Archive for October, 2009
The Pontiac Silverdome, the home of the Detroit Lions from 1975-2001, as well as the site of several other big-time events, including a Super Bowl and performances by Elvis Presley and Pope John Paul II, is for sale and on the auction block. Imagine the possibilities!
Pontiac Emergency Financial Manager Fred Leeb tells the Detroit Free Press the suburban Detroit city is excited about the upcoming sale. The city spends about $1.5 million annually to maintain the empty structure, which stands on 127 acres.
Tulsa, Okla.-based Williams & Williams is conducting the auction and accepting sealed bids until Nov. 12. There is no minimum bid, but a $250,000 deposit is required to tour the facility.
Ah man, a $250,000 deposit just to tour the joint? And here I thought you would be able to get the decrepit, disheveled arena for the same price you would pay for a souped-up 1984 Pontiac Firebird, which might not get you as many chicks as the Pontiac Silverdome would, but a sweet ride like that will get you some sweet, sweet white trash tail. Just cruise the trailer parks and the broads will follow you like the rats out of Hamelin.
Silverdome in Pontiac, MI on auction block [Sporting News/AP]
But he’s growing hungry.
That’s right, Damir Dokic, currently ranked number one on the WTA’s Overall Crazy Father Rankings, isn’t too pleased that he was ordered to serve a 15-month prison sentence for threatening to fire a rocket at the Australian Ambassador to Serbia’s automobile.
In fact, he feels so wronged that he has begun a hunger strike to protest the unfortunate situation of being sentenced to prison for making terroristic threats – crazy, huh?
Papa Dokic initiated the alleged plot after an article in an Australian newspaper reported that Jelena accused him of repeatedly beating her. Damir Dokic’s attorney is now concerned about his client’s welfare.
Damir Dokic’s lawyer, Bosiljka Djukic, told The Associated Press on Thursday that she had been informed by Dokic’s wife that he was no longer taking any food, water or medicines in prison. He is serving his sentence in the northern town of Sremska Mitrovica.
“I am very worried,” Djukic said.
Clearly, Papa Dokic has some issues. But do you know what I’m worried about? Not completing every objective I set for myself when deciding to do this post. Let’s take a look:
- Make a strained Temple of the Dog reference; and
- Sexy photos of Jelena Dokic.
Thank goodness for checklists!
Read More→
Somewhere in Ohio, Dee Mirich is firing up her dial-up and smiling. Before you know it, Sweet Dee will be watching 24-hour, nonstop coverage of 2009 Kentucky Derby-winning horse Mine That Bird hanging out in his stall at Santa Anita…all while finger-banging herself.
Come on, you know it’s true.
In a move that will surely send shock waves through the obsessive, multiple cat-owning, shut-in horse racing fans the world over, Oak Tree Racing Association has decided to live-stream coverage of Mine That Bird’s day-to-day, hour-to-hour, oat-to-oat activities during his preparations for the Goodwood Stakes race on Saturday. Let’s take a look at the action.
NASCAR Races To Start Earlier Next Year
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Citing hemorrhaging television ratings, NASCAR and the principal broadcasters of its races, FOX, ESPN/ABC and Turner, have agreed to have more races scheduled to begin at earlier times in an attempt to cater to more traditional NASCAR fans. Ratings were down 4.5% last season, according to Sports Business Journal and many believe that if NASCAR returned to the more traditional 1:00 p.m. Eastern starting time, ratings are sure to level off.
Twenty-eight races on the schedule will begin earlier next season, including twenty races that will begin at the preferred 1:00 p.m. Eastern. The jump to later starting times were an attempt to lure in fans outside of those who routinely tune in to NASCAR no matter what time the races start.
“I think we started to tamper with something we shouldn’t have, and I’ll put my hand up and say ‘guilty,’” said Fox Sports chairman David Hill. “We realize that even though we are unofficially trying to goose up figures, it wasn’t doing us any good whatsoever with that hardcore fan that turned this regional sport into a national sport.”
To be honest, I’m a bit skeptical that earlier starting times are going to help ratings. Isn’t the typical NASCAR fan still sleeping off the paint thinner-Jack Daniels cocktails from the night before so early in the day?
I’m just kidding. That statement is simply perpetuating the ugly stereotype that NASCAR fans are a bunch of toothless, drooling, low-bred alcoholics, and I apologize for making it. To paint all NASCAR fans with a wide brush like that is irresponsible and ill-informed at best. Most NASCAR fans are honest, hard-working people that would have no problem being awake for the start of races scheduled earlier.
You know, because of the meth.
NASCAR, TV execs agree on earlier 2010 start times [Yahoo!/AP]
• MLB Playoffs Roundup. Cliff Lee had an outstanding postseason debut for the defending champion Phillies, pitching 8 2/3 scoreless innings before yielding a run in Philadelphia’s 5-1 road victory over the Rockies. The Twins, perhaps fatigued from the events of Tuesday night, quickly realized they weren’t playing a team from the AL Central as they got whipped by the Yankees 7-2 after taking an early 2-0 lead what was quickly wiped out by a Derek Jeter two-run homer. The Dodgers bullpen was stellar, allowing only one run in 5 1/3 innings, as the teams combined to strand an MLB-record 30 runners on base as the Dodgers beat the Cardinals 5-3. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• National Football League. Donovan McNabb is intending to start Philadelphia’s game against Tampa Bay on Sunday, his first action since breaking his rib in the season opener. [The Philadelphia Inquirer]
• College Football. Oklahoma State wide reciever Dez Bryant has been ruled ineligible by the team, due to Bryant failing to “openly disclose to the NCAA the full details of his interaction with a former NFL player no affiliated with OSU.” [The New York Times]
• Like, totally. In a poll conducted by Marist College and released Wednesday, “whatever” was deemed by 47% of Americans to be the word “most annoying in conversation.” No kidding, right? Like gag me with a spoon. Just so you know, “you know” came in second at 25%. Whatever. [AOL News/AP]
Site News: Take This Blog And Shove It…
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I ain’t working here no more.
For today. Scared ya, didn’t I? Don’t worry, dear reader, I’ll be back tomorrow.
Due to this development, you will have to go somewhere else today for your recommended daily allowance of dickjokery. Might I suggest With Leather? Yours truly will be handling the afternoon shift at that fine site (I know – what could they have possibly been thinking?). Consequently, the Sportress will be shut down for the day to prep for my duties over there and get some shit done around the office.
One other bit of site-related news: I will also be spending the entire day writing for With Leather this coming Friday. But do not fear: I have some wacky stuff planned for SoB – not new content, per se, but I’ll have something for you guys.
Enjoy your day and I’ll see you here at the Sportress tomorrow. Be sure to stop on by and pay me a visit over at With Leather later. It’s going to be the bee’s knees.
• Major League Baseball. The Twins completed their improbable comeback to claim the American League Central title, beating the Tigers 6-5 in a 12-inning, back-and-forth thriller after Alexi Casilla drove in the winning run. The Twins will now play the Yankees this afternoon. [Star Tribune]
• National Hockey League. Danny Briere knocked in a loose puck at 3:52 in overtime, leading the Flyers to a 6-5 win over the Capitals. The Wild came back to win a game for the first time in franchise history after being down three goals in the third period, rallying to upend the Ducks 4-3 in overtime. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• College Football. Florida quarterback Tim Tebow returned to practice but has not been cleared to play against No. 4 LSU on Saturday. [The Associated Press]
• Times are tough, you better bring your own butt-wipe. Students in Ireland now have one more thing to remember to bring to school, along with their school books and lunches: toilet paper. “Pupils at a primary school in the southern county of Cork are being asked to bring their own toilet paper to school to help save money, one of the starkest examples yet of the death of Ireland‘s “Celtic Tiger” economy.” Half of the students have brought in rolls, according to reports, meaning that only half of the students have shitstains in their underwear. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
This intro is going to short and sweet, ladies and germs. At the time I am writing this, it is only 15 minutes until the Twins and Tigers play for all the marbles – the marbles being the champion of the American League Central which grants the team the right to be the sacrificial lamb for the Yankees in the first round.
As you’ve read or heard elsewhere, it’s been a banner several days here in the Land of 10,000 Lakes. Tonight kind of wraps up the madness.
Let’s get the usual routine.
• Major League Baseball. Detroit Tigers at Minnesota Twins. Game 163. It started an hour ago but I’m sure it’s still tight. [TBS, 5:00 ET]
• College Football. Middle Tennessee State at Troy. Is there an Upper and a Lower Tennessee State? Because if there isn’t, what’s the point? [ESPN28:00 ET]
• This might actually be good. 30 for 30: Kings Ransom. “Acclaimed director Peter Berg presents the captivating story of the trade that knocked the wind out of an entire country, and placed a star-studded city right at the humble feet of a 27-year-old kid, known simply as “The Great One.” Interesting. [ESPN, 8:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Analyze This. One of the few movies I can tolerate that stars Billy Crystal. God, I hate that guy. [AMC, 10:30 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (October 6th)
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• The game of cricket: still confusing as hell. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Abigail Clancy: still attractive. [With Leather]
• Fox robot in Steelers colors: still lame. [PSAMP]
• High school football fans attacking referees: still awesome. [Total Pro Sports]
• Personalized sports jerseys: still stupid. [Joe Sports Fan]
R.T. Rybak, the mayor of Minneapolis (I believe it means “City of Minne” – or something – in Lakota) was making an appearance on something called The Ed Show on MSNBC with Green Bay mayor James T. Schmitt. I guess they were doing the usual, ultra-lame, “Hey! Our city is better than yours! How about I wager some product that my city is famous for and you wager something your city is famous for and whichever team wins, the mayor of the losing team’s city has to give the mayor of the winning city said product! HARF HARF HARF!”
But the hysterical and hilarious madness didn’t end there. Mayor Rybak felt compelled to bash for Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Randy Moss for some reason clear to only him and the aliens that control his impulses of when to say something idiotic. Via Around the NFL:
“I think there are some times when a fit just doesn’t work with the team anymore. Like Randy Moss may be the greatest receiver anywhere around, but I don’t want that guy to ever come back into the city of Minneapolis again. He was a jerk when he was here, and, uh, Brett wasn’t a jerk when he was over there. There’s a different deal, but sometimes fits don’t work in football. So, hey, he fits beautifully here and we are happy to take him.”
Many, many thanks to loyal Sportress reader Upstate Underdog, who risked life, limb and most importantly, his manhood by clicking on a link to a post on estrogen-enriched Gawker blog Jezebel. A story detailing the above shirt was contained therein.
Here’s the gist: an “anonymous and concerned parent” alerted something called the Feminist Law Professors to the above shirt, which depicts a cheerleader for the Stratford High School Spartans getting violated by two randy horses.
UU (I call Upstate Underdog “UU”, we got a good vibe) went even further and did a little internet research and believes that the high school in question that created this inappropriately hilarious shirt as part of their rivalry with the Spartans is Memorial High School in Hedwig Village, Texas – a suburb of Houston – which makes sense as the mascot for Memorial’s athletics is the Mustang, hence the horses violating said Spartan cheerleader. Further, there is a Stratford High School a mere six miles away from Memorial High School, giving credence to these schools sharing a hate-filled, bestialic-imagery-containing rivalry.
Now, we all have heard the stories about how serious they take high school football in Texas – it’s treated like a damn religion by those cretins. With that in mind, the cheerleading squad at Stratford High School should probably consider themselves lucky they weren’t bound, gagged and dragged to a horse barn on the outskirts of town. Because it’s my guess that this would be a Texans interpretation of the phrase, “Life Imitating Art.”
Nothing Says “School Spirit” Like Performing Obscene Acts On A Cheerleader [Jezebel]
The Pornification of a High School Sports Rivalry [Feminist Law Professors]
• At least that’s how I read this headline. [With Leather]
• A definite must-read about CC’s participation in Fight Gone Bad IV, which raises money for the Wounded Warrior Project and Athletes for a Cure. Kudos, sir. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Chicago Sun-Times columnist blames people holding up signs at football games for Erin Andrews getting stalked. Brilliant. [Mouthpiece Blog]
• Chris Carter is critical of Jason Campbell. [Mr. Irrelevant]
• What’s the deal with Roberto Luongo? [Melt Your Face Off]
After a federal judge ordered that alleged Erin Andrews stalker Michael David Barrett be fitted with an electronic monitoring device and be barred from using the internet, the disgraced traveling insurance salesman, divorcée and father from Westmont, Illinois was released from the Metropolitan Correctional Center and made a mad dash to a waiting car (video after the jump). Methinks Barrett didn’t take too kindly to being videotaped without his permission, as he somewhat aggressively tried to get into the car while people with cameras swarmed him.
Oh, sweet, delicious irony, what a tasty dish you can be. Of course, despite the fact that every person charged with a crime in this country is innocent until proven guilty, the charges don’t look good no matter which way you splice it.
A prosecutor told U.S. Magistrate Judge Arlander Keys that Barrett went through a lot of work to track Andrews to hotels. After removing the peephole eyepieces in doors to at least two rooms, he used a hacksaw to alter them and secretly videotaped Andrews unclothed, prosecutors alleged.
“This was an obsession, your honor, and one he acted on,” said Assistant U.S. Attorney Steven Grimes.
Agreeing with prosecutors that Barrett represented a danger to women, Keys ordered him confined to his home unless he is at work, at a doctor’s office or conferring with his lawyer. He will be monitored electronically each day from 9 p.m. until 6 a.m.
Make the jump for video goodness.
Yesterday, during coverage of the Vikings-Packers game by the ABC affiliate for the Twin Cities, KSTP (who also carried the biggest football game in the history of the Cosmos locally), one enterprising fan managed to get on live television with a shirt that read “Fuck Green Bay” emblazoned on it.
Oh dear! Won’t somebody think of the children!
Although I do have a piece of advice for this young man: he is going to need one gigantic bag of flour. Because if one could manage to figure out a way to actually fuck an entire city, given Wisconsin’s reputation as a state with more than its fair share of porly residents, he is going to need that flour to find Green Bay’s wet spot.
[H/T Awful Announcing]
