure Crystal delivers a decent performance – a decently awful one. Crystal, a Long Beach native, jokingly expressed his concerns about donning a Cowboys jersey, saying, “[t]his isn’t going to play well in New Jersey.”
Guess what, Billy? And by the way, what normal, reasonable, adult male goes by Billy? Well, except for Billy Joel. And Billy Idol. And Billy Corgan. And Billy Ray Cyrus. Alright, what normal, reasonable, adult male who isn’t a washed-up musician goes by Billy?
Back to my point. No one cares whether or not you put on a Cowboys jersey, Billy. It’s over. Give up the ghost, dude. Is he concerned that Giants or Jets fans are going to stage a protest at the Meadowlands protesting what he did or something? Not going to happen. Just end it, Billy.
Hey, that reminds me. Billy Mays is another example. And look what happened to him.
Cowboys serve early Thanksgiving meal [The Dallas Morning News]
Male Russian Figure Skaters Are Badass
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This seals it: Russians do everything better. From literature to hockey-playing bears, our former Cold War rivals just seem to do everything with a little more passion, a little more panache than we do. Case in point: drunk driving.
Russian figure skater Andrei Lutai was arrested Sunday in Lake Placid, New York for stealing a car and driving drunk. Lutai had been in Lake Placid for a Skate America competition, in which he placed 10th.
“The defendant was stopped operating a vehicle that had been reported stolen earlier in the evening,” said Lake Placid Assistant Police Chief William Moore. “The defendant was found to be driving while intoxicated.”
He said the vehicle Lutai is accused of taking had been parked behind a service station.
How awesome is that? Well, not the drunk driving part per se, but you see where I’m going with this – when a Russian man – a Russian man who is a figure skater, mind you, pulls these sort of shenanigans you have to wonder why our figure skaters don’t sink to this level of depravity. Brian Boitano, you have let your nation down.
Lutai has been charged with grand larceny, criminal possession of stolen property, unauthorized use of a motor vehicle and aggravated driving while intoxicated and is currently being held in jail on $100,000 bail.
I don’t even know if funnyman Yakov Smirnoff could come up with a joke for this one. Who am I kidding? Of course he could – the guy is a comic genius and a global treasure.
Russian skater accused of stealing car, drunk driving [Reuters]
