Archive for October, 2009
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (October 23rd)
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• So, golf hottie Paula Creamer has a new calendar out. It ain’t he sexiest, but it ain’t bad, either. [Golf Babes]
• You know, I always wanted to punch a Kardashian. Now I have the chance! [With Leather]
• Maj has this week’s edition of “Always Be Covering.” Today’s theme: embrace the props. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Business_Socks has some fun in the YouTube comments section. [Style Points]
• Rob in WI recaps the week in Big 10 football. [The Phoenix Pub]
• Oh dear. Sean Avery, the original cock knocker, is blogging now. [Melt Your Face Off]
Continuing my dedication to you, my dear readers, I am once again pleased to present to you SI’s Cheerleader of the Week, because how can I expect you to go to Extra Mustard all by yourself? What kind of host would I be to do that? Not a good one, that’s for sure. Yeah, I’m cool that way.
This week we have Nichole Howarth, who I must say is absolutely adorable. Look at her – what a doll. You know that saying, “I would eat the corn out of her shit just to see where it came from”? That ain’t applicable in Nichole’s case – I would be shocked if she actually pooped. Look, she even spells her name cutely, with the “h” and everything!
Anyhoo, the lovely Miss Nichole is a senior at Virginia Tech majoring in Business Management and Human Resources and she hails from Chesterfield, Virginia.
The New York Post Is Awesome
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Of course, we all know by now the sordid details surrounding Steve Phillips dalliances with Brooke Hundley, so there is no need to go into them here. However, the Post just published a report about Miss Hundley returning to her Connecticut apartment. Of course, the Post has been staking out her residence since Tuesday, so they were there to document the event. The news itself isn’t really that interesting, but the Post writers do what any good journalist does with a so-so news item: spice it up with some illustrative language the following passages from the report describing the event are deliciously demeaning and that same time hilarious:
Brooke Hundley, the shlubby seductress whose tawdry trysts with fellow ESPN employee Steve Phillips helped wreck his marriage, finally returned to her Connecticut home yesterday where she picked up some fresh clothes, gave the media the “finger” and then sped off back into hiding.
“Don’t touch me,” snarled Hundley, 22, to photographers as they snapped her picture when she exited her apartment.
Hundley had disappeared from public sight Tuesday night when The Post confronted her at her Bristol residence, which is near ESPN headquarters, to ask the portly production assistant about her affair with the handsome married baseball analyst Phillips.
…
She waddled out about two hours later, wearing a black coat and the same baseball cap, to hop into the car. She peeled off after extending her middle finger to a group of reporters and photographers, and raced through before getting onto I-84 headed toward Waterbury.
The use of “schlubby”, “portly” and “waddled” makes me feel like I was actually there watching the porker’s activities. If they only could have incorporated “sow”, “trough” and “would appear perfectly normal with an apple stuffed in her mouth” into the narrative. That would have really completed the picture.
Thanks, New York Post. Top-notch work.
ESPN’s Steve Phillips’ mistress returns to Connecticut home [New York Post]
Why do they call it that? Simple. Because you start off with your legs up in the air and before you know it, you’re fucked and taking a shot to the face.
Come on. It’s Friday. The joke wasn’t that bad.
[H/T Don Chavez]
• Magic Johnson and Isiah Thomas are no longer kissy-kissy. [With Leather]
• Two Yellows is very, very angry with baseball right now. You can practically taste the hate. [The Phoenix Pub]
• NHL writers are bad at writing Simmons-esque columns. Really bad. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Video of some kid re-enacting the batting stances of the 2009 Pittsburgh Pirates. It’s not said very often, but this kid doesn’t play enough video games. [P.S.A.M.P.]
• NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman received a 27% raise last season? Huh? [Food Court Lunch]
• A weekly must-read: the Thursday Fantasy Feast. Yes, I am aware that it’s Friday, but it’s still worth reading. [Second-String Fullback]
If there is somebody that works at tWWL who could considered “cool,” it would Tony Reali. The New Jersey native has managed to avoid any noteworthy controversies and subsequently has not been subjected to getting chewed up and spit out by the blogosphere. You could say Reali leads a charmed life of sorts: a high profile gig at ESPN without any of the mess.
Reali has also parlayed his success at ESPN into a writing gig at the Philadelphia Inquirer, where he apparently writes a weekly fantasy football column cleverly called “Reali-ty of Fantasy.” And let me tell you, he peppers it with so many pop culture references it makes you think that he got a crash course in writing at the Bill Simmons Institute of Fancy Writing for the Internet. It’s not that it’s a bad column – in fact, it’s pretty good – it’s just that he lays it on pretty thick. And believe me, I would know – I’m as guilty at doing that as anyone. Read More→
If you were ever take the time to contemplate the life of an NFL punter, you would probably consider the following aspects: living life on the periphery of an NFL team, those old one-bar helmets they used to wear and why they don’t sport them anymore and how they spend their spare time playing bass in a rock band.
Perhaps that last one isn’t applicable for every NFL punter, but for Vikings punter Chris Kluwe, playing bass in the band Tripping Icarus is simply a small part of the glamorous life enjoyed by punters. But before Kluwe and the Vikings attempt to remain undefeated on the season when they take the field in Pittsburgh on Sunday, his life will get even more glamorous when Tripping Icarus takes the stage tonight at the 7th Street Entry, the “small room” of renowned Minneapolis club First Avenue (hey! Prince played there!).
The estimable Michael Rand of Randball caught up with Kluwe recently to discuss what may be a breakthrough gig for the band.
Holy crap, what is that thing?
It looks like a big fat leech traveled across his upper lip right after taking a dip in a mud bath. If that thing doesn’t fill out, Roethlisberger will never be featured on the Relevant Gentlemen’s Society’s website anytime soon with that atrocity. I bet if Sidney Crosby were ever to see this photo, he would mockingly laugh and feel like a real man.
BEWARE THE BENSTACHE [P.S.A.M.P.]
• ALCS. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim 7, New York Yankees 6. With the Angles leading 4-0, the Yankees scored six in the seventh to take the lead. The Angels responded in the bottom of the seventh with 3 and held on to avoid elimination and trim the Yankees’ series lead to 3-2. [MLB.com]
• College Football. Florida State Seminoles 30, North Carolina Tar Heels 27. Trailing 24-6 with 11:38 left in the 3rd quarter, Florida State rallied behind Christian Ponder’s 395 yards passing and three touchdowns to stage a huge comeback and avoid a fourth straight loss. [The Associated Press]
• National Hockey League. Nashville Predators 6, Ottawa Senators 5 (OT). After blowing a 3-0 lead, the Predators won in overtime on Shea Weber’s second goal of the game. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• I guess owning a motorized La-Z Boy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. A Duluth, Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to drunken driving while operating his motorized recliner. 62-year-old Dennis Anderson crashed his La-Z Boy into a parked vehicle in August of 2008 after pounding some beers at a bar in Proctor, Minnesota. His BAC was 0.29. Check out the recliner, it’s the coolest. The chair is powered by a lawnmower engine and has a stereo and cupholders. [MSNBC/AP]
• ALCS. Game 5, New York Yankees at Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Win or go home, Angels. The Power of Adenhart compels you! [FOX, 7:30 ET]
• College Football. Florida State at North Carolina. Bobby Bowden probably thinks North Carolina is another country, that senile old coot. [ESPN, 8:00 ET]
• MLS Soccer. Club Deportivo Chivas USA at Chicago Fire. Deportivo Chivas USA? The fuck? In English, please. [ESPN2, 8:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. The Perfect Storm. This would be the perfect name for a documentary about yesterday on Deadspin. [AMC, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (October 22nd)
Posted by:• Jordan Palmer, the creator of the Ochocinco iPhone app, dishes on what may be coming next. [Style Points]
• Another edition of KSK’s Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag. Always a good thing. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• I have no idea what in the hell Johnny Damon is doing n this photo. [Guyism]
• First Derivative addresses the entire Deadspin/ESPN kerfuffle. I missed it. What happened? [The Phoenix Pub]
• Pete Carroll hates computers. I’m not surprised. [With Leather]
Despite claims by Jeff Fisher that, although confident in quarterback Kerry Collins ability, the Titans head coach would consider major changes to lift the team out of its 0-6 funk (which hit rock bottom after it got pasted 59-0 by the Patriots last Sunday) and statements by Titans owner Bud Adams that he would like to see Vince Young playing, Collins is confident that he will be the team’s starter after the team’s bye week when they play Jacksonville on November 1st. Via the Huddle:
“I haven’t gotten any indication from him of a change,” Collins said Wednesday, via the Tennessean.
Whether the state of California breaks off the continental United States and falls into the ocean before it devolves into America’s first Third World State isn’t really that important at the moment. Either way, at least its citizens will more than likely have an NFL team to cheer on while their world crumbles around them. And they can thank Governor Schwarzegger for that.
Schwarzenegger announced the signing of the environmental exemption bill Thursday in Industry, where the stadium would be built about 15 miles east of Los Angeles.
Officials say the stadium would generate more than 18,000 jobs and more than $762 million in economic output.
Senators last week approved the bill, which would nullify a lawsuit filed by nearby residents over the project’s environmental impact.
Obviously, the stadium is being built in an attempt to lure an NFL team to Los Angeles – again. Developer Majestic Realty Co. has a list of seven teams it will try to trick into coming to L.A., including the Chargers, Raiders and 49ers, because nothing says “progress” like cities in the same state cannibalizing each other’s sources of civic pride.
Gov approves LA football stadium waiver [Sporting News/AP]
Police have reportedly arrested dozens of hooligans in the Red Light District of Amsterdam after fights broke out between supporters of rival clubs Ajax and Dinamo Zagreb.
Amsterdam Police spokesman Nabil Ou-Aissa says most of the hooligans arrested are Ajax supporters and they were detained for public order offenses. He could not give the exact number of people detained.
About 300 police were in the area Thursday and charged into groups of fans to keep them apart. Ou-Aissa says the situation is not yet under control.
Most of the degenerates were Ajax fans, eh? Well, it’s a good thing so many police were on hand to cleanse the streets of such riffraff.
Frankly, I don’t understand how people enjoying the sights, sounds and smells (and tastes?) of lovely Amsterdam could find themselves in such a state that fighting would be an option. I mean, why would you insist on causing a ruckus when there are so many better options available in which to spend your time in one of Europe’s budding cities? Unless it was over a tasty treat like a piece of cake.
Mmmmm…cake.
Police arrest dozens of hooligans in Amsterdam [Boston Herald/AP]
• Why? That was the very day of the very first NFL television broadcast! Imagine a world without the phrase “rumblin’, bumblin’, stumblin’…” [Joe Sports Fan]
• Philly fans took a moment from their rioting to boo TBS. [Awful Announcing]
• A new Style Points editor? Excellent. Take a moment to head over to SP to mock and ridicule Chris Hanson’s Axe. Good luck, sir. You’ll fit right in over there. [Style Points]
• lowercase takes us on another tour of football on the fringe and I appreciate it. Thanks. [The Phoenix Pub]
• No rational person is buying that Chauncey Billups after a workout. [Sports Crackle Pop]
• samer slows it down for a moment and writes a semi-serious post about injuries to football players. [Second-String Fullback]
