Elisha Cuthbert Will Be Grand Marshal Of Grey Cup Parade, Internet Perverts Rejoice

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It’s a red letter day for all Canadians (as well as those Americans who follow Canadian Football – all four of you): Calgary native Elisha Cuthbert, girlfriend of Dion Phaneuf of the Calgary Flames (there’s your sports angle right there), has been named the Grand Marshal of the  Safeway Grey Cup Festival Parade on Saturday, November 28th in Calgary. Man, if only my passport hadn’t been seized.

Malcolm Kirk, chairman of the 2009 Grey Cup Festival Committee, is thrilled.

“Elisha Cuthbert is a major international Hollywood star with roots rights here in Calgary, so we are delighted that she has accepted the position of Grand Marshal of the Safeway Grey Cup Festival Parade. Elisha has wide appeal to adults and families, and her participation will truly help revive the tradition of taking Canada’s biggest football celebration to the streets.”

Oh, she’s got “wide appeal” in spades, if you catch my drift! Because I don’t, and I’m the one who wrote it.

Miss Cuthbert, in her own right, is incredibly proud to have been chosen to take a central role in such a prestigious event.

“I’m so excited to be part of the Grey Cup Festival Parade. It’s an incredible Canadian tradition and I’m honored to play the role of Grand Marshal.”

Without knowing for certain, I can say with almost complete confidence that Miss Cuthbert is by far the sexiest Grand Marshal in the event’s history. Unless Anne Murray has done it, then all bets are off.

So, with that, a big Sportress congratulations goes out to Elisha. We’re all very proud of you. To commemorate the event, I have prepared a photo gallery in her honor.

Hey, it was the least I could do. Go Canada!


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  1. HabsFan29

    November 19, 2009 at 12:05 pm

    My penis stands on guard for thee, Elisha!

    / re-used joke from every Canadian hottie, sorry

  2. Matt

    November 20, 2009 at 9:09 am

    “Canadian tradition and I’m honored”
    I believe that it should be “honoured” Ms. Cuthbert.

    /shakes head

  3. Matt

    November 20, 2009 at 9:11 am

    “Canadian tradition and I’m honored”
    I believe that it should be “honoured” Ms. Cuthbert.

    /shakes head in disappointment

  4. Murray

    November 21, 2009 at 10:17 pm

    Pamela Anderson was the grand marshall a few years ago so it is a tough call on the “sexiest ever” comment. As a Flames fan I will give it to Elisha, but it took some real er.. soul searching

  5. bill

    September 4, 2011 at 12:51 am

    wat the hell is parade grand marshal?

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