The New Owner Said That The Cubs Will Win The World Series So I Guess We Should Just Believe Him
New Cubs owner Tom Ricketts wasted no time pissing on over 100 years of failure-filled Cubs tradition when he uttered the magic words that will lull Cubs fans into a dreamlike state until they wake up out of their euphoric trance next year in the middle of July realizing that words mean jack shit:
In his first public appearance since his family officially took ownership of the Cubs earlier this week, Tom Ricketts said flatly, “We’re going to win the World Series…’’
Wow. Just saying it was all it was going to take? I bet the previous owners of the Cubs feel pretty stupid now, huh?
Wait, let me try that out once:
Weed Against Speed so solemnly swears that I will be the first millionaire blogger and my house will be a palace constructed out of gold and diamonds that will have a moat surrounding it filled with mermaids and sturgeon that lay caviar eggs filled with vodka and when I eat the caviar I won’t get drunk but instead will be transported to a magical land where centaurs ride unicorns sitting on top of griffins while Jesus, Buddha and Shiva are the rhythm section to a band fronted by Kurt Cobain and Jim Croce and they kick out some badass jams while I sit on a cloud playing freecell on my laptop.
I’ll get back to you and let you know how it all turns out.
Ricketts’ vow: ‘We’re going to win the World Series’ [Chicago Sun-Times]