Archive for October, 2009
You be the judge. I’m not sure either way, but I have to admit I found myself a bit aroused while I contemplated it.
In any event, the Olympic Torch was lit in ceremony based deeply in tradition and reverence for times long past in Olympia, Greece, the place where the Olympic Games were founded when a bunch of naked Greek men wrestled with each other in a complete non-gay demonstration of athletic prowess and display of appreciation for the human form.
The drama, amid the ruins of the site of the ancient Olympic Games, was lit in the Temple of Hera by an actress playing a high priestess.
She said a prayer to Apollo, the Greek god of sun, asking him to “send your rays and light the sacred torch for the hospitable City of Vancouver.”
The prayer also asked Zeus to “give peace to all peoples on Earth and wreath the winners of the sacred race.”
Awesome. To me, that’s what the Olympics are all about – worshiping of ancient gods and goddesses featuring women wearing flowing white robes who may or may not be into orgies as long as it’s for the right reasons. But hey, I’m a traditionalist. Video of the entire ceremony can be found here.
The torch now makes a seven-day relay across Greece before it is handed over to officials of the Vancouver 2010 Games and flown over to Canada where will it will begin a 106-day journey across the country.
More photos of the ritual in all it’s erotic pagan sexiness and quotes after the jump.
My New Favorite Player Name In The NFL
Posted by:
Scanning my feeds yesterday, I came across this news item regarding a player transaction by the Atlanta Falcons. Cornerback Brian Williams was placed on injured reserve and his roster spot was assumed by Jamaal Fudge.
Now that is a cool name. Just say it out loud once.
Jamaal Fudge. Awesome. If he ever has a son and doesn’t know what to name him, I would suggest Vanilla, just to piss off Carmine Appice.
One day, I hope Fudge signs with the Packers. The possiblities for clever signs that a person could bring to games are endless.
Slow news day? Slow news day.
Falcons bring back S Fudge, put CB Williams on injured reserve [NFL.com]
With about five seconds left in regulation during last night’s game between the Minnesota Wild and the Colorado Avalanche with the score tied 2-2, David Jones laid what appeared to be an innocuous check on Wild defenseman Nick Schultz, forcing Schultz into the glass in front of the scorer’s table.
Surprisingly, the glass exploded in a dazzling display of falling shards. Timekeeper Gordy Lee, with the glass raining down on him, still managed to keep focused on his job, stopping the game clock without a hitch. Nick Schultz admired Lee’s dedication to the task at hand.
“Impressive,” Schultz said. “I didn’t get any glass on me, so it must have been all over that poor guy.”
Xcel Energy Center staff quickly cleaned up the mess and installed the new pane of glass and the Wild went on to win 3-2 in a shootout, but the real hero of the night was Gordy Lee.
Well done, Mr. Lee. Major League Baseball could use officials like you right about now. You know, people that can pay attention and stuff.
Wild turns tables on Avalanche [Star Tribune]
• NLCS. Philadelphia Phillies 10, Los Angeles Angels 4. Philly crushed four homers, including two by Jason Werth as they battered the Dodgers to move on to the World Series for the second year in a row. [MLB.com]
• National Football League. Running back Ahman Green, out of football since February when the Houston Texans cut him, has signed a deal with the Green Bay Packers, the team where he enjoyed most of his success and wasn’t washed up and worthless. [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]
• National Hockey League. New York Islanders 4, Carolina Hurricanes 3 (SO). John Tavares scored in the shootout to give the Islanders their first victory of the season. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• Whip It! Whip It Good! A majority of Brueneians believe husbands who cheat should be whipped. 76 percent of the 272 respondents polled believe men should be whipped while only 55% said cheating wives should receive the same punishment. Yet another example of how women can get away with anything. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
• NLCS. Game 5, Los Angeles Dodgers at Philadelphia Phillies. The Phillies can end the series tonight and send the entire Dodgers team to the showers. I’m clever. [TBS, 8:00 ET]
• College Football. Tulsa at Texas El-Paso. Isn’t Pace Picante Sauce made in El Paso? Interesting. [ESPN, 8:00 ET]
• PGA Golf. PGA Grand Slam of Golf, Day Two. Day two. Why didn’t anyone tell me? [TNT, 5:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Footloose. If you can make it through this entire movie without feeling the need to get up and dance, congratulations, you’re not retarded. [CMT, 9:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (October 21st)
Posted by:
• Jeff Reed apologizes for his pee party police mixup. [Mondesi's House]
• Diary Entries for NFL quarterbacks from Week 6. [The Rookies]
• Uh-oh. Time for another NSFWednesday! [Melt Your Face Off]
• Oh no! The New England Patriots are losing their scrapiness! [Second-String Fullback]
• A recap of the whole Steve Phillips brouhaha. [Last Angry Fan]
• Blue Menu does a solid job of finishing the headline. [Food Court Lunch]
Giggity-gigity. Brace yourselves, Kevin Garnett fans. If you thought KG could got a little too animated on the bench during last season’s playoffs, just wait.
Courtesy of The Futon Critic (via Sports Media Watch), The Big Ticket, Kevin Garnett will be making an appearance on Family Guy for an episode during sweeps. A summary:
SUNDAY, NOV. 22
FAMILY GUY (9:00-9:30 PM ET/PT) “Jerome is the New Black”
NBA Champion Kevin Garnett of the Boston Celtics guest-voices when Peter and the guys interview potential friends to fill the vacancy left by Cleveland. However, things don’t look so good for Garnett when it’s discovered that Quagmire hates him.
Quagmire hates KG? What gives?
As many of you may recall, Garnett will not be the first professional athlete from a Boston team to appear on Family Guy. Tom Brady made an appearance on the episode “Patriot Games” which originally aired on January 29, 2006, right around the time of Super Bowl XL (thanks, Wikipedia!)
I, for one, cannot wait for Big Papi to be the next Boston athlete to make an appearance on Family Guy. Perhaps he can take out Ernie the Giant Chicken once and for all. As long as Big Papi gets back on the ‘roids, that is. Rumor has it Ortiz likes his to take his ‘roids orally with lots of Coolhwhipp.
Garnett to guest star on Family Guy [Sports Media Guide]
SWING FOR THE FENCES THIS NOVEMBER ON FOX [The Futon Critic]
This product has been around for some time, but for the uninitiated, allow me to introduce you to the Uro Club: the worst idea for something with “uro” in the name since Euro Disney.
Big ups to Waggle Room for bringing back into the public eye this ill-conceived-in-so-many-ways product. Apparently, some urologist invented it for guys who don’t find the conditions of the port-a-john conducive to urinating or find the idea of pissing next to a tree to be a little too au natural for them.
Above we have video of 19-year-old Colombian gymnast Jessica Gil Ortiz’s floor routine at the 2009 World Championships. Things went kid of awry during her attempt at a double front somersault. Total Pro Sports has the pertinent details, as I am more interested in watching it over and over than trying to figure out exactly what happened for myself:
Moments into her floor routine, Jessica attempted to cap off a tumbling sequence with a challenging double front somersault, but that double quickly turned into a single-and-a-half, causing her to land on her head and out of the competition. Laying curled up at the corner of the mat, her coaches and the paramedics rushed to check up on Jessica. She would leave the O2 arena strapped on to a stretcher wearing a neck brace, but reports from the hospital indicated that the injury suffered was not too serious.
Well, it’s good to hear that young Jessica will be alright and will be able to one day perhaps compete again.
Which is good news for Béla Károlyi. He likes her style. Still, nothing gives him a bigger sexual rush than watching a talented young gymnast come inches from paralysis. He’s got an expansive video collection comprised solely of young women experienced catastrophic injuries.
Sure, it’s creepy, but the guy is from Hungary, for crying out loud. What do you expect? He claims watching this sort of stuff is the only way he can achieve an erection these days, ever since Kerri Strug spurned his overly-aggressive advances in 1996.
And what kind of name is that anyway? Hungary. Was Thirstary already taken?
Gymnast Falls Head First Out Of The Competition …Literally! [Total Pro Sports]
• Dipsy-doo, right in her cooze! [The Sporting Blog]
• Business_Socks and his rather unconventional NFL Power Rankings. [Style Points]
• Umpire Tim McClelland is kind of a dumbass. Scratch ‘kind of’ – he’s a total dumbass. [Big League Stew]
• More on Tim McClelland. Yes, I called him a moron. Here are 18 possible explanations for his incompetence. [Bugs & Cranks]
• 10 reasons why the MLB playoffs are the best in sports. [More Hardball]
• Hockey WAG Hillary Duff is all nipply. [Epic Carnival]
The Japanese Swimming Federation has decided to put its stereotypically small foot down due to a rash of individualistic, immoral behavior wreaking havoc on its community of competitive swimmers and has been left with no choice but to take a hard stance against such activity.
That’s right, Japanese swimmers: if you even think about dying your hair, painting your fingernails, or *gasp* wearing an earring to a competition, you might just buy yourself a one-way ticket to, um, not being able to swim competitively anymore. Darn.
Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one? I’ve been reluctant to address this issue due to its taboo nature and how (I hope) it’s completely unintentional, but I saw it about 10 times during the Yankees-Angels game and I cannot avoid discussing it any longer. Is it just me, or does there seem to be a little bit of totally inappropriate sexual innuendo going on in this commercial between Howie Long and his child co-star when she appears to point at his crotch about halfway through the commercial?
I had no idea that the little redhead is Howie Long’s daughter Maggie that appears with him in the above commercial for the Chevy Traverse until I went looking for it on YouTube. And to be truthful, I cannot say whether it makes the commercial more or less awkward to watch.
The crotch-pointing incident occurs at approximately the 15 second mark in the commercial and now that I pointed it out, I expect it will be the only thing you will notice.
So, what I surmise – albeit incorrectly – from this commercial is that Howie makes his daughter refer to his manhood as “a big girl car.”
I’m sorry. That’s just wrong. Not only the commercial, but also how I noticed it.
Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, ever the rabblerouser, as reported Kevin Gorman of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, told Pitt students during an question-and-answer session on Tuesday that he technically isn’t against steroids.
“I’m not so against steroids,” Cuban said, pausing to a roomful of laughter, “if it’s administered under the proper supervision.”
“We do performance-enhancing things all the time, just not steroids,” Cuban said. “If you administer them properly and fairly and set the rules strictly, as long as in doing so we recognize there are no negative long-term health-impact issues. Sometimes, you just put blinders on because it came from underground. Rather than saying, ‘what’s the best way to do this and is there a positive out of it?’ we just dismiss it.”
Maybe for the first time ever, Cuban’s views make a little sense. He attempted to clarify his comments by saying, “Maybe because I don’t have to deal with it that it’s an uninformed comment,” Cuban said, “but I think my position is just common sense.”
Common sense? Mark Cuban? Additional generic question? What the hell is going on here?
The next thing you know, Cuban will be saying that David Stern is an all-around good guy and that he wishes they hadn’t got off on the wrong foot. But then we would know Cuban is a bald-faced liar and an idiot. Which he is, no matter how sensible his views are on the issue of steroids in professional sports.
Mark Cuban: ‘I’m not so against steroids’ [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review]
• ALCS. New York Yankees 10, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim 1. CC Sabathia was dominant, pitching eight innings and giving up only five hits, and A-Rod was 3-4 with a two-run homer as the Yankees are now up in the series 3-1. [MLB.com]
• National Hockey League. Pittsburgh Penguins 5, St. Louis Blues 1. Matt Cooke had a goal and assist and four other players scored at Pittsburgh demolished St. Louis on their way to an 8-1 start on the season. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• Old People. FORTY-SEVEN YEAR OLD Chris Chelios signed a contract with the Chicago Wolves of the American Hockey League and will make his debut Friday. Coincidentally, it’s AARP Night at the arena. [The Canadian Press]
• Dream Job! Sorry Everyone, If I Land This Job The Sportress Is As Good As Finished. An alternative newspaper in Denver posted a job listing seeking applicants for what might be the greatest jobs in the history of employment: Westword would like to hire somebody to review the medical dispensaries in the state. There’s only one catch: you must be able to legally buy medical marijauna, which shouldn’t be too hard. Just say you have an anxiety condition or a stomach ache and you’re good to go. What a country! [MSNBC/AP]
Last Call: Last Call Edition
Posted by:
In my most recent effort to find anything remotely related to “last call,” I came across this story:
October 6, 2009
GALVESTON, Texas – Police in this island city are cracking down on nuisances and along the way are arresting felons on an array of charges.
Monday they arrested six people from a bar at 4102 Broadway called The Last Call. It definitely was The Last Call for Sergio Rodriquez, 30, charged with drug possession. He’s in jail today in lieu of $40,000 bond.
It was also The Last Call for Georgina Lopez, 24, also arrested on a drug charge. Her bond is $30,000.
Delia Marie Perez, 23, was charged with drug possession and intent to deliver drugs. Her bond is $30,000 also.
Tobie Tobar, 35, got off light. He was busted for for drug possession, but his bond was set at only $5,000.
Police say they have received numerous calls about The Last Call over the past year from neighbors complaining of drug activity there.
Fascinating, huh? I guess instead of the title above, I could have went with “Last Call: Weed’s Mailing In His Last Call Post Edition.” It would have been more accurate.
