The Miami Hurricanes are off to one of their best starts in years. At 4-1, the Hurricanes are ranked 9th in the AP Poll and appear to be enjoying a renaissance of their football program. So, who or what is behind their resurgence? Head coach Randy Shannon’s savvy handling of the team? Quarterback Jacory Harris’ stellar play?
Sure, those two people have had something to do with the Canes’ impressive season, but the real credit goes out to one individual and one individual only: SpongeBob SquarePants.
After the Canes’ victory against Oklahoma, Miami coach Randy Shannon told reporters that his quarterback, Jacory Harris, instructed teammates to watch episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants before games instead of watching ESPN. Shannon said SquarePants’ inane and daffy existence has kept the impressionable Hurricanes players “focused” on “flying around” in practices and during games.
“The reason why we got this victory is because we went back to basics,” Shannon said after the win. “And it’s ironic, because as I was coming out [after the game], Jacory called everyone up and said, `Hey, listen, the only thing we’re going to watch on TV from now on is SpongeBob. We ain’t watching ESPN. We ain’t watching CBS. We ain’t watching ABC. If SpongeBob can tell you how good you are, then you deserve it.’ ”
I hope Shannon realizes that SpongeBob isn’t technically telling the Hurricanes how good they are.
Or is he? This is where the article gets confusing.
In the pursuit of a good story, The Miami Herald traveled to the bottom of the ocean to find out what SquarePants thought of the Hurricanes.
“The Miami Hurricanes are the best one-loss team in college football,” SquarePants said. “And if the Dolphins beat the Jets on Monday night, then they’re pretty good, too. We love the Dolphins in Bikini Bottom. They’re the protectors of the ocean.”
SquarePants says Harris is his favorite Cane.
Okay, so The Miami Herald is having a reporter pretend like he is interviewing a beloved cartoon character? What do they think they are, a blog?
The icing on the cake is Joesph Goodman, the Herald’s intrepid reporter, also got a supporting quote from Patrick Star, SpongeBob’s longtime Starfish companion.
“This town hasn’t been this crazy since Kevin Costner stopped by for lunch during the filming of Waterworld,” said Patrick Star, a portly Starfish who lives under a rock two doors down from SquarePants’ makeshift home, a hollowed-out pineapple.
Jesus. Poor Kevin Costner. You know things aren’t going your way when cartoon characters are taking potshots at you. Yikes.
SpongeBob inspires Miami Hurricanes football team [The Miami Herald]